read it shortly after she took her life. I think there might be another thread here that we talked about it. I just hope if I get dementia I will have the memory to choose how I go like she did
I originally posted this under the Robin Williams thread.My DD had sent me the link. Touchy subject, but it followed up on Charlotte's comments on compassion to our pets.
When it comes to my own fate, I reluctantly agree with Charlotte and Amber. This is especially true because I have no children and will not have anyone to supervise my care if I am institutionalized. Based on how I have seen others in that situation treated, I’m afraid I would suffer on account of the indifference or negligence of the facility where I end up.
However, . . . I strongly disagree with a lot of what Gillian Bennett wrote on her website. When she contemplated living in LTC, she referred to her body as “my carcass,” “my mindless body,” “an empty husk” and a “vegetable.” Well, my husband is in LTC and he is not a carcass or an empty husk or a vegetable. He is a sweet, confused human being, who will be happily eating the dish of ice cream that I am going to buy for him in about an hour.
Also, Gillian Bennett argued that by the age of 50, everyone should make a Living Will that includes a statement such as: "If I am ill and frail and have an infection such as pneumonia, do not attempt to restore me to life with antibiotics. Pray let me pass.” [Note that having a terminal illness is not a requirement for this instruction – being “ill and frail” is enough.] She calls this “doing [your] civic duty” and says there should be a “fallback Will” required for anyone who refuses to make such a Will. I don’t agree with that at all.
I think it is important for a living will or at least make sure whoever is our POA knows our wishes. If hb gets pneumonia I would not let them treat it. I reluctantly let them give him the pneumonia shot when he had the intake for the VA here. He has had the shingles vaccine, gets his flu shot, gets his daily vitamins and supplements which is keeping him 'healthy as a horse', but that will be it for preventive.
I have no one I trust with my POA. How sad is that? I'm thinking I'll find a decent lawyer nearby and file my will with them and let some friends and family have one of their cards so that when I demise one of them can point to where my will is. There will be no POA over me held by anyone.
I'm also coming over to the idea that if I am to live my life then I should live it and not check out voluntarily when the end comes near. i have no way of being incompetent AND paying my own bills in the NH. It will unfold as it does. I'm not afraid.
As to the estate, I will peel off a smallish stipend each to the brats on both sides and the rest goes to the most dedicated animal shelter I can find. I'm also considering setting up a busiary for med students who qualify on a need/marks basis. I'll do that after Dianne passes and name the busiary for her bizarre family (Fellows). I also want to buy a power chair for someone local who has squat to pay for one and tell them my story so they understand why. This bad thing happened to us so we did this good thing for you. Good luck.
The rest of the modest net worth and I have no real plans yet. But life is moving noticeably now and we will. Whatever I have and whatever time I have are well earned and completely mine to spend as I will. The truth of that is starting to seep in making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up like someone packing for a journey they've never been on before where the fear of it is coming apart and every molecule is transforming to the feeling of actual excitement to go.
I respect that woman making her own decisions. I said here numerous times I would go to Amsterdam. But I update that here. I will go through my life and if I end up in a locked up ward to die then I'm doing that. My wife struggles for every bite and I will do the same. But first I learn who I really am.