Well, it will be a week tomorrow (sunday) that Dan has not had an Exelon patch. I decided to experiment, to find out if it really made a difference. I informed out PCP what I was doing & have his blessing. I think Dan is less restless, a little easier to deal with, not as combative or argumentative. I THINK I am better able to deal with him this way, although I felt really odd about trying this. You know - is it the right thing to do, am I going to do harm to him, am I not doing my best for him....... I guess I decided that I would rather try for more quality of life for us both, instead of prolonging the inevitable. At least, at this point that's how I feel! I bought hair clippers so I could trim his hair myself - still haven't talked him into that! All in good time, I suppose - or have the kids hold him down while I try to buzz cut his hair! I'm going to try to fix a leaking faucet tomorrow - oh the things I never thought I would have to learn to do! My "handyman" is gone, but as long as he seems calmer, I'll take it.....
Good for you Mim! Calmer is always better. I am woman, hear me ROAR. You can and will do all that you thought you couldn't or wouldn't have to. I guess it's our right of passage, just as the men caring for spouses have to learn putting on panty hose and bras!
LFL, 3 or 4 years ago I posted about my problems putting panty hose on my wife. I got a lot of comments, mostly about what should be done with the man who invented panty hose. I also learned about Knee Highs, which is what I have been using for her ever since. This site is sure a great help.
I think I must be losing it! I thought I already made a comment on this, but it is nowhere to be found. Maybe I dreamed it! Anyway, still haven't been able to trim his hair, in fact he became quite upset & kind if threatening with me (in his tone of voice), so much so that he didn't even take his Saturday night shower! Now he looks AND smells kind of wonky! So much for compliancy, I guess. He really is quieter, though, & that's a good thing. I just don't know where to turn, or what to do. I try to remove myself from a confrontation as much as possible, but it always hangs over me. Maybe I will be able to use going to church with me on Easter Sunday as a lever (sorry, God, I know that's not what it's about!). I'm to take him for new glasses today (which I now figure will become money down the drain) & I don't even want to go out with him. I feel small, selfish & cruel saying that, but........ By the way, the faucet turned out to be more that I can fix. Time to call a plumber - sheesh!
"I don't even want to go out with him. I feel small, selfish & cruel saying that, but........"
Mim,
My husband cared very much about how he looked. He was gifted with being tall and handsome, and his work required a suit every day. I can't even watch that show, "Suits".
As the illness (FTD) progressed, he developed a halting gait and what I will call twitches, for lack of better terminology. The looks he received were those of curiosity and pity. I did not think he noticed, since by that time he already had what I call the "dementia glaze".
In a moment of unexpected clarity, he said to me that he did not want to go out in public anymore. He had noticed those looks and was hurt beyond what I can explain- more than that- what I can even feel. So, "out" was only neurologist appointments.
As things progressed, and, as I have posted here over the years, toileting and bathing became an issue, to say nothing of (professional) hair cutting, massages, etc. So, I think I understand some of what you are feeling.
BTW I bought a clipper set too and since he liked a close cropped look pretty much accepted the buzz I could provide; I think the sound was comforting for him. Also as his illness progressed he had an increased liking for sweets and so I used ice cream as a treat offering. I hesitate to post that as it seems to infantilize him but that is really what happened.
You are not small, selfish or cruel, you are coping with grace and dignity. I see that in you and it is what I always hoped I was doing.
Abby - thank you for the kind words of encouragement. I've kind of been on the edge lately, having a very long, gray, freezing, snowy prison of a winter didn't help much, as with many others, I'm sure. Hopefully, when the weather decides to take a positive turn (snow yesterday, mini blizzards!), he can sit on the porch as much as he likes. Maybe that will help both of us. Today, must go to pick up his new glasses, so I'm swallowing my pride & embarrassment........wish me luck! :)
Mim it doesn't take much to shove us over the edge sometimes. be kind to yourself. this disease is enough to make us all jittery angry and short on patience. hoping you have some better sunny weather soon to cheer you. divvi
divvi, thank you for the encouraging words. We have had a few beautiful days, finally, & they really give me a boost. I spent Easter weekend with an intestinal bug, no church (which I was really looking forward to) & canceled Easter dinner(just the kids & us), will do that next Sunday. Dan got a buzz cut, showered & shaved!!!!! There is no way of knowing when that thought will click for him, I'm just so happy that it did. I've noticed the last couple of shaves, though, aren't as "clean" as they once were. I think he's beginning to forget how to shave, or he just doesn't see it. Just got his new glasses &, as I came to realize too late, it's probably going to be a huge waste of money. Not used to wearing them, & probably won't be able to -might help him to see the patches of whiskers he's missed, though! :)
Oh, Marsh, the pantyhose!!! I came onto the site today for the first time in months to check on YOU - I had come across the picture I took of you and Marge at the Pemaquid Point lighthouse the day we met up for lunch. In 2010, would you believe!! How long it has gone on for you!! I am glad you're not having to do the day-to-day still, but I know how hard it is on you - and on ALL of you - to keep going year after year. I am, as Mary always say, in the AFTER, and very glad to be here, thank you. But I learned so much here...
hmm... haven't come across a thread about "therapeutic fiblets" lately.. or "poop queens"... has this place gotten staid?