As some of you may remember my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's officially December 12. Things have been going pretty good. Still early days yet. He manages to go out and about walking, takes the dog out, can clean up around the house etc.. Today he decided to ride his bike to the store. I thought this was promising as he hadn't ridden it for awhile. He said the chain had come off and he was going to put it back on. He was outside for ages. I finally went out to see what had happened only to see that he thought it needed oil only to find a whole gallon of oil in two different spots on my brand new paving brickwork and him now in the driveway, working on the chain. Leaving all the oil everywhere. Need I mention he also walked in it and it is all over the pathway as well. I have to go to work in a an hour. I just wiped it up with tea towels and threw peat moss over it hopefully it will soak up a lot of it. I did say a few not so nice things to him. It wasn't the spilling of the oil, it was the fact that his chain was more important. I know he feels bad but I realize this is just the beginning of a very long road ahead. I could cry right now, but have to get off to the tea store that I work in. ( My haven). He now has decided to walk to the store. it is about 1 miles away. We need milk and he doesn't like to pay the prices in the store at the top of my street . Arrghhhh....... We also have at least 7 bikes in my garage, that work perfectly well but he had to use this one didn't he? Well there is my vent. Off to the tea shop now.Thanks for listening.
I am sure he either didn't realize that he spilled this oil or the implications, or simply didn't think it was important. This is the dementia and why he has to be watched.
This is the beginning of a long trip. Do not give up your haven.
Reminds me of the time about 4 years ago that he had me take his car to work so that he could wash and wax mine for me. Did I mention that the car was BRAND NEW??? He had always been meticulous in taking care of our cars so I thought it would be a great way for him to feel that he could still contribute around the house. What could a little soap and water hurt, right? He found a little sticky goo from where the sticker had been so he cleaned the ENTIRE SURFACE of my car with the scratchy side of a sponge. It was completely covered with scratches. I was pretty proud of me (one of my finer moments....rare these days!) I did not say one word about it. He was just crushed when it dried and he realized what he had done. I took it to a body shop and they were able to buff out the minor scratches. The rest...we still have as a reminder every day!
julie55--I'm trying to think of what to say to you to help you avoid more disasters like the one you just encountered. The bottom line is--the early stages of dementia are filled with that type of experience. The person with dementia still has the urge to try to do things they once could, but they aren't capable of doing them properly now and can create major stress for the spouse. After going through so many of those types of crises, I now believe that the only way to avoid them is to make sure the person is supervised at all times. Easier said than done, I know, but aside from avoiding disasters, it can prevent accidents where bodily injury could occur. It is hard to draw the line in the sand in terms of supervision, but I always felt that I wanted to be proactive and head off the next crisis (that was sure to come)!
Julie55, Oh the things that they can get into!! The blue dawn soap will take care of the oil and it is safe for the environment. They use it to wash crude oil off of sea birds. The other dawns will not break the oil down. it is a different chemical compound in them to make them smell good. They also say hand soap not dish soap. You might want to put some on a paper towel and clean the bottoms of his shoes also. Oh my but they can get into something!!!!!!!!!!
This sounds like an "Alrighty then" moment! Not to make light of it because I would be upset too! Julie55, this is a great place to vent and it is always a guarantee that someone here will have a vent just like it or close to it. What kind of tea do you sell? All kinds or special items? That sounds like a great place to work! I love all kinds of tea.
Thanks for your responses everyone. I am going to try the blue Dawn soap. It is too cold at the moment in Toronto. Minis 10 cCelsius so will try when it gets warmer. deb we sell over 150 different loose teas. Black tea, green, herb, rooibos. I just love working in the the shop. We also sell China, tablecloths and expat British goods. Lots of regular customers who sometimes come into chat. I have calmed down now about the bricks and will tackle cleaning them when the weather gets better. In the greater scheme of things, at the moment my worries are so insignificant compared to other's. It was the initial shock I think of realizing that my hubby didn't see the urgency in cleaning up the oil right away. Again thanks everyone for your support.
When I lived in Seattle one of my favorite things to do was go to Pike Place Market, the lower level where there was a tea shop. Just the hallway was enough but it smelled so nice from all the different teas blending their odor. Odd since I don't drink tea, can't stand the smell of coffee. But that smell in the hallway was great (in the store was too strong)
julie55, I understand about the initial shock "of realizing that hubby didn't see the urgency". One of my most shocked times happened about 4 years ago: we got up one morning and our icemaker had broken in the night and water was everywhere downstairs. My husband shut the water off and started wet vacuuming. I got the number for the insurance company out for him and asked if he was OK calling them and getting everything taken care of, as he seemed so on top of things. He assured me would take care of it so I went on to work. I came home that evening - no husband and nothing had been done. The moisture had been left all day - we ended up losing our hardwood floors in the dining room and foyer, the entire kitchen and family room subfloors, all our base kitchen cabinets, drywall a few inches up, and our crawl space had water in it. He didn't answer his cell phone and no one in the family had seen him. He finally showed up about 10PM as I was calling the police. He'd gone with the community's volunteer home service crew and spent the day repairing someone else's house, according to him. I know that feeling of shock in realizing that he didn't see any problem in his choices that day.
Just wanted to tag on to this "Having a breakdown" thread. julie55, I have such painful memories of the times when it was such a shock, and the disbelief of seeing our spouses change so much. If there is some advice I would give you, do not fight it, do not analyze his actions, and guard your heart and empathy level as that is so tough, hurting for them.
like JustThinking, we had an episode before we knew he was ill, much the same. He "fixed" the pipe under the kitchen sink, this a man who was a very good plumber. I came home to a kitchen and cupboard full of water, and had to pull up some of the laminate floors and replace. He just looked so confused, oh it still hurts to remember it.
Yesterday I drove to town to visit my guy, spend the full day with him. I was in a good mood on the two hour drive, our finances had just been settled in a really good way, and I was feeling somewhat secure, and vindicated. Then, just like bi polar disease, I cried and sobbed all the way home . I could not celebrate our change of fortune with him, the dinner I wanted to treat and share I had to do alone. And then the reasons for the financial help from the VA, all the reasons are because of his illness. Hard to feel happy, you know what I mean?
When I hold him and look in to his eyes and try to communicate, I see in this brief few years what we have been through, together. And I thank God for the heart that has been in me, a heart that has grown with love and caring even though it hurts so.
Like many old timers here, I so feel for those of you in the early stages, and in the home struggles. Please do not deny what is happening, and get help.
I echo Coco's very wise advice: * "do not fight it, do not analyze his actions, and guard your heart and empathy level as that is so tough, hurting for them" * "Please do not deny what is happening and get help"
These are the most important tactics you will need to help you survive this journey.