I just spent yesterday, last night, and today by Dado's side. He inhaled a good size piece of meat in to his lungs and it has been touch and go. Last night I slept by him in his small bed. He was laboring and high fever, sweating and sitting up moaning and crying out. I thought he was going to die. He has not, so far. The doctor told me to go home tonight as he had improved somewhat with IV drips antibiotics.
We are just never prepared. I was so shocked by it all and it seemed so unexpected, even though he is known to choke. And they hesitated to treat him until I insisted. I really hate hate the thought of him leaving already. He seems, to have some quality of life. Can still eat,(?), an occasional smile. Then, I wonder if I am kidding myself, that it would be better to give up.
Coco, I am so sorry for you. Yes, sadness is the overpowering feeling and such total helplessness. I watched my husband go through the same thing. He beat it several times before he just couldn't. I felt the same as you that he still had plenty of quality of life, but the doctors said it really didn't matter when they start to aspirate their food. Don't give up hope - this can pass. I will say a special prayer for you and Dado. Good night.
coco so sorry to hear of this sad experience. they can aspirate at any time. like you say we are never ready to make these impending decisions. take care of coco. my best to you and dado. divvi
Coco, candles lit and prayers said for you and your beloved Dado, They can aspirate at anytime (my husband did in mid stage 5) and I did the same thing...insisted he be treated because he still had a good quality of life.
If there is anything these last two weeks have taught me, it's that anything can happen at any time. No matter how prepared we think we are, we are not. Sending you strength to help you through this.
Oh, Coco, I am so glad you sought us out during this difficult time. I too lit a candle for you and Dado.
True, we can hope we are prepared, and never are. You will know exactly what you need to do at the time. Your love shines through as a beacon of clarity.
Coco, This is frightening to see someone choke. My dad one time swallowed something, a cough drop I think, and the EMT on 911 said if he is coughing, he is getting air and would be ok if not they were on the way. Either way that was a fright!
With Dado's fever and the other issues he is having, with regard to going home to get rest I have only one thing to say about that...do what your gut tells you to do. In my case, my husband was in a situation not too unlike your Dado. But it was my husband who said, " go home and get some rest and I'll see you in the morning". The nurses were all reassuring too and said they would let me know if he wanted me to come in....well I went home a wife and was called in the morning to let me know I was now a widow. I had planned to just stay in the hall or by his bed..I was not fearing anything untoward, just I wanted to be there....and I listened to my hubby instead of my gut. Not that the outcome would have been different, but I would have been with him and I wasn't. It haunts me.
Oh God Mimi* I am so glad I logged on here ! I drove the 2 hours home last night, really not wanting to leave him. I planned on going back in tomorrow am...but something in my gut, tells me to go back. And I am going to do that though I need about half a day here, going back later this afternoon and spending the night. I am a tough gal and strong physically, but I am really feeling this and am exhausted, and worried, and struggling.
I just cannot tell you what all your love means to me. When we were lighting candles for our other members here, I also had mine going, with prayers and hope in my heart. And to read now, that this is happening for us, is so surreal, and so demonstrative that God works in mysterious ways. I am deeply touched and honored.
Joan it is like a slap in the face for me, I bet you kind of feel that. Like, I had decided that he was in a good "coasting" phase and I had planned in my heart he was going to be here for at least a year or more, please more. And this slap has opened my eyes to HIS suffering, not mine. Though he cannot speak I see his love and need pouring out from his beautiful brown eyes, and a plea is there. I am not sure what it is.
Please know that though I have not been posting as much, it is precisely because it has all been hurting too much, and I know how you all feel, I am allowed to say that as only we do. Thank you from the very bottom of my heart.
My greatest fear right now is that I won't be with Sid at the end. We have always been there for each other - 44 years. Every time I was in the hospital for one surgery or another, he was with me holding my hand before I went into surgery, and his was the face I saw when I opened my eyes. The rare times that he was in the hospital, I was by his bedside holding his hand. It is inconceivable to me that I not be with him at the end. I know this is how you must feel. We need to do what everyone is saying - go with our gut.
After a full, hot, sundrenched Saturday I was called by the ALF. It was probably the first Saturday in more than four years that I had to myself- which just meant errands. My husband was in hospice care and I felt some comfort in knowing that was what he wanted.
The unexpected call came and with no sleep I spent from about 7pm until 7am with him. For the last three hours his hospice nurse was there too. I think she sensed I was beyond. She also told me Sunday would likely be the last day of my husband's life, but suspected he would live through most of the day.
I went home; about 45 minutes one way. I showered, slept a bit and rx myself and our companion animals. My husband had wanted his organs donated for transplant. Considering the circumstances it was not medically possible. His second choice was donation to the med school where we lived. That too required advance planning.
He was strongly against animal experimentation and felt that human donation was a good endeavor against this. On the internet I found a source that would accept his full body donation. After I made the preliminary arrangements I made my way to the ALF. The phone rang as I was on the way out and I didn't trust myself to search caller id and call from my mobile while driving.
Within a few miles of the ALF I saw a raven (uncommon to the area) and I knew that was his sign to me. When I arrived the hospice director, with whom I had a relationship and his nurse met me at the door to tell me of his death. Really, I already knew.
So, I was not there at that moment. I know our beliefs and our choices are not for everyone. It has taken a long, long time for me to accept that for him the greater good was served because he left this world with the promise that what he wanted would happen. And that meant more than my presence.
I believe that he knew this and died in a state of peace.
I was with DH when he passed, but our Hospice nurse told me that some patients wait for the loved ones to leave the room to pass. Either way it is heartbreaking to the ones left behind.
I was beside Frank when his last breath came. One of our sons and I had changed him early in the a.m. and we both knew then that he was gone but still breath came. I had never witnessed this before and it will be a memory till my own last breath. Our grandson and his wife sat on a couch, the hospice nurse and one son were also in the room, others were in an adjoining room I knew it was a personal choice for them. It was 3:45 p.m. when he was finally released from his prison. Nothing can take the sting of death away for those left. My understanding sympathy to you - nothing is easy on this wretched journey.
Dear Coco, I am so sorry for what you are going through. Thoughts are with you and prayer for you and Dado. This is very hard to write to you but sometimes I think that the look from someone who is in critical condition is them wanting to know that you will be ok with them leaving and waiting to be told. I know of a few instances that family told their loved one it was ok for them to go if they needed to and they peacefully passed soon after. I know it is hard, one was a close relative that I was very fond of, but he was so sick. I advised his daughter to do this and she later thanked me so much for the advice. I sincerely hope it is not the end for you and Dado and I do not mean to make you feel worse than I know you already do. Peace and strength to you gentle soul. Dorie
I'm so very sorry, Coco. My thoughts and prayers are with you. My husband has just gone into the last stage, so I think I know what you are feeling. He fell this morning trying to go the bathroom and went into the wrong room. I couldn't get him up. It was as if his legs had become paralyzed. I was sure I was going to lose him right then. To make a long story short, I managed to get him on the bed. He went to sleep and woke like an entirely different man, telling me he wanted to go home, saying it over and over. Finally he,against my wishes, walked with me holding him up, going downstairs, trying the front door locks to get out. I have childproof knobs on door. I could hardly hold him up. He was screaming he wanted to get out. Fortunately, my daughter came and helped or he would have gotten out the patio door. He was screaming for help and yelling for someone to call the police. Tonight he Is like a different person, calmer and sleeping now. I don't know what the morning will hold.
I think, though, that I will not try any drastic measures when the time comes. I will just let him go. I don't want him to suffer anymore. I know how much this is hurting him emotionally. Just last night he said he wished he could live a little longer but the man upstairs wants him. Was this a premonition. I think so.
Coco - you were such a comfort to me when my sister was sick and after she died. It wasn't long after your own sister passed. I'll never forget that. I'll be praying for Dado and you.