On my post in the threat August 2014 I wrote about cleaning up all his stuff and it has got me thinking....What do I want to keep and what do I want to get rid of? Good question which has made me sit down and ponder over what do I want my future to look like.
Do I want to keep my gardening stuff....how much was the garden something I like to do and how much was it something I thought I had to do? Now that I'm alone and he isn't there to help...he was a big help and enjoyed gardening but do I enjoy it that much to do it all alone.....no! I didn't put in a garden this year and didn't miss it but hate looking at the mess the garden turned into. Plus I don't cook or eat like I used to so why do something unless I really enjoy it. All my canning jars and stuff is the same thing....am I ever going to do it again? Probably not.
Recreational equipment.... the boat...do I like fishing - no, do I even like fish - no. So sell it and the motors - yes The kayaks are something I do and really enjoy doing. So sell - no. Skiing - down hill haven't done it in the last 10 years and can't see me ever doing it. Sell - yes x-country skies - haven't been able to do very much of it but would like to get back at it. sell - no.
and the list goes on.....this is now the next step in my life transitions that I am facing. What do I really enjoy doing compared to something I could take it or leave it. Purging, I find, is very freeing.
How about the rest of the members....how is your transition going? And what is it looking like?
Don't know if this is what you mean…DH is still with us…but to make room in this little house for all the medical equipment and supplies, I've donated a lot of his clothes that I am 100 % certain he will never wear again, as well as his books and CDs that he will never read or listen to again. (If he could hear, I would keep the CDs, but he is very deaf, and it's no use trying to play his music for him anymore).
There are a few members that have either put there LO into care or they have passed over the last year and I was wondering what their new life was shaping into. What activities they are now doing because they really like it and what they dropped and how much stuff we have that when we sit down and think about it we realize we will never use it again and let it go....purg.
But it is all interesting the changes we are all making trying to keep "us" alive no matter where we are in this journey.
Amber, great discussion. My DH now lives in an ALF and as soon as I placed him I did some cleaning & purging and rearranged the house to suit me. Once done, I realized that I'd effectively erased him from our home. Purging seemed so final it freaked me out. So i put a few mementoes back and haven't done much since.
Your other question about what I enjoy doing as opposed to things I did because "we" did them; I find that I'm not sure what I enjoy - other than gardening. So, I'm trying to let inspiration come to me. I've looked at some volunteer opportunities and may take the plunge and get myself involved with some long-term volunteering in the school district. I've joined a choir because I do love to sing and it gets me out of the house. I am writing my "Bucket List" ... and then we'll see if I'm brave enough to complete those list items.
Actually, my day-to-day life is pretty boring. I worked full-time for many years and left a couple of years ago to take care of my DH. Now that he is in ALF, I do nothing, then go to visit him, then come home & do a lot more nothing. I'm not interested in another relationship & don't feel much need right now to socialize with people. I know that this cannot go on for much longer (it's already been more than 1 year) so I'm looking for a purpose for the rest of my life. As Emily recently advised in the Widows discussion, I'm going to try to be patient and wait for inspiration to come. Hopefully, when it comes I won't be so lazy that I'll take a pass!
Great discussion as this is precisely what I am dealing with -- the question of what do I really want to do now that my 24/7 care taking is behind me. He was placed a year ago and since he has been placed I have done a couple things. I went back to my Monday night knit group. I had quit for a year. They welcomed me back and I realize even though I am not real close to these women I need the socialization. I also was in a short program at my church as I love spiritual things and that was good. I have reconnected with a girl from high school via face time plus I did rearrange my living room after he was placed. Since I have a condo I do not have yard work. I put in a few tomato plants and that was about it. I work from home and I know I am blessed to be able to earn a little money and so that is pretty much how I spend my days. I did adjust my exercise routine somewhat which was a change as I realized I was getting tired of driving to the gym every day so now work out 3x a week from home. I visit him 2x a week. I also babysit for my grandsons if I can and I still have my 92 year old mother who lives 75 miles away. I visit when I can. I attend one support group a month and it is geared towards helping those move on with their life after placement or the loved one has passed. I guess that about covers it. I am hoping the second year will be even better for me. Placing him was the best thing for me and him. He has adjusted pretty well.
This is a really good discussion topic. For me, cleaning and purging has been emotionally easier while Sid is still alive, but living in the nursing home. If I waited until he died, I think it would be too difficult. With him still living, I can convince myself that it's more like regular spring cleaning - giving the clothes to Goodwill that neither of us will be wearing again. Moving his electric lift chair out of the den was part of my redecorating project, rather than waiting to remove it when he dies. Silly little mind games, but for me it's working.
Amber, I have started to do some purging even though my DH still lives at home with me. I have to be careful to do this when he is not around (like when he is at Day center) but I have already removed from sight things that he used in the kitchen (he loved to cook) that I just will never use. And some stuff from his room - fly tying equipment and supplies, for example. And for me, I am taking a hard look at everything in the house, and deciding NOW if I would want it later when I am living on my own either here or somewhere else. I want to stay here as long as possible, but if I have to sell the house to provide funds to pay for a facility for my DH in the future I don't want to be left scrambling. So I am slowly purging now. I am re reading all the books in our collection, and then either donating them to the local thrift shop, or giving them to our DD. I don't want to have to move those books again. I love to garden, so that stays. The boat and motor are already gone. In the past couple of weeks I have started to purge the basement of "stuff" we haven't used in the past few years. I figure its all easier to do now, when my emotions aren't so involved in the decision of what to keep and what to dispose of. I do have a rough idea of what I want my future to look like, and I am trying to stay involved in those activities that hold my interest while still caring for my DH, so that I will have them when my DH is no longer part of my daily life. Not an easy task, but one that I feel that I must do in order to come out alive on the other end of this.
In 2 weeks, Clare will have been in her assisted living facility for one full year. I did nothing around the house for the first 6 months, but then after a weeklong bout of serious depression I made myself a "To Do" list. The first thing I did was replace our queen sized bed with a regular size bed. That large bed without Clare beside me each night was really getting to me, so it had to go. I also got a new wide screen TV. I also methodically started going through our house, room by room, to get rid of Clare's stuff that she would never use again, stuff I will never use, and to make the house more 'workable' for me. Packing up most of Clare's clothing to donate was a no-brainer. But I set aside some of her clothing, along with all jewelry, kitchen utensils, books, and other stuff for our children and grandchildren to look at ... and whatever they didn't want was donated or discarded. I just finished the upstairs of our high ranch this week and next week will start on the downstairs. So far I've placed all 'personal stuff' (cards, letters, pictures, etc.) in a pile in my closet. One of these days I'll go through that pile as well and decide what to keep or discard. I haven't touched anything hanging on any walls, and probably won't. I do my cleaning in random bursts of energy ... sometimes I "attack" a room and go through it in one day; sometimes it may take me 2 weeks to completely 'purge' a room, and sometimes I may not feel like doing another room for a month. I don't feel any pressure to get this done asap, but I do want to finish going through the downstairs sometime before the end of the year. As for my activities, a few months ago I returned to the gym 3x/week, bowling 3x/week, and I plan to start golfing again next month for the first time in about 4 years. Since I still visit Clare each day, travel and some other activities of the past are still off the table.
""I want to stay here as long as possible, but if I have to sell the house to provide funds to pay for a facility for my DH in the future I don't want to be left scrambling""
Bonnie - In BC they take 80% of his taxable income for payment in LTC or NH so it's his CPP and OAS. His VAC pension isn't taxable so isn't touched and the GIS which is spousal isn't either. Is it different in Quebec? I know that I could survive on what is left from his pensions but I would like to live so went back to work part time. Also Assisted Living is different....that I would have to pay for but with the later stages of dementia they won't take them. Also if he is getting a pension from VAC after a fight they will cover any equipment and supplies not supplied by the facility. All his meds are covered by BC medical now and not my benefit plan.
One of the weird experiences I had was when I was sorting through his clothes I kept, I put together one of his suits with a shirt and tie. When I was hanging it up in the closet it struck me what I was doing.....I was hanging up the outfit he would be cremated in.
Which got me going on the other thing I am trying to do, go and make his funeral arrangements....small town, funeral home not always open....as some other member have written - do it ahead of time so when it happens it's a lot easier on us.
It is difficult for me to clean and purge while my wife is living in an ALF. While I believe that she should not return to the house there is always the chance she might. Plus I feel while she is alive it is still our house.
I did make a major reorganization to our basement but I didn't move her jigsaw puzzle collection. Our 1st and 2nd floors (including the bedroom) are cluttered with boxes of her stuff and furniture she could take when she moved from one ALF to another. I should start moving the boxes to under the slot car table in the basement but the furniture is another issue. What if I need to move her again and I need the furniture for her?
My. DH is still home with me. Our daughter. Nc her husband are buying a house, so we have a lot of their stuff while they lived in an apartment. As soon as they move their things I am going to start purging. I am giving them a lot of DH's tools and yard equipment. Then what they do not want I will donate or sell. So starting this fall will start purging. I am ready! I too do not want to wait if I need to sell the house. But do plan on selling as soon as DH is placed.
I have been actively resisting purging....I just am not able to deal with it emotionally, but it needs to get done. All his suits and work clothes from a decade ago no longer fit but are in great condition. They are taking up valuable closet space. and I should do it now while he's alive because I absolutely know I will not be able to do it once he's gone. I hope I have a choice about keeping/selling the house, but even if I do to start the purging then will just be overwhelming in addition to the grief. Everything is so hard about this disease...perhaps I can find the gumption to start and will feel better without the stuffed closets and clutter in our lives. When I start he can't be home (he still lives with me) because NOTHING will be purgd!
Having moved many times throughout the last 43 years (over 40 times), I have always had to get rid of stuff. When we moved into the motorhome 10 years ago, much had to go. We did keep a lot and had it stored at my oldest sister's. then we got rid of more a few years ago after my sister had her stroke and moved about 10 tubs to my younger sister's. The rest is gone or in the motorhome. We have 7 bays in the motorhome that are full of his junk: tools he refuses to get rid of mostly. I had wanted him to unload it all this summer, separate the wrenches, drill bits, sockets, etc by size, then keep two complete sets. It was too hot and my surgery put the squash on that project. His clothes - last summer I got some of those bags you fill up then suction out and put most all his dress clothes that were in the closet. They are stored where the cat litter use to be. He does not miss them at all. I also did it to my clothes I not longer wear and/or fit into. My biggest problem is quilts my grandmother made that I can't use on the bed cause he does not like the weight. He prefers the lighter comforters.
I kept some of my canning jars - just can't part with them all. I use some to store things in because they work out great for that. I buy old fashioned peanut butter - after mixing it, I split it up into pint jars. I even still lug my pressure cooker around. I miss gardening but since we are parked in one spot I am container gardening - one tomato plant and 5 containers with flowers. Next summer if it warrants I will get a couple more tomato plants and maybe a pepper.
I have new glasses coming but they will not be here for 4 weeks or so (medicaid is slow but not as slow as the 3 months the VA takes). I am hoping I will be able to see well enough to resume my cross stitch (6 point font is hard to read now).
Yes, Quebec is different from BC in terms of how they assess what you have to pay for NH and LTC. I wish that all they would take would be his CPP, OAS and GIS, because I could probably make do on my own resources, but what I understand from investigating this is that they take all of our assets into consideration, not just his pensions, to determine what the monthly premium will be, including our property. Which means we pay the maximum. And I could not afford to pay that and still live unless I sell some property. Where we currently live is the most valuable and would be easiest to sell because it is waterfront. And who knows, by then I might be ready to move into town.
ALF would be less expensive, but by the time I am ready to place my DH I don't think that they would accept him as he would need more care than they can provide.
So, back to purging. I'll be doing a lot more this fall when I have my respite each month, and DH isn't around to question what I am getting rid of. I am going to wait until he is placed to worry about funeral arrangements. I at least know what he wants in terms of a funeral, and we only have one funeral home in the area, so practically its not going to be difficult, just emotionally.
For me the first round of purging was easy-stuff Bill would never use or wear again. Second round-things he collected that I wasn't interested in and our kids didn't want. That was harder. Third round-mementos of things and places we enjoyed together-still stuffed in crates in all the closets. I have plenty of room and there they will stay.
The first thing I purge is the garbage that holds me back. Not the real things - the gargoyles that come with dementia spousing.
The first thing I keep is my guiding spirit where apparently even those that don't subscribe still get one and I'm unbelievably indebted to it. It tells me not to worry too much about 'stuff' and instead to find toys to play with and things to care about because (the gargoyle looks up above it hornrimmed glasses in a fatherly way) apparently I count too.
The next thing I purge is the garbage holding me back from purging the garbage. Guilt. Up yours! There's only one person on the planet (except for neanderthals) that doesn't know I earned not feeling any guilt ever again and that's me. You know I shouldn't feel guilty and I know you shouldn't feel guilty but there's a blind spot the size of a planet inbetween.
The next thing I keep is lazer beams shooting out of my frigging eyes to smite the needy. Not the neanderthals hunting real feelings and emotions - but my own demons.
[The beat up spouse so pitifully treated that the entire audience tears up just looking at the bent figure who struggles with finding a little flint and dry moss to start a tiny fire inside and can't steady their shaking fingers...ZZZAP! Lazer beams shoot the jackals of doom which evaporate into yesterday's news AND materializes a crackling bonfire like it's self empowered to appear at will.]
Next I announce it's a national holiday the rest of my life and whether I have to grub for money or I can wipe my bum with it - doesn't really enter into whether I can put my feet up, look around, and flip through a magazine feeling ok about things. The person who feels that is rich and that kind of feeling costs nothing except...what?
Right on, Wolf. If only I could allow myself the freedom you seem to have. Slowly, ever so slowly I am allowing myself to do what I want to or to do nothing if I want to. Even that requires discipline I've found.
My dh best friend stepped in right after 10/2/12 and sold all the workshop and yard equipment (except the decrepit lawn tractor). Clothes I finally gave away after about a year. Office stuff still not gone through. Can't bear it when I find anything he wrote on. Goofy but that's the way I am. Just finished clearing my sister's apt. in ALF and most is in my garage so I'll have that to go through. Hard to get rid of her belongings when she is still living although there is zero chance she'll ever need any of it again. Eventually I'll get it done or my kids can earn their inheritance by getting rid of the stuff after I'm gone.
I have been doing it in stages. Starting from the time Jeff lost his knowledge of what stuff he had, where it was, and why, I reduced clutter. When he moved to the ALF, I reduced more, thinking that I would move sooner or later. Now he's been gone a while, and the "after" life has surprised me with a new life-partner. I'm transitioning, from the house standpoint. Mine is under contract of sale, but we won't close until next summer.
Meanwhile, I must examine each object in my house, and determine whether it goes with me into the smaller house we're getting ready, or goes somewhere else. No putting these decisions off--I'm dealing with every object I come to. There's a give-away pile forming, a throw-away-RIGHT-NOW category, and a more organized collection of things to bring.
The more difficult part is that my 4 kids (all in their 20s,) will need to figure out if they want any of the objects they left behind when they set out for independent quarters, or whether they plan to leave it for me to deal with as I will.
I will have to get some PODS or some other form of paid storage for furniture that I don't have room for but that the kids will want later, when they have more space.
I have about 10 months, and it feels like I'll need every day of it!
This has been the hardest part for me. Kathryn has been gone for almost a year and a half now. What I do is easy. I am playing golf again, attending my Masonic Lodge meetings again, and have gotten back into magic an am doing magic shows again. But even with all that I am still bored most of the time. I miss Kathryn more now than I missed her the first year. I am still in love with her and think of her all the time. We were both going to retire at the end of this year and start just enjoying life and the closer it gets to the end of the year the harder it is.
The hard part. Getting rid of stuff. I still have a 3,000 square foot house sitting filled with stuff I can't let go of because it is stuff that she loved so much and took so much pleasure out of. I have had offers for it and I just tell them it isn't for sell. I pay taxes, maintenance and electric bills to keep it up. But I just can't let it go. I feel like it would be like putting a price on Kathryn's life.
It isn't quite as hard for me, because we downsized when we moved from NY to the Heartland in December, 2012. That was when it was really difficult--a lot was sold at auction and a lot went to the Goodwill. But we were downsizing because of a move, not because of Alzheimers…at least, not directly. Now my challenge is not to let this little house fill up with a bunch of junk…I don't understand where junk comes from…I think it is alive in some way, like amoebae…just keeps reproducing itself by cellular division or something…when I am not looking and not thinking about it. Then I open a closet or a drawer, and it's like…Aaaugh--where did all this junk come from?
I am not a great keeper of "stuff". My husband is...or...was! Now I have loads of it and I will unload it w/o any problem at all. To be honest, I found myself a little resentful of all the collections. The amt of time, sentiment and money spent on it all. Then it would be locked away out of sight for fear that someone would steal it. So, my point was, why invest in all the precious stuff when you couldn't even enjoy it for fear of someone else's lust/sticky fingers? I am a people person, he was not. I am much more invested in people, relationships and living and loving in the moment. Well, I USED to be! I will not purge while he is living out of respect for him. I will not have any problem with it later.
We downsized to a condo a year before he was diagnosed. I have purged stuff along the way because he never knew the difference. I am not a collector of stuff and have no place to store it anyway so that helps.
Emily, close friends of ours just moved from their cluttered home of 50 years into a much smaller apartment in a progressive care community when the husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia and the wife felt she could no longer manage everything alone, but they're making the transition very "gracefully" by hanging onto the old home for an indefinite interval. This has spared them the necessity and urgency of making quick and final decisions about getting rid of treasured stuff that is surplus to their basic needs in their new environment, and as time goes on and as they acclimate more to their new lifestyle, I’m pretty sure that there will be less and less thought about the “stuff” left behind – “stuff” that seemed so important in their old home environment but is less so now. Out of sight, out of mind, so to speak. The utilities are still on and both of their out-of-state kids are making periodic visits and being urged to take home any household furnishings they can use or keepsakes that they’d like to have, so that’s working out well for them. And in their case I’m pretty sure that a good case can be made for this also being a financially responsible decision -– housing prices continue to recover, so the increasing resale value of their home is likely offsetting the costs of continuing to pay for taxes and insurance and utilities and maintenance. With ten months before final sale of your home, couldn't you do something similar?
My advice is IF your situation allows it, do the purging in stages. While my husband was still at home, and we had paid caregivers, they helped me purge his stuff as he no longer needed it (as in, his business suits). Then, once he moved into a facility and I downsized last fall from a house to an apartment, I was able to store some stuff while I decide what housing to buy. What I realize now is when I visit the storage unit is that even furniture that I thought I wanted to keep because it was sentimental, no longer is when it is not in my house of over 20 years. So it is now easy to purge at the storage unit!
Also, whenever I was able to resell some stuff, like my husband's very nice hunting guns, I used the funds for a "good cause"---for example, while my youngest daughter was in college, that is what the $$$ went to. By the time I started selling his clothes, I sold them at a nice resale shop---and I used the credit to buy clothes he needs now. In fact, the storeowner will still call me when she gets some of the shirts he wears in his size.
Finally, for what it is worth, whenever I was selling/disposing of his stuff, I used the opportunity to educate people on this disease---my husband was diagnosed at 53---and people could not have been nicer and more helpful. For example, when I got his guns appraised, the store refused to charge me once they heard the situation.
Hi texasmom, I am in the process of selling my husband's hunting guns right now. A relative (on my side of the family) who hunts urged me to offer them as gifts to my husband's sons - said this was traditional. But since his sons have not observed the tradition of checking on the status of their elderly and terminally ill father, I figured I'd throw tradition out the window and just sell them. I'm going to use the money to pay for my husband's care.
BTW, I know what you mean about how furniture -- even stuff you like -- looks in a storage unit. As soon as you take stuff out of your house, it starts to look like junk.
Myrtle You are so right about it looking like junk once it is out of the house. And I agree. The kids that come around and see their dad will have a choice of things. The others, well they will not know I am purging because they do not call or come by. I am not calling to tell them. My DH has two that check in maybe every 3 months. But mainly to tell me how busy they are.
In Ontario we pay for the room we rent. Basic can be two people in a room with a toilet and sink in a private room, semi-private is a room with one person and a shared bath with two people using it or it can be a private bath. Private is one person in a room with a bath room with a sink and toilet. private rooms are sometimes bigger with the best view. every bath is a room with a door and it has a separate storage area for each of them. These rooms start at 1500. plus change and the semi's are 1705.00 and the privates are 2250.09. I am giving you close prices as I don't have the forms with each exact cost in front of me. You decide what level room you want and that is what you pay. These prices are set by the Government and are usually raised every two years or so. if you have insurance for your meds then you pay. I don't know what happens if you don't have it.These are the prices for all across Ontario. I think if you are in a privately owned residence there are added costs such as kleenex etc.
We have an involuntary separation that means I can get OAS supplement and i still have access to Kevans's pensions and he applied for disability tax credit. We can still split our pensions. I also get a small supplement from the Ontario Government. When Kevan is passed I will loose a number of these benefits but I should be alright.
Service Canada is a great information place.
Bonnie and Amber
I don't know your ages so I have no idea if any of these things apply for you but if you wish you can look into them anyway.
Jazzy, I am only 62 so I don't qualify for pension splitting. And DH has no pension other than CPP and OAS (with GIS), so even if I could split it wouldn't help. And in Quebec, married couples cannot file tax separately - everything is joint. I do get the Disability tax credit (Federal and Quebec) on behalf of my DH which helps, however, when I do place my DH it may be more beneficial to claim involuntary separation.
The prices you are quoting are comparable to those in Quebec for non subsidized LTC rooms in facilities that are run as not for profit or are government run. The for profit facilities cost quite a bit more and are totally out of the question for our situation.
In the meantime, I am continuing the purge. Slowly. This week I cleaned out the shed - gave some stuff to a neighbor and the rest of the stuff I don't want to keep is going to the dump this weekend when my DS is up to help.
There are a number of pages of info. You can also call " Service Canada" and they will give you the info. Also Revenue Canada will help explain it. Hope this helps. Bonnie check it out as well as there may be something there for you.
Since we're all spring chickens the CPP survivors benefit may come into play. In all honesty I've never gone through it in detail but maybe I'll take a peek on the weekend because I bet it ends up applying to one of us 60 somethings.
In October next year I get a raise. I start collecting my OAS (old age security). Dianne is almost 2 years away and if she can pull this off and get one single dollar, I'll applaud her. I'll be looking in more detail at OAS/CPP payouts. I may as well try and stay ahead and not end up finding out under duress. Whatever I find that seems applicable I'll share.
I do have comments about purging but I'm going to stick them in the August 2014 thread for future reasons.
I'm absolutely serious when I tell you I have a new goal that came to me late last night and the second I said it I sat there with my mouth open realizing I had suddenly spoken the words. I'm done with feeling sorry for us.
I'm in my fifties and not eligible for early CPP and I worry that by filing I'll get buggered with the GIS. I did try to find out what it meant on the gov't web site and printed up the forms but I'm not will to change anything until I get all the facts. Like if I get part of his pension then does that decrease his taxable pension amount which means that it lowers the NH cost? BC apparently has the best system for helping families paying for their LO in care but the gov't is soon to change the rules.....figures.
Wolf I would be interested in anything you learn....give me a call eh. You still got my phone number? or I can call you.
Jazzy, I lived in Ontario most of my life. And, IMHO, Quebec treats its seniors a lot better than Ontario does. Of course, we are also the province with $7 a day day care for toddlers, so it seems reasonable that the province looks after the needs of its population at both ends of the age spectrum. And, when I send my dH to day care, its only $6 per day, and they pick him up at the door, and feed him lunch! We also get a break on our income tax for respite care, which, as far as I know, is not the case in the rest of Canada. So, I know you were teasing, but I think that even with the language issue, (for everyone outside of Canada who may be reading this it is beneficial when dealing with government agencies in Quebec if one has at least a rudimentary understanding of Quebec French, not to be confused with the French spoken anywhere else in the world, particularly France) we are better off here in Quebec than we would be in Ontario.
Wolf, I am interested in hearing about your new goal. We need to be goal oriented in order to survive.
Amber, what do you know about the rules in BC changing for LTC? My husband is 61 and only placed 2 days ago. He receives a CPP disablilty which is a lot less than the provincial minimum rate for a subsidized bed. So....they tell me, that the next thing I have to do is the involuntary separation, then apply for provincial disablity based on his income only. Then once he has this designation, his LTC rate will drop by about $200.00 a month. Crossing my fingers on this working for me otherwise I will be in the poor house.
Charlotte, Bottom line I don't think it's that different. We pay higher taxes across the board in federal, state, and VAT but we don't worry about what an operation costs. In the area of entitlements it's more similar with different terminology. We have 401k/RSP type stuff, we have government pension which workers pay into and then draw from depending on what their history of employment shows they paid into it, and then we have various programs that are meant to help those in certain situations.
Bottom line on dementia nursing homes is that they are provincially set in price and if you don't have the money the state will take all your assets and put you on an allowance but pay for the NH which I believe is similar to programs in the USA.
And it's probably similar too that the schmucks in the middle pay more. I get about 5000 a year in help because my wife is disabled and I can claim the NH costs but I'm still paying 30k a year all in where I only spent 28,500 last year running the rest of my entire life.
The beaurocracy is expanding to meet the needs of the expanding beaurocracy.
Wolf - different here....I pay a little under $1000 p/month 80% of his income....... and I get most if it back on my income tax. Plus I'm wondering if I do involuntary separation if that will lower his taxable income and then I will pay even less. Now the NH he is in is attached to the hospital and all his meds and supplies are covered by BC medical. Will that make a difference? They never looked into our assets....hadn't heard of that. Mind you each province is different and I believe BC isn't doing that yet. I Will give you a call....you poor bugger!!!!
abauche - As you read the above you can see what my rate is. I went through the community health nurse for his placement but the forms I signed would be the same you did. Also they did need to know what my taxable income was for each year which made a difference. I try to keep it low so I'm not working to give the money away to the gov't. Are you working or retired? That makes a difference and I'm not 60. I hope that helps.
In my husband's last year and the one following his death, I occupied myself with divesting our house of most of our belongings, demanding that the kids take what they want, now or never, and giving away and selling almost all of our posessions, paring down to what was really important to ME, not what my husband or kids had liked or for that matter what we had inherited that I'd tolerated over the years..
This was a freeing experience for me, and allowed me to move into a condo half the size of our old house without feeling hamstrung by others' expectations. I've found that I have a decorating style that I like.. and it's the one I've ALWAYS liked, basically Danish modern, or, as today would have it, Midcentury Modern! Helps that the old furniture I did keep was teak and walnut and very stylish again!
I moved, with my adult daughter, into a retirement community in Maine, and we've been here two years now, almost to the day. I still feel extremely lucky that we found it.. it has everything we could want or need. I would encourage anyone who might want to relocate to consider making such a move if you're over 55 and have anything left after you sell your homestead!! It is true people die off here. But it's also true that they have been living long and comfortable lives - it seems like most of the ones who die are well over 90!! Any vestiges of ageism I might have had before moving in (I was 77 at the time) are long gone. I can be more physically active, more intellectually challenged, more socially involved here than I was in my old neighborhood.
Joan, I think it is true, if our LO is in the NH and we have to take things to them and back again, and as sizes may change etc, it is easier to sort through many things when our LO is still with us. I used to think if I had had to place my husband I would have time to clean out the closet of things that he can't use now etc...but then he died and everything seems more precious even a slip of paper with his handwriting on it. I have been sorting slowly through so much and found many treasures..like the valentine he drw for me 4 years ago...or the birthday card where he put a hundred dollar bill in it. or his knee board when he flew missions...things like that. The closet it in tact... But one thing I have had to do is the kitchen light fixtures..needed to be done...bad balasts..Now I am putting in a new patio and driveway because the plants and everything has suffered so badly in our drought. I'll be back to finish the files and clearing the garage later when I can get the van out after all the landscape work is done. I am at a standstill with that for now. And so I'll take on another area.. And today I just got back from a weekend in Phoenix with my eldest daughter. We had a great time..and it was my first trip anywhere in 3 years and first since my status changed to widow ( still want to puke at the sound of that word) Thing i I miss my Ozzie more now than at first and that was a whole lot then..it is amplified now.
Baby steps, Mimi. And, that's ok. I've been forced to take giant steps. And, that's ok, too. Sold almost everything in my house, donated, gave away, house sold in 8 months, moving out of state (tonight is the last night here where we lived for 21 years). Moving from an 8 room, 100 yr. old Victorian to a 2/2. A definite change for me.
No matter whether we change things slowly or quickly - we do move on - sometimes kicking and screaming - but it will happen.