Can hardly put into words how I feel. Everything is changing and I am so sad and anxious with each new reality.

He started daycare as a "volunteer" and is happy and proud in his reality. I'm glad he's happy . But, am grieving that he fits in there unaware of his place. I know as everyone is telling me this good for him.

He seems less bothered by his decreasing abilities and memory loss. He couldn't tell me how many grand kids we had
And needed help getting their names. But, he was okay with my telling him.

I look at him now and when I have a fleeting memory of who he was, I feel my stomach sink and my heart pound as
I must face the reality of losing him day by day.

I fear The pain that I know is only going to get worse. How do I do this ?...How will I last through years of this
Agony? I am amazed at the strength of all of you.

Lorrie_ I had the same feelings as you DH thinks he works at the Daycare and we are going on 3 years there 5 days a week because I work full time. It is so hard to see him with the senior's as he calls them. The hurt and pain never goes away, but it does change. I don't have words of comfort except to say you are not alone in this. Hugs and prayers for comfort for you.

its very distressing to see them decline to the point they are so unaware. but in a way its a gift too -probably the only thing we can thank during this disease.
if my DH was unhappy depressed and aware of his demise, there would surely have been 2 of us miserable sad depressed and unhappy for what was to come.
now at least with my DH, we have entered into the 14th year now, and the only way I am able to get thru it, is knowing he has been unaware and smiley and easy to care for these last stages of his life. there is little compensation but it has gotten me thru to know he hasn't been anxious or worried during all these lost years. it doesn't ever go away completely but does get more manageable with time.
divvi

From the sound of the comments this is something we all feel. Comes with the disease I guess. I want to do anything I can to have him back the way he was but I know that is not possible and it is frustrating and painful. Sometimes I just want to scream, it hurts so much to not have him and our old life back.

Hugs JAZZY

Thanks to all of you . I wish we could have a big group hug! But I do feel the understanding and shared pain.

That helps Soo much. You send me the words I need to hear. Yes, the best thing we can do is keep them happy and well cared for.

Thank goodness, he doesn't have the capacity to figure out what is really happening. He does still get frustrated sometimes..mostly by his speech diffficulties .

Jazzy
Sometimes I want to scream and cry "I want my husband back."

Good advice .. I must try to live in the moment, one day at a time. You all give me strength.

Me too.
I can't believe he's gone!

Those of us with the * well understand as do the others what you are enduring. This is a very good and safe place to come with your questions, when you need a shoulder or just want to scream. We all understand.
Those of us who have the * now have a new kind of loneliness to which we must adjust. Yes we know our loved one is free of this terrible disease but we miss them and no we would not want them back ill, we just want them back well and whole so we can enjoy the life we thought we were going to have..we know it won't happen..We have the same memories as do you of those good ol' days when we were making memories that now only you can recall as only we too can recall.
Come here as often as you need to and ask any questions you need and we will try to help i any way we can.