I agree, but letting go of the life we planned is a long, difficult, painful road. If we manage to get to the end of it, there is a life waiting for us. Many of our members have found either peace, contentment, or happiness with their new lives. Many have found all three.
Wise words, Nora and Joan but it surely does take a lot of courage and faith! Nora, you will love this video clip on you tube, don't know if you can do a search for title but it is called, "Cat saves Bakersfield boy."
I did let go after his DX and I found Joan's site. I knew it would never happen as we had planned -so I gave it up and never looked back. I loved him fiercely, took care of him the best way I could. Now....I'm trying to find that 'other' life for me.
cassie* as a cat person I loved the clip. After topping off my lifetime blood donation of 15 gallons I was not feeling well when I got home. Gracie did not leave my side and kept poking me with her cold little pink nose to make sure I was ok.
I think the only way to survive our years of caregiving is "to be willing to let go of the life we planned".All of life is an adjustment.I've learned that on early in marriage.I think it was Shelly's Ode to something or other that said"we look before and after,and pine for what is not".
Another quote I've seen is "Don't look back, you're not going in that direction". It's pretty hard not to look back sometimes, when there doesn't seem to be much to look forward to in the future. But we just keep plodding ahead.
Life is always waiting for us. In the future. But specific doors we choose are not predetermined or we are just machines. And we're not. We make the choices including avoiding making them.
In an old movie called Gumball Rally there is a scene where an Italian driver pulls the rearview out of it's socket and throws it away. By way of explanation to the startled copilot he explains "what is behind you is not important".
Phranque's phind is the latest example that people who meet someone are cured like an instant pudding. A year ago Frank wasn't in a place within himself IMO to be open to such a thing. And without knowing how, it's clear that Frank put himself into some path that not only led to here; but, when he arrived there he was receptive enough.
I think I understand why that is so. Because they embraced a continuously engaging future. You wake up and substantial parts of you are already connected to future outlook you are interested in. Also the activities of your present and near past are now major contributors to your outlook and your feelings. Also it's not just you thinking about stuff - it's got a life of it's own. You're not looking for some future anymore the way we mean it here. You're in it.
I've gone a different route. Random circumstance tried hard to make me a victim. It's important I acknowledge it beat the crap out of me and broke me to pieces. And it's going to kill my wife.
But only I create and define meaning. God gave me that as a gift and a responsibility in the way I choose to believe. And no one touches that wheel but me otherwise it's all a joke. My life is my own and having learned how I break down and how I break into pieces and how strong I have actually been - I am empowered and aware to choose and realize what I am choosing.
That different route is that I no longer feel like a victim. I am looking for victims. Specifically, things I want to do, places I want to go, things I want to know, and (my favourite) things I want to eat. Things that make me feel good. Paying attention to things that draw my attention. And pushing myself to do more to learn how to value the truth. That I am here now. Which was just then. Time stops for no one. Having any fun at all in it is optional.
I think I have pretty well let go of the life we planned and have come to accept the idea that life is unfolding as it is meant to be. Believing that has been one way for me to carry on.
However, carrying on is so hard. I have mentioned in other threads, I do not know who I am anymore and a profound exhaustion inherent in care-giving persists. I agree with you Joan, it is "a long, difficult, and painful road."
I seem to just be existing and am trying to trust the process that I will get stronger and claim again joy in life. I have moments with my new cat, while gardening, or sitting by the sea. Then I think of my husband, the facility he is in, and how I witness the steady decline which breaks my heart.
Everyone on this site, we solder on somehow, which is a wonderful testament to the resilience of the human spirit. And of course, we support each other so much. Thank you!!