I haven't been here for quite some time, at least it seems like it to me. Where does the time go. Hubby has been healthy, me, too. However, I usually do my internet stuff at night after hubby goes to bed, but he's been unwilling to go to bed without the promise of my being there soon - and if I don't show soon enough ( this is too funny), he will come out to the den in his socks, t-shirt, and Pull Ups and demand that I come to bed NOW - did I mention that half of his front teeth are a removable partial , so his front teeth are also missing? So, here's this angry , funny looking old man insisting that I come to bed with him immediately. It's all I can do not to laugh - poor baby. Anyway, this has cut into my time online. I've missed you all.
I just returned from a long awaited, long-needed, trip away for 4 days and 3 nights. I went to beautiful Whistler Mountain in BC, Canada, with best friends and their husbands. Those days were absolutely heavenly! I didn't have to make a single decision other than what to order on the menu - my mantra for those days was "okay". I loved being away. However, the last day and night away I began to withdraw as I was already thinking about having to go back home. Does this happen to any of you when you actually "score" a few days off? The "lists" returned in my head and I couldn't sleep the last night. I haven't been able to find my old energy since I got home and am generally feeling down in the dumps and find myself being crabby and impatient with DH. Does this happen to any of you when you come back home from a get away? Almost kills the joy of my time away.
mothert: It sounds as if you are suffering from reentry syndrome. For the cynics among us, it translates to "everything comes at a cost." Before long you may even begin to question whether you ever went on vacation. It might be helpful right now while the memories are fresh to meditate for short periods several times a day to reflect and remember specific details and the good times you had. By doing so you will be transferring the memories into long term memory. Then, when things get hairy, you should be able to find that good place and feeling by calling up those memories. It will be worth the effort now because the payoff of having a vacation place in to go to in your head is a huge asset.
That's how it was. I got away for one long weekend every fall and I always had reentry syndrome. Good phrase Marche. Also Marche gave great advice. Take a few moments WHILE YOU FEEL NORMAL and imprint the fact that feeling like this is possible.
When we go back in the grinding wheel our minds shut down those feelings because when we can't have them they're just a source of pain, so we don't think about them.
Caregiving for our spouse is a very cruel experience. Surviving that should be the goal - not becoming that.
mothert I loved the description of your Hubby coming out of the bedroom - it could have been mine, except he still has his front teeth. But he usually has cotton balls hanging out of his ears!
I have been wondering about reentry syndrome myself. I haven't yet had a respite of longer than a few hours where I can do something pleasurable. So far, my DH went into respite because I needed surgery (twice) and some medical treatments, and I was unable to look after him. But at the end of June I am going away for 5 days and 4 nights (down to Wolf country), and I am so looking forward to the break that I am worried that something will go wrong and I can't go. And I know that, like you, I will be anticipating being home again and all the duties that this entails, before I have finished the trip.
I am trying to learn to live in the present and enjoy whatever good there is in the day, instead of anticipating the not so good of the future. Perhaps if I can do that I can enjoy all five days of the trip. But I think I will take marche's advice as well. It will make the reentry less of a downer, and will help me be less resentful and impatient with my DH.
Very good advice, indeed. I have to make a sprint to Costco this morning while DH is still sleeping and I will do my remembering while driving.
I forgot to give him his pills last night and at the cra k of dawn this morning he was loudly trying to engage a sleeping spouse. Fortunately, I figured out why he wasn't sleeping and got up and gave him his pills - sleeping like a baby now
Mothert, Your description of your DH coming out to the den reminded me of the cartoon character that is a woman who looks like that...hair all scraggly, skirt too short, knobby knees with some kind of quip....Yes..my hubby would do that too..only he would show up in his pjs the kids sent that were a couple sizes too big ( his choice to wear them) with the hem puddling around his feet and the sleeves long enough to fit an orangatan (sp) and hollar out " Are you coming to bed sometime before tomorrow?"( meaning after midnight). Ohhhhhhhhhhh lord!!!
As to Reentry Syndrome....yes indeed....when I went to Iceland and did not have to make any decisions for the day it was heaven, relaxing...but then about 2 days before the return..I would get that heavy feeling all over again and seemed to get really tired just thinking about it. Then the last 2 years I didn't take any time off...I am still not ready to go on a trip..the thought of packing, dealing with airports etc.....just a short trip will do....I am more geared up to getting the house done..After all, everything costs a lot more these days....and the things needing done at the house are really important as they have been put off for far too long and the driveway, the worst of all the taskers in front of me will soon be a pot hole..needs attention before the rainy season ( we have had 3 years of severe drought and need rain badly)...so there we are, the devil is in the details...scowl.
While my DH was living at home, I took a 5 day trip to visit my kids in San Francisco. It was great but I was unprepared for my feelings of depression and resentfulness when I returned home. After I realized why I was feeling that way, I tried to do one small thing for myself every day or so to give me a reason to smile. Usually it was chocolate but, hey, whatever works. I like Marche's idea though. It's much easier on the waist line!
Fiona68 Phew! I do have the resentment, too. I really didn't want to come back to this. Before my trip I really thought I had it all together and was handling everything just great - except I was getting really impatient and crabby. Being away was heavenly. Each time I've been able to go away with my friends, about 1/year, I resent having to come back to it all. Makes getting away almost too difficult to deal with. I am starting to settle, but it's not happening real fast.