Finally Sept. Love the fall of the year - cooler days - beautiful foliage - football. Yes, I love football great pass time on these lonesome weekends. Happy fall to all!
I opened a door. I called an xfriend. For some time my hard heart has lost most of it's interest in who disappointed me by being themselves and recently I decided I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. It's been a long road where being protective of myself and concentrating on helping myself take steps has been how I've lived. I want a life though that feels the way I want to feel and the victim mentality that I honestly earned has to be kicked out now.
If I had taken the attitude which Alzheimer's pushed me down into - that anyone who comes up short is out, I would have left home when I was three and I would be close to no one. Everyone in my life has hurt me somewhere including Dianne. And some of the things I've already accepted have been worse than close people not being supportive enough. That's the charge my nephew has against me right now and I know I've also hurt people because they've told me I have.
I understand I'm not being altruistic but selfish even though almost no one else seems to get that. I'm simply unloading baggage and there isn't any more or less to it than that. And I called because I'm not saying words, I'm doing it.
I was prepared for an unappreciated reception. I know how that feels. And I was ready to accept that, catch up on some things, and then wish them well and keep it short. But there wasn't a monkey on anyone's back about life being really disappointing at times because - believe it or not - both parties feel aggrieved not just me.
It doesn't matter. Realities are seperate for everyone as every cop knows who takes down eye witness accounts which are often contradictory. It doesn't matter because that's the way it is. I like to understand and I find it often helps but the real driver is always what I feel, think, and want. It comes with being human. It comes with being.
We've had our second phone call this morning. It went on for a couple of hours. That's going to go where it goes just like it always was but I have what I came for. To let go. I forgive you mom for the few times where I got hit for things I didn't do. I forgive you dad for snapping at times at the terrible load you were bearing and taking it out on me. I learned a lot of great things from you guys which have helped me no end when I really needed them. All is accepted. See how that sounds? Same thing.
And what's the outcome of all that? One more field is quiet where I did the work to make it so. Alzheimer's is one size smaller. And frankly my dear I'm on to the next thing. I mean to difuse my nephew and let him know we're ok. I don't have to - but I'm the elder in the tribe and I'm that because I say so.
There are moments when I'm scared. When I feel as though I'm held together by string and glue and I sense deeply that it's possible for me to come apart. There are times I feel so exhausted trying to keep up the brave front that I am deep bone weary. I read time and again about the serious effects of what we go through and what it does to some. I can't get out no matter how much I hate it or want out. I respect what I'm facing I promise you.
There is only one story. The hero never gives up. If you're ever looking for me in this valley of death I'm easy to find. Follow the trail of remains of the things I've killed and the baggage I've discarded. I'm not what I was when I first came on here. I'm more. I've learned the extent of reality I lived most of my life in was a boundry. I want more and either I'm having that or something is going to get the better of me. I used to think I would arrive. Now I believe you never arrive and are just called. Fine. Bring it.
This comment should be in the August thread, but I'll put it here. A few weeks ago I got a call from an old friend from high school and earlier. He and his wife were taking a cruise and would be stopping in Bar Harbor, Maine, on August 31. He asked if we (my wife and I) could join them for lunch. Then another friend from the same era came to Maine for vacation. So the three couples of us got together for lunch at a local restaurant (that is only 1/2 mile from where DW and I live). I was hesitant to take my wife to the restaurant, but since she was in the same high school class I decided to try it. I had a little trouble getting her into my new car (it's larger that the previous one), but with help from one of the aides at her LTCF we got her in. She was able to walk up the ramp to the restaurant with help. I had to feed her most of her meal and she only ate the quiche, not much of the salad. Much to my surprise she did not even take a bite of the dessert. She seemed to be aware of the conversation at the table, but made no attempt to enter in. All in all, it was a fun time for me and a chance to get together with old friends. Although they live a long way from me (New Jersey and California) they keep in touch, and try to get together with me whenever they are in Maine.
On another topic, the couple from California, who are vacationing in Maine, invited me to join them for dinner and a show (Agatha Christie's "The Unexpected Guest"). For rather complicated reasons, I ended up driving. On the way home my car, a Toyota Corolla, suddenly accelerated from 40 mph to over 65, not due to anything I did. I was able to get it under control, but now was unsure about when the car would do it again. The local Toyota dealer, as expected, could not find anything wrong. I told them I did not trust the car, so they had to give me a good deal on another car, but not a Toyota. They gave me a VERY good deal on a 2012 Subaru Legacy with only 53,000 miles on it. It looks almost new.
Marsh - sounds like that problem Toyota has been having with some of their cars. Thankfully our Prius has mostly been trouble free. I am glad you got it to stop safely and do not blame you for not trusting it.
As I ponder whether to move into an apartment I find myself so torn. By moving in I feeling I am loosing what there is left of my life and dreams - giving in to Alzheimer's. By moving into an apartment I am giving up my 'open air' concept - lots of windows in RV - for a dingy closed apartment - only 2 windows, no outdoor patio just a hallway to the elevator to go to. The 62+ rent assisted are 3 floors with elevator (which is nice for carrying groceries up). The apartment is nice, bigger than the RV especially the bathroom, but seems so isolated. And if hb wants to go walking I will have to go with him every time.
If hb goes another three years still at home, there is no guarantee I will not do a 'Leisure Seeker'. I am so tired - 43 years of life being about him (and children for a while). When will it ever be about me? Will I even be in condition to have a chance if life can be that?
The weather has cooled down to the low 80s during the day so no a/c to have to listen to. Leave the windows open at night getting into the upper 60s inside which is nice. There is definitely that 'fall' feel in the air. I would so love to pack up and go south for the winter but with my arm hurt I can't drive this since it takes both hands to drive it. Plus, I have my 3 month cancer checkups. Oh well - guess I have to blame myself for not being able to do it - about me this time!
I'm still procrastinating about doing the firewood for this winter. I have some that is split and some that I still need to split and bring it up close to the cabin. I have the stuff from that storage tent that collapsed over the winter to finish sorting through and I hired a fellow to come and clean up parts of the property. Then I should be ready for winter. Just gotta get myself motivated to get at it. Rainy stormy weekend so no go.
Charlotte - I've been humming and hawing about whether to stay or sell so I understand your dilemma. That's a though one....I wrote up a pros and cons list to help me and decided there's a lot of work that still needs to be done before I put it on the market so it will take me over the winter to get it done. Now if this winter goes smoothly I'll probably stay, if it has a lot of challenges then I'll sell.
Wolf - I guess sometime along this journey we have to decide to either stay put down or to buck up and get on with it. Good to read you're on the move!!!
March - Nice to read about your visit with your friends.
Charlotte, I am almost obsessive about natural lightso I know what you mean about windows. I know you have to get into someplace before SS goes up, but do you think you should wait until an apartment comes up in either the senior complex with the duplexes or the one with the walking path behind it? As you say, you're giving up a way of life so your new life should have something attractive in it.
marsh, In the Spring our friends from Vermont came for an overnight visit. They brought dinner with them, served it, did the dishes, cooked breakfast the next morning, and did those dishes, too! I just sat there and enjoyed the conversation, the wine, and the feeling of being waited on. My husband was not able to follow the conversation but he really enjoyed himself, since they were so kind to him and he is so sociable.
We bought a Subaru in 2011 and I really like it. It's an awesome winter car. Now that we have the all-wheel drive and the manual transmission, there's no more getting stuck at the end of the driveway. (Is there a word for that ridge of packed snow that the road plow deposits there?) And we got the optional heated seats -- heaven!
Our county fair was this weekend. So I drove to the city to get our DS and his 100 lb dog so that he (the son - the dog just likes to play) could help me do some clean up around the yard and also help with looking after his Dad at the fair. I don't think I could have even attended the fair with my DH if our son hadn't been there to help. In between the uneven walking surfaces, sometimes strewn with cables, the noise, and the crowds it was almost too much for DH, although he did enjoy the heavy horse show, the antique car exhibit, and the deep fried cheesecake with chocolate sauce!
Amber, I am still waiting for my firewood to be delivered.
"May it be kind to all of us" September will be kind to me, because I am trying to be kind to me. I have a week of respite starting on September 10th - the first break since the end of June and I am definitely due!
"That's a full pull." I liked watching the heavy horses at the county fair. Used to go to the Erin fair. Watch the horse riders galloping across the course. Look over all the pie and preserve and quilt competitions. Stroll through the rides section and the rigged games. Eat some fries or candy floss. Good memories.
It's tough as the skills go. I remember trying to move Dianne off a white tile square onto one of the black ones and I couldn't. She had frozen and was completely lost. I finally pushed her steadily where she made a loud agonizing sound like I was hurting her. The staff knew she had AD but I got judged by the bypassers I can tell you. Good memories. Not so much.
The thing is in that moment she really struggled but not like we're struggling now. Many of the bad moments actually become fond moments in some ways afterwards because we had more then than we did later.
Amber, I'm not on the move. I'm making things around me move. Reading Bonnie's comment about her experiences at the fair made me realize I can go to the fair again and photograph the heavy horse pulls. Bucket list!
wolf - hmmmm that isn't what I'm getting from your posts. Interesting when we don't see the person how we can get different interpretations of what is written. You sound much better and dare I say starting to be happy than what you were a few months ago. I don't know if I can make things/people move around me but I know that I can move around things and people to create my new life on my terms. Different way to look at it?
Some people liked Gone With The Wind. I got sick and tired of Scarlett halfway through and her boyfriend the spineless waffler. Great scenary though and Gable was fun. The same thing happened watching On The Waterfront where part way through I lost track of who's more tawdry than who. On the other hand a fourty foot tall Mario Lanza singing in South Pacific wasn't that comforting either. Great scenary though.
I can't imagine what my parents thought of their teenage son in his room listening to Jimi Hendrix and Led Zeppelin. Mom thought it was devil music and liked Mitch Miller where the only song I remotely liked was Be Kind To Your Friends In The Swamp. They watched Lawrence Welk and Bonanza while I wanted to watch Monty Python.
I went back one day to the park where I carved my initials in the tree along with those of my first love. She of the prom queen story. I must have looked stupid as a middle aged man climbing a tree. I found it up there though. Kind of distorted. I must have dreamed about her for 25 years. Nothing conscious on my mind but so often in my dreams.
I used to play toy soldiers with Charlie Cermona. We would move them around in the grass in the backyard for hours lost in some boyish world. He had a grey mustache the last time I saw him.
I remember the three holes in the storm windows that went up in the winter. I remember going to a farm for the day on a bus trip in public school and i did something that made the farmer mad at me. I can never remember what I did though
I remember playing doctor with Donna three doors down. We were in her play house in the backyard and I was the doctor.
I remember playing icky-nicky-nine-doors and running through the backyards in the dark like a screaming banshee with a very angry adult thundering behind. He couldn't keep up eventually.
Those memories which I just grabbed as randomly as I could are before I met Dianne. I have thousands of them. I just heard from a girl I went to school with on classmates and she asked if I remembered her. Yah I remember you I wrote back. Here's some of the things that happened in Mrs Barrett's class.
I had my first cold shower in years. My hot water heater is no more. It was very Swedish except for the screaming. I pulled open the drawer in the nightstand beside the bed I've been sleeping in again for almost three years except now on her side. It was piled with her stuff. There was a book with the cover folded in on page 58. There were notes about things she wrote down. I found a comb to replace the one I lost and took a pound of fur off the cat helping me look in the new drawer we found.
I read to someone today. It was a NY Times article about how character is built on principles that we come to believe. Whether that is that the world is against us, whether that is an adrenaline junkie ride of bad decisions, or whether we build dependable behavior based on things we learn in our lives - it's always built on the principles we come to believe. He was sitting on his sun porch in the rain up in Bala on the Moon River listening to me read the article.
We talked about how tough it is to fight the demons all the time but I had to go. Some jackal was inside my perimiter and with a blood curdling yell I lunged after him with my war axe. Fear is the other guys problem. Actually I think I've been every character in the play at one time or another. Cowering and peeing myself. Check. Running away. Check. Hiding hoping not to be seen. Check. I've done it all. But right now I'm closing the distance in a hurry on my prey wondering if that moon I'm howling at is a gibbous waxing.
And all the voices of all the characters in all the moments like a massive chorus shout "It doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter!" so I stopped and looked it up. Yup. Gibbous waxing.
There's a line in Bladerunner the movie "all these moments will be lost like tears in the rain". Maybe but back up the tank there Sherman because even though I have entire worlds of memories in time, books, movies, and dreams, I ain't done here making them so hand over the bullets and go away.
....
I may sound crazy. You have no idea. Sitting all alone I'm like one of those wall posters with hundreds of faces drawn in all doing their bits like Jack in As Good As It Gets when going to the bakery means they're not crazy or Clint glint-eyed asking "Were you doing to die alone?" or Peter OToole in My Favorite Year yelling "I'm not an actor! I'm a movie star!"
It's busy in here I can tell you. I've come a long way since getting into trouble for touching the Telefunken though. Which brings to mind what my grandmother used to say "If you touch yourself all your dead relatives can see." And I knew enough even then not to correct her by saying "When grandma. Not if, when."
I 'm pretty sure that negative postings about Gone With the Wind are grounds for banishment from this site. Consider yourself warned. (I am a Scarlett's wanna be!)
They say we all dance to a different tune.I don't know ,Wolf, I thin k you dance to a whole lot of different tunes,and maybe some weird ones.Still love to read your comments,wish I could meet you some day(maybe in the hereafter)
Charlotte, , You didn't ask, but I think you should consider all your options very carefully before you make your final decision about moving. I know you are concerned about the SS issue, but it really didn't sound like you wanted to move to that particular apartment. As you said, you have already given up soooo much.
I did turn the applications in today to the complex next to the walking trail. I had to wait for the manager so chatted with some ladies. Found out in the two buildings there are only a handful of men. This concerns me, not because he would hurt anyone but more that there would be no men to socialize with. I have maybe a month of propane left. If I had not heard when I need more, I will have them deliver and put off moving until next year or whenever.
I read this statement last night " The light at the end of the tunnel is not an illusion. The tunnel is" and ever since then I have been thinking about it. To me, it means that the long dark tunnel that I sometimes think I am in with this disease is not really there. That if I choose to look at it differently, I can change that feeling of being trapped, of plodding on forever and never seeming to get anywhere as my DH and I share his journey through hell. I can do nothing to slow or hasten his journey. But I can widen the tunnel so that I don't feel trapped, by making the most of any opportunity I have to feel free. Like yesterday, when I had a day of respite, and spent most of it under a shady maple tree in a park reading Leon Uris Redemption. At first I was resenting the day, because I had nothing in particular to do, but today I realized it was a gift, because it gave me a chance to use quiet reflection to restore my battered self. So, this is something I am going to have to work on - how to make the tunnel disappear, so that all I see is the light.
Charlotte, Between myself and a friend who was looking for her parents, the retirement homes we have looked into all seem to be more women than men. Now not sure all are that way. I think men tend to not want to move, and women seem to outlive their spouses. You need to do what is right for you, and your DH will be fine if you are good with where you are. I wish you the best on this.
blue* makes a good point. Because of women's greater longevity, I would be surprised to find a senior complex or other senior service that is not mostly women.
My husband has always enjoyed being in the company of other men and talking about "guy stuff" -- cars, tools, machines, fixing things, etc. When he was at home, he went to an adult day care center that had a contract with the VA. Because of that, there were quite a few men at that day care center. Now he is in a state veteran's home, where most of the residents are men. The dementia unit that he is in is all men. The guys in the unit seem to talk about cars a lot and there are car and motorcycle magazines around, so my husband is in his element. I feel fortunate to be able to allow him this pleasure at such a tough point in his life.
Firm conviction and hard nosed realism. Then messy battles and win.
The goal is to learn to relax and militant is the way to go.
Not "I demand to relax" or "Why can't I relax". Instead I suck at relaxing and I'm going to start learning how to do it now not in anger or hope but in fact.
You were authorized because it was respite. So you conceived in that way. Otherwise you would have failed to have that time with that book and understand that. (work with me there)
Look at Joan. She battled herself and won. That's why she ended up going alone and enjoying it. Enjoying it wasn't going to be a problem in that case. But it took hard nosed realism to conceive that she could go alone and it took firm conviction to do that so she could arrive at the concert that was already understood was going to be good once she was there.
We often don't have that kind of clear goal or that cyrstalized motivation. But we are all the roadblocks of ourselves.
What do you suppose the response here would have been if someone had written to Joan and told her to go out and have a good time. It would have sounded bad in a dozen ways. What was the truth. In that case it might be that the goal caused the motivation to solve and arrive.
Once is great. But it is not a solution. Changing is a solution. We can argue about this at dinner.
My water is off all day because of some city work. I've started a new painting. It's a cafe in Colombia with two young local lovelies sitting at a candlelit table. The man is good looking and cutting what he is eating obviously talking while both women are looking at him and have that sparkle in their eyes. It's full of life and ridiculously beyond my skills.
You need to get a blog site, scan them in so we can see them.
Had my contrast CT scan today. The stuff didn't taste bad but my stomach did not like it, neither did my digestive track. When I picked it up I asked about side effects and she said some people get constipated and some diarrhea. My cast iron stomach and gut choose diarrhea. So bummed cause it has take 3 months to get my bowels back to some sort of normal. Then she couldn't get the IV started. I warned her my veins were deep and rolled - they never believe me! Another lady got it in where I told her to go, but she did not put the IV into the needle tight so when the contrast started it leaked out all over my blouse. I asked if they had enough cause I never got the hot flash or felt like I was peeing I was warned about. She said they got enough - my kidneys were lite up good! Now the wait to make sure nothing is still lurking in there.
Wolf - You paint in words what you are trying to portray on canvas and it is very vivid. I particularly like "and have that sparkle in their eyes". Its been a long time since I have seen that sparkle when I look across the table at my DH.Most days I just see that dead "AD stare".
Charlotte, I hope the results of your tests are all good news.
Charlotte, same here about the test results. Break a leg.
I do have some of them up on Flickr along with a bunch of the people here when we used to put up icons. In and amongst the other stuff are probably a dozen paintings. Just type in Wolf von Munchcake into your search engine and my flickr photostream will pop up. Never meant to be shown like that but if anyone is curious feel free.
I was suprised by what I chose which is why I described it. It's two girls not one and they do all seem to be friends but then there's that look on each of their faces. I also went through a short period where all portrayal of romance seemed to hurt. This was one of the topics I reclaimed because I'm not going through life hateful of love.
It's like I tell the young people much to the consternation of the parents. It'll be your world one day just like it was ours in the 60's. Good luck with it. Some of my friends are already polishing their act about how everybody does everything wrong because we're getting old. That's really logical.
I'm getting old too. But I'm not bad at math and the odds of me having a few years to bop around in are astronomical. I agree that in the end time is all we have or had and even though I'm afraid of getting old and have no idea how to do that with courage or grace - it's another one of those things I have no choice but to face.
Many aren't so I'm told But my veins are deep and rolled All part of the plan Having my CT scan
Some of my life has been sad No real luck except for bad But the CT scan has come out clear So it can bite me my little dear
Yes, we are awesome those of us who do not lay faberge eggs or are so important they plough through schoolchildren in their toyota hiroshimas on the way to very important things or sleep on the airvents begging for money because we can't stomach the hand life deals us or blowing away in the wind like those emancipated bitches they call models with good thigh gap and two pinto beans for an arse. Instead we keep coming back to get kicked in the head by the mule so we can see through our vows for the benefit of our partners and not ourselves. In payment we get thrown off that bus and get to find pieces of our lives to put together while we heal ourselves of the serious side effects preferably quietly over there somewhere. Yes, we're awesome.
For the rest of my life I'm going to be watching and hearing the trials and tribulations that people think they go through smiling that the little dears do have hard lives but what can you expect from trolls? Cabaret? Come on girls kick those heals! And one and two and one and two and
Guys, thanks but the only people I consider respecting is those that don't take themselves seriously. When we think the stuff we say or produce is important we have lost our way because a viewpoint like that can't be satisfied and it is hubris extreme.
Justin Beiber suffers from thinking his boyband sound mattered. Robin Williams checked out because he can't face not being Mr Brilliant and another week with his wife, family, and friends were no match for that. Well he had depression. Yes, so does everyone here. I think JD Salinger scared himself. And if Hitler had been accepted into art school in Vienna (turned down twice) he wouldn't have rampaged europe.
But I don't care because the things I do and don't do are not my focus - the goals are, which is a constant battle between the infantile self and it's grotesque needs versus pursuing the thing as itself. Experts are amateurs further down the learning curve and learning only stops when we know the thing completely which no human does.
Take for example that yesterday I ran out of enemies. My SIL phoned me to talk. My nephew phoned to talk. My last xfriend couple wrote to wish me well. I've invested significant amounts of time brooding and resenting and hating even and all that work is wasted because I have nowhere left to shift it to. I have to explain that there was considerable tension on all those fronts where I was trying to be adult about them and they all chose the same day to reach out and not just care about me but say real things that matter to me. Now what??
I know how glib I make things sound. It's my way. But I am a fish out of water today and I don't know what to take out of such a day yet. Perhaps I was right that my feelings were never them. Instead those feelings were my life and I could have been marooned on an island with Dianne and I would have gone through much the same.
Why shortly after I let go of those feelings without communication that I did so - did they all approach to seek continuation? It's easy to see why people invent mythologies. All I have to do is think it's about me and the field is sown.
Not long ago when I was talking about this very board someone asked "Why do you still do that?" Last year I would have been wounded by such a wild aversion to reality about my life. Because Dianne is still here moron. But my reaction was sympathy at having such fear and when it crossed my mind afterwards I didn't recoil - I thought what a fine caregiver that duffous would make.
It doesn't matter. None of this does specifically. I don't know what things mean. I do know you can spin around anything your whole life and resolve nothing. And that some of my orbits just changed. It is they who are vulnerable now. They have hope that we are resolved and things are good now which makes them easy targets for the right moment while giving me opportunity and access.
Don't mess with me. I remember everything and I have finely honed skills in conflict developed at a number of corporate meat factories. I know the thrill of eviserating an enemy and watching them demise. I've earned that in the comic book version of what life is and isn't.
I have no interest because I'd already met the real enemy which is me and I am engaged in the real war which is me and the only way I learn anything is in humility and a loincloth and bringing anything else to truth is to be a distracted child.
got a call today they had another apartment for us. The first one had a tree in front of the window - this one is on the opposite side with a view of the backyard and hiking path that runs behind the complex. I struggled with the answer to give. With the last one I was so stressed with all the things involved in moving and once I saw that tree in front of the window said no. I had such peace after that. I drove over by the apartments, looked them over from the outside and decided no. I can't say exactly why - yes I can. I can't face leaving my home of 10 years, giving up our dream, and giving it all up for him and his needs. He would not be able to just go out the door and go walking - I would have to go. Yes, I would love a full size frig and 'real' shower - one I can stand in for more than 6 gallons of hot water. But, not enough to become a city girl, trapped inside a building in the middle of a city.
I know I told the Lord if one became available before the end of the month, we would move. Two times it has happened and I can't take that step. Oh well. I did turn in the applications to the duplexes a couple miles from here. They are still only 1 bedroom, no w/d in them but when you walk out your door the outdoors is there not a hallway.
Hi Charlotte, I think we are cut from the same cloth. I grew up in the suburbs but when I was in college, my family moved to the country and I realized I could breath for the first time. Later, I gave up a good job in a big city because I felt hemmed in by concrete and asphalt.
Don't give up. We "country folk at heart" can be happy in other places. I live in a suburb now but I have a back yard that meets my needs for green space and a quiet view. One of my sisters lives in a condo in the heart of a large city but despite that, I can picture myself living there because it is on a human scale (2nd floor) and is bounded by parks on two sides and is close to the harbor, which gives it a feeling of expansive space and light.
As for you, I am hoping that an opening comes up in one of the duplexes or elsewhere and that the unit meets your needs, both as a practical matter and as a matter of space and beauty.
Can finally get my husband to eat fruit again. He will get up about an hour after eating lunch, rubbing his stomach ask if he had lunch. I tell him yes, you had sandwich, chips and cookies. If you are still hungry have a banana. Him: OK that sounds good!
Still havent got laptop fixed but using phone to check here. Not as easy but works. Will be out for a bit to visit family and friends. Dh was treated for uti and the last blue moon really messed him up again. Wishing everyone a decent week! Divvi
Today was hb birthday. I took him to a favorite place - Old Country Buffet. The cashier pulled a coupon that was BOGO free so only paid for me and because it was senior lunch price it included drinks. In AZ drinks are still included (or were in 2011) but up here they are not. Usually he goes his way and gets what he wants and I go mine just keep an eye to wait for him since he doesn't remember where our table is. Today he stuck to me like glue. He got what I got even chicken fried steak which he doesn't like. I did ask him if he was going to get his favorite - bananas with strawberry sauce on it. He did then followed me back. Another little freedom gone.
Charlotte, one of the tricky tricks my DH used to disguise the fact that he couldn't comprehend a menu anymore, was to have me order first (as always), but then he would just tell the server to bring him the same thing. I learned to try to ask him what he was hungry for, and then--surprise, surprise--that turned out to be what I wanted, too, as I ordered first for "myself."
When we go out I always ask if he wants his usual which is usually chicken strips. As common, he can't make a decision.
Yesterday his glasses came from the VA. When he was choosing the frames the guy told me the doctor ordered transition lenses. I told him no, I did not want them. He had them in the past and did not like them. After having the adjusted at Walmart we walk outside and to my surprise the changed. I am so ticked and it has been so frustrating an exhausting telling him he does not need to use the clip-on anymore. I finally at one point got him to understand they do not change color of things, just cuts the glare. That accomplishment was quickly lost. I am going to phone them and complain. Not to mention both clip-on pairs do not fit these glasses very well - they will rub against the lenses and won't be long before they are scratched.
While writing this he is up looking for the clip-on. I told him he does not need them because his new glasses are regular and change to sunglasses when he goes outside. Him "they do" Oh, OK" and sat down with a puzzled look on his face. Things like this show me what more he has lost. Guess maybe good in a way this happened.
Charlotte, so sorry the professionals don't listen...just makes our jobs harder day to day. I know this is hard, particularly since you have your own health problems and you live in "the great outdoors". I know it's hard to believe now but there will come a time when you look back and think "how good he was". As my husband declines, I miss the days when we could at least communicate at a basic level.
I took off on an adventure with my granddaughter on Tuesday and got back yesterday. What was really great about it was it was just a spur of the moment thing, something I haven't been able to do in years. It felt really good to just go and I came back feeling 'awake'. Something I haven't been in a long time.
Charlotte - Always listen to your gut....if it doesn't feel right then it isn't. Something better will come along that suits you just right.