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Vanilla 1.1.2 is a product of Lussumo. More Information: Documentation, Community Support.

    • CommentAuthoryankee
    • CommentTimeNov 12th 2017
     
    I am sorry that I didn't think to donate sooner, and without being told. I feel pretty selfish as I came here, looking for advice. I just sent $50 via PayPal and hope this little bit helps. I am new here and already came running to the site...before I went outside and screamed at the top of my lungs.
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      CommentAuthorm-mman*
    • CommentTimeDec 16th 2017
     
    I sent a donation to support the site to the PO box 880303 It was returned as "Not deliverable - Unable to forward"

    I rechecked the writing and it is all correct.
    Is this no longer the correct address??
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      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeDec 16th 2017
     
    Greetings, dear Jim. I'll try to find out for you.
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      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeDec 16th 2017
     
    Jim, I've just learned that your message has been forwarded to Joan, owner of the site.
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      CommentAuthorm-mman*
    • CommentTimeDec 17th 2017
     
    Thank you.
    While I no longer rely on the comradeship of this site it was so helpful when I was in need that I want to help it continue. :-)
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeDec 17th 2017
     
    That is so thoughtful of you, Jim. I'm going to send a donation in, too, but I'll wait until we get confirmation of the address from Joan.
  1.  
    I contacted Joan to read your messages. That's all that I can do.
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      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeDec 17th 2017
     
    Thanks, bluedaze+. It's always good to see your name and read your posts.
  2.  
    mary I have moved on and rarely peek in anymore. It's like picking on a scab and not letting the wound heal. Thanks for your kind words.
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      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeDec 17th 2017
     
    Yes, I know about picking at scabs.
    I'm eternally grateful to you, Divvi, Nancy B and others who helped me through the bad times, especially those with the ex-wife and stepchildren. Ex-wife now has dementia and is in a facility where I visit a 90-year-old nursing school friend. According to the sign-in guest book, ex-wife has no visitors. At least so far I haven't run into them and have stopped wearing sunglasses and pulling a hat down over my face.
    I think what made the loss of my husband easier to bear was the lessening of contact and problems with them, although I'm just now getting his estate settled (he died in 2011). The last 6 months have been spent settling one last account.
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    Mary-I know others who have gone through the same thing about settling accounts. Just one more sadness too much.
  4.  
    I feel like such a grinch saying this, but if one more person says "cherish the memories" or "at least you have the memories" I am going to come unglued. It's the memories that are the problem. If I didn't have them, I wouldn't feel so bad. Any advice on readjusting my attitude?
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeDec 18th 2017
     
    marche, I can't give any advice, I can only comment. I agree, the memories are painful...

    My husband is in LTC & I a haven't even allowed myself yet to really remember the good years before AD. The only thing that keeps me from falling apart too much is remembering the recent past - my caregiving years for a "changed" husband. Remembering the difficulties, is the only way I can accept his living in LTC - knowing he needs to be there because I couldn't do it anymore & frankly wasn't enjoying him with AD. I don't want to remember the good days, the person he once was, the life we had... that's too painful.... I won't go "there".... It's pretty sad that the only way I can feel a bit better is remembering the bad..... I know I will have to go "there" one day, but not now...
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeDec 18th 2017
     
    Why should you readjust your attitude? To encourage the proliferation of meaningless platitudes?

    Let's face it, most folks don't know what it's like and even if they do, they're not always good at talking about emotions. They say stuff like this because they're just trying to hold up their end of the conversation. I'd just ignore it unless you really think they are interested in what you are going through. In that case, I'd have a long conversation with them if the right time comes (during a long ride in the car, for instance). I've had a few talks like that and as long as I can discuss my thoughts and emotions in an analytical way, others seem receptive and even ask questions.
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      CommentAuthorm-mman*
    • CommentTimeDec 18th 2017
     
    I know that there is a grief area but since it was asked, I'll post here.

    I found a great grief group locally that really 'gets it' and I learned sooooooo much. GRIEF TAKES FOREVER!!!!!
    And rebuilding your life is HARD WORK!

    For me it has now been 4 years and I think I am finally feeling normal in my new life. Still plenty sad thoughts, but now they no longer lead to crying spells.
    I have finally developed a new routine that does not include AD or grief. Doing so is HARD(!) and not easy and not quick!
    Kinda like watching a child grow up you live one day at a time and then one day you turn around and see how far you have come.
  5.  
    I posted on the wrong thread. Sorry, I meant to post on the AD Widows and Widowers thread. We should move the discussion there.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeDec 19th 2017
     
    I'm very glad to hear that Jim and hope it continues. Yes it is hard work for me also.