Oh, My. I can't even to begin to describe our weekend. Saturday was rather pleasant. Sunday was a continuous rant/rage from about 9:30 a.m. to may be 7:30 p.m. three different things that he said I did caused so much......He was still angry with me, when he left for work this morning. I am already wondering what Friday will bring...I don't want to find out.
If I were to try to describe this to you, you would probably see me cry. So...I won't try...Joan already described it so well...I don't think I could do it justice.
Just keep thinking about me and everyone else who is dealing with...how did Joan describe it...the Devil...in my case...the FTD Devil...I really did see it in the eyes.
I was on another website some time ago where the discussion was the alzheimer 'mean eyes''.... they bore right thru you and scare the beejeebies out of you along with the raging and ranting-. i can remember them as well in my own case, it was like seering hatred in its purest form. Mary, so sorry you are in the mean eyes stage and having to walk the eggshell" walk not to set things off-, we know it too well. an ajustment to meds may help? divvi
I wish that were an option right now. "there isn't anything wrong with ME, its all YOU." I'll bet we are a year out on even getting him to the doctor for it, unless there is an incident to deal with.
Thanks for the kind words and agreement. It really helps to have people say they understand and the statement having depth.
Mary, you have to devise a way to get him into see a dr. there is athread i think about how many of us got our spouses in for a diagnosis without them being very cooperative about it. unless a dr can see he has the disease and order testing etc you wont be able to get him on medication to get some relief. it will only get worse with time without intervention at some point. divvi
When I was at my doctor appt. last week (same doctor), I talked at great length with the NP about this topic...how to get them diagnosed. I told her that if I send the doctor papers about what is going on and DH catches wind of what I did, that it would make my life so much worse. DH needs to be seen in December for other items and the NP said that they could suggest another MRI (its been two years, also so other items) and specifically look for other things.
If he wasn't so darn functional still, it would make it a lot easier. Also, he distrusts everything that I do whether it be the mail, the banking, etc. I am really walking on thin ice right now.
Mary-December is so far away. As you know my husband has FTD. The look in the eyes was terrible. Bill is stage 6-7 now and when I look in his eyes I can no longer see a soul. Don't know which is worse.
call the NP back and ask her to move up the appt and call him directly-have her say the dr wont be there in Dec. just get it as soon as posible they can convince him rather than you
Mary, Your description of your DH still being highly functioning makes me wonder. Many of us have been surprised by some action or lack of action that has told us our spouse is not functioning at the level we thought. Coping and covering seem to be a special talent for those with dementia.
If you suspect these rants/rages are possibly FTD, then I assume this is not the way he always behaved in the past. So, at least his behavior is indicative of less than highly functioning. As others have said, you don't have time to convince him to see the doctor. Many of us have dealt with financial problems as a result of our spouse making bad or inappropriate decisions, in some cases even with devastating results. And, if there are some meds out there that might be helpful, the sooner the better. Your concern that if he finds out you have clued the dr. in will be disastrous for you makes me very concerned for your physical safety also.
As others have found out, sooner rather than later you must make the decisions for your spouse that are in the best interest for both of you, regardless of how they feel about it.
I wish I could give you a suggestion for getting him to the doctor and tested appropriately. Unfortunately, easy is not a word that is often used on this site.
Amen to all of the above. I pussyfooted around for a couple of years before making the plunge (which he accepted to humor me...he still doesn't think he has much of a problem), then found he had messed up our finances horribly. Don't like a bill? Just don't pay it! Taxes included! The anger will still be present whether you do or not do the DX attempt. Walking on egg shells doesn't accomplish anything, I discovered, but make you wobbly.
The memory loss is probably the only thing about AD that we can count on as being "good". This is because when we have to take over certain jobs that the spouse has done and they get mad...they often times don't remember what they are mad at for very long and they get over it. Just don't be afraid of offending them. I often say to my DH...you trust me to take care of you and to give you the right medicine, etc.etc...Now..Listen..you got to trust me to do these other things you have done all our lives and if you don't you are on your own with everything including your medications and getting your own meals and making your own dr. appts. May sound cruel, but it works for me....I say it very nice and calm.
JudithKB is right on! You have to be assertive (not aggresive). Rest assured, he'll forget waaay before you get the job completed. I know. I've been there. And, I was so scared I'd hurt his feelings. Never happened.
thanks to all of you for your advice and support. there is a lot that I need to do and I just need to sort it all out and get it done. DH told me this weekend that he stopped taking his pill to lower the prolactin level in his system from his pituitary gland tumor. I asked him why and he said because it makes his head fuzzy and he is working on building a house. He asked me if I wanted him 20 feet up with a fuzzy head. The only problem is that as the prolactin level goes up the testosterone level goes down. Either way, he has problems. He can float like this for about 6 weeks and then he acts like he just gave birth, a hormonal thing. Plus, when the testosterone level decreases, his bones and mussels can be damaged. It seems like there is always something.
I really do appreciate your "pushing me in the right direction." For a little while, at least, I need to go from day to day. this out-of-town job should be over in a couple of months and then he will be back home all the time. either his problems will become obvious to him or others or "shi..t will hit the fan," and I will be forced to do something. Or it will be his doctor wanting to do another MRI on the tumor.
Mary in Montana, Actually, we were hoping to get you in a position where you might not have to deal with the "shi..t hitting the fan" as some of us have dealt with already! PatB