I just fell down the stairs..hard on my tile...on my knees ..hands out to catch myself. I laid there feeling the need to just stay in that position.
It dawned on me... I am falling down ... I am worn out.. I am overwhelmed.. I can't do it all. I need to STOP!
The irony of it all is that DH didn't even hear me yell. When I did come up, he was angry I hurt myself . But, he got me ice packs. ( he always was a doer to show he cared..even before words were not his way).
Lying there on my knees , I am grateful I didn't break anything but sore all over. I feel I was brought to my knees for a reason.
Oh Lorrie, I hope that you are feeling better. This is a wake up moment for me. I also need to remember to keep my cell phone on me at all times. If you had been knocked out would he have helped to call for help? Mine would not. He wears a life alert.
Lorrie, I have a case for my cell phone which has a wrist strap allows me to wear it on my wrist (in case I need both hands for carrying things). I also have ICE on my cell so that if I am unconscious, others know who to contact. I also have a 1/2 sheet of paper (Laminated) with my picture, name, address, doctor's name and number, insurance carrier and phone number, allergies to medication, what medication I am on, and emergency contact information. I had one on my husband too, and had a holder that velcroed aroung the seatbelt in the car, so that if we were rendered unconscious in an accident, all the information would be there. I have a copy of my information in my car, my purse, and on the desk at home. AZ made me very aware of the necessity of being prepared for almost anything.
Lorrie, see if you can find someone to watch your husband and get a couple of days respite soon! It sounds like you need it. I can't encourage everyone enough that once our spice start needing to be watched all of the time that we must have respite. Start with a couple of hours twice a week, and work up from there. By the last stage, I had 5 days in a row each month, and it made it possible for me to manage the other three weeks a month! Don't think that no one can watch him like you do, or that he won't let someone watch him - you have a friend who needs a place to stay, or a lady is coming in to help with the housework for a couple of hours a week, or some guys from Church are coming for a visit (and then you say you are going to run to the store and will be right back) - Fiblets are necessary!!! And don't try to reason with them....The wires in the brain disconnect and reconnect at various times...sometimes they seem to reason and then a few minutes or hours later, they don't remember that conversation...you can't reason with them any more. That loss of connection between the two of you is one of the worse ones...
I wish you well and hope you and others don't do what I did. Really, don't not do what I did not do.
While my husband was alive I neglected myself almost totally. I kept up with my hair (vanity) and took voice lessons (for stress relief). But medically, I did nothing. My excuse was that I could not deal with more medical appointments, tests, etc. that my husband endured.
He died unexpectedly and I think the shock kept me going for a few months. But it was just a few, and I developed mystery migraines which led to the exploration and diagnosis of some other things. It also involved multiple courses of oral steroids. I have always been one who has to be careful where weight is concerned and the prednisone put me on a landing strip with a sign that read "weight land here".
So, now almost two years since his death and the five years preceding it, here I am, trying to take belated and delayed care of my health. Physically and psychologically I am paying for my self neglect. Please don't let this happen to you.
Fortunately, nothing broken just some aches. It has made me stop and think about myself. I have been pushing myself to the limit physically and emotionally. Today, I did nothing besides taking care of DH.
I am thinking of ways to lighten my load. Whatever I can take off my plate, I must do.
I need to remember what my DH tried to say to me after I fell , "what would I do without you?" And the tears and look of fear.