It has been a very difficult week for me. My birthday was this week and today is Mother's Day.
I can't wait till tomorrow!
My DH has declined Soo much in the past year. I already knew all sense of time has been gone. He would not know On his own about my birthday or Mother's Day. But, he's even lost MORE and so I have too. His daughter took him to buy a card. He cannot even write his first name. Even though we had cake, he never even said Happy Birthday.
Up until now, I somehow said and thought he was still emotionally attached. But, I feel that slipping away.
I have so many close friends and supportive family but that couldn't stop the sadness.
We are going to my step daughters now for dinner with the family. When I told him he said"Why? Tell me! I said it is Mother's Day and he replied "that was two days ago". Looking confused and kind of like who cares, He still didn't say Happy Mother's Day. Detaching!
What would I like to do now? Order a pizza , sit in front of the tv. And forget all about this day!!
I am so sorry to say this is part of the disease..My husband, in his last year did the same thing. Maybe he felt he was slipping. I was cleaning his desk the other day and found some precious things. He would go to lunch with his pals often and they could be out for some time. I think he had them get him to the store to buy cards..I found, for this year, a Valentine to my Wife, A Mother's Day card To My Wife, and and Anniversary Card for My Darling Wife...all unsigned but all brand new...I am so happy I found them especially as today, Mother's Day, a Sunday the 11th matches up exactly to the day and date of his death 9 months ago. It makes me feel so loved by him.
Lorrie- This part is so very hard. I have given up expecting that he has any realization about special occasions, they are all just another day. These are days I try to focus on what makes me happy, taking pictures of the birds, gardening that type of thing. I know this doesn't help much, but know you are not alone.
ah Lorrie..if I may a suggestion. Just hug him as much as you can, look in his eyes, make him kiss you and say your name. There may come a day where this will be gone. My darling speaks not at all now, the little "Hi honey" that I got just a couple of months ago is replaced by closed eyes, and when he opens them, he looks at me like he is trying to figure out what he is seeing. Even the nurses tell him, Dado please say hello to your wife. They feel bad.
Glean what you can, how I wish I could glean some more. GIANT HUGS and love to you. Happy Mothers Day to all you precious women. And Happy late birthday Lorrie.
I was just thinking to reply exactly what Coco said.
It's not uncommon for our loved ones to be confused by birthday celebrations and other holidays. For the last couple years my husband didn't understand holiday/birthday celebrations at all.
But, I would get him up, and hug him, and dance with him (even if just swaying back and forth), and give him a kiss. That seemed to make him happy, as it did me. Don't give up Lorrie. Happy belated Birthday.
I spent Mother's Day with Kevan. he took me to his favourite eating place" MacDonald's" he bought me breakfast, I paid. lOL We had a good time and he tried to be nice but he was edgy and short. He gave me the birdhouse he had made in crafts last week. It is painted green with yellow. It's lovely. Told me not to hang it our side as no bird would nest in it. So I will hang it in my dining room.
I'm noticing some major changes in his memory. He searches for words more now and he gets frustrated because he can't remember thing that just happened. His midterm is going as well now.
I can't bring him home anymore as it causes him to have trouble settling down at the LTC when he gets back. He wants so much to come home. He keeps offering to come and help me with the work that needs to be done and it is heartbreaking because he can't do them even though he wants to. I didn't know how to tell him no without hurting him but yesterday I told him if he comes and does it then our son's won't come. They will think I don't need them. He said " we can't have that so best they do it"
I wish so much he could come home. On Sunday night he was upset with the staff being so lazy, that he asked for another Ativan at Eight p.m. They had not filled out the board with their names because they said they didn't have a white board pen. He went to another nursing station and they gave him one. He can't remember who they are now and needs that board filled out to tell him who is working to feel safe. I guess I will have to talk to someone today.
I won't be able to bring him home for the special occasions anymore and that is going to be hard for both if us. I have decided to take a hotel room in the city for Christmas this year and that way I can spend it with him at the LTC. I can buy my lunch and dinner and eat in the lounge with him. I guess he will take me to his favourite restaurant for my birthday. He always made these times so special. Dressing up and taking me to a very nice restaurant. He is still trying but now his special place is MacDonald's. I'm happy he remembers because as some of you have said yours doesn't. I'll be there soon as well so until then I will enjoy these times with him at MacDonald's.
Maybe this will help. I know my DH lost who I was several years before he passed. It is hard to take. But just a few days before he became bed bound and passed away. I was helping him to the bathroom, and he turned to me and gave me the biggest bear hug. Tight, like he did not want to let go. I hugged him back, and so glad I did he passed away not long after that. I think that deep down, DH knew I was an important part of his life.
Last Oct on our anniversary, I was about to let the day just pass. Then I thought no, I am not letting it just go by. I went to a nice restaurant and picked up a nice dinner for DD, DH and myself. We ate at home and had a very nice evening. DH had no idea why, but I did.
I thought DH would forget. When he got up and heard it on the radio he wished me Happy Mothers Day and was so sad that he hadn't got me anything. I told him it didn't matter, I didn't expect it and we could just have an enjoyable day. Then he asked me out to lunch! (And luckily not MacDonalds. Lol). After we had been home a while he came out of the bedroom with a beautiful card for me. I askeD him where he got it and he said with surprise "I found it in our room". All in all a much better day than I expected.
I can totally relate. My DH has been gone almost a year and special occasions are still really painful. When I turned 45, all my friends husbands were throwing them parties, taking them on trips and I was visiting my husband in the nursing home. I definitely have to say I felt very sorry for myself. And I think that was justified. :) Thinking of you Lorrie... big hugs.