My DH is in the mid stage. We went to garage sales yesterday. After a couple hours he didn't remember if he got a favorite thing yesterday or the day before. Still, he had the ladies laughing and trying to guess his age. He's 81. I question I answer at least 10 times a day. He looks much younger as all the memories of stress have left him. At times he is very insightful, others not able to follow his action movies on tv anymore because he can't follow who is the good guys. A neighbor took him to have coffee with the "guys" the other day and he said when he got home he knew some of the faces but no names but had fun. He is still charming. I've encouraged him, giving feedback to him that he is a good talker, funny and kind. He tries to be that person. Most people wouldn't know he had AD if just meeting him. He had a great conversation with a college student while waiting for the dentist office. Although he told everyone to get a discount for keeping us waiting so long. I hope he stays this way. The evaluation came back from the LT health insurance that he needs 7x24 care. I want to take him to an adult day care next month, but am worried he will understand what that is and be upset. I thought of telling him he is a volunteer there to visit and talk to the folks. We are never apart other than his very occasional coffee with the boys for an hour. I am concerned he won't want me to leave him. Any suggestions?
Lakegirl, my DH was much like yours and everyone loved him. He had done a lot of volunteer work at various places over the years, so I told him "The Center" (ALZ. day care) needed someone to volunteer several mornings during the week and they had asked if he would come and help them. I finally convinced him to go and this continued for almost two years. He wanted me to stay and "volunteer" too - but I always told him I had to go into the office for a couple of hours. I had already quit my job to take care of him and he really didn't comprehend that I had. These 3 hours or so almost every day were a lifesaver for me. See if you can convince him that "they need him".
Vickie* is right and the day care center will play right along with you. You can, perhaps, capitalize on the fact that he likes to talk and is so social by telling him that there are some people at "work" where he is volunteering who need some extra attention to pull them out of their shells - and your husband's charming ways are exactly what is needed. Also tell him how excited the staff are to have his expertise and help. The staff may also help by thanking him profusely at the end of the day for his help. That is the way it worked for us and it is mentioned in other threads through the years; day care staff are very good at this.
Forgot to mention: After awhile, he didn't want to 'volunteer'. He wanted a real job! So, I told him I'd see if The Center would hire him - and, of course they did. I gave them a few dollars each morning and they would give it to him when we left and told him what a good job he did. He always would give me the money when we got home! He was so proud he could contribute to us 'paying our bills'.
I,too, used the "volunteer" story. The staff is very used to that. They make him feel needed and functions well with the routine. And..I really needed it.
I really like the idea of them giving him some money. He too is always telling people he has no money. He sees now hiring signs and always says maybe he should apply. When he dreams and talks in his sleep, he talks about "projects" at work. I know I need a break, but sometimes I wonder if I really want to leave him. I know he needs more stimulation than garage sales and an occasional coffee with the guys. Every days he asks "what are we doing today. Some days I'd like to just go back to bed.
Your husband sounds like mine – funny, kind and sociable. More than two years ago I enrolled him in a day care program. He did not want to go at first but eventually he adjusted to it. The staff told him he was “helping” them. As the disease progressed, he began to call the center “school.” During the last year, when the van pulled into our driveway, he climbed into it eagerly.
I signed him up for day care for my sake, not his. I needed to get office work done. Also, since I had no longer had any energy, I needed a break from his constant energy.
Two weeks ago, my husband went into a dementia unit in a residential facility for veterans. A friend who is a geriatric care manager told me that he would adapt more easily because of his experience being with other people in day care. Last night when I visited, the nurse told me she has rarely seen anyone adapt so quickly. Of course, part of this is his easy-going temperament but I think a big part is his experience in day care.
So even though I enrolled him in day care for my benefit, it really ended up being for his benefit.
My DH has adapted very well to Day Care much to my surprise. We presented it as volunteer work and he calls it. His work.
He asks me every night if he goes to work the next day. Family and friends all encourage him by praising him For helping others.
He functions best in the routine. I also feel better and can be a better caregiver when I pick him up. I am so grateful that our daughters researched and suggested this idea.
Thanks for all the positive feedback. I know it is the right thing. I feel like I am sending my first born off to kindergarten. Next month. This month we are headed to Illinois to care for Mom. Mini strokes and failing quickly. 87. Never ends. Storms in Minnesota tonight.