i so apologize for being MIA since last September/October. But I do first want to express such heartfelt appreciation to all the wonderful gals here for their kindenss and valuable advice during my most difficult time. At that time, I was in a world of misery, to say the least. But with the encouragement and support from you gals, I finally took the steps I finally accepted were my ONLY OPTIONS.

To begin with, I made one more valiant effort to DH, saying if he kept refusing to go for testing, I would divorce him. However, it was to no avail....although he told me he didn't want a divorce....it was like talking to a wall. During that time, while still living apart, on several occasions he would ATTEMPT, BUT FAILED BIG TIME, TO MAKE ME A BOOTY CALL. THAT COMPLETE LACK OF RESPECT FOR ME WAS THE LAST STRAW!!!! After a 47 year relationship, for him to be so disrespectful to me was the biggest hurt of all. So, in October, 2013, I filed for a divorce. It was uncontested and I am, as of last month, a single lady after a 45 year marriage. Does it hurt??? YOU BET IT DOES!!!! I still can't believe any of this that has transpired. But I finally realized and accepted I was left with no other option.

Thanx to LFL for her wonderful advice about QDRO, insuring I received his pension benefits that I was entitled to. And for her constant and kind personal communications with me.
And of course, my deepest love to Lulliebird, who has become my biggest supporter and mentor during this entire time. I
I just reread all the wonderful advice and kindness all you wonderful people have given me and words can't express my deep gratitude and best wishes to all us suffering sisters.

Strangely enough, he still offers constantly to come and help with maintenance of my large home, takes me to doctor visits, food shopping, etc., because I'm reluctant to drive since my nerves are shot over the divorce and the medical ailments I am having to deal with ...all on my own. I've been trying to do an awful lot on my own, because I never know who will show up to "help"..........Jekyll or Hyde. One time, he's kind... and the next time, he will be passive-aggressively cruel. The kinder I treat him.... as thanx for still helping me, the worse he turns towards me for no apparent reason. If I had tons of money, I would pay handymen for everything so that I would never have to see him again. Seeing only rips the many wounds wide open again and it is killing me. My sons won't help me, except when I have computer trouble, because Daddy can't help with that. But other than that, I've been thrown to the WOLF for any other help they know he can do. I feel so alone and abandoned. We were always a loving family, and now, I'm dismissed as the problem and considered paranoid with any defense I try to make to them or HIM. No one wants or cares to hear it.

But in that respect, nothing has changed, but at least I am DIVORCED and have no obligations to the marriage that can jeopardize my financial future. As for his progression, what little time I am in his company, he seems to be more forgetful, occasionally apologizes in an email for my accusing him of being emotionally cruel to me .......and I tell him NOT to come to HELP me anymore. Promises it won't happen again, but out of my need, I let him come back to help when he offers weekly, but it's nothing but wash, rinse, and repeat. He still has that hair-trigger temper, but it seems to only be with me. He is still quite sociable, pleasant and seemingly normal to everyone else. I am sure he is living happily in his single life. Says he enjoys his independence. He admits to only porn, but says he has no interest in women. HAH!!!!! Maybe it's men for all I know!!! Nothing would shock me anymore.

In any event, I will continue to diminish my need for his help here. Once I start receiving half his pension checks, I will attempt to hire a landscaper, etc., with the extra money. I need to distance myself from him completely for my sanity, health, and peace of mind. I do admit my problems seem minimal compared to you dear gals who are suffering as caregivers. And I have to say, thanx to all the wise advice you've all given me, which opened my eyes and relieved me of such pain and torture in my future. I am well aware of the sacrifice, sorrow and difficulty you all live through on a daily basis as caregivers and my heart goes out to all of you!!!!! Thanx for being there for me and I only wish your suffering lightens and becomes more bearable for all of you.
Hugs and Kisses to YOU ALL,
Gina

Gina, glad to know the divorce is final and the QDRO is finalized. I am hoping you can begin to put the past behind you and start a new beginning. I know all of it's hard but you're strong, much stronger than you give yourself credit for, and begin taking baby steps towards your new life and independence.

Gina, glad to hear you moved forward with your situation and hopefully, you can begin to build a new life. Regarding the issue of assistance with things like home maintenance, computers, etc.--dementia is a robber, regardless of what type of marriage is involved. I had a dream marriage where my husband did home maintenance (he was a CPA but could also fix just about anything--we never needed a handyman in 30 years); he could paint, wallpaper, do some electrical, landscaping, took care of the cars, our finances, on and on. Of course, once AD came into the picture I was on my own with all that, and you know what--although painful, I was able to take it all on and succeed! I am much more independent and confident now. And although there is another man in my life, I don't need help with anything--and that feels good! Kudos to LFL and the others who have helped you--that's what this site is all about. Who would think that help can come from people we have never met (in person).

Gina best of luck in your new beginnings. . divorce is always rough whether ill or not. take care of you.
divvi