I will keep this short- I awoke to my DH doing something sexual to me - I thought he was asleep. He proceeded further and painfully for me; and when I realized he wasn't stopping but rather intensifying I tried to turn away and he tried to hold me still. I forcefully pulled myself away and pushed him away, saying you're hurting me. (I didn't scream or yell at him because we had a grandchild in the bedroom next to us.) He never said a word but the next morning when I asked if he had been awake he said not at first but he had been toward the end. I'm sleeping in a different room now as I have never experienced anything like this. He says he can't remember everything but knows he must have "lost a battle" in his mind. Does this happen to other wives?! It must be the disease as this is a new behavior.
To me, this would be normal male behaviour, not brought under control because of his dementia. You have the solution, anyway. They never cease to amaze. Keeps you busy hopping.
Yes, this happened a lot at one stage. He was also wetting the bed and instead of staying on his waterproof pad he was cuddling up next to me. I used your solution and moved to a different bedroom and stayed there all last summer. After he went on hospice in late September and was moved to a hospital bed I moved back to our room. The hospital bed is 2 feet from the queen bed but he can't get out of it. In fact now he can't even roll on his side.
They become sex-obsessed during the early-mid stages. My husband in mid stage would masturbate every 1/2 until he fell back asleep. He stopped "making advances" when I told him he was disgusting, so he started making himself happy. I finally moved out of the bedroom for many reasons. I sleep with the dog now and the dog and I are very happy.
BTW, the dog and I are not having sex, just enjoy cuddling.
No - different bedrooms! I had surgery several years ago (an ileostomy, if that helps explain things!) & he never touched me again. He was either repulsed by it, or was afraid he would hurt me - I tend to think the latter, but not really sure. So far, no sexual incidents.
I have to speak up that this is not typical male behaviour nor anywhere near it. I'm sorry that some have been hurt by men either through dementia or otherwise. I respect everyone's right to be angry about terrible behaviour. I've been on this board a long time and I've heard far more stories about what gentlemen many of the women here married.
I agree with Wolf, this is not normal behavior. If you need to move to protect yourself, move and lock the door. There are many threads on this site about hyper-sexual activity associated with the dementia"s. Sorry that you have reached this phase, but disease or not, NO still means NO. Protect yourself and your grandchildren.
Lloyd made attempts and only attempts in 2011. Then it seemed like he forgot all about intimacy. I never moved out of the bedroom...didn't care if he wet his pants or not. Eventually Depends took care of the soaking everything. No regrets at all. I just wanted to be with him as much as possible and dealt with the confrontation as it came. Everything bad was the disease and everything good was Lloyd. Sorry for those who have had more difficult times.
JustThinking - sorry you had to experience that. My husband started having ED problems at least 20 years ago. Long before AD he lost that ability. I blamed myself which I now want to believe it was a combo of both. He use to rub and rub my thigh as we layed in bed to the point it would be sore. Thank goodness he has stopped that.
Do what you need to feel safe. Whether it is the disease or not, if he hurt you or made you uncomfortable you have every right to move into another room. Hope it never happens again.
I have to say - my previous comment sounds a little harsh, even to myself. Perhaps the AD was already starting, because I know my being in the hospital many miles from home really did a number on him. We started noticing more obvious changes in him after that,so maybe that had something to do with his "no touch" policy. Maybe it was a little too personal to put on here, & I don't usually tell that to others.
And lindaMc, how I still admire you for your absolute love & devotion toward your late husband - throughout anything & everything.