The house has sold, I have a studio not far from Kevan, my only payments are rent, insurance and cell, gas and food? What a relief. Now it us just waiting for Kevan's bed in Alberta. This could take up to a year but that!'s alright. I have a fridge, hot plate and microwave. A single bed carpet and Lino and a big tv and WIFI. Also a very comfortable chair. There is one other lady tenant and the landlady is a nurse that cares for seniors. Her hubby is disabled from a head on with a drunk. They are very nice people. I feel so stress free right now. My furniture will be on it's way to storage out west on the 26th, closing on house on the 2nd of Oct.
That sounds good Jazzy. On we go. Try to do something nice for yourself. Call it a treat from Kevan. One part accomplished and even though exploring any part of our new lives is always strange at first - it matters to find a few small things that actually give some comfort.
If you have a comfy chair do you have a nice throw or a footstool. New flannel pajamas to wear watching TV like a pajama party.
It's just as insane to do nothing to help ourselves as it is to think in terms of a bit of our own childish fun. They don't solve anything but they helped me endlessly. If I'm you the first thing I do is find a decent pizza place that delivers and see who can bring me for example a lasagna and salad to my door. Swiss Chalet delivers. A bakery. My understanding is you already know the area but now is the time I would add a couple of things. Don't forget fragrances. The right ones can do a lot.
Your studio sounds so cozy! Glad you are settled for now prior to winter.
Big steps you have taken which required a lot of energy. Inspiring for me. Thank you.
Thanks for the great idea Wolf. Today I am ordering some heavy flannel pajamas from LL Bean for winter evening pajama parties for one. Such a lovely thought.
Looks like we are moving together. I got the call today that they had an apartment for us. I told her yes but I am really torn by it. Hb is not too happy about moving to where he can't go walking unless I am with him. He also won't be able to leave the building without me because it takes a code to enter. Wish it did to leave too.
Congrats to Jazzy and Charlotte. Such a brave and exciting change. I'm also planning to put my house on the market and move to something smaller & more manageable. I've accepted the fact that I'm going to have to do a lot to the house before i put it on the market, but what is available out there is so depressing, I may decide to stay here until I croak! I DO NOT EMBRACE CHANGE!!
Fiona - I am with you on the not liking change. I would like nothing better than to stay in the RV. I am crunching the numbers and so far moving to the apartment is costing more per month. Hopefully once I get it done, they will even out. Whenever I decide to draw SS, the rent will go up accordingly. time will tell.
We went to see the apartment today. Even though the bedroom was just a wee bigger than ours in the motorhome, the rest of the apartment was nice - until I looked out the window! There was a tree there. I wondered by it was darker than it should have been. If I am going to give up the RV where I have 3 sides of windows to look out of, I want at least one in an apartment and not the bedroom one. Art would miss not even having a window to look out of. After thinking about it on our way home and over lunch and phoned to see if she had another one because I did not like the tree blocking the whole window. Yes, the leaves would be gone in the winter and since the window was on the south side it would block the sun, but I just can't give up at least having one window to look out. So, we are out of that apartment but still on the list.
I am in the process of filling out applications for some others that are duplexes with a small patio. And, there are clothes hangers by each set of 4 duplexes. Great to dry blankets and bigger items on. I have no idea what they look like inside only that they are one bedroom.
Hi Jazzy is very tired! It is all on me and takes a lot of energy that I am running out of. Today I have a doppler echo Cardiogram and that is scary. He wants a look at my heart to make sure that I haven't had a heart attack and to see how the valves are doing.
Kevan is becoming more confused and he is having trouble following instructions. He also is very tired. He just doesn't understand, poor soul. It breaks my heart. He gets very frightened.
He really had a strange thing to tell me last week. He said his three brothers, all younger then him came to get him to take him home to where they were raised. The scary part is that all three if them are dead. Have any of you had this experience with your loved one? He said he told them he was not ready yet to make the trip. Maybe next week. I said it was a nice dream and he told me it wasn't a dream that they were here in his room.
He sent all his furniture home to be shipped and says it is much better as it is just as stark as his barracks room was and he feels better. Nothing from home.
Thanks for all your comments. I hope each of you finds the right place for you as well.
Jazzy good luck with your echo, hope all goes well.
Also my DH not long before he passed also had visitors, three who came to see him. Two that I knew had passed and one name I did not know about. One of his visitors was his dad who he did not know had passed away. DH also talked about going home.
Jazzy - in his last few months Frank told a friend that his parents were on vacation in Florida but were living in our town now. Of course his parents have been dead for almost 30 years and never lived even in the same state. Sorry this just seems to go with this disease. It is heartbreaking. Hugs and prayers to you.
Jazzy, I would not get too worked up about your husband's perceiving his three brothers in his room.
First, you will never know whether he was asleep or awake when he perceived this since he is not a reliable reporter on this issue and there appears to have been no one else on the scene. If he was awake, he was having an hallucination. Hallcinations sometimes happen with dementia. A friend of mine who has dementia often talks to people from her past (included some who are deceased) who come to visit her.
If your husband was asleep, he was dreaming. A similar thing happened to my mother, who never had dementia. When she was in the hospital recovering from a heart attack, she reported seeing her mother and grandmother standing at the foot of her bed, motioning for her to follow them. When my sisters and I heard this, we thought was sign of her imminent demise. It was not; she lived another 14 years.
With FTD not being able to differentiate between dreams and reality can be common. Hallucinations can also occur. If he was not upset by seeing them then I don't think you should worry about it.
I was not concerned about his visits. I realize from other comments on here that this happens. He was very happy to see them so it made for a good day for him.
I had my Eco this morning and I have never had a heart attack and the walls of my heart are good and very little leakage. He says my heart is very strong and healthy. Feels good!! Now I have to have my Doctor find out why this was on my records. I am not impressed. I think they put someone else's results in my file.
Jazzy, Great news about your heart. But you should not have had to endure the uncertainty and worry that was created by this false information.
Something similar happened to a friend here in the US. She went to a surgeon in the largest orthopedic practice in our area. He told her she had a slight tear in the meniscus and it could be could be repaired by arthroscopic surgery. The day before the surgery, she had a pre-op appointment with a PA who said it was strange that the surgeon was planning a repair because the records and images showed there was almost nothing left of the meniscus. So on the morning of the surgery my friend brought this issue up with the surgeon. He looked at the records again and said the PA was absolutely wrong. There was only a slight tear in the meniscus. When my friend got out of surgery, the surgeon told her (without apology) that he could not repair the meniscus because it was basically non-existent. She ended up having to undergo a total knee replacement a few months later (with a different doctor, of course). She is just recuperating from that now.
Kevan has decided not to move to a residence in Alberta. He is afraid that he will not be treated as good. He is very confused these days and so I have dropped the move out west and will be looking for a home near his residence here in Ontario. I am very afraid that the move will cause him to deteriorate and I sure don't want that to happen because of moving him. He is very secure in the residence here so I guess I will just have to stay put. I don't mind as I am happy with the place he is in and how he is cared for so I guess someone up there was making this decision for us. I have to find a house to live in now and that job starts tomorrow bright and early. I would really like my life to settle down to a much slower pace. You know a nice condo with no snow to shovel and not grass to cut but a nice little cement yard for us to sit in on nice summer days. With a garage no snow or ice removal from the car. I guess I hard better go to bed now.
Maybe it would be wise from now on to get a second opinion.
And the roller-coaster ride just goes on, doesn't it, Jazzy?! My DH is gone, but I have sold my huge house, huge yard and moved 650 miles from my friends, to a very small town (?) where my sister, nephews, nieces live, but I know no one else here. Now in a 2 bed. 2 bath apartment for 'over 55 folks'. Sold all my furniture - starting over with almost everything. It is nice not to have the responsibility of so much yard work, lawn, snow,etc. I do have a 48' balcony, which is wonderful for my fur-baby to wander in! To be able to call maintenance to change a light bulb which I can't reach is almost heaven. There are down sides to apartment/condo living - but now I'm just still so tired - physically and mentally, the good out-weighs the bad.
You will make the right decision for you both. Good luck and keep us posted!
Thanks Vickie I just hope I am making the right decisions.I need off this roller-coaster ride. I make one decision and then I have to back track and start over. I haven't sold any thing but have given quite a bit to my family. I will have to replace some of the furniture but that can wait, iI just need to get settled. I am looking at two places this morning and hopefully I will have a place to go by tomorrow. At least a new address.
Hi Jazzy, What Charlotte says is what I'm worried about, too. You are making some big moves based on the decisions of a man who is having hallucinations about his deceased brothers and who you describe as becoming more confused and frightened.
I have no idea what you should do -- all your options sound reasonable but you can't choose them all. If you are making decisions based on Kevan's judgment, I would not assume you are getting off the roller coaster. What if Kevan changes his mind next week?
I looked at two condo's today and I put an offer on one and I should know by tomorrow morning. I don't expect they will accept it bit you never know. I'm not concerned as I have the moving company all set up to pack and store then move into my pace either now or later. I have my one room suite all ready to move into so if I get the house fine if I don't that's fine as well. I have a place to go and it is quiet. My daughter-in-law came to help me but I haven't seen much of her. She is either in the basement reading or she is off for four or five days or two week to visit others. I am thinking that thus may be what kind oh help I was going to get out west. I find it strange but the whole family is under the impression that they need to go and take care of Dad. He says they are all off track. He has all the best care he can get but I have no one. He feels that they are taking care of the wrong one. I am getting better at being alone and kind of enjoying it. Kevan can change his mind all he wants but we are not moving out west. I am content with this decision and am sticking with it. I intend to rest and read all winter under a nice warm afghan. I have lots of knitting to catch up on.
Sounds like this DIL's actions was a confirmation at this time to stay where you are. When things like that happen, it feels better. Hope they take your offer. If not, as you said you will be fine under your afghan this winter.
And if I may make a suggestion, be sure you have some really fuzzy bed socks to wear while you are under your afghan. I just bought a 3-pack of bed socks and I can hardly wait until it gets cold enough to wear them.
They didn't accept my offer but countered and I accepted. Now I just have to get the info from the management company as to the financial status of the community and then I will be moving. I am hoping to rent it for the week before closing so I can move straight in from here with no storage. I hope they will be alright with that.
I have lovely warm bed socks so I am already to just veg out.
Look very closely at their reserves, do they have money in the bank for future repairs. Some condos do poorly at this, all should be in the condo documents when you get them.
My lawyer has given me strict orders not to sign anything until he goes over the financial report and checks out the reserve fund. This will be the fourth condo I have lived in so I am not a push over in that sense. They may wish I hadn't bought there.
Keep us updated on how it is going. Once you are moved in, just cocoon under that afghan with your fuzzy socks and your knitting. I would also add a hot cup of something. And a fireplace if possible, and perhaps a cat on your lap. Maybe a cinnamon-scented candle for the autumn, or some of those cinnamon-scented pine cones to add ambiance. (Yes, give me enough rope and I'll have the place decorated for you!)
I have had Kevan home for three days and I am so surprised at how well he is doing. He had taken on all the big jobs that my back will not allow me to do now. The workshop and laundry room are empty and cleaned and all the things to be packed are in the rec room with a table set up for the packer to use.he has worked very hard and is very tired. There are numerous times when he can't remember what to do with something or where I said to put it and difficulty following instructions is becoming mire obvious but he has done well. He has asked if I can bring him to the condo a few days a week from after breakfast to just before dinner and I think I will try it and see how he does. He can never come home to live again but visits might be alright for now. He goes back today. He has had a great time with the Yorkie and they are becoming buddies. Willy seems to help keep Kevan calm. He has been on Ativan for about four months and it seems to work well. I am told by staff that the aggressive outbursts are now minimal. He will go and ask for one if he feels he needs it. I can see the progression moving along taking it's toll with just little things changing week by week now. I have changed my closing date to the 2nd of October with furniture coming the 3rd. I get to sleep there on pillows and memory foam for the one night. I had the neighbour tell me " you will likely hear my music as I do play it loud sometimes" I said "that's alright you will likely hear my dog bark from time to time" She look kind if stunned. She will soon learn that this old lady is no push over. You quickly learn to stand up for yourself when dementia moves into your home. Well I think it's time for my morning coffee and wait for K to get up and shower, shave and off we go back to his LTC. Then I drive back to start my rest time before the move. I gave told him I will not be back to visit for a few days as I need to take time to rest and he agreed. Skype time again.
Jazzy, I love your response to your neighbor. Is it possible to train your Yorkie to start barking at the point when your neighbor's music reaches a certain decibel level?