On 9/15/13, I poured out my heart on this Board. Over the following week, there were over 50 posts in response. On 9/24/13, a woman who had never posted before was moved to respond to my desperate plea. As if planned by some higher power, or perhaps Rod Serling, this woman has lived in my town for 30+ years and had more in common with me than anyone I've ever known. We were living parallel lives with kids and grandkids of about the same age. We had mutual friends and hobbies, were members of the same gyms, but had never met. Over the next 36 hours we discovered things about each other and felt we had known each other forever. We were suffering as ALZ caregivers and were scraping the bottom of life's barrel. Since she found me on this board, we have become each other's life raft. We speak every morning and night, see each other often and have become social friends with each other's Afflicted spouse. We have vacationed together, frequently dined together as couples, and have become better caregivers to our spouses. When I wrote my original post, it was not for this Board. It was an email to my sister, who actually discovered this site for me. My "friend" had visited this site for a few years, but only rarely, and never posted. Each of you understand, as no one else does, what it's like to be a caregiver to a spouse with ALZ. Meeting this woman, who has become everything to me, and a true friend to my wife, has become my hope for a future worth living. Finally, Joan's last blog on "married Love" moved me to post again, with my friend's approval.

I too have met a kindred soul on the same path with our husbands. We met through the Alzheimers support group and live in the same small town. Both our spouses are younger and we feel we have unique situations. We have been there for each other and share all our experiences daily by phone. She has placed her husband and I am in the process of doing so. She has had some terrible experiences with this and after 3 months, she is not happy with him there. It means so much to have someone to vent to who really understands and Im glad you have found that 'someone'. This site helps me too and helps so much to know you are not alone.

any support one receives while caregiving is a blessing. its so good to hear our members can connect and continue to thrive while on this journey. best of luck!
divvi

I was very conflicted about posting this message and would not have done do without Joan's eloquent blog. We all need different things to see us thru this treacherous journey. Months before meeting my soulmate on this Board, I told my therapist I was desperate to meet another person going thru this. I went to a few ALZ programs and workshops, but the people my age were there for matters concerning afflicted parents. The only spouses I met were much older and I could not relate to them. I had given up when my soulmate was sent to me. Earlier tonight, we went to a movie as two "normal" couples. My spouse is confused about everything but loves going anywhere while her spouse is very "flat" and non-verbal, but we all get along. Short of a cure, which none of us are expecting in this lifetime, having a shipmate who's going through the same rough seas is a godsend. I wish it for all of you.

The first time I visited this site I hated it. Depressed the hell out of me to be a card carrying member of this club. Many of the posts from "veterans" scared the hell out of me. Still do, sometimes. I try not to use the terms Alzheimer Spouse, or DW. I happen to be married to someone afflicted with this disease but I can't identify myself with any label and their is nothing "dear" or "darling" about this woman I am caring for 24/7. It is a constant pain in the ass, but it's what it is, and I've learned to live a schizo "double" life. I've figured out ways to life my life outside of the home. Golf, gym, lunches with friends, hired companions for spouse. I fill her schedule with some mild exercise classes at the Y, the beauty salon, and ask girlfriends and relatives to take her to lunch, etc. Nine months ago, before my connection with another member if the club, I could not have imagined living through this nightmare intact. Although my spouse has deteriorated, my life is better, and I visit this site regularly. Have not found a better resource, and some genuinely concerned, caring people.

joisey guy, the fear factor doesn't just emanate from the first diagnosis stages but rather for my own circumstances is a continual source of fear right thru the end. fears on a very different level. we fight our way thru the beginning horrific initial diagnosis and then try (with the help of this website) to find our way thru dementia land and caregiving the best we can. thru middle stages there is sundowning, shadowing and terrible behaviors sometimes that give us once again worry and fear, and then into the end stages which also produce a different fear. one of death and waiting in a holding pattern. enduring times may be different but I think its a standard course for us all. its never intent to scare someone new but to prepare them so when things happen they know its part of the disease and can find ways to cope. its good to hear you have recently found companionship to help you get thru these difficult times now and beyond.
divvi