Have any of you experienced confusion, memory loss, etc., yourselves?
For months now, I have gone in and out of periods of confusion, memory loss, and general disorganization. For example, I am usually a laundry fanatic and today I realized that my husband had no clean undershirts. I have also been unable to organize my bills so I can pay them. I am self-employed and I was looking forward to working today because I had an office assistant to help me with the paperwork. But I kept getting the different files and tasks confused. It was very embarrassing.
A few weeks ago, my doctor assured me that this was the result of the stress I was under, especially with making the decision to put my husband in a nursing home. She had prescribed Ativan some time ago, but I rarely take it because I’m afraid that it will make me too drowsy to meet all my obligations. (Which I am obviously not meeting anyway, even though I'm not taking the Ativan!)
I apologize if this subject has been addressed in previous discussions but I could not find it when I searched.
This could be Caregiver Dementia (CD). It happens, like the time I gave my husband my meds and took his for myself. You can also get spacey. It's all the unrelenting stress. However, you should see your doctor anyway, something else may be going on. CD is not a valid medical term, it's just how caregivers sometimes refer to their own confused behaviors when caring for someone with dementia.
if you are afraid the ativan will make you drowsy then ask for something else. But yes have the doctor check things. Stress will cause havoc with the thyroid. That is one place to start. But you need to work with your doctor to at the very least eliminate it being anything besides stress. Maybe start exercising, yoga, or something that will help your mind and body to heal.
Isn't Ativan a benzo? If it is you have to be careful because benzos can become habit forming as in addictive. But by all means see your doctor. Without question you are under a lot of stress but there are also other medical conditions that an affect memory such as lack of sufficient vitamins etc. Sounds like you need a good check up including blood work..You sound like you are overwhelmed and tired.
I can tell you that it was 9 months ago this very day that I buried my husband and there are days when I question my abilities too..I feel fragmented and disorganized and somewhat rebellious about the fact that things need and must be done and I don't want to do it though I can't stand the mess either.
You are dealing with very difficult circumstances and need support too. If you are not in a support group you might want to look into that. It can be a great resource for suggestions and help.
There is a condition called widow's brain and I am certian there is the caregiver brain too..we are all overwhelmed and over tired...we are people not machines.
This happened to me the last few months I was working, I started losing control of everything. I had to much on my plate and was overwhelmed. It happened again after my DH passed. Mimi* is right, caregiver's brain and widow's brain. : (
I went to a talk this past week on grieving. That is one of the steps in the grieving process right after "shock". I think we are all in the grieving process to one degree or another. All the stress really takes its toll.
Same here--I purposefully keep the household money management simple and super-organized, because I know that I will forget and lose things if I don't. For instance, I have one drawer where everything of major importance goes when it comes in--like attorney's or judge's letters pertaining to the probating of my mother's estate. I just pay the bills the minute they come in, and put them and anything else that has to be mailed on the front seat of the car. That way, when I can get out, the outgoing mail is right there on the seat beside me, and I can't possibly forget it. I am really trying not to allow any clutter and "stuff" into the house--because I just can't seem to deal with it. I love a clean, neat house, but just can't seem to work up the energy or organization these days for the vacuuming, mopping, and dusting. I do make my bed and keep the dishes washed up no matter what…so the house isn't a total pit. I know I am tired and ditsy, well-aware I can't always remember things, so try to build in some fail-safes to make it easier for myself. While DH was in the hospital and then Rehab., I sometimes took one of his expired 0.5 mg. of Ativan to help me relax and sleep. It is astonishing what a help a good night's sleep can be just for general wellness and well-being, although for most of us, interrupted or not enough sleep is just a fact of life. Now that DH is home, I don't dare take the Ativan, of course. It would be pointless, when I have to be up with him every couple of hours. Myrtle, I agree with others who recommend a good workup if you possibly can. It couldn't hurt, and might help, if it turns up something that needs fixing. Try to find some kind of stress-reliever that doesn't just add more stress. For me, it is that first cup of hot coffee on the screened porch in the morning. I listen to the birds, and just don't do anything else for a few minutes. Then, if I can…OK, everybody don't laugh…I play two or three songs on my Irish penny whistle. It's kind of a guilty pleasure (my dad played a lot, and my mother hated it--drove her nuts), but it seems to start my new caregiving slavery day on a slightly pleasant note. (No pun intended! :D )
Thanks for all the suggestions. I had never heard of the terms, “care giver’s dementia” or “widow’s brain,” but I just googled them and found a lot of information about “widow’s brain.” Based on the symptoms described on those sites, that appears to be the correct (non-medical) diagnosis.
Since so many people suggested that I “see my doctor,” I realize that my post did not make it clear that I just had a full physical exam. Although I have some medical issues, they have been around for awhile and none of them would cause the symptoms I described.
I don’t think I can blame these symptoms on the Ativan, since I do not take it. My doctor sees this as ignoring medical advice but she does not understand what it is like to have to remain vigilant all the time. (The adjective that Bettyhere used to describe the stress – “unrelenting” – says it all.) I think the doctor may be right, though, that the nursing home decision is what is putting me over the edge. She also said almost exactly what elizabeth did, that a good night’s sleep will do a world of good.
My DH has been harping at me telling me I have dementia and need testing. I do forget to do things and asked my Dr. If I should be tested. She said no. You are under a lot of stress and you need to just back away, go for a holiday, turn off the phone, get some reliable help, not family as they tend to down play the importance of doing the jobs I need done and don't help so this is stressful.
I never realized how much stress we are under as caregivers until it happened to me. I am doing as she suggested and it is helping. I am slowing things down and relaxing more.
I can so relate to the confusion, saying things and immediately thinking, "OMG. What did I just say?" Forgetting things I think I should remember etc.
Recently at dinner, I called a good friend's son the name of my husband's son 3 times. 3! times. I was devastated and have been wondering if I am getting my own dementia.
I too had not heard of "widow's brain" and did a search. I am going to breath a lot easier now.
Thanks to all of you for the great discussions and sharing of resources.
I think I have this "dementia by osmosis"!! I have been noticing Dan beginning to slip a little more, in small ways, but it's on my mind always. He's been complaining today about his right shoulder hurting, so I went to get an Aleve for him. I'll be darned if I didn't pop it into my own mouth without even thinking about it! He's been having more of a blank look on his face. Today, leaving Sam's Club, I turned around to say something to him & he was still just standing by the entrance, like he didn't even see me. Kind of eerie, but I told myself "self, you must pay closer attention, you must become HIS brain". Going to be tough, when my own doesn't even work!
"You must become HIS brain." That is succinct, powerful, and so true. I also found it beyond exhausting.
For me, not so much memory loss but a big yes to disorganization. I have always been pretty much an anti-clutter person. I find it especially relaxing to clean out closets and pack up stuff to donate. However, this did not happen during the last years of caregiving and sometimes I just put things in a closet and shut the door- out of sight out of mind.
I've had spurts of reorganization but find it overwhelming. I have so many different possible scenarios. Investing in my house and staying put- putting it up for auction and going somewhere, but where? I can't settle on any one thing and it is very uncomfortable.
So, yes, I must add confusion to disorganization. I find it frightening.
I have used Ativan for many, many years. I'm not giving advice, but just sharing what I do: my tablets (1mg) are scored and easy to break. I have split them as small as 1/8 and taken them sublingually. I have no idea if such a small amount does anything at all but feel like I am doing something positive for myself and find that helpful.
I never heard of "widow's brain" either but am going to search it as soon as I am done here.
I am so glad to have this site to refer to. I too wondered what was wrong with me and worried that I was getting dementia. (my mother has it too but not til she was 83) taking care of my DH is one of the most stressful and sad things I have ever had to do in my life. Some days he acts completely normal and the next gets up as Mr. Hyde. He will agree to something I want to do and when I get ready to do it he calls me a liar and says he didn't say it. I feel like someone getting slapped and kissed every few minutes. My head reels sometimes with it all. I sometimes get a sick feeling in my stomach when I hear him coming into a room I'm in. Just nerves of not knowing if it will be a good or bad encounter. I know all of this is giving me brain fog and thus my feelings of losing control sometimes understandable, but sure wish I could get some real rest someday just to test and see if I am really ok. I too am a neat person and used to heavy clean at least once a week, but now I just do the basics and tell myself that someday I can tear it all apart and get it back the way I want it. Rambling, I know, but DH keeps coming in and looking over my shoulder (I have no privacy for anything) and so I switch screens and a new thought hits me when I return here when he leaves. Sorry about that. On a positive note we had a wonderful day yesterday, took him to a small town fair and looked at the animal exhibits and such, then had a nice lunch. Actually felt human again for a few hours there. Nice.
I think there's also a certain amount of mental "choking," that comes from dementia-caregiver paranoia syndrome. It's sort of an "oh crap...I've got it too" panic sensation. In my case (even a year past my *) I still have that, but attribute it partly to the old change o'life thing.
elizabeth* 9/2/14 DH has only been gone for 10 days, and as discombobulated as I am, I've been pleasantly surprised to see how quickly I got my mind back. That overwhelmed and disorganized brain fog went away in only three days or so--it was very noticeable. I think maybe because I started eating better and sleeping more (if a little fitfully) as soon as he was gone…and because I just didn't have all those zillions of details about his care to remember anymore. I just started on my daily walks again three days ago, and I think the mental/physical benefits of exercise are making a difference, too. I hadn't been able to take walks for quite some time--he couldn't be left alone, and the aides were there for very short hours, and I had shopping and errands to get done.