I'm beginning to find that DW is more comfortable now staying in residence then he is going out. DD took him out yesterday to the Mall but he just wanted to go back. He wanted to attend a Father's Day activity that was just for residence. She finds that he is now having trouble focusing and will just sit and stare off into space. I have noticed this for sometime now but now it is becoming obvious to others. I was told that this could happen but I didn't think it would be so soon. Anyone else finding this is happening to their partners?
I'm not going to visit until next Wednesday because the family are taking different days to visit for Father's Day and I am just taking this time to rest my back. Next week starts therapy and I was told to just rest. It's getting better but the muscles in the lower back are stiff and so now it's stretching and massage time. At least most of the really bad pain is gone.
I feel guilty that I haven't been to see him for so long but with my back pain and the cold that has been spreading through the residence, I just can't. Guilt sure plays havoc on caregivers.
I'm really sad and down today. My problem back makes it difficult to get out so I guess I am getting lonesome. Oh well!! That's the joys of being a caregiver!! No friends left to visit and not able to get out. This rain is starting to get me down as well. I hope today will be better.
I don't where you live but here in New England the sun has just broken through. It has been raining for so long that our yard is beginning to look like the tropics. I'm so glad I bought electric hedge trimmers last month!
I question your choice of the word, "institutionalized." Last month, I decided to put my husband in LTC because I could no longer keep him from leaving our house or yard. I went around telling people that I was doing this because he needed to be "incarcerated." My sister, who is in the criminal justice field, suggested that I was making things worse by using a term with such negative connotaions. She was right. The situation is already bad - why make it worse by using a word, which although accurate, has a negative connotation?
In the short time I have been on this website, I have read a lot of heartbreaking stories. Since your husband has FTD, your situation seems more difficult than most-- certainly more difficult than mine. Why buy more grief when you have already suffered more than your share? Like Vickie, I suggest you take your rest while you can and be glad that there are others who will visit him so you can take a break.
I had written a great comment but it just went "poof gone" before I could send it.
I live across the river from Ogdensburg NY.
Love your comment about incarcerated. I had a good chuckle. I didn't know what other word to use to describe what is happening to him. Maybe someone else has a better word for it. bvFronto is very difficult and unpredictable. You never know what is going to happen next.
I had written about loneliness and how as caregivers we could end up thinking that there is no future for us now and how dangerous these thought can be. If friends and family could just realize how lonely we get once our partners go to LTC or pass away then maybe they could help us to adjust to this new and heartbreaking situation we live. I have found that once family and friends realize that it is a Dementia partner we are caring for and they disappear they never come back even after that partners is no longer living with us. I wish they would!!
With my back injury it is very hard to get around and it will be months before it is better. I just have to be careful not to mess it up again. I'm told that patience us a good thing in this case.
I did order a great take out Hawaiian pizza yesterday. It was so good. Willy helped me eat some of it and we will enjoy some today.
Sorry you are not feeling well and are so lonesome. Perhaps, when you feel better, you might consider reaching out and joining a new group...be it a church,a club , a volunteer group. You sound like you need to have social contact. I know that is easier said than done. I have had some days when I just want to be left alone ( so opposite my usual nature before this nightmare began). But, when I do see others I usually feel less isolated.
Since I tend to be plainspoken, I sometimes describe things in more negative terms than are needed. Lately, I’ve been trying to soften my approach and that’s why I picked up on “institutionalized.” Maybe it is the right word. I don’t know. I would not even try to guess what’s going on in your husband’s head.
I’m glad you got a chuckle out of “incarcerated.” (My sister said it would be more accurate to say that my husband needed to be “in protective custody.”) But now that he is there and I am here, the reason doesn’t matter any more. This is the reality of our life.
I think many of us have had dangerous thoughts. Before my husband got sick, I was a different person – full of plans and expectations. But over the years I gave up so many hopes and goals that I am completely beaten down. I see no future, only what we have now. (If others knew what I was thinking, they would probably try to put me in “protective custody.”)
Now that my husband is in LTC, the exhaustion and physical burden are not as great, so I’m going to try to widen my world just a little bit. Tomorrow, I’m going to go out in the yard and use my new hedge clippers to hack through the jungle that grew during all this rain. On Monday evening, I’m going to go on a garden tour. That’s as much as I can manage right now. Is there some small thing like that which you handle right now, even with your bad back – maybe something you could do with Willy. (Do dogs have play groups?)
Speaking of the outdoors, I would like to thank all of you in Ontario you for the beautiful cool air you sent down my way today.
I had written a posting and again when I went to send it well poof gone again. When I hit add you comment it said wait then disappeared. Oh well I was able to get it out of my system.
As far as disappearing messages go, I have found that after a while, these message boards "time out" and will not accept a message. So I type my message on my word processor and then copy it and post it on the message board.
Several times over the years, I typed a comment, and wonder why my message didn't post. Then the realization hits, I clicked on "Back to Discussions" rather than "Add your comments". LOL!!!!!