Wondering if any of you have experienced this with your spouse. My DH will be in LTC 1 month tomorrow (plus about 1 month in respite).
Has been very depressed, but lately cries (sobs). PSWs have told me that he’s been crying a lot lately and agitated. We were very close, and he keeps looking for me when I’m not there – and when I’m there, he begins crying, wondering when I will be leaving. Can’t understand why he can’t come with me, or I can’t stay with him. Has lost almost all his English language skills, and it’s very difficult to understand his dialect (doesn’t make sense – begins singing what he’s trying to express, then begins counting (singing the numbers). Heartbreaking. Have asked for a test for UTI, and meds to help. Anyone know about Remeran 15 mg at bedtime? Any info would be appreciated. Thanks,
My husband takes Remeron (Mirtazapine). It is an antidepressant that helps with sleep and increases appetite. My husband also takes a second antidepressant, Wellbutrin, in the morning, so don't be afraid to push them to do even more about the depression.
Thanks for responding, Pam. How long has your husband been on Remeron, what dosage is he taking? when did he start the Wellbutrin, and how is he doing now? Would appreciate any such information, and hope that it's getting better. Margaret
He has not had a lot of depression, but I tend to think the medication prevented it. He has been on Wellbutrin since shortly after diagnosis, in hopes that it would give him more energy. He went onto the Remeron about two years ago when the doctor didn't want him on his previous sleep medication (clonidine) any more. He started on half of a 15 mg tablet and then after a year moved up to a whole. He can also now ask for an additional 15 mg. if he wakes up during the night. I am dubious that it is really that effective as a sleep medication, but he is convinced it is.
Thank you for that info, Pam. My husband was taking Trazadone (100 mg.) in the past few months for sleep and depression. I’m hoping this new med will help. The doctor said it can be increased, if, after observation, they feel it helps.
Today was better until this evening, bath time, when he began to cry and was so afraid. Am keeping my own log now, as previously there was no mention of these problems. Hope it is a UTI! Quick fix.
Really appreciate your response. All the best to you and your husband.
Just as it takes time ( in my case, a LONG time) for us to adjust to living without our spouses, it takes time for them to adjust also.
I am unfamiliar with the medication you mentioned, but your idea of keeping a log is excellent. It is extremely important for you to keep in constant touch with whomever is in charge of regulating his mood and sleep medications, and that you advocate for adjustment as needed.
Every State has different regulations for nursing homes and assisted living facilities regarding medications, particularly anti-psychotics, anti-depressants, and sleep medications, so check with the laws in your State. Here in Florida, their main goal is to REDUCE medication (any and all medications) as much as possible, with often dire consequences, so I have to be vigilant and constantly advocate for what is needed to keep Sid as calm, happy and peaceful as is possible.
I have been on Remeron ( Mirtazapine ) for 4 years. I was crying over every insult that DH threw my way and there were a lot. I started on 15 mg but that was keeping me awake so within a week my pcp upped it to 30 mg. She said it would have the opposite effect and it did. It lets me sleep and evens out my mood swings.
My husband has been on mirtazepine now for about seven weeks. He had been getting up in the middle of the night wanting"to go home." I was beside myself when he did this for 24 hours straight. I truly didn't know what to do. He wasn't angry or aggressive, he wanted so much to go home. He does not believe the home we've lived in for 50 years is his. What he wants is to go to his mom and brothers. It is so pitiful. Since the mirtzepine he is somewhat better. He goes to bed at around 9 pm and then awakens at 11 to go to the bathroom and will ask afterwards, "What are we doing? Are we going home? Please take me home." Last night he asked if I would take him home in the morning and when I said I would, he said he would go to bed then and we would leave in the morning. I'm getting fairly good at lying and I hate it.
Admin, you mentioned that it takes a long time to adjust to living without our spouse – I think that in time I could adjust, but am afraid he will not adjust any time soon unless his meds are changed.
A new patient conference on April 8th with the doctor, nursing staff, etc. is scheduled, and that is my opportunity to bring forward a few concerns, particularly his depression and sleep problems. I think the 15 mg. of mirtzepine will not be enough for the problems we have right now, but by April 8th it may be more apparent. We live in Canada, and while we do have a good health care system, the LTC system needs funds and work. However, considering so many other cases, I am so grateful for what we have.
MaryinPA, your info sounds positive. I will ask the doctor about that.
The constant sadness, almost always ready to cry, the language difficulties in either language (which really adds to the depression), and questioning if I will be there, or leave him (after 50 years!), are heavy. At this point I cannot distance myself from him.
If only we weren’t tied to a lift for bathroom and bed, which needs an available machine plus 2 staff, I feel I could take almost anything; at this LTC there is a staff shortage, and we have been struggling for a month to get into a bathroom routine – it doesn’t always work, and this causes agitation.
Bev, my husband keeps saying he wants to be with me; together… together ….together is his constant refrain, and going home together.
Joan, I am so grateful for this site. I read this board morning and evening; it keeps me somewhat sane (although stressed) knowing I am not alone … Divvi, with your guidance I am keeping the rashes under control. Charlotte … I have such admiration for you and the strength you have.
And to all, thank you for the information, which will help on April 8th.
Marg, my husband would cry a lot. I would get him up in the morning and he would start. He wanted his mom and dad. I would say they were shopping, were in Florida, anything to get him off the subject. One day, he cried for several hours. I thought I would lose my mind. A psychiatrist told me that he thought that there had been a catastrophic incident and that is why he cried and could not be consoled. It must be terrible for them but it is incredibly difficult for the caregiver too. I kept a journal for the entire time of Gord's illness. I was surprised when reading the old journals to find that he started the crying in 2004 so it went on for 7 years. No drugs helped it. He was on the maximum dosage of Effexor.
Hi Jang, We met, married and lived in Toronto until 1993. Moved just outside Windsor for 18 years, and then moved to London, where we now live.
He has been calmer in the last two days – just so long as I’m not late getting there. Yesterday I was an hour late, and there were lots of tears and upset. He seems to be so afraid of abandonment.
I know he’s had a few tragedies in his life, and think he feels I am the only person he can truly depend on (trust issues). (Sounds like I’m full of myself, but that’s not the case.)
I hope I have your courage if this continues, but hope medication change and perhaps UTI? might be helpful. Thank you for responding.