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    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeOct 5th 2016 edited
     
    Glad you told me about your big screen set up.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeNov 12th 2016
     
    The music is a bit disjointed and the ending is a bit weak but if you want to go for a ride of what some people are doing this is ten minutes well spent.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygQDUv2OFRk
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeNov 19th 2016
     
    If you are 91 today then you were probably born in 1925.

    That would mean you were born when the USA only had electricity in it's cities where rural areas and many small towns didn't have electricity.

    That would mean you were born just 40 years or so after indoor plumbing started being available where cities like Chicago began spending money on water and sewer systems starting around 1885.

    That could mean you grew up without a telephone which began spreading out in the 1870's, fifty years before you were born.

    It means the idea of using traffic lights and having rules cars must follow was still being shoved down peoples throats against massive resistance to those ideas.

    It means the idea that doctors should wash their hands hadn't been around more than a few decades where the idea of germs was quite new.

    Looking forwards, it means you lived long enough to see telephones become obsolete and electricty being able to be taken directly from the sun, where the idea that free trade was ideal began to end (starting in January), and where humans became aware they are the most powerful force on earth surpassing even what all weather and all geological events does. Humans now move more earth around than all such events combined.

    Learning that absolutely everything changes all the time where now no generation lives the world of the generation before or the generation after and that the primary force on this planet has become us, is the millennial generation's lot. Living their whole life knowing that's true is what their children will experience.

    Subsequent generations will know you can't just take more water, fish more, dig more, cut down more trees, or add more fertilizer because you still turn soil into sand and still wreck the water within a few generations.

    It's in the 21st century that humankind learns it must manage the full cycles of things and must find sufficiency within those limits - or die because there is nowhere new to expand to.

    That is the most hopeful and optimistic thing I can imagine for all the generations that follow the learning of that truth.

    Faces of Earth - A Human World

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkrsKC0QI-s
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeNov 24th 2016
     
    Here's the last one in this particular story line of our earth. All of the parts I posted here were produced by different people. Only you will experience the narrative in exactly this way.

    This one tells the story of how we are just right in the goldilocks zone of this system (where water can be present in all three states).

    The mind might ask how such a set of circumstances could be created without intent but that just proves you can never underestimate the sentient being's mind to see things in terms of themselves. The truth is that only where such circumstances exist, would there be a sentient being asking the questions.

    Long ago I wrote a bit about two people looking at the stars. "Look at all the stars out there. Do you think there could be life on any of them?", asks the first one. "Well lets see we know of one star and it has life on it." Answers the other. Sentient beings are aware of themselves in the thing and it's likely no matter where they are they would largely interpret their existence as something special and important going on. It's wired in self perception that continued existence is the primary goal.

    The truth as I've explained is that no sun anywhere can turn hydrogen into anything more than iron. That is a limiter determined by physics which I've also explained is universal in it's application across the known universe. But you have copper in your blood and that simply must come from an event of immense power such as a super nova many hundreds of millions of years before our solar system began.

    It's when we get outside our base programming that we come to the understanding that we are not and the earth is not made up of unusual stuff nor of stuff that is unique to here. We are not children of the earth. We are children of the universe and have bits of earlier universe within us. When a super nova goes, it obliterates dozens and hundreds of sun systems around it, turning many of them into dust. That dust is blown light years across that galaxy until circumstance causes an area of dust to start attracting and as more and more dust gravitates together, the center heats up and often ignites. The hydrogen atoms fuse into helium and a new star is born. Look up nebulae and stellar nursery. We are tracking new star formation in them as we speak.

    I've told your future. Our solar system won't explode. But there are dozens of potential super nova stars around us with the potential power to start us around again and with luck some of your future molecules will end up on another star system and maybe it will have a stable goldilocks planet and perhaps one day a sentient being will look at the stars and wonder if there is life out there and then if the molecule you once used could speak - then you could tell that being their future.

    Earth Story - A World Apart

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1kd5njxX_w


    Optional - look up a periodic table. Find Iron in the upper middle (Fe for Ferrous) and take a look at all the stuff that with certainty doesn't come from around these parts.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeDec 12th 2016
     
    Well, I would say it's time to bring all the geology programs and the talk of astronomy together into the most beautiful journey of our milky way galaxy.

    Remember that since we're inside our galaxy, when we look at a dark sky and see the thick wavy stripes running across the sky, we are looking through our own galaxy edge on. Above and below our spiral plane, we can see in our own view that there are less stars above and below the plane of our galaxy.

    Also, when we look at the pictures of other galaxies and of nebulae inside our own, there are some bright big stars in the picture. Those stars are between us. In the case of other galaxies we're looking past the stars in our own galaxy, then across a vast distance of largely empty space, and then way out there is the other galaxy we're looking at.

    This is an hour and a half long. It's as beautifully done as it is informative. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

    Inside The Milky Way

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttz4Sr0tZFg
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJan 13th 2017
     
    I haven't heard from you recently.

    I've been thinking about time and myself and what all this means. What kind of vitality and exuberance is in life that it does all this? I sit in Ontario talking to someone in Florida sending some thoughts and music knowing we've been in the same war, are looking into the same night sky, and speaking at least for myself, don't have a clue what's going on.

    I think of Sidney Carton who didn't exist except in the mind of Charles Dickens who wrote him changing places with his brother even though he had not previously been a noble man and taking his place at the guillotine in the aftermath of the French revolution saying, "it is a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done". In ways I never dreamed of, I understand more of what he meant. The hardest thing of my life is the best thing I have ever done too. Not as artsy, but I'm willing to bet not something Sidney Carton could have done. A sacrifice yes; but not one that takes years of persevering pain to accomplish.

    I'm including a song. I debated putting it up. I heard it in the background of a car commercial and looked it up. The structure is odd until I thought about what it is to live with an old yearning and what defines that experience. Repetition. Do-si-do, around we go.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yRFWlztwrY

    Asaf Avidan and the mojos - Reckoning Song

    One of the most powerful ways this kind of thought was expressed was by Johnny Cash who re-did a punk rock band's song his own way. It is a strong thing but it goes against my own grain in one way. He is angry that his empire of dirt is ending and is ripped up by everyone going away in the end. I visited that place and spent some time there but I did not stay. I know that feeling and I get that feeling. It's a waste of time. When it looks for me it will find me; that was always true; and no effort on my part is required.

    The things I lose that sear right through my heart and soul makes me family in all of life and not a singled out victim. Every person who has ever lived and who lives now and who will ever live all share this with me. It's the way of it. And only the fortunate truly suffer at the thought of it all ending; a testament of truth like no other that the life we otherwise struggle in, is actually dearly held.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt1Pwfnh5pc

    Johnny Cash - Hurt

    I hope you're doing well.
    • CommentAuthorMoon*
    • CommentTimeJan 15th 2017
     
    Hi George,

    How are you?
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJan 16th 2017 edited
     
    Yes George, how are you?
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeFeb 26th 2017
     
    A flashmob as I've explained before is a group that surprises an unsuspecting audience with an unanticipated performance. It's one of the things people do.

    Friedrich Schiller was a poet around 1800. He wrote one that he later felt was 'detached from reality' and wasn't very good. In English it's translation is this:

    Joy, beautiful spark of divinity,
    Daughter from Elysium,
    We enter, drunk with fire,
    Heavenly One, thy sanctuary!
    Your magics join again
    What custom strictly divided;
    All people become brothers,
    Where your gentle wing abides.

    Who has succeeded in the great attempt,
    To be a friend's friend,
    Whoever has won a lovely woman,
    Add his to the jubilation!
    Indeed, who calls even one soul
    Theirs upon this world!
    And whoever never managed, shall steal himself
    Weeping away from this union.

    All creatures drink of joy
    At nature's breast.
    Just and unjust
    Alike taste of her gift;
    She gave us kisses and the fruit of the vine,
    A tried friend to the end.
    [Even] the worm has been granted sensuality,
    And the cherub stands before God!

    Gladly, as His heavenly bodies fly
    On their courses through the heavens,
    Thus, brothers, you should run your race,
    As a hero going to conquest.

    You millions, I embrace you.
    This kiss is for all the world!
    Brothers, above the starry canopy
    There must dwell a loving Father.
    Do you fall in worship, you millions?
    World, do you know your creator?
    Seek him in the heavens;
    Above the stars must He dwell.

    It's not very good as poetry really and we can see why he thought it would never amount to anything.

    Except a local composer liked it and even though he was by then stone deaf, he used it in his last full symphony, his ninth.

    Here is a flashmob in Minneapolis playing a shortened version of Beethoven's ninth in part, "Ode To Joy":

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIiTdsvCjYo

    Beethoven wrote the music but he used Schiller's poem for the words in what has become the planets most widely loved piece of music.

    The entire Beethoven's ninth symphony played by the London Philharmonic Orchestra. One hour and five minutes.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3217H8JppI
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeFeb 27th 2017
     
    Thank you, Wolf, for this gem.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMar 11th 2017
     
    And one more time....

    The Beatles last album was Abbey Road. It has a medley in it that speaks to my story; Golden Slumbers ("once there was a way back home"), Carry That Weight ("boy you're going to carry that weight a long time"), and The End ("and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make"). This is the remastered version. The visuals are the day of the photo shoot crossing Abbey Road back and forth until they got that shot that became an icon.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qrDlRsARwk

    The Beatles, Abbey Road, Carry That Weight
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 31st 2017
     
    In reply to posting your video on the May 2017 thread:

    Very well done. That's your best production so far I believe. I saw the sad version. This is good although I like the artist of the sad version. The footage is so self teaching, the music and the words of the music in the final version blend perfectly into promoting ideas and thoughts about life. That's a quality piece of work I might have put up here if I had seen that version first.

    When we let ourselves get out of the way and see that all of this phantasmagorical kaleidoscope, all the things and all the colors and all the sounds, all the silliness and anger, the love and the worship, the selfnessness and the insatiable greed - are all what space dust does when it has a chance.

    The vitality and the expression and the humor and the love are in the atoms themselves just as the anger and the hurt, the disappointments and the achings are. Whether the creation of this universe is caused by exactly how we see things or whether things work quite different from what anyone has realized so far, the creator used a coherent set of physics when the dust became us and danced and cried for a time.

    The bear knows that the crow is there and is ignoring it. The crow looks at the bear exhausted and gets it. He probably could have flown away but he didn't. This was where he was safe to recover for a minute. That crow will remember that bear. You can bet the farm on it.

    We underestimate how similar the first person, intensity being alive in space and time, experience is. We don't need conceptual thought or self awareness or language. Being alive on this planet is an intense first person experience for every one of us and far more similar in experience than it is different because we're human beings and not bear beings.

    Whether it's a bear helping a crow out or it's Liberace in sequins wishing his brother George were here, it's all the same thing. Dust from a supernova billions of years ago that came together here for a while and made a video. The bible knows that. From dust to dust and that's exactly right. So it is, so it was, and so it ever shall be, amen, and pull my finger because there's a lot of completely unnecessary funny stuff going on around here and it's only us space dust that is here.

    My greatest privilege in life isn't Dianne although she's the privilege I loved. It's that I get to be here. I'm meant to observe; I've always known that. I watch more than do although most of the great moments were when I did - not when I thought. One of those great moments came when Dianne was in the nursing home.

    I drove to the convenience store and as I shut the car off it started to rain really hard. There was a young lady, not attractive at all, standing there at the bus stop. It was summer and she didn't even have a jacket. I reached back for the folding umbrella Dianne and I took everywhere and as a voice inside asked "do you really want to do this?", I grabbed it and undid it running towards her in the hard rain. I got it open and handed it to her. She took it like a life line (it looked like she may have been going to work) and I turned running into the store. "Thank you!" she called out. "Keep it!" I yelled back without stopping to get into the store.

    It's not hard to understand why I like that memory. Tell me how we were so different from that crow and that bear. For no reason the bear and I helped some foreign creature out. Life is space opera acted out over time - and over time what becomes apparent is the nature of the writer of that opera. God in his yet unknowable form if you will, nevertheless, also God's body of work which IS known at least locally.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 31st 2017
     
    -2

    In that body of work while most of it is the heavy lifting of keeping things going, penguins trip each other on the ice, animals hide and jump out to scare the others, porpoises play and go surfing, parrots talk, animals become family, a horse and a chicken become best friends or an emu and a pig - once you don't have to kill or starve, it turns out most every living thing would prefer to just have an ok time and maybe a yuk or two along the way.

    Next time you see the theatre masks where one's crying and one's laughing remember to give them these lines. "We're all going to die I'm afraid." says the crying face. "Yah, but look what I can do with this." says the laughing face. I look but I can't find any hint of an element of punishment anywhere. I'm afraid hades is going to more like some equivalent of endless mediocre comedians or something in that vein.

    Judging by His MO, I also suspect the pearly gates aren't going to be as advertised in the brochure either. Judging by the zebra stripes, the neon tangerine and lime fish, the eye sketches on a peacock, that look every lemur everywhere gives you, an ostriches face, and the completely weird things we all get up to - I'm going to take a guess it's even wilder than this place is.

    It might be an endless party where someone hands you a drink and people are talking and someone tells you there is a big show on tonight and you should come and God walks by telling a joke because he invented them and they keep coming so he obviously doesn't mind them. "I didn't realize it was casual" you explain in your hairshirt. God is wearing a gaudy hawaiian shirt in tangerine and lime green, completely unmatching bermuda shorts and sandals. "It's not a problem", he explains gently, "I prefer Rayon now that there's plenty of plastic." There's a twinkle in His eye you can see the universe in. "I actually prefer cotton." you answer explaining. "Cotton was a good idea", he agrees, "I was going to do it in colors but there wasn't time so we dyed it instead." You smile but no one really gets God's sense of humor. They just live in it thinking it's them.


    note - the reason it mattered that she wasn't attractive was because it was unmotivated by anything but the act itself same as the bear
  1.  
    Wolf, I think this may be my favorite of all of your posts. I wish I could "star" it or bookmark it.

    Thanks to George for sending the Wolfmobile careering (careening) down this cerebral street.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeJun 1st 2017
     
    I can't reach anything with George's link, even when I take the dot out of the word "youitube" and add ".com" Can someone tell me how to get to it?
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJun 1st 2017
     
    Myrtle, try this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKa6X2i_w0c&feature=youtu.be

    Marche, thanks for the thumbs up. I moved it because it ties in with other stuff we talked about here earlier. I have no idea what I'm doing.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeJun 1st 2017
     
    Wolf, The video I got was about an ambulance drone. Is that what you all are talking about? (As usual, I don't understand what's going on.)
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJun 1st 2017
     
    Nope. It's the zoo scene with the bear.

    I cut and pasted George's address into my main browser page. That took me directly to it.

    Ok I've got it.

    While you're in utube type in to the search line:

    Crow Resq Final George Streit

    It's got a picture of the bear with a blue border and should be on top.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeJun 1st 2017
     
    Oh George, That's beautiful!
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeJun 1st 2017
     
    Wolf, I had the same problem as Myrtle, and the new link produces this:
    Your search - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKa6X2i_w0c&feature=youtu.be - did not match any documents.

    Suggestions:

    Make sure that all words are spelled correctly.
    Try different keywords.
    Try more general keywords.
    Try fewer keywords.
  2.  
    Wolf, I absolutely love the Reckoning Song, it's one that goes on repeat when I'm out for a drive!
  3.  
    Wolf .......... I've been reading what you have posted here about that Crow Rescue video.
    https://youtu.be/zKa6X2i_w0c
    You certainly are an expert at putting the thoughts that enter your head into written words.
    And what beautiful thoughts they are. I just wish that I could somehow show them to the bear.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2017
     
    George and Wolf, That bear did not look too healthy to me. It kind of walks like I do and I need a total knee replacement.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJun 5th 2017
     
    George, I have no idea what's going on and all I know is that it's certain I'm going to know exactly what's going on just the minute I either pass into my normal state so far in eternity, which is Lego bits the universe uses to make stuff, or my entry into what comes next. I'm not worried about it. I don't take responsibility for being here in the first place either. Nobody asked me or ever offered me a choice.

    I can see it now. I die and after some fuzziness I arrive at some huge throng of people where Bob Barker is up there at the microphone. Someone hands him the envelope which he opens and looks at. "And the winner is....Buddhism! Will all the Buddhists please step forward! The rest of you thank you for playing!" And the lights go out again and I'm Lego bits the universe uses to make other stuff with. I can say whatever I think. We're all going to know the answer anyway.

    All I can tell you is the next time I find myself coming out of a womb, I'm going to slam the door shut and refuse to come out. I can see that scene too. The doctor's big head trying to peek in and help pull me out. "Let go of me! You weirdo!!" I would shout trying to pull my way back on the placenta rope (don't do that it doesn't work). "I never agreed to this!" I protest resisting, "I'm on the wrong planet!" I cry out but I don't know the language and this giant is spanking me to make sure I cry out, as a taste of what's coming no doubt.

    I'll tell you what I know. If I'm all powerful I don't make the mice go through the mazes or teach them to sit up and beg or judge them on how much they want to do what I want them to do. I don't even do the nose twitch that Mary Montgomery did in Bewtiched. I don't come as a burning bush warning to do what I say or bad things will happen. I just change it to the way I want without all the ascribed personality disorders. "Bow." I say to the thing I made and it doesn't do what I say so I turn it into a pillar of salt. That can get old in a hurry with eternity on my hands. If the thing I made doesn't do the thing it's made for that's on me - not the thing I made.

    Whatever else, this planet has been remarkable in it's ability to stay in life sustaining balance for a long, long time. It's frozen over into a giant iceball several times, it's been bombarded by massive asteroids (look up a map of Quebec. pull WAY out. look above the St Lawrence river just before it starts widening a lot. look up an inch or two. see that perfectly round lake the size of Connecticut? Manicouagan. The rock that cut that into granite is estimated to have been 3 miles wide). Yellowstone national park is sitting on a massive hot spot just like Hawaii and Iceland are. It erupts about every 640,000 years and it's due. If that goes I'm done up here in Ontario. Don't worry about it because there are 20 such spots where one in Italy is making noises right now.

    There is no end to things that could happen. They're not all bad. An ice age is due to start and I doubt it's going to because of the cubic miles of carbon dioxide we put into the air every year. But it really is a mugs game to worry about what won't change or what unknown things things do to unknown things. We're not turning off the grid and walking away from our cars to become subsistance farmers. That's not going to happen.

    One unknown thing is solar storms. We don't know how often a big one hits earth. We do know they hit it. We learned that in 1859 in something called the Carrington Event. That was the first massive solar storm we experienced because it happened after we invented electricity and were using morse code along the wires to send messages. If there had been one 150 years before that it would have been in 1709 and no one would have noticed because there wasn't anything for the charged particles to interact with. Hair might have become less manageable. The only reason we noticed is because we had electricity which was still a luxury then. Now we are dependent on electricity. We store all our records electronically. Our electric grid would take well over 10 years to get back up. No records. No debit or credit cards. No electricity for 10 years. Think about that.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJun 5th 2017
     
    -2

    The trick is not to worry too much about uncontrollable things. I try not to worry too much about the controllable things either so that I'm in game shape about the uncontrollable things. I stink at all of that so I use a lot of distraction instead. You may have noticed. It's true that nobody asked me if I'd like to be here. It's also true that I wouldn't miss it for anything. Or maybe that should be it's also true I would miss it more than anything. After all, humans react more if it's a negative threat than a positive we already have.

    (My mom wouldn't be upset about my womb jokes. She would get that it's humor. Someone once said "what's the difference if you're born in Germany/" at a family gathering. "The difference.", I announced, "Is zat zhere you have to show your payyy-pers.")

    note - Germans don't say the 'th' well. 'Those things there' is hard for them to say. You stick the tip or your tongue against the back of your teeth and vibrate for just an instant and then pull the tongue away and open your mouth a bit. When you say 'those things there' your tongue has been at the back of your top teeth and pulled away three times. If I stick my tongue out past my teeth and say 'those things there' the 'th' sound is still working but everything else sounds off and you'll notice the 'r' suffers the most. That sound comes from the back with the tongue away.
    Say 'there are' three times and watch. I observe as I said. It's what I do when I'm not getting the stuffing kicked out of me by life. Quick shout out to the spouses. Sorry you're missing all this.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJun 12th 2017
     
    George, I had said George Washington had wooden teeth. It turns out that was wrong. He had famous problems with his teeth and many attempted solutions but none of them were made out of wood.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeJun 12th 2017
     
    http://www.mountvernon.org/digital-encyclopedia/article/false-teeth/
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJun 12th 2017
     
    Exactly. I got there by the route of verifying a comment on American Pickers that Jefferson's dentist filed the first patent for a coffee grinding machine. In hunting that down I tripped over Washington's teeth which, it went to pains to explain, were not wood. That dentist's name was Thomas Bruff where I have just read a letter he wrote to Jefferson about his inventions. I'm pretty sure I told George he did have wooden teeth. Uh uh.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJul 14th 2017
     
    This is a one hour BBC documentary about Andrew Wyeth. That's the person who painted Christina's World which has become a world famous painting. It's by Michael Palin who has done numerous documentaries well in my opinion. This is a trip worth taking. It takes you directly inside one of the more famous families in painting always keeping it's eye on the man, his story, and his world. I hope you find it as fascinating as I did.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNuGbKIoUds
    • CommentAuthorcassie*
    • CommentTimeJul 14th 2017
     
    Yes Wolf, he is really good.
  4.  
    Can't get the link to work. An I doing something wrong?
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJul 16th 2017
     
    Mary, I'm sorry you got no help earlier. Try typing in - BBC Michael Palin in Wyeth's World.

    The link works when I copy it into my search line or when I'm already in Utube. Try copying that into your search line on your home page.

    BBC Michael Palin in Wyeth's World
  5.  
    Thanks Wolf. I just watched it. I live about 12 miles from Chadds Ford PA and recently visited the Brandywine River Museum which is devoted mostly to the Wyeth's paintings. I found the documentary well worth watching. I have been interested in the Wyeths for many years but learned a lot from this.
  6.  
    My first visit in nearly 2 yrs. Wolf my comments on page one of this thread are still valid. A testimony to life after AD
    • CommentAuthorRona
    • CommentTimeJul 21st 2017
     
    I went back and read your first post Marty keep enjoying life you are a lucky man. We are all different and must work our own way through this journey.
  7.  
    I enjoyed re-reading that post, Marty. My life after AD is different--no hot dates with any dudes, ha-ha--but life is good. New experiences and happy times keep unfolding. It takes a while, but there is definitely life after AD--lots of joy and happiness is still out there, that's for sure.

    I really shouldn't post anything first thing in the morning before I've had some coffee. Now it is several hours later, and I'm thinking that the above sentences probably sound annoying and Pollyanna-ish to caregivers who are still in the trenches. Let me shade the sunshine a little by saying there are always those times when nostalgia hits with a poignancy that is so sharp it stops me in my tracks. When I came back to the Heartland nine days ago after 14 weeks away, and woke up the next morning and pulled my NYPD mug out of the cupboard, it just hit me like the roof fell on my head. I stood there and looked at that police department mug and just...well...stood there, almost stunned for a moment with the memories. It wasn't exactly sad...hard to explain. He was a huge, mostly positive part of my life, and I will always be grateful that I had him for twenty years. He is always with me, in my heart and sometimes standing right there behind my shoulder. Having said that, I am genuinely looking forward, not backwards...but I don't think anybody can have the powerful experiences--long-term, relentless, exhausting, miserable--that AD caregivers do...and not be affected by it.

    I think that this disease adds layers to the caregiver's character and personality that I don't even know how to define. I think there is a lot of joy waiting for us as we flounder through the mists and struggle to come out of the other end of the tunnel into the light. There is a new life out there for us, but I think our nightmare years give us deeper and more complicated feelings than most "civilians" have, who have not endured what we have, and seen what we have seen.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJul 22nd 2017
     
    Marty, that is excellent. I'm very happy for you. You are living proof that life can be great after AD. Frank has had a really hard road but he seems to have found that too. I don't mind that people are rich. I like that people can get rich.

    My thoughts on this topic are that if I ever do feel the pull of that string, I'm going for it. In the meantime carnival knowledge as a pursuit is somewhere below my interest in my stamp collection. I'm being greedy. I want to spend some time with me where in complete honesty, I really am just getting to know myself. This time reminds me of the time I spent with my father. I gave him a key and told him he could set up his model trains in our rec room. I sometimes took work home and might walk in at three in the afternoon and he would come up from the eight by ten plywood platform with the million wires and the little telephone poles and lit up houses - and we would talk over a coffee. We had a tempestuous relationship and we both yelled and cried sometimes, but I value that time greatly. We talked about everything and we both understood each other better because of that.

    He beat me. Not that often but also not because I had done anything that wrong. He lost his temper. I swore as a little kid that one day I would be the strong one and he would be helpless and on that day there would be retribution. That day came. I had to go into the public stall with him and help him pull his wiener out so he could go to the bathroom. While we concentrated he looked up at me and said "I bet you never thought you'd be doing this." I remembered in that moment that I was supposed to be beating him up. He had vascular dementia by that time and I was transferring him from the nursing home near me to the one near my sister who had also taken our mother in by that time. She wanted mom to be around the grandchildren.

    There are a million moments like that that are the story of my life and I'm a kid who's just beginning to enter my own undiscovered country. Yes there is life after AD. All kinds of it.

    ....

    John Wayne was on some comedy show at a time when Carnal Knowledge came out. He was in a skit which involved him being a parent and talking about his concerns that the kids would be alone. "They might have carnival knowledge of each other." That was his line.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2017 edited
     
    The story of Hubble, the greatest advance in optical astronomy since Galileo. The most beautiful images that opened the minds of hundreds of millions to what is out there. It's well done, it tells the story, and it shows what the American culture gets done. Microsoft is the global platform. Facebook is the global frat house. Google is ubiquitous. Twitter is the global nerve network. Fracking is American freedom from the middle east. If I sound pro USA, I'm not. I'm just not blinded by partisianship or predisposition. Watch this. It's another place the USA changed everything. I love Hubble deeply and I lived through the time hoping they could fix it because it really is life changing in what we know about everything. I've been passionate about it for many years.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr5ZWaKtjfw

    edit - if the link is a problem it's on utube and it's called

    Invisible Universe Revealed by Hubble NOVA HD