We are in a second marriage...have known, loved, and enjoyed each other for 40 plus years 33 of which we have been happily married. We are both 84 years old. My wife was diagnosed with Alz in 2013....she remained a happy, jolly, wonderful person as always except extremely poor short term memory...and slept most of the time. I was her care taker...very easy...just see that she got all of her meds including Namedan (?) and Exelon patch...prepare the food (most of the time)...kept the house 'picked up'...drove her where she needed to go...hairdresser, doctors, 'her' Church etc...NO PROBLEM for me...We both were blessed with excellent health...until I was surprised by triple bypass surgery...that is when her daughter came to get her...which was a good thing...because she needed cared for...I was very glad and very thankful. After surgery I ended up in convalescent home and I talked to the daughter..we were planning when my wife would return...I said I wanted to be home a week or 10 days to see how I was doing....My primary care doctor said to give my self several weeks or more...which I did...HOWEVER at that time the daughter insisted that I COULD NOT/ WAS NOT CAPABLE of taking care of my wife..she DEMANDED she did not want my children to be the main providers of food and help...suggested I PAY my wonder daughter (-in-law) for bringing in prepared meals. Daughter in law WAS VERY insulted. I do not know how this step-daughter could be so controlling...knowing what I can and can not do.... ANOTHER thing...in March 2013 another step-daughter came home and told of family doctor that the "ONLY FOOD in our house" was sour milk and eggs. This was an out right LIE..our kitchen and basement cabinets, as well as our frig and cabinet freezer were stuffed. I have no idea why she would lie..I am CONFUSED, ANGRY, AND FRUSTRATED....THANKS for 'listening"
One more thing...We put off our marriage for 7 years because we did not want to take a chance on our kids interfering with our marriage...who would have ever thought this would happen...BB
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this painful experience. Stepchildren can be so cruel. My DH and I have been married for forty two years and one of his boys has cause so much pain for both if us. He calls his Dad once in a while but does not visit. He was eleven when we married. The other son is a great help for both of us. The other wants nothing to do with me so he has distanced himself from his Dad as well. I was concerned at one time about their agenda but not anymore. I have no idea how you can handle this situation but I wish you well and suggest that you keep sharing on this site as it has just the best folks to support you on this journey.
I'm sorry that you are facing these problems and, based on my own experiences with stepchildren and with a similar marital history, I suggest you get all the professional help you can and as soon as possible. You will need the help of an elder lawyer, your own doctor and maybe a Social Worker (your doctor can set that up for you). If your first lawyer doesn't come through for you, get the best lawyer available. You may have a Senior's advocate where you live, a Senator, your church. Unfortunately, this things do happen, but there is help out there. I guess your stepdaughter is trying to do her best for her mother, but she could do that by helping set up arrangements in you and your wife's own home. Help could be hired to come in and whatever else is required to keep your home safe and comfortable for both you and your wife to stay together. I don't think your stepdaughter has the legal right to do what she's done. Maybe all the stepdaughter needs is a stiff letter from your lawyer.
hi Baxterbarn sounds as though you may need to consult with an attorney and get some answers, to get you and your wife back together. I would hope you have taken the precaution to have made durable powers of attorney for both health care and financials while married all this time. i am not sure how its decided if you can or not care for your wife in home, but as mary75 says you should be allowed to live together and have inhome care so you can remain together. if you both have serious healthcare issues maybe moving into an assisted living community would provide the needed help you both need. divvi
Also consider moving all money into an account that your wife cannot touch, so step-daughter cannot get the money through her. Change locks to the doors to prevent access to your home.
One important reason to have a lawyer is to prevent yourself from saying something that might hurt your case.
I have just gone through a vicious guardianship litigation instigated by a stepson. my husband prepared meticulous estate documents but I still had a year legal battle while caring for my husband 24/7. it got so bad I had to place my husband in memory care due to the stress. had we not had the documents , a professional guardian would most likely be ordered and our estate raped. leaving my husband in the hands of a stranger.the cost was in excess of 200,000 dollars. a warning to all. if there are stepchildren prepare a dpoa, most importantly everything in a trust, lining will with health care surrogate and pre need guardian. I wouldn't want anyone to experience what I have, it almost killed me. make sure you have the very best elder attorney now and protect yourself.
rpg = so sorry you had to go through all that crap. Even more glad you had your paperwork in order. Too bad you can sue them to get back all the cost you incurred.