We are supposed to get rain for the next three days. You know the saying—April showers bring May flowers. I'm just so glad it's not more snow! Finally things are turning green again.
This has been a really hard winter here, but it did have one positive aspect. No matter who you met or where you met them, you had one thing in common with them. You could discuss the weather—and everybody did—and you were absolutely on the same page about it. Everybody is ready for spring this year!
Though we are warm here, we have had a WONDERFUL rainy winter after some too dry years. I have a LAWN, instead of dust, and my ylang ylang tree is so happy and is sending hints of Chanel #5 all around me.
Getting ready for Washington, leave this Friday! As hard as it is to leave my sweetie pie for a week, I am looking forward to this. The first trip in many years that does not have to do with either my sister or my Dad's dying, and funerals. (I love you Dianna and Dad)
Shall keep you updated on this thread. Happy April to you all and I am glad your nasty winter is over.
March had to give us a final blow. Yesterday the forecast was for light rain or possible mix. Instead we got freezing rain, sleet, snow, and high winds. The driving was the worst of the winter. This morning I had to clear the ice and snow off of my car before heading out.
To add to my problems I have to have cataract surgery later this month. They say it won't be any problem, but I don't look forward to someone working on my eyes.
6 months from my * , and I observe that the kids and I are starting to speak of Jeff and remember him as he was, healthy (e.g...Gabe: "Remember when Dad caught his thumbnail on scaffolding and ripped it off?")
It is good. Life goes on. The girls all put nice photos of themselves with their dad on Facebook and whatnot. Two have gotten commemorative tattoos--line drawings of Frank Lloyd Wright designed stained glass windows. Jeff was a #1 fan of F.L.Wright, and--whatever you think of tats--theirs are actually quite nice.
Still trying to get my slow-to-launch youngest onto a workable life-path, but he's got time. I'm mellowing a little, and happy, and signing healthcare POAs with my sig. other. Are you crazy? you guys are thinking... I know, I thought I'd be cooler and more independent and free-wheeling in love-after-Alz, but I guess it turns out that when I'm in it I'm in it. Not that I ever hope to partner through AD again...we're planning to get vaporized by the same meteor in approximately 30-40 years.
Emily - glad you are having better days and the kids are bouncing back. That will bring smiles to your heart.
Got a call from the doctor's office - the test results came back: 'Your pathology showed complex and atypical hyperplasia. This is a precancerous change that requires additional treatment". Found this is typical of people with PCOS and obesity - both of which apply to me. I have always known because of the PCOS and never being pregnant I had a higher risk of uterine and ovarian cancer. I have an appt the 16th to find out his opinion and what next.
In the meantime we leave Sunday for Cheney to stay 3 nights so I can watch the grandkids Monday and Wednesday while their mom has classes (Spring break for them). Am staying at a place with indoor pool so they can swim. Tuesday I plan to go to Coeur d'Alene, Id where there is a RV surplus place. We need to replace a light cause one of the florescent fixtures went out but hb can't find where he stashed the old ones we had replaced!!! One would think in a MH you could find things!
Love the spring weather we are having although less wind would be nice.
Here in Atlanta the pollen count continues to climb and allergies (mine included) are getting worse. With DH now in ASL I am finally enjoying some time to work in the yard and plant some flowers. He has been there three weeks now and I am getting some badly needed rest. He doesn't know I'm his wife - until I tell him who I am. We have nice visits and since Braves baseball is now on TV it keeps him happy.
Emily, they're quite dry pellets so I imagine that would work if I was living in a yurt.
Not an April fool's joke. Up here I'm seeing my backyard for the first time and didn't bother putting on a jacket when I put the trash out. My neighbour was out doing the spring backyard/small dog cleanup. My other neighbour across the street whom I'd never talked to yet was outside playing on his guitar. When I bounded across the court to say hello he ran inside. No, he did turn white though. He invited me inside where I met his Cockatoo (?) which has a 500 word vocabulary and swears a streak. I asked about the bird's english accent and he had spent his first years in London so...
Do not. Repeat. Do not step outside your door and whatever you do don't talk to people because you just don't know what will happen.
Sure is and it is my first without an April Fools Day joke from Hubby.. He was always coming up with something funny. We are getting much needed rain these past couple of days. Our hills are getting nice and green again.
Mimi, this is what I'm asking. Except it's closer to 100 pounds. Maybe I could build a small shed with it like a sod house or something. You have to wonder what they did in the rain. Of course if you lived in a sod house you could probably use it as fuel like the dried animal flops that are so popular in some parts of the world. Flapjacks anyone? Umm, yummy. On the other hand dried animal flops as fuel stack well I bet and are lighter than firewood especially if everything in sight is already cut down which makes you wonder what that last person with that last axe on easter island cutting down the last tree was thinking. Oh oh.
All of this reminds me of one of my favourite Walt Disney shorts where I learned what I wanted to be when I grew up which was far from the madding crowd so to speak where when I owned a red sporty car I got a speeding ticket at least once a year and when I bought a sportier car in dull grey I haven't had a speeding ticket in 8 years. Or when I learned that over achieving every day simply made people expect that of you - but performing well and over torquing once in a while really got you noticed. And in the time it has taken me to finish typing this I've found it. The cartoon that helped me as a child. That I had to know the men in funny hats but not be one.
Wolf,put rabbit poop on Ebay, they tell me that everything sells on Ebay.Has to be some use for it.Here in Lancaster co,Pa. they sell horse turds to the tourists,who knows about rabbit flop?
Wolf, I think you should get a pellet stove. Wood pellets can be expensive, and hard to find, so the rabbit pellets could be a good substitute. And when we have lost enough of our mounds of snow that the deer highways on our property are evident, I can send you some deer pellets to mix in with the rabbit pellets for a longer burning experience (there is more wood content in deer pellets than in the rabbit pellets).
Today is our 38th wedding anniversary. On the weekend, my DH had no idea that our anniversary was today, but when he got up this morning, he wished me a happy anniversary! A small miracle, but I will take it and wonder at it. My theory is that on the weekend, the calendar was still turned to March. Now that we are actually into April, the dates of significant events in this month become more obvious than they were. Later in the day, when he is more fatigued he may not remember why we are going out to dinner tonight, but I have learned to accept that. I am determined to enjoy the day, anyway, and one of the things I intend to do is buy myself a bouquet of flowers. It will be a long time before I see any blooms in my own garden, everything is still covered in a couple of feet of snow!
We all know Coconut oil can cause diarrhea. Day before yesterday I made oatmeal bars (like an oatmeal cookie in cake form is best way to describe them with walnuts and choc chips) substituting half of the shortening with coconut oil. Yesterday I could not figure out why I had to poop all day and evening. Thought maybe the stool softener I took after surgery was kicking in.
This morning it dawned on me it must be the coconut oil in the oatmeal bars. I am definitely cleaned out today, (just glad it was not diarrhea though).
Marsh, I read something in today's newspaper saying that folks who get cataract surgery have 20% fewer falls and auto accidents than those who need it but decline. My own experience with having the surgery on one eye was that it wasn't much worse than getting a haircut, and certainly not as unappealing as having a needle poked in my other eye, which I do every month or six weeks to keep wet macular degeneration in check.
Happier topic -- we've got a spring garden planted and a few plants are already sprouted and growing. Perfect weather down here for the next few months before we get into our rainy and buggy season.
Most people I know who have had cataract surgery have been very happy with it. There is a newer method that has a faster recovery time. But there are some dangers, as with any medical procedure.
My aunt had complications some time later where the lens detached. She had emergency surgery afterwards, if she waited a day she would have lost sight in that eye and there was only one surgeon in NYC capable of what we very delicate surgery.
My FIL did poorly after having one eye done, there was damage to his eye, unrelated to the surgery. They are not sure what caused it but probably a long time condition. Lesson learned is to have a good eye doctor do a thorough exam of the eye before surgery to make sure there are no preexisting conditions. The doctor who did the surgery tended to recommend cataract surgery for any eye problem his elderly patients encountered. My SILs urged their father to see a different doctor after the surgery and was having problems, this 2nd doctor noted this other eye problem, if they knew about it beforehand he would never have had the cataract surgery in that eye.
I've had cataract surgery, both eyes. They started young...I'll be 53 this year. Seems to be ok. There's some adjustment, such as I generally wear glasses to read now and could sort of get away without it before. There are dryness issues which have improved some with time. All in all, preferable to the increasingly uncorrectable vision I was having before.
Dogwood tree in front of my dining room window is beginning to bud. Daffodils still showing their beautiful self all over the yard and woods where my dh planted them so many years ago. I'm always amazed at their survival driving down a country road there they are blooming in an empty field and I think once there was a home there and someone planted that little bulb and now I'm enjoying the blooms. Passing it on.
Interesting week. I found out my favourite nephew has been furious with me for months and wasn't speaking to me. I said the wrong things in a phone conversation and I was out. We've been close and it was a real thunderbolt that yet one more area of my life was blowing up in my face without my really knowing why except I was saying things he didn't want to hear. I phoned and tried to explain myself but I know righteous indignation when I hear it.
We become what we believe. I think that is true. Not the script we're reading to ourselves and repeating. The things we do when we are ourselves. I'm learning somewhat to pay attention to that truth. I believe that helped me tremendously to finally move forward on accepting what happened to us (Alzheimer's) and to actually look at what was around me and finally to come back into things willing to embrace them for what I believe they are.
So I wrote the xfriends who I felt had hurt us terribly because one of the girls died last month from cancer and I had been thinking that is the highest price to pay where the husband is now alone and the other couple have lost their other half. I had relished in the idea that they didn't have their cozy little foursome either (they really did behave badly) but had made peace with the woman who died and knew they were all hurting. I offered that painting again where the three ladies are laughing at one of our favourite places on one of those glorious and memorable days and I wrote how sorry I was and that I wished them well. She's already written back telling me how much they miss me.
It all slices on the knife edge of what I believe. The lady or the tiger. I can choose to be amused by how important things are when it's them hurting. I can cut holes in the canvas in strategic places and ship the painting that way to exact some form of revenge. Or I can offer to drop the painting off later in the summer and go for a drive to Peterborough and have a look at the old house they just bought.
The thing is you see I can't buy that kind of familiarity and don't have time to replace it. I also can't work up the lather I used to be able to in my righteous indignation (see nephew above). Besides if it doesn't work out I can always amuse myself looking at their own misfortune up close. Now if I could just find the charred remains of what used to be my feelings I'll be all set.
And right there we are beside the knife edge. I apologized crying to my nephew. And when I offer my hand to x-friends it will be a true hand and it means I will let go and sincerely try again. I'm willing to be hurt and to lose and I don't believe those things will damage me much. I'm understanding it's harder to be willing to win and to conceive what that really is.
While I'm still watching over my Dianne I have no end of time on my hands and in that time I've gone from being devastated that I've lost everything I value in my life to understanding it isn't my ideas about that life that are important. It's living life, opening doors, and walking throught them with an interest in where they lead. Living.
My wife agrees. She keeps bucking the odds because even though everyone knew her as quiet and demure, I knew she took out 2 doors with her fists and her karate kicks and in that same vein they can take the meatloaf out of her cold dead fingers but not before. Give 'em hell Dianne.
Guess it's officially spring here. This week I found a centipede in the living room, and yesterday while we were eating lunch, we saw a chair blow down the street past where we live. (No storm, just lots and lots of wind.) I think the flowers are holding off on blooming so they don't get blown off their stems.
Marty, excellent. Good to hear. Darth is sleeping but I'll tell him when he gets up. He's been a little hyper lately. Imagine the voice of Mickey Mouse announcing "I am your father Luke" and "We never go anywhere" and so on and on. The little squirt can be a lot of fun, but definitely, definitely needs to be on a leash when we go out together.
I did find out why my nephew turned his back (see above). It turns out my BIL told everyone he had moved 30 minutes away to help us. I mean he told everyone but us and all that happened were a few lunches and dinners for his sister (my wife). My nephew I just learned yesterday had understood me to promise to drive them around when my BIL no longer could (he's 82).
My nephew, in other words, expected me to be a taxi service for years for a few lunches. After all his parents moved out here to help us. And it's a two way street. Why aren't I calling?
I'm not going to pretend here that my stomach doesn't hurt right now I'm so worked up by all this garbage. I'm both furious and very hurt because another part of my life has crumbled away. The last time I called my nephew I cried apologizing. Yesterday when we talked I told him the truth. That he is self absorbed, shallow, intolerant, and selective.
Here's what I know. I put my wife in a NH after years of EOAD where we went from can't tell to completely unaware in just six years. In the 2 1/4 years I've been alone I've moved from a complete mess to feeling fairly normal much of the time.
In the next 2 1/4 years I expect to continue to evolve and heal - but; I start from here. I'm out of groups or individuals from my past that could freshly hurt me after this. And I've become a lot tougher because I had to. Expecting me to drive in-laws everywhere while dementia is still ripping up my wife and our lives is sick. Getting mad at me because I won't is crazy. That's it.
I know I'm much better because I've been trying to figure out what's fair and reasonable here - not just reacting to more things happening that are hard to take. I had nothing to work with when we were together because the disease absorbed everything we had pretty much. I had nothing to work with when I ended up home alone because I hadn't had any time to deal with the years that had just passed unnoticed - let alone dealing with what was all starting to happen then (like grieving).
When Alzheimer's came into our lives to take her it seemed huge and scary. It broke me many times. I was beaten so far down I spent months with suicide (for both) in my head. I'm not trying to sound like dementia didn't rip us up. It did. But it is now a shrunken potato with no power. I comfort my wife and feed her a banana and spend time and then I go home. She is dying. There is no horror in that anymore - just sympathy for her and duty for me (I don't believe you HAVE to go just my own beliefs).
I brought myself to here by not letting time or randomness have it's way. That journey is talked about on the Spouse in Residence thread because I started that thread when I started that journey. And that journey is wanting to get strong and healthy and plunge into my life with both feet without waiting for my wife to die to start - but starting out from being quite broken.
I can do anything I want. I can live anywhere I want. I can pursue any interest that comes along. For the first time in my adult life I have complete freedom to be me and find out what that is. And it is in this, my third year, that my thoughts are around what I want to do and where I want to go because where the stock of horrors to be faced where lined up there isn't anything much left.
It gets better. I've learned how to help myself. How to understand the truth about what I really believe. I've done that enough to know I do that now. As a result my fear boundries have been pushed way back and my confidence has moved in because I know what I do when the going gets tough - I fight, I endure, I don't give up, I win.
It's all what we believe. I see Alzheimer's as a thing to be overcome until it is dust. I will always have Dianne in my pocket and I expect to take our relationship where we grew up together most of our lives - and transport that along with me as I have new experiences. If I meet a nice woman, her memories of her husband are welcome to join us all. Not living in the past and not afraid to cherish our memories. Right mom? That's right.
"April is the cruellest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire" (thank you t.s.) In the morning it is a frosty 28 degrees by afternoon it is a warm 60. I rejoice when the warm sun hits my bare skin but my heart plummets remembering my husband wets his bed every night. Living with a man with day to day memory problems makes me live too much in my mind... I am afraid I am becoming weird, or maybe weirder because long ago one of my bf's said I was a hermit.
Yesterday morning I received a call from my DIL that my son had shown up at her door. To recap: he left them 3+ years ago in search of his dream job which he never found. He has been living in Oklahoma shacking up with a woman the last 1.5 years. They had a baby 3 months ago which he says is probably not his because she left 3 times and one time came back pregnant. Thankfully the kids were glad to see him although they did not recognize him. GD had to ask her mom if he was her dad because that is what he was telling her. Isn't that so sad?
He is supposedly heading to Seattle where a former Marine Corp buddy lives, but that will probably not last long - they can only take him living off of them for so long. She asked him if he was going to go see his parents to which he said 'no', he doesn't have enough gas money for that. I told hb that and his reply was: good, I don't want to see him'. DIL told him he really should go see his dad while he still knows who he is. Son's reply was something like 'ya, when I talk to him on the phone he repeats things all the time'. He has called his dad maybe 4 times in the last 3+ years.
Fine with me too. He doesn't talk to me because I am not proud of him. Who can be proud of a guy that abandons his children - the two we see, one in California and now possibly the one in OK. He pays child support only when the state catches up to him and then it is only $150 a month which he complains about being too much. All I ever wanted for my children was to grow up to be responsible, self supporting adults. Neither are that -neither are responsible adults and neither supports themselves at least not for long.
I just can't deal with him right now so hope he doesn't show up. I have my follow-up doctors appointment on Wednesday to see what the next step is after the lab results came back positive for precancerous on the D & C. I am going to push for a total hysterectomy (which from research is pretty standard) now because we all know the time is coming when getting away for any medical will be hard. Plus, then I won't have to worry about uterine or ovarian cancer which I am at a higher risk for due to medical history.
The sun is shinning and it is beautiful out. Have a good day every one.
Grendelsma, I like what you said about living too much in your mind - I get it!
Charlotte,I'm so sorry you have all the crap you have to deal with (maybe that is a poor choice of words!). I guess just keep looking for the sunshine.......
thank you all, but really no more and maybe not near as much as many of you have with family. He is in Tacoma so I know he will not be showing up any time soon.
Beautiful sunny day again. I did 2 miles - same as yesterday. By the end of two miles my back is hurting as are my big toes that have gout. But I need to get in better shape and walking is all I can afford.
Just took the dogs out and it is snowing again!! Yesterday it was a balmy 70 and the daffodils were all blooming. Today is a birthday in the family and I never remember snow this late in the year. We were all hoping that March's leonine exit was the last hurrah of a wild season that overstayed it's welcome. As a friend said: "Go home winter, you're drunk."
I'm almost (but not quite) wishing we still had that foot of snow on the ground. The warmer temperatures and melting snow are revealing a real mess in my yard - the voles have tunneled everywhere - so it looks like I will be spending part of early spring - hey, wait, its snowing again! - raking, putting down more top soil, and then reseeding the lawn. And of course last fall, between the time taken up by looking after my DH, and dealing with my own health issues, I did not do a good job of cleaning up the flower beds, so they will have to be tended to soon. And if it hadn't been for a dear friend who came to help, I wouldn't have any of the lawn raked either! Oh well, I'm only human, I'll get it done at my own pace if I think it is important enough to do!
Did you see the cartoon of the Easter bunny yelling "Hey, Santa, come back and get your snow!" Well, there were snow showers this a.m in southern Tenn. Can't remember snow ever this late. Freeze warnings tonight. I only had 3 hanging baskets to bring in but I'm sure some folks have plants already in the ground.
Wolf, well said. You do not need any drama from your nephew. You are an awesome caregiver to Dianne and she is very loved. Oh if I could afford the postage, I would take the poop, rabbit poop is great for the garden and if it is Easter bunny poop it is even more valuable!!! Charlotte, I am sorry that you have reached this point in your medical issues. I am praying that you find a great progressive thinking doctor that has some alternate to the total hysterectomy. keep us informed. To everyone else, happy spring and I hope you have a lot of butterflies flitting around your gardens and your selves. Spring is a time of renewal and rebirth, May we all find renewed energy and peace of mind.
Charlotte, your plate is overloaded ...my heart goes out to you. Younger Daughter & Family are visiting from NY. Lucky for me her MIL lives just a few miles away in a 3 bedroom home and they stay with her. Had a lovely Seder with her @ the MIL's first night and enjoyed second night with GF's family at her 96yr old mother's independent living facility with an assortment of Aunts and Uncles who made the trip from Boston to spend time with her Mom. My kids met my girlfriend for the first time and all went well, a major relief. Grandkids, whom I haven't seen in the six month's, since DW's passing had great days on the beach I am a fortunate man, much to be thankful for and other than the IRS, I have little to complain about this April
Art just asked me for the umpteenth time if I have to go back after the last surgery I had. He was with me at the doctors yesterday -of course does not remember it. I tell him yes I need more surgery but he doesn't remember. It is going to be a long 6 weeks until the surgery. I am scheduled May 28th for a robotic hysterectomy and ovaries. Last night I watch a youtube video of one and it was fascinating. As I talked to the doctor I was telling him what he said was confirmed by my research online. I really like him because he does not seem intimidated at all by me wanting to be informed.
Today was cool and rainy -this after sunny and warm days. But, I did my 2 miles in the light rain.
Charlottte good luck with the surgery. remember after you will be needing bed rest and no physical activity for at least a month maybe longer. its a major surgery and will take some time to heal completely. I hope you have help lined up during that time. divvi
Wow Wolf your nephew story beats me up. I don't know how I didn't see that before. So he is the son of the bro-in-law whom wishes to be driven around... Gaack! Maybe he frustrated because he is too far away to help or maybe he just wants to push guilt off on you. Well put it on back, like you did.
Also about the rabbit droppings, be very careful, it being spring and all, Easter bunnies and all they may proliferate.
If they can do it rebotically the recovery is not near as bad as with a big abdominal incision. He said 2 weeks for most. Finally a positive for never having children - recovery will be easier because the pelvic support has not been broken down. The only problem might be all the scar tissue from my infertility surgeries. If that causes a problem they will have to do a traditional surgery. I am working on my younger sister coming for a few days but she has to see if she can reschedule something first. If not, I have a woman on each side of us that will help and keep an eye out on Art. Only problem is they had an argument a year ago so don't talk to each other. Oh well. It will all work out.
It was a dreary day here today until I got an email from our DD asking if I wanted her to come up for the weekend, since she has a 4 day weekend this weekend. What a ray of sunshine that message brought! Of course a visit means I need to go pick her up and take her back again on Monday, but I happily agreed to the 3 hour round trip drive for a chance to spend time with our DD (and get some respite in the bargain!). And, as I have pointed out to her, any time she spends now with her Dad will be time she will cherish later - when he can no longer communicate with her, or even know who she is. Right now they are doing the supper dishes and chatting happily together. Priceless!
Charlotte, I had a laproscopic hysterectomy and it was a full 6 weeks before I felt my energy come back. For the first week, I could hardly get out of bed to use the bathroom, the next 2 weeks, it was all I could do to drag myself out of bed to go to the kitchen, make soup & go back to bed. I slept a lot during the first 3 weeks and even after that, I had to keep resting because my body would just not snap out of it. The surgery was just about the best thing I'd ever done, but the recovery, while not too painful, was long and exhausting. I've known a lot of women who have had this type of surgery and NO ONE was over it in 2 weeks. Not trying to scare you but just trying to give you a "head's up" for planning purposes. Good luck and I'll be sending good wishes your way
Thank you fiona. I know I won't be over it in 2 weeks - that is how long before driving but am hoping I will be back functioning. I am trying to walk 2 miles every day or every other day to get in better physical shape cause I know that will help. I wish I were 100 pounds lighter but I am not, so will have to do what I can. I have the two ladies in the park that will help. My sister is coming for a few days - I will pay their park fee while they are here. Once I get up the steps into the motorhome, which I am assuming will be the hardest, I won't have to walk much inside. I can only plan best I can and go from there. As long as we have food in the house we will be fine. The laundry could be a problem cause we only have underwear for about 10 days - not room to carry more.
We do what we have to do. I am not one that likes to be sick or laid up, so I know I will push through. But, time will tell. I think I dread getting the bowels moving more than anything. After just the D&C it took 5 days. When I had the infertility surgery I remember that was the hardest part too.
I wish he could cut some of the fat away while in there!!!