I am usually much faster at welcoming new members, so I apologize to the four of you for not writing sooner. It isn’t often that we have 4 new members facing a similar situation at the same time, but that seems to be the case with the four of you. Since I placed my husband 10 months ago, this issue is not only fresh in my mind and heart, but ongoing.
First, let me say in answer to the question of WHEN is it time for placement. When the caregiver is on duty 24/7, and is so mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted that he/she can no longer function, it is past time. We would hope that we place our spouses before we get to that point, but most of us wait too long. At the expense of our own health.
The truth of the matter is that as much as we know placement is necessary, we are never prepared for the emotional toll it takes on us. If you read my blogs since the day of placement in August, 2013 through now, you will see a chronicle of what I went through and am still going through. It is not easy to live apart from a spouse you have loved and lived with for decades, but it is necessary for their health and safety as well as our own. I strongly suggest that you not only read my blogs from August 2013 to May 2014( home page – www.thealzheimerspouse.com – on the left side – labeled “previous blogs”, but read the “sticky” topic at the top of these message boards – Caregiver Life with Spouse in Residence. Reading how others are coping and feeling will help you with your conflicting emotions.
I started this website in 2007 because I couldn't find anyone who would talk about how I felt - I thought I was the only one feeling the way I did about what Alzheimer's Disease was doing to my marriage. I needed a place that dealt with my unique issues as a spouse of an Alzheimer patient. This site is now a place of comfort for spouses/partners who are trying to cope with the Alzheimer's/dementia of their husband/wife/partner. The issues we face in dealing with a spouse/partner with this disease are so different from the issues faced by children and grandchildren caregivers. We discuss all of those issues here - loss of intimacy; social contact; conversation; anger; resentment; stress; and pain of living with the stranger that Alzheimer's Disease has put in place of our beloved spouse/partner.
The message boards are only part of this website. Please be sure to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read all of the resources on the left side. I recommend starting with "Newly Diagnosed/New Member" and "Understanding the Dementia Experience".
Log onto the home page daily for new blogs; news updates; important information.
I can’t tell you how much this website has meant to me in this difficult time. Although family and friends all agree on what should be done (put my husband in a LTC facility), none of them have experienced doing it and they have no idea of the details involved.
The advice of others who have gone through this themselves has helped me immensely. Thank you for this site.