My DH has Vascular, al, and bvFronto. With this bv he is so changeable. He will swing from minute to minute if he can't have things done his way and in his time. I had him at my apartment his week end to watch some of our Canadian Ladies Curling. He loves curling of any kind. We had a wonderful week end and I cried when I had to leave him at the LTC. We never learn do we? Later this evening he was trying to get me to do some work on a spread sheet and I was tired and said I would do it later. Well he was so angry. He told me I wasn't helping him at all and insisted I do this right now. I told him no that I would do it later and if he was going to be angry with me I was going to hang up. Well guess who hung up? He did! I didn't call back and just left it alone. Later he emailed me with the new version that I was to do and it was all done. And added " luv U goodnight" I could have gone down there and slapped him, but instead I called my friend and we relived my last few years with him trying to control everything. The difference is that I have now learned to refuse to be treated this way and to walk away and maybe try to find the lighter side of this. He thinks he is pretty smart by hanging up on me before I could hang up on him. The social worker at his LTC told me to hang up and if we are together to just leave. He says I do not need to take the abuse even if it is from a Dementia ill person. They told me he has to learn that there are limits and consequences to his behaviour. I need to separate myself from the situation and let it calm down. Don't argue just get away from the situation. He beat me to it. LOL Yes, I guess I am ranting but boy does it feel good!!
Jazzy, your husband's behaviors are quite different from my husband who has bvFTD, so I don't think I can give you any good advice. Just keep coming here and venting so you get it off your chest.
I agree with the social worker that you shouldn't take the abuse, but I doubt your husband will learn "there are limits and consequences to his behavior". He's got dementia and particularly with FTD rational thinking goes out the window very quickly.
I agree 100% with LFL that 'learning' limits under this type of disease is rather controversial! I am glad to hear your ranting has done its good. we all need to vent now and then.
Jazzy, yes, so changeable. My wife can be angry at me one moment and then thanking me the next. I do have her at the house on occasion but never for an entire day or overnight. I am glad that you are able to have a wonderful weekend with him.
And they want everything done right away. If you are one the phone can you lie and simply say that you did it and do it later? My SILs tell me to bend the trust all of the time since L has no way of knowing.
And I do hang up on L when she brings up certain subjects. Thankfully that is not often. But since she tends to talk without giving room for anyone else to get in a word I do put the phone down without hanging up and let her talk. I only do that when she goes into calling mode and is constantly calling (maybe 15 seconds between calls).
I have to share this with you. I agree with the previous posts. My husband had FTD. By the time he was hospitalized and then went on to rehab and then ALF, he was unable to handle the telephone- and come to think of it, that was one of the first skills he lost.
As part of the illness, he was a "turn on a dime" in terms of behavior. When I arrived to visit he would complain that I had been gone so long. But, it was not long before he would ask me to leave. I quickly learned that he did not want me around at mealtime because he had to be fed and was beyond adamant that I not see that.
Anyway, I wanted to comment on the social worker's statement. When I was touring various ALF's, one of the nicest was a combination of independent living and assisted living. Joint dining and common areas but separate living wings.
The sweet social worker looked directly at me and said "Our goal would be to get your husband SO IMPROVED in assisted living that he would be able to move to the independent living side- WE HAVE SOME LOVELY UNITS WITH BALCONIES".
I can certainly relate to everyone's comments. My DH's diagnosis has recently been changed to FTD (not sure which variety as of yet) although I suspected it from the very beginning. He really can be quite demanding especially when it comes to mealtime and bedtime. He's very insistent that I go to bed at a certain time with him -- this is from the former workaholic who never came to bed before 1:00 a.m. He doesn't want me to read in bed, which I have done for years. He doesn't like me to read or play on my tablet when I watch TV with him. I call him "The Little Dictator" to myself. I told him last night that I just might start sleeping in a different bedroom if the demanding behavior doesn't stop.
I felt badly yesterday though when our little granddaughters were over. The younger one (age 3) was playing with a little kitchen set we have for them and she very sweetly brought over a play donut to give to my husband. He very rudely said "No!" My poor stepson was shocked and couldn't believe it -- he hasn't really seen that type of behavior from him yet. I think my DH thought it was real although I told him she was pretending. I've come to the conclusion that he just didn't comprehend the meaning of pretend.
I am thankful that he is not violent or aggressive yet, but am fearful for that to come. One day at a time . . .