I am afraid that we have no belief whatever in any kind of afterlife or any kind of cosmic spirit. This life is whatever we make of it. I'm well aware that those beliefs are comforting to many I met DW over 40 years ago and she has filled my life with joy and love and children. We have both had meaningful work that is known around the world. She was the smartest girl I ever met. While her brilliant intellect has foundered like a ship on a reef, her warmth and love are still intact. I will hold on to them to the end. But when it's gone, its gone.
I am with Dylan Thomas on this point
Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Crushed, your journey is still young. For some of us, Alzheimer's brings us to our knees again and again trying to break us. Sometimes it succeeds. Dylan Thomas' words can be inspirational to those walking the normal path of life, or when applied to Alzheimer's, a script for horror. This never occurred to me until I embarked on (or was I hijacked?) this particular path. Many of us pray for the kindness of our loved ones going gently into that good night.
Perhaps you misunderstand me. My mother died of vascular dementia. I know the pain of those who care for bodies whose minds are gone. Life is consciousness and will. When those are gone, they are gone. I was reacting to the suggestion that I could be consoled by the thought that we could be "together" some time in the future.
Crushed - something to think about...if your wife goes the route my hubby has (he just went into LTC)...he doesn't realize there is anything wrong with him now, anosognosia. In the beginning he did realize he was forgetful but attributed it to old age...he's 78 and I'm 56...but as the disease progressed he isn't in denial he just isn't aware what is happening (he forgot). Which I think is a good thing. So your wife may just forget there is anything wrong with her. Right now I can't begin to imagine what your wife is feeling with being a high academic and then get hit with this disease. In my mind I'll still be "with it" till I'm dead and gone, but who knows, it all is the luck of the draw. Such a sad, life sucking disease. The Long Goodbye.
Thanks for your poetry. Had you said somewhere that you are a writer? If not, then you have majored in English? I was saddened to read of the death of Seamus Heaney.
For Amber DW is a physician. She knows. She had 3 full neuro-cognitive evaluations over the last 4 years and she read the reports in detail. When we got the report that first used the term dementia as a diagnosis she spotted the word immediately. She knows her license expires this year and she cannot renew it because she can't pass CMEs She helped as my mother died with dementia.
I don't know if sex is a taboo subject here (It doesn't seem to get mentioned) but she makes love with me with a frequency and an intensity that tells me it makes her feel young and healthy and full of promise.
Crushed, So glad that you and your wife still are able to be a loving couple. For us sex ended almost totally several years before DH dx. And his ability to know who I was ended soon after his dx. So my caregiving time was spent with a man who had no idea who I was, beyond being the nice lady.
Crushed - there are threads where we discuss the sex issue so it is not taboo. That is the uniqueness of this site - we are spouses/partners of someone with dementia. Sex is part of it. For us my husband started having ED problems probably 20 years ago. Viagra did nothing for him. It has now been probably 10 years since he was able. he no longer even knows what it is about even though he is not that far along. For him it was one of the first memories to go I think.
Yes, we talk about sex it. Usually either the sex drive disappears or goes into overtime. Many caregivers find that they don't enjoy the sex due to changes in the relationship, the loss of abilities of their spouse, depression, or that the sex now seems impersonal or uncaring. If you both are enjoying the sex then go for it. It becomes a problem when she is interested and you have lost interest. My wife is still interested, more so than me. But she has lost so much of her life so I am not going to deny her.