Not signed in (Sign In)

Vanilla 1.1.2 is a product of Lussumo. More Information: Documentation, Community Support.

    • CommentAuthorring
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2014
     
    I would love to hear other opinions on this subject...I'm really not sure how to react to these comments. I find myself getting upset when people keep telling me how great DH is doing. I hear it all the time, most specifically from our families.

    My sister phoned while I was out. When I called her back she was sooo thrilled with how great DH is...."he knew who I was, he knew where you were...."

    Went to visit my aunt. DH asked the same question many times, didn't know where we were going when we left, asked where the garbage chute was (even though we live in the same building and he takes out our garbage regularly). As soon as he went out, my aunt said "oh he's doing sooo great, he looks so good, etc., etc."

    And I really don't want to be the kind of person to say "'no, he's not doing great" and then to point out all the negative behaviours. Would it accomplish anything to say 'he went to the store for 3 things and phoned me 6 times to ask what he was supposed to get" Or to say "he is still asking 'is this Good Friday?'" Or that as we were driving away from visiting a friend he said "that was fun, where were we?"

    I know our spouses tend to present their best face with everyone but us. I also know lots of people (and our families happen to be among them) need to stay in denial and pretend everything is great. But I find myself getting so frustrated with these mindless comments and I don't know how to resolve it in my heart. I know correcting them won't help but I feel helpless and brushed off when I keep hearing them.

    Does this bother anyone else?
  1.  
    Ring, I could write a book about how much it bothered me and how often it happened. Especially his family...well, more specifically, one of his sisters. She actually did not believe he had Alzheimer's and was always telling me how good he looked... But getting back to your situation...it is very difficult to try to explain to others who just don't get it... If it feels right to you, tell them truthfully what is really going on, and that the reason he looks good is that you help him get ready in the morning... You take him where he needs to be, you answer his questions over and over... But I understand what you are saying... It is mentally exhausting to try and explain to some people who see him for such a short time. If they could spend a day with him and be his caregiver maybe then they would get it.
    • CommentAuthorJazzy
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2014
     
    Hi Ring

    I know just how you feel. I have learned that the best thing to say is " he is really doing well today" there is no point in trying to educate them on his condition, it just won't penetrate their brains or their hearts. They want him to not have this terrible disease and stick their head in the sand , maybe to shut out the pain.
    I find that as a caregiver we have to make so many allowances for our partners and for others who can't or won't educate them on their family or friends disease.
    Kevan has no in site into his disease so I have to make allowances for him. It's not his fault so I deal with it, but his son has his head in the sand and still thinks his father can control his outbursts without his Meds. That I don't understand but have learned that there is no point trying to explain, just shake your head and move on. Don't forget to smile!! LOL
    It's the joys of caregiving.

    Hugs

    Jazzy
    • CommentAuthorMim
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2014
     
    I hear that a lot! I just agree with them, tell them that physically he's doing just fine, or no, he doesn't look or act like there's anything going on. I suppose they think I'm the crazy one, but it's becoming less & less important to me what they think. Maybe they're just trying to be encouraging, in their own awkward way, not knowing it doesn't really encourage me at all! And if they tell Dan how good he looks, etc., he just laughs, tells them that "you have to stay active, keep yourself in shape". Yeah, right, Mr. Recliner-is-molded-to-my-body! :)
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2014
     
    Fortunately I do not have family to contend with that much. The people in our RV park see him enough to see his losses. I live with it and experience them.

    My husband use to be better able to appear normal for short periods of time, so others had no clue. Now that he repeats the same thing, ask the same question within minutes of each other, people can if they want to, see he is not better but worse.

    We have enough stress without getting stressed over those that either don't see it or are in denial to make themselves feel better.Try to just let it go. If need be write your frustration down on paper then tear it up, bury or burn it - whichever helps.

    I have made a decision to occasionally post problems on Facebook. My family can then see what is going on. Also, it will educate people more to this disease. I start off with 'Alzheimer's Disease is horrible and life stealing. We need to find a cause and cure - SOONER rather than later. "

    I hope it will help if nothing else when I go to my family reunion in August they will know a little more of his condition and also our oldest sister has VaD and they will expect less of her too.
  2.  
    Yea, this bothers me. His family were in denial for the first 6 years of 10 years so far. His mother still says things like "he did great today he remembers so and so", he is so calm here. The calm thing after he has been on a rampage here. I am now telling her he does great. But he doesn't. They need to know what to watch for. Sometimes she tells me stories of others who have it and hi bad they are doing. She cannot deny anything now. He got so angry at her when his sisters and I were there he called her a "dumb ---" to her face.

    People who have not seen him in awhile will tell me he looks so good. Well, he does. Then they will say we saw him on a good day he seemed great. No! You only saw him for an hour.

    So I Ike rather not be around certain people.
    • CommentAuthorbqd*
    • CommentTimeMay 4th 2014
     
    Ring, let it go.
    You don't need the extra frustration. The people who are important "get it" and don't make those kind of comments. They understand that there are good days and bad days. The others will never understand, and its a wasted effort to try to educate them.
    If only they would comment on how the care giver is doing!

    Hugs to you!
    • CommentAuthordivvi*
    • CommentTimeMay 4th 2014
     
    those in denial would say things like this too. its the general outlook if they look reasonably well on the outside things inside must be too. I would have to say after so many years of hearing it, and I even hear it today in late end stage! yes, hes looking quite well today thank goodness, thank you for noticing. and let it go.
    sooner or later they will come to see the facts as time progresses. mine still looks really good considering where he is in stages and disease. its a very strange disease to rob the mind and leave a healthy looking body. but its the way of the beast.
    divvi
  3.  
    Ring I totally hear you!!
    These kinds of comments have and continue to drive me crazy.
    Thank you everyone for your great suggestions.
    • CommentAuthorxox
    • CommentTimeMay 4th 2014
     
    And the friends who visit my wife. I am thankful they do. But they visit for 4 hours, 2 hours too long, and tell her she should move out of her ALF, she is too functional. There is some truth but they always recommend retirement places where she is at least 8 years too young and there is a $100,000 entry fee and and monthly costs are $1,000/month more than we are paying. I am looking for a better ALF but they just feed into her desire to move. So I then pay for having her tired out after a wonderful visit and constant asking when will she move.
    • CommentAuthorxox
    • CommentTimeMay 4th 2014
     
    And of course they don't have to deal with 20+ phone calls in an hour.
  4.  
    A good 40 years ago, long before my DH had AD and no one knew the word, I worked with a woman who told me about her FIL in a care facility who forgot the names of his g’children, etc. She never told me ‘why’ -- I don’t think she even knew that his brain cells were dying. I meant to be as kind as I would have been if he had any other disease—‘sorry, hope he gets better,’ etc. But I didn’t understand, not at all!

    Today people hear the word Alzheimer’s but unless they’ve been there, they do not understand. They say what they think will make you feel better—‘he looks better today.’ If they understood, they might say ‘that’s gotta be tough,’ still empty words. What would you like to hear?

    I had to have a ‘sit down and listen’ conversation with DH’s sister. Don’t buy him magazine subscriptions—he can’t read; don’t buy us theatre tickets, he can’t follow the dialogue. She didn’t understand. Fortunately her husband was a masseuse, he understood, stepped in and told her to listen to me, and she took it from him, not really from me.

    I’m not sure ‘sensitive’ is the right word, I’d say ‘angry.’ We are all so profoundly angry and I see this as misplaced anger. Who else can you lash at? They may be unknowing, but not ignorant. They don’t mean to hurt, they mean to comfort. Are there exceptions? Yeah, yeah, yeah, some people are dense and not nice. But you have so much on your plate—let this part slide off. Take it for what it is, not for what you wish it were. Divvi is so right: Say, 'yes, he’s looking quite well today thank goodness, thank you for noticing.’ and let it go.
  5.  
    Bettyhere
    My DH turned 62 yesterday. His family had a get together. His sister who is never around him asked me if he could read. I said no. When DH turned 60 I had a party for him. This same sister said in front of everyone "read the cards". He could not read then. They did not pick up on the fact I read his cards. This upset our daughter. She said mom why do they ask him to do these things. They just do not know. His so. Keeps buying him books for Christmas and birthdays. I told him this year to quit buying him books. I also told everyone keep it simple. So they did.

    When we were leaving everyone said he did good today. Well, yes if you say not talking much, me fixing his plate, if they even saw how he eats his food now, and paced around the whole time. I do not know what they expect hi to do that would qualify for not doing well. If they had heard him whisper to me, these are nice people. Maybe they wouldn't have said that. But at least he seemed to enjoy the " nice people".

    He was ready to go like 3 times, I can always tell. But his mom keep asking him things like if he wanted more ice cream to get hi. To stay. But DH has a point where it is to much. Thy need to realize that. He was tired and fell asleep as soon as I got him home.
    • CommentAuthorxox
    • CommentTimeMay 5th 2014
     
    My brother is supportive and understanding and knows my wife's dx of FTD. But even he, a few years into the dx, didn't understand that the disease was progressive. He didn't expect her to get better but he didn't know she was going to get worse. I only had to tell him once.
  6.  
    paulc, you were fortunate.
  7.  
    Bettyhere* and Divvi: you are both so wise and your comments always make me stop to think. Please keep adding your two cents' worth to these threads.

    I, for one, am angry and yes, I probably misplace it. Seriously, thank you for pointing that out. Once upon a time our dog cornered a ground hog against a corner of the house. It stood on hits hind legs, hissed and clacked its teeth, ready to do battle to the death. I see and feel that animal now sometimes in my head. As caregivers we are trapped like animals and despite all of the touchy feely aphorisms about AD, my major feelings are of loss of self, being trapped and being angry about it. And every time I see DH (every day) my heart breaks into a thousand pieces for him.

    And, yes, I try to let the bad stuff slide off my plate. This is one more important thing that only I can, and must manage. I see how so many caregivers die first. They just wear out.
    • CommentAuthorxox
    • CommentTimeMay 5th 2014
     
    Carosi, I know I am fortunate. Now if only her friends would stop agreeing with her that she should move to another ALF. No assurance that another one would be better and some that they identify as better won't accept her based on her age. Or will only accept people who are moving in from their own IL unit. Or want $100,000 entry fee.
  8.  
    I've promised myself not to post when emotional but that does not mean that I can always stop myself.

    Especially during the last few years of my husband's life, his parents, siblings. and my parents had a lot of criticism regarding how we handled things. Because he "still looks so good", they could not accept the difficulties he was having, especially in terms of his work and behavior.

    And, they didn't know everything! Friends asked if my husband was having "addiction issues", ("not that there is anything wrong with that"), ("we are always here for support"), as they said buh-bye. The only things my husband was addicted to were yoga and community service.

    Back to the family. Now that my husband's FATHER has been dx with Alzheimer's it is a different story. I think many who are not US but OTHERS see as far as the end of their noses and speak accordingly.
  9.  
    This reminds me of the 60th b’day party I had for DH. I thought everything went swell until I saw the tape. While I was giving my ‘he’s such a great guy, husband’ speech, I was looking at the guests, they were looking at me, and DH was eating his dinner as if he were alone in the room. He never laughed at my jokes with the others, never even acknowledged that I was speaking. He was off in his own world. While opening gifts, I never saw his confusion while it was happening, but it hit me like a brick in the film.

    A few months later, a group of us were on a tour, again being filmed, and when it was shown at a family gathering, one adult niece who knew him well said, ‘What’s wrong with Uncle?’ That’s when I noticed he was never part of the conversations, always standing off alone at the side of things, really not participating, but I never saw it in real time. However, there were things not on film during that trip that I could not ignore any longer and, finally, took him to the doctor.

    So devious, so damn subtle. I was right there with him and I never saw it, or I dismissed it as – whatever – but a brain disease? No, it never occurred to me that’s what I was dealing with.
  10.  
    It used to make me mad--my sister in law once told me that he looked so good and she said I was a saint. Of course she never called after that visit and have not seen or heard from her in 3 years. Now I really do not care what people say or think because I know I am doing the best I can for my husband who has been placed now for 8 months. I have always said unless you live with this 24/7 you have no clue. Even my kids had no clue until I took a vacation last summer and put him in respite and they visited. They then saw the reality of it all
    • CommentAuthormary22033
    • CommentTimeMay 5th 2014
     
    I don’t think you are being too sensitive, ring. I completely empathize with your frustration, but there is nothing you can do to make people understand, and it’s not their fault – so try to just let it roll off. The alternative is to start screaming – I do a lot of that in my head – LOL!

    People just can’t understand what you are going through with your husband. Years ago, I had a close friend whose husband developed Alzheimer’s. I took him bowling once a week until he could no longer manage it. I thought I had a pretty good idea of what my friend was going through - I could see the decline as time passed. Now I know, I had NO IDEA what she was going through.
    • CommentAuthorJoisey guy
    • CommentTimeMay 6th 2014 edited
     
    It's taken me too long to realize that only members of this exclusive club of spouses "get it". She doesn't know what day, month, or year is. I make sure she's dressed appropriately and has a full scheduled of activities, and yet she complains to the kids about me, and they confront me. People, including our kids, who see her for an hour or a week at most at a restaurant or family get together, have the nerve to criticize me and tell me how Great" mom was. 8 months ago, I posted my deep feelings on this Board, and one of the responders turned out to be a spouse who lives 3 miles from my house. We've been together since and have saved each other's lives. It's as if she was sent from heaven. We communicate all day, every day, and see each often, for short Liasons at the supermarket, etc. she's given me hope.
  11.  
    I refrain from referring to my spouse as DW, because there is nothing Dear about her. I'm a caregiver and she's a patient. If I could get out of this mess, I'd leave in a minute with no regrets. There is a life out there and it's passing me by. I am not an Alzheimer's spouse, just a guy married to a woman with ALZ who resents the loss of all that was good in his life. God bless all of you that take comfort in being caregivers. I'm tired if it.
  12.  
    Some people just never get it. Two months before DH passed, my BIL said he looked good. And DH's brother never seemed to understand just how bad it was. He was always going to come visit, never did. Only saw him at the funeral.
  13.  
    Some do not get it... and others want so hard for him to be OK and to be doing well and I think that saying it out loud kinda makes it seem more pleasant and tidy to them. My DH is forever acknowledging people that speak to him, by smiling and nodding at them. They automatically assumed that he recognizes them but he does not have a clue who they are. No you are not too sensitive.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 6th 2014
     
    joisey guy - I am one that takes no joy or comfort in being a caregiver. He is my husband in name only. Today is a day I wish he was out of site. I would leave in a moment too if I felt he was watched after.

    Today is laundry day. I usually take a drink and my kindle with me to have some alone time. But like today it usually does not work out. Every time I started reading the book I am reading he would be at the window (he doesn't know how to get through the combo lock gate) wanting to know if they were ready. He has no concept of time and if I tell him what time he never remembers. Today I gave up and came back to the motorhome where he is happy as can be that I am here even if we don't talk or interact.
    • CommentAuthorring
    • CommentTimeMay 7th 2014
     
    You guys are the greatest. Part of me getting through this adventure is my habit of making gratitude lists and very, very often The Alzheimer Spouse and you all are on it.

    From here on in I may make one attempt to explain how inaccurate and hurtful these comments can be but if that doesn't work then it's up to me to not let it get to me. This is an example of where the Serenity Prayer works perfectly:

    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And the wisdom to know the difference.

    I have been wasting valuable emotional energy "fretting" over people's well-intentioned but misguided comments.

    Thanks.
  14.  
    Another thing that happens is that we gussy up our LO's when we take them out or someone comes over. If we let others see how they really look before we help them shave and comb their hair, if they saw a man in his wife's housecoat or a woman with her underwear over her clothes, or as my DH did, carry his toothbrush in his shirt pocket, if they saw their dirty hands and mismatched shoes, then they might not say, 'he looks so good.'

    Anyway, Ring, it's good to know you have put this all in its right place. I have the Serenity Prayer on my wall.
  15.  
    ring, it used to drive me crazy. I saw the signs of early Alzheimer's long before anyone else, but since DH was unusually handsome, still dressed well, and had a nice smile and superficially good social skills, people just did not see it or were uncomfortable if I talked about it. If one more person said, "He seems fine to me." and looked at me like I was the crazy one, I think I almost could have had a meltdown. Of course I did not melt down, but the fact that I was so aware of behaviors that nobody else noticed (or else denied) made it all the more lonely and frightening. And of course, he would put on a great show for the doctor--joking, acting really sharp, talking about stocks and bonds (yeah, right--like he had a clue). I would just hang in there and report to the doctor(s) what was really going on at home--and hope they would take me seriously. They eventually did.
  16.  
    Bettyhere* You made me smile, thinking about some of the funnier things. I had a time when DH had put on my shirt, I am not sure if I was more mad that he had put it on or that it fit him! (I moved my clothes out of the closet after that, so he would not accidentally put my clothes on). And thinking of the time, DD said that her dad was rocking a new style. He had put his boxer shorts over his pants.

    You are so right we tend to get our loved ones ready for the world.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 8th 2014
     
    Ring,

    I'm sick and tired of the garbage that all falls under a single heading "I don't want to deal with it". Like the friend who suddenly asked how my wife in the NH is and when I commented that it was kind of him to ask about her he said "I do every month. I write it down." No he doesn't. And how pitifully shallow and detached to actually say that to the person

    From my favorite nephew who suddenly turned on me because I didn't sound supportive enough in a phone call to my X-friends who completely ignored my pleas to talk for many months but called the day before the funeral because "they would love to see me there" (to help them through a tough day).

    I blame myself. I know why people have crappy relationships and it's not sensitivity - it's sincerity and willingness on the part of all the parties.

    If anywhere along the road I could see that my wife was so wrapped up in her own concerns that our relationship was secondary I would have left her screaming into her face the entire time. We are a team or I am not here.

    I also blame myself because I was as guilty as anybody around me. I knew the behaviours of my friends for over 40 years but I didn't bother to understand that the thin strands acceptable when things are moving along 'normally' would come apart under serious strain.

    When virtually all the strands did come apart I blamed them. People shun this disease. It's way outside anyone's comfort zone including mine. It hurts intensely when we are clinging by our finger nails and see them running away pretending we're not.

    It took a long time for me to allow myself to be angry but not consumed. I am the one zooming out of the stable orbits we were all comfortable with. Dementia isolates us because it's so awful in every way which we ourselves know because it's awfully tough to deal with.

    When we had a deep and loving relationship we're just in a different blend of misery than if we didn't and frankly have few feelings about them. I wouldn't know which is better or worse.

    I do know the worst part though. Shallow and self-deceptive as they are, my relationships with the people I've known most of my life are the only relationships like that I have. Also, having been stung hard by events I have an earned sensitivity to comments and actions because I'm a little tired of feeling tortured by them far more and far longer than I would have 'normally'. I'm not normal. I'm emotionally compromised by what should be obvious reasons.

    I have chosen a road. I am not a victim and I am not a crusader against injustice now that I've been hurt. People are this and they are this everywhere because they are people. And frankly I forgot that I learned that in the public school yard. Some people are nicer than others but everyone is wrapped up in their own concerns and how could it be otherwise?

    They still hurt me. I'm not pretending they don't. But I am now outward looking and I can really hurt people if I want to. In all honesty I have all sorts of material ready to be used designed to slice right through and really sting them. Like phoning up my friend in June when he didn't ask about my wife and reminding him. He will have 'forgotten' his lie which was evasion based anyway. Or phone my X-friend who lost his wife a month ago and relishing in his audible pain (how do YOU like it? ha ha).

    But all this is just another field of battle with Al Zheimer and my own soul. I don't accept bitterness and resentment as me. I have them but I don't believe in them. A lot of things that have happened have been really, really hard. But it was a lot of work to stop thinking in terms of what life has done to me and start thinking in terms of what I am going to do in life.

    When they look into our lives they get scared with good reason and when I look into their lives now I feel boredom with good reason. I used to be that and now I've survived this and I want more now than I conceived of before. The only things that make me feel good now are things I believe in that are still there the next time I look for them and even though I think I'm quite bright, I'm actually quite stupid when it comes to finding and knowing the real me and what I really want.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 8th 2014
     
    In 1985 it was discovered my husband was having an affair. Our 'good' friends turned on us including the couple we were closest to forbidding their communicate with our kids - they were best friends. Kind of payback when I found the husband had an affair, divorced his wife and married her. I guess the saying 'what goes around comes around' applied to them.

    Sorry Wolf that you and so many of us here have had to experience what you have with 'friends'.
  17.  
    Wolf and Charlotte, I do think that when the time comes, and I'm no longer trapped by caring for DH, I will be much less ready to compromise on what I want and need to do for myself. I have spent so much of my life, both personally and professionally, assessing for and meeting other people's needs, that it has really astounded me how little my "friends" and family care about me or what I may want and need. (Nor do they care about DH--but he is well-taken-care-of by me). I will never, and I do mean never, put myself on the back burner again, while I do things for other people. I'm good at forming relationships--real ones--not just online--but I will make very good and sure that, as Wolf said, "We are a team or I'm not here." If I've learned anything during this 14-year Alzheimers journey, it's that most friends and family bail out on you, and that it's not selfish--it's essential-- to try to save your own life.
  18.  
    My heart just breaks over all this, and yet, I am also comforted by all your words. Wolf I especially enjoyed this post of yours. You have always been an advocate that we need to understand and accept people, and yet, I like to read when you are raw and stinging, even though you are still diplomatic. I love this post...oh yes...it is so true to me...

    "When they look into our lives they get scared with good reason and when I look into their lives now I feel boredom with good reason. I used to be that and now I've survived this and I want more now than I conceived of before. The only things that make me feel good now are things I believe in that are still there the next time I look for them and even though I think I'm quite bright, I'm actually quite stupid when it comes to finding and knowing the real me and what I really want." (Quote Wolf)

    The shaky friendship thing has really stirred my soul, and changed me forever. I too feel bored with so much of how people are, and just cannot see going back to the "old me", who was in many ways as dumb as the ones I resent are. Forgiveness and understanding I can do, but that does not mean I want to see their faces or chat with them about "choosing happiness" or "diet can save your brain" It is so much more than that, really they just bore me.

    So I don't really know what I want, and really hoping that it will come, that there is still some joy and hope and purpose in the coming years. This time has also made me look close at me, that though I am "only" 59, that that is not really young. Time to be a senior, a healthy one hopefully. How I hope I can be a "good person", without being that to just make me feel good.

    At this point, to compensate for loneliness, ennui, and uncaring people, I pick myself up by the scruff of my neck and go out in the yard, hacking with my machete and short stints with my long handled chainsaw. Look out awful people, lol.

    I would like to mention though, that I have discovered some new lovely folks, not to hang out with and culture friendship, but to have a little giggle and a hug. They are some of the staff, and the patients, at the Veterans home. One of the nurses fell off a stool the other day, and she told me that Dado snapped out of his closed eyes and looked at her and laughed and laughed. Also there is Hayfever, the large green African parrot mascot. He sings, Tiny bubbles, You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille, and How much is that doggie in the window? He had a hysterical loud laugh that sounds like he has had too much to drink.
  19.  
    oopsss boo boo
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 10th 2014
     
    Coco, what a fantastic post. I had to look up ennui which describes me. And then Hayfever the parrot who sings "You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille". Thank you for that amazing image.

    I think I AM somewhat guilty of trying to hack and slash my way to feeling better. It's done a lot of good things for me. But I also haven't gotten anywhere in a meaningful manner.

    (ennui - a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement)

    When we look at all this from a sensitivity perspective, where do we start? I'm not so sensitive to being hurt anymore that I won't argue right then and there. But I also don't believe in my own happiness yet. The list of things I'm excited about in my future are none. And I'm very sensitive for very good reason. I called it emotionally compromised but it's also very fragile and it's also too sensitive.

    That doesn't change that in these last two years I've come a long way from the cliff edge of despair and depression and that I have a lot of days now that feel fine. That my friend is like gold.

    But when I strip away the few carefully guarded things I do so far is there any clue to where I might go or what I might do with some enthusiasm in my future? No.

    When we're standing on ice and we hear it cracking do we stay or move? We have no choice but to move even though we are guessing. When we no longer hear the ice cracking we're not dancing but we are in a better place. Even being aware of that is one layer of being in a better place.

    That isn't the right metaphor. It's the sort of homogeneous batter the mind tries to make of things.

    In real life one day you get your wife to eat everything and you feel good about that and the next time you get your wife to eat everything and the horror what is happening opens the ground like a sink hole. Both are equally true and real.

    In real life we go to Washington to advocate and friends are helping us and Dado is in a safe place but that don't tell the story. I know. Same here.
    • CommentAuthoryhouniey
    • CommentTimeMay 11th 2014
     
    Great posts Coco and Wolf. I always enjoy reading what you both have to say.Makes me think how much we are so alike but I have trouble expressing it.Thanks.
  20.  
    Wolf though I always read your posts, they often go over my head, not because I can't comprehend, but maybe because I am not feeling you, man...lol

    However , these past two posts here have really comforted me and lifted me up and made me want to reach out and give you a huge friendly hug, crack open a beer maybe, eat a ..what, are those doughy things you guys talk about? clamshells..no...umm......mooseballs...no..um.....ugh can't remember...

    Keep it up. We hear you.
  21.  
    BEAVERTAILS!!!!!!
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 11th 2014
     
    Mooseballs. Beavertails. Yum! Actually as I said to BDQ, I was just mentioning them because they're a local Ottawa valley food where some of our members are from. I'm more the schwartzwalderkirchentorte* type but only with real whipped cream. I actually went to the black forest with Dianne to see and there was no cake - only strange foot slapping weirdos in leather underwear selling cuckoo clocks. I may be off topic.

    I wrote that second post directly to you. I said I was guilty of hacking and slashing my way to feeling better. I also took a step left in my last post on the Never Give Up thread. I did that because "and yet, I like to read when you are raw and stinging, even though you are still diplomatic."

    Let me tell you a couple of things. First is about me. I've had three near death experiences all of which I survived and helped others survive because the loudmouths often freeze when the moment suddenly comes but I do not. I have no fear of death and I have no fear of being judged. You lull them Coco. You lull them so they don't expect it. Life in so many shallow ways is a poker game where 'tells' are like leaves on trees and twitchy trigger fingers are visible a mile away working themselves up to the big moment of conflict like neon signs. I read the Machiavelli book which was a whopping 87 pages of obvious and took my diploma from the Sage of Omaha**. Having said that I think the fool seeks battle, the imbecile thinks their manhood grows when they beat their chest, and almost no one ever really pays attention or cares afterwards anyway. Just look at repetitive family squabbles to understand that one.

    The second thing is that I've tried to keep an eye on you from your first post where at the beginning you sounded distressed (beyond the average nuts level here). I remember you pulling over on the side of the road and breaking down. I remember the star. I watch for the market. Hey, I still wonder what happened to Charlotte's propane appliance. The thing is I think you swing strongly inside these months and I'm probably wrong about that; but, that doesn't matter. What matters is that we all find a way through. Don't worry about me taking anything the wrong way. There is no such thing. I'm beating my chest but I've got your back. Wait. Wasn't that the imbecile??

    CTIFY***. Watch for it.

    .......footnotes (you're kidding right?).....

    * - black forest cherry cake (at least two layers double chocolate, real cherries layer, real whipped cream layer)

    ** - Warren Buffett's fav story about poker: If you're sitting at a high stakes poker game looking around wondering who the patsy is - it's you. Translation: If you're not prepared because you didn't do the work before the event you are an idiot. Function: If you don't know find out BEFORE

    *** - Coco this is for you
    • CommentAuthorring
    • CommentTimeMay 12th 2014 edited
     
    Coco, I'll never order another Beavertail that I don't think of mooseballs and think of you.