I am not sure where to look for help on this one. I know this board is for spouses, if this is not the place to ask, I'm sorry.
My best friend is having problems with her stepfather. Her mom is in the hospital and is not doing well. Her stepfather is almost 80 and has signs of dementia. He will be unable to care for his wife(her mother) if and when she is able to leave the hospital. My friend lives 3 hours away from her mom and has been by her side at the hospital the last three weeks. But is not sure how much longer she can be there and how to move forward. I have suggested she talk with her mother's case worker at the hospital and voice her concerns. Both her mother's and stepfather's PCP is in the hospital herself. So can't go that route. Signs of dementia have been showing up the last few years with her stepfather, but her mom was able to handle him. Now with her ill, he is like a loose cannon. Angry with everyone. I know he must be so scared.
My heart goes out to all of them. I agree, he is probably very scared. We all know how routine and familiar surrounding are important to our spouses. I think starting with the case/social worker at the hospital is a good place to start.
For support and other help there is always the Alzheimer's Association. Plus there are good groups on Facebook: Forget Me Not; Dementia Aware; and Memory People. Probably others but that is a starting point.
If he is a veteran, she might talk with the VA too.
Blue, I'm not an advocate of spending money when you don't have to but sometimes you do.
I would suggest the following: as Charlotte says, contact the hospital social worker and the alz asso for contacts, resources. Area Office on Aging, director of local senior center (may have lots of connections w/I community), director of a local alf with a dementia unit-you'd be surprised how much info/resources they are willing to share even tho you're not seeking admission to their facility, church groups and last but not least a geriatric care manager. You can hire them for a consultation and recommendations on a flat fee or hourly basis. They are often the best resource for identifying and coordinating resources for people. Yes, they are initially expensive ($100-$150/hour) but well worth it if you get in touch with the right people to care for your LO.
I don't have any experience with this- I would second Charlotte in starting with the hospital social worker. They should be able to provide or refer for discharge planning. Hospitals seem to vary between having social workers do this and having a separate discharge planning department staffed by nurses. There may be a third alternative within the hospital of a psych evaluator.
I am trying to remember the name of a website that I remember having a lot of resources mostly geared toward children of elderly parents. **** I no longer have it indexed. Something like "Mike Gamble's Website Toolbox" (it has a forum too). I think it may be based in Florida but that is in the category of a real guess. I'll try a couple of suggestions in web search and hopefully find it.
Edited to say I posted before reading LFL's post and of course her suggestions are wonderful as well. (It has happened to me more than once that she and I post within moments of each other.)
Edited again to add that it is "mikegamble.websitetoolbox.com" and offers nationwide service.
blue, Do your friends' parents have enough money to hire a geriatric care manager? Geriatric care managers are usually professionals -- nurses, social workers, etc. -- who are familiar with all the options available and the costs, and can help people navigate through the health care and elder care systems. The geriatric care manager I know will work either on specific small issues or on larger projects -- whatever the family wants. To locate a geriatric care manager in your area, contact the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers at www.caremanager.org. You can then ask the people they recommend what the costs and scope of their services are.
The best solution to your friend's problem is assisted living. My grandmother who suffers from dementia also lives in Luvida Memory Care... Your friend can do the same..