Last night, my DH "just realized" that his baby brother is dead. To him, it was like it just happened, when his brother has been dead 5 years. We went through the mourning, grief, tears and I comforted him. This same thing happened when my Aunt Mary had ALZ. and she "just realized" her son died when he had actually died back in 1963. Anyone else had this experience?
Yes. DH and I are both caboose children and most everyone in our families has died. He experiences profound grief every time he realizes that his brothers and parents are dead. I usually skirt around the issue and tell him that I spoke with his mother earlier and she was glad to know where we were, or that his brother called earlier when he was out or they said they would call tomorrow. As the disease has progressed, this happens a lot less often probably because he has forgotten them altogether.
I didn't know what to do. Didn't know if I should tell him Terry was okay or comfort DH. I just held him in my arms and gently rubbed his back. The forgetting, I understand as part of ALZ. I don't understand how they can just suddenly relive the pain and grief associated with the death of a loved one. Gosh, there's a lot about ALZ. I don't understand.
No one can knows what goes on in our loved ones inner brains. I often wonder if my DH gets agitated because he feels a loss of dignity when strange caregivers at the NH are changing him. He has also spoken several words in the last few weeks after three years of being totally non verbal. I think that maybe sometimes circuits will occasionally connect enough to jolt a bit of memory. Just my own thinking but doctors have no clue about any behavior causes either! We just have to ramble along on this rocky road and do what we think is best for our loved ones and our own peace of mind including the fiblets. I just know that they can't come in to our world so we have to go into theirs. Take care, Carolyn.
My sister-in-law is in the stage where she constantly wants to go home to her mother and father. I have tried to counsel my brother-in-law on just telling her that they are "not at home right now" but he insists on not lying to her and has gone so far as to show her their death certificates to "satisfy" her.
This is so sad and causes her to grieve over and over again.
My DH has forgotten many of his family members so we're not dealing with this right now - but I'm sure it will come soon. The best we can do is just love them and comfort them in the way that works the best.
About a month before DH died, he started wanting to go find his Mother and Father. I told him we'd go tomorrow. He looked at me and said, "Well, that's going to be difficult, since they both have died". Caught in a fiblet!
There are times where L lives more in the past than the present. She will go on and on about an ex-boyfriend or her elementary school. She isn't confused but the raw emotions about the past come out.