Charlotte, thanks for the reminder. You are absolutely correct of course. I just have my moments. Definitely fulfilling duties as his advocate. As a matter of fact, I just got off the phone with the facility and informed them about some of my observations of the past couple of evenings while I was there. Also pointed out that Bill had on a pair of shorts that are not his. Didn't appreciate it, but didn't make a big fuss. But still, they need to be told and also, be aware that I am really paying attention.
I know that I cannot have Bill moved back home. Honestly, toward the end (before he was placed), he kept asking me when we could leave and go home. I explained that we were home. He would accept that, for about 5 minutes, and then ask again when we could go home. Sigh.
Darlene: I've had two terrible days with my Bill. I knew the move from psych unit back to NH would be another big adjustment and it was and has been. No matter how much I drive myself crazy thinking I can bring my Bill home, I know that is not an option. At this point, I don't even consider taking him out of the NH for any reason because I know he'd get violent when I tried to return him to the facility.
He was very belligerent and hostile with the night staff. He told them and me that he was coming home. It was his house, he'd kick me out and move in by himself. He'd call a cab. He'd call the police. He's sure I have strange people in the house and some man has suits in his closet. On and on and on.
I left his room briefly on two different occasions. On my third return, I asked him if he'd like to venture out into the halls. Put him in his wheel chair and rolled him around the entire facility. That brief trip seemed to distract him and when I left, he was in a better frame of mind. But, I know that tonight or tomorrow, the same issues will return.
How to survive? This is the hardest thing I've ever dealt with in my entire life and I've dealt with some difficult issues.
I don't want to get to the point where I'm like the lady who had a massive heart attack so must get my heart and mind wrapped around this thing before I go down the path of insanity with him or become seriously ill myself.
Darlene, maybe you and I will eventually get it wrapped around our heads that we can't care for them at home and will, at some point, find some peace for ourselves. You have my heartfelt empathy.