I went to visit Kevan today and I took Willy. I walked to the hall outside the dining room and he was so excited to see me. We went to his room and he played with Willy, then we drove to MAcDonald's and we sat in the car and I ate and he played with Willy. It was a pleasant visit. Then when I got home he sent me a nice ecard. It was so different from last week when he was so cruel and nasty. I am going to enjoy him while he is in this good place as I know it won't last. He even told me to change his dental appointment so I can go to a luncheon here in town next week. I'm just not used to this nice guy. Nice change.
My visit yesterday was pleasant but I think he is going into a depression. He is unable to tell the Dr. Or me what is wrong but he sounds like he is lost in this other place and can't tell us what is happening. When his Doctor asked what is wrong he just kept saying"I don't know. I just don't feel good." He seems lost. Last night he told me he is having A hard time adjusting to not having our life together, but he says he knows that we can't live together anymore because of his disease. He tried again to explain how he feels now but he was unable to put it to words. He became frustrated so I changed the subject to all the fun he had with Willy at our visit. That little dogs really makes a difference in Kevan when he is there. Even the other residents and staff get all excited when Willy shows up. Willy is so gentle and just let's everyone pet him and he gives kisses to all who want one. Just a little lick on the nose sends the resident into squeals of joy. Kevan was concerned that I would be angry or jealous if he hugs a female resident. I he said sometimes he would like to hug them to comfort them. I explained that that was a good thing to do if they need comforting and that I think he is doing a good job helping them. He has to " girl friends" both 95. One loves to dance so he dances with her with our her walker and the other dances in her wheelchair. The nurse told me that he is so good with the other residents and that they really like him. He is not quite as hard on staff as he was but will step up and tell them what for if they don't do what the other resident wants. He is withdrawing now and having nightmares so they may give him Ativan before bed to try to settle him. I cry every time I leave to come home. I would like to bring him home but that's not possible now. I can't take care of him now. He needs the activities and stimulation and I can't give him that here. It would put me either in the hospital or grave, but I wish I could.
(((hugs))) Jazzy. Took courage to tell him it was alright to hug the women. I imagine helping out gives him a feeling of usefulness. Our spouses get to where they feel they have no use, to glad he has that.
continue to take care of yourself. Take Willy with you to keep things calmer.
So many times I read this forum and the posts give me a new/additional way of looking at things. Your last post did just that. You said, "He has to "girl friends" both 95."
When my husband was in rehab and later in an ALF he could be quite agreeable and charming with ladies many years his senior. I ruminated why he would be flirty and cute with them while saving his (projected, I realize) anger and disdain for me. On one hand I was glad he was interacting, on the other, I was emotionally exhausted with his treatment toward me.
Although he had FTD, not AD, your post made me wonder if he was retreating through time and trying to win his mother's approval in his interactions with women who were easily her age if not older. Thanks for the food for thought!
He had a wonderful relationship with his Mother. I think he just hates to see these ladies just sit when they really would love to dance. He also realizes that they get so upset and a hug will comfort them. He is very caring of the residents but as far as I am concerned he is mostly unconcerned most times what I feel or need but then there are times when he is very affectionate. His Nurse told me he is liked by the residents and takes good care of them. He comforts men or women if they are upset or need special attention. There is not much screaming and yelling anymore. He does have bvFronto.