Sorry blue for that insensitive comment and there is no way it would fit. Many people use phrases that they think sound appropriate but have no idea of their meaning.

I looked it up: A corselet, or corselette, is a type of foundation garment, sharing elements of both brassieres and girdles. It may incorporate lace in front or in back. The term originated by the addition of the diminutive suffix "-ette" to the word corset.

You are definitely not a corset and bet she did not even know she was calling you that. There is also the opera about a woman who looks for a man with money - that does not fit you either.

conclusion: she was someone who heard a phrase not knowing the meaning and showed her ignorance by using it.

The only merry in your life is that your husband is free from this horrible disease. Yes you are a sad, maybe numb widow, but that is it. It will be a long time, no matter how good or bad a marriage was to become anything more. And only you will know the time.

So let her ignorance go. Take one day at a time and you define what words describe where you are at -at the time.

While the comment was certainly thoughtless, it almost certainly refers to "Die lustige Witwe" which was translated into English as "the Merry Widow" In this context It refers to people trying to set you up with potential new Husbands.

http://www.metoperafamily.org/metopera/history/stories/synopsis.aspx?customid=62

"lustige" in this context could also be translated as "attractive/enthusiastic"
In this context perhaps you can forgive a person who may have been well meaning albeit thoughtless.
FWIW the corset was named after the costumes in the operetta

Did someone call me? Actually Charlotte nailed it; but, maybe the family member should try and expand themselves past what a pressed ham on a stick can do.

I would translate lustig as funny. I ran it through google translate and it agreed. I've also heard it used in the context of "full of life".

People say strange and awkward things in stressful situations. I would be willing to believe the ham on a stick didn't mean anything by it. We are also extremely sensitive which is very understandable. I would try and let it go as a stupid thing to say. As Charlotte said, someone heard a word and showed their ignorance using it without understanding anything about it.

I have heard this expression numerous times. Either in fluffy literature or almost always as the full corset. I'll do a bit of scouting but I suspect I'll find it refers historically to widows putting the required corsets back on in the 19th century. The corset would have signalled availability back then in repressed victorian society I suspect.

It does sound like the opera Crushed described is the culprit where the idea of a 'merry widow' originated in that translation she described. Prior to that 1907 date I see no reference to such a phrase. That implies the fixation of that opera phrase onto women's undergarments came after 1907.

It's really, really hard to try and figure out whether a man or a woman came up with calling a full corset a merry widow. Anyone? Anyone?

That reminds me of my first love, the preacher's daughter (Anglican minister) who wore full body armor which I had carefully studied in the Sears Roebuck catalogue (Sears up here) and realized that it was easier to try and undress a turtle. Not that I ever did. We were 15 and what my first love was wearing underneath never crossed my mind all the time.

"We were 15 and what my first love was wearing underneath never crossed my mind all the time." Good thing you were typing that - it would have been hard to say with your tongue in your cheek.

I think that alzheimer's spouses having repressed anger and vulnerable feelings is necessary.

Asking victims of long torture whether they have those feelings is a waste of time. They do and that's understandable by the single reason of intent.

No one 'intended' to make our lives torture over years but that's the fact nevertheless.

I've said on other threads this is my war. Turn bitter and react to every slight by anyone. Turn victim and be hurt by every slight by anyone. Or try and drain the swamp steadily of the poisons despite the gators and monsters.

That first true love dumped me and became prom queen. Two weeks after she gave me my friendship ring back on her front porch with her mother glaring at me through the window, her new boyfriend where we were both on the basketball team bragged about not only having sex with her but that her old boyfriend never even tried. Many of them laughed. It was very important to project the image everyone was getting it all the time.

Understand? Raw from being rejected I found out the reason was that I was inadequate. Even in grade 13 two years later it was Dianne who reached down - not me. And while I'm telling the raw truth they were right - I did feel inadequate, nervous, unconfident, and not ready for those realities.

We all have our stories about how we became what we were and how we got here - but I don't believe for a second that none of us ever hurt anyone, or said anything hurtful, or are guilty of equivelant behaviour. You are - you just don't remember.

Just last week I had yet another person laugh in my face when I told them I was shy. I had them in stitches telling stories. I studied acting and to this day I can absorb a script and do the entire movie for you with accurate inflections and voice tonalities. I survey the room and know from years of practise where the audience is and what will work and have exceeded the effort most actors and scholars are willing to put in. I'm not always right but I can always explain what I'm doing.

I can't go back and undo things. But you can't twitch now without me noticing and having thoughts about what that might mean. That first girl had every right to make her own choices. It changed my life though. Even lifelong friends utterly abandoning us which hurt terribly is no match for what I felt back then in highschool.

My wife had her faults but she forgave mine. After highschool I learned a second level of compassion which was that despite the fact that I could be hurt so badly by 'normal' life that it changed me for the rest of it, we are all just people trying to get by including me.

It doesn't matter that I'm arrogant or a braggart. It matters whether I'm right. And I am. What twists and paths we go through here are different for each of us; but, one thing isn't.

Ultimately and sooner than we think, we are faced with ourselves and no memories or inclinations or issues we have will change that. My struggle isn't with ham on a stick or Alzheimers or being alone. All those things will pass and return to dust. My struggle is with my own spirit and the extra children I now have. Bitterness, anger, resentment, saddness, and withdrawal are their names. You know them.

Two things do not work. Embracing them and pretending they're not there. The only option is to open my heart to life again. I'm back where I started and this time learning tricks to defend myself isn't looking like a promising road - besides, I'm out of tricks.

I have one road. Remind myself. Try. Keep trying. To have a moment, to have an honest smile, to notice that I am. My cancer survivor friend who lost her husband 9 months ago recently said she hadn't laughed since he died. I have her on film laughing so hard she was snorting last August at the cottage weekend. I won't help her pointing that out just now. It's me that needs to learn this.

Marche, it's fine honestly.

I'm trying to give Blue and Coco a different way to see this. And not just different but in ways I thought were valuable to me. And by valuable I mean they actually helped me.

Coco, Hope all is well with you. We are at 11 degrees, soak up some sunshine for me :)

Wolf, You always make me think, deep, deep thoughts.

I am not the same person today that I was five years ago. But then again, my older DD who was deployed last year is not the same person she was a few years ago. Life has an impact on us. Good, bad or whatever.

marche, your line....it is just to dark to dream any more.... just hurts my heart. So much raw truth.......

((((Hugs to all))))

Wow. Crushed, that is absolutely beautiful and so powerful. Thanks for sharing.