Julia, I too send my deepest sympathy to you and your loving family. I am glad you and your family were with your beloved Reno. I wish for peace for all of you. Reno is safe and whole now.
Thank you so much everyone. Though the suffering is over for Reno, we seem to be in a state of shock, numbness and so so tired. We are meeting with the funeral director today to make the needed arrangements. Just have to share this little bit...when DD and I got home at 3am on the sad night. DD got out of the car and looked up to the clear starry sky, "look mum she said...omg I had never seen so many stars, it was magic...."I wonder which one is dad she said" Sitting quietly later on my own ....the beautiful song Vincent "Starry Starry Night"by Don Maclean came into my head. Reno's middle name is Vincent and That song says it all about his life...also I Did It My way is another. I think these two songs will be playing in the background on the day Amazing the things that one thinks of in quiet moments.
Family have been amazing...a son has come back into the fold....why does it take something like this for them to get back together...
Julia, so sorry for your great loss, but happy that all your children were there for Reno and you, as well as for themselves. Try to take care of yourself during the difficult months ahead.
Thank you so much, We are just finishing off the funeral arrangements...waiting for family to fly in from across Australia. It will be on the Tuesday 14th January 11.30am. DD and I have spent hours going through photos and music to remember him by and reflect upon on the day. I feel sad, but relief that he is no longer suffering.
And I am another one thinking of you too, Julia. It is a good idea not to have the funeral too soon after the death as it just passes over your head in a blur, not waiting longer is something that I regret. Love and kind thoughts, cassie.
Julia, lots of hugs to you and your family. May God grant you the peace that passes understanding. Lean on us and your family we are with you throught it all.
Thank you Coco, Just the funeral service to get through now next week, arrangements all done. Waiting for family to arrive this week. I popped into the Nh yesterday, just to thank the caregivers and a couple of other spouses still on this journey. It was so hard to be there and see the suffering and pain still there for the ones left struggling. I don't think I could go back there again. My heart goes out to them.
DS#2 is taking it really hard...went out and got a tattoo in memory of his dad. His way of dealing with it. I'm ok, perhaps it will hit me like a ton of bricks later... at the moment, I'm feeling sadness, but relief that Reno is at peace.
My thoughts and heart will always be with dear friends here.
I'm really really sorry I've let waiting for the service go on for so long, just because family can't be here till next week. The funeral should have been today...a week since he passed. I can't stop thinking about Dh waiting to be laid to rest. My heart is broken enough as is without this wait. I'm getting very anxious and upset...guilt is also setting in now.
Julia, please don't have any guilt. I had to wait almost 3 wks. for his memorial service because of bad weather, flight cancellations, etc. But, I must say, I had time to sort of chill out before everyone came and was better able to handle everything. Please try NOT to get upset or anxious. You will be fine.
Thanks so much Vickie*. It will happen I know, it's just the waiting for it all to be over and the family can move on. I keep going over in my mind if I did everything, and that it will all go well. Hugs
It will all go well,Julia. The priest who was to preside at his memorial was flying from Boulder CO - weather didn't let him. I had to substitute at the last minute with someone whom I did not want to do it - but no choice. It worked out fine. And hugs to you, too!
Your an inspiration Vickie*. I'm so glad it all worked out well for you. Your wisdom and caring posts during your journey here has been a great comfort to me and I'm sure others I'm sure it will be fine, I need to keep busy these next few days.
Julia-I actually felt guilty for having the service too quickly (DH passed 12/26) as my sister was already coming in for another funeral. Mine was New Year's Eve Day so some people were still out of town
And interesting about the tattoo. My adult daughter also was struggling with DH's passing and went out and got a tattoo as well. It was her way of dealing with it.
Julia, Of all the emotions swirling around you right now, guilt should not be one of them. You have chosen to wait for those who cared for your husband to be there to help celebrate his life before you lay him to rest. I know the wait has to be grueling, but I believe in the end, you will find true peace with your decision.
Thank you so much Dog, Moon*, I'm sure when the day comes it will all be Ok. Why we keep second guessing ourselves all the time, it only adds to the pain and grieving. Coming here will help me get through the next few days.
Dh never liked tattoos either, I was quite shocked to see what he had done and how big it is. It's Son's first tattoo.
Julia, I know how anxious this time is for you friend, but try to console yourself that his wait is over now and you are giving him his final farewell in company of all those who loved and cherished his life. its a final tribute to your love for him and you should feel less anxious knowing this is what is bringing final closure for him and you. having family and friends will ease the concerns. may you find peace and comfort while you take these last days to reflect. divvi
Thank you so much for your comforting words Divvi, Yes, the waiting is hard, but I'm humbled by the love and support family and friends have shown me, I have not been alone for more than a day. Everyone has been amazing helping me get through these last days.
Julia, I am just reading that your dh has passed. First I want to send my condolences. Then I want to tell you what others have said. Feel no guilt. You have done a great job of caring for your dh. He is whole now. Now is your time. You can do nothing wrong right now but not take time for yourself. This is one of the hardest things we will do as a caregiver and that is to take care of our self and not second guess all we do. I pray you find peace and comfort as the days go by. My heart hurts for you as I read of all our loved ones that have passed. But remember, as we made it thru the disease together, we shall all get thru this time together. Hugs and prayers coming your way.
Mammie*. Thank you for your comforting words. As days pass, I feel no guilt now just sadness. The memorial service is tomorrow, family are arriving today from across Australia. It just seems to be dragging on for too long. Yesterday, I had a good talk with my Dear daughter, who is a my rock. we talked about the night he passed, how lovely and peaceful he was, how son, daughter and I held hands, hugged and cried when he took that last breath. Stayed with him for 2 hours till they took him away. She said we did all we could for the best, and she is proud how I, we handled everything and he passed with dignity. I'm feeling lost, some grief, I think tomorrow the grief will be the worst.
Thinking of you this morning Julia. May your day be filled with love, kindness, good memories (and some laughter) as you say goodbye to your dear Reno.
Thank you Cassie. The service was this morning, family had a private viewing to say goodbye, then onto the memorial service. It was so beautiful, 2 sons and 2 grandsons were pall bearers. Son #2, grandson #1 and nephew in law from Sydney got up to say a few words. We had a photo slide show with "Unchained Melody" playing in the background. Some funny photos, happy family photos with the kids. I was humbled by all the people that came to honour Reno's life and passing. He would have been so proud and honoured as I am.
Time to heal now and reflect on the beautiful life we had...only happy memories now. Hugs
That all sounded just lovely, Julia. So glad that today will be a good memory for you. Take care of yourself now, it isn't going to be as easy as you think but nothing will ever be as bad again as what you have been through. Love and strength to you.
Julia, I am glad everything went so well. The memorial service sounds like a wonderful remembrance of your dear Reno's life. Take care of yourself, and try to get some much needed rest.
Dazed, at the moment I'm feeling very lost. Going in every day and then suddenly not has left a very big void in my life. I'm hoping with time I will settle. In time I hope to enjoy lunches with friends and get back into my embroidery and patchwork groups. The house that has been a little neglected needs working on, so keeping busy will be the best for me right now. I will need to get important documents transferred from joint accounts to my name, utilities into my name. Hugs
Dear, dear Julia* - yes, keeping busy immediately helped me so very much and I'm still busy - packing. Not sure of the regulations on bank accounts where you are, but here I kept one joint account open - just in case. I had already changed utilities - but I know we had to make deposits when we opened them - so if I move there will be refunds coming -and since he opened them - refund will be made to him. All these little details!
Vickie*, here as soon as I produce his death certificate, the joint bank accounts will automatically go into my name. The house title deed and social securities will be a big thing to have changed over. Electricity acc. will have to be closed the meter read and I will have to pay for a new acc. opened in my name, how stupid is that!
I popped into the Nh to say the last good byes and thank the carers...I told them I wasn't going back, that I need to move on now. His room is already taken, it's all about the money isn't it! ...and so life goes on..
I am just a month into this *. I find myself going to one thing and another throughout the day. I do try to get one or two important things done and then spend the rest of the day with laundry, cleaning, putting away items that are left out, and yesterday worked in the flower beds. And sometimes even napping. I just sort of let the day take me where ever it needs to go. Some days I have a plan, some days not.
DD took me out to get my nails done, and then I had my hair done. Never had my nails done and it has been over 10 years getting my hair done. You may be like me and need to do something for yourself. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. (((Hugs)))
Blue*, Yes, as hard as it is...it's all about us now, isn't it? . Look after yourself everyone keeps telling me. I'm trying, just don't know how to do that. A new hair do sounds nice.
I'm still waiting for the death certificate. It's been 13 days now since he passed, that will be my mission today to get that. I need that to get things moving plus help me move on. Friends have been checking in on me, just lovely. I'll have them all over for a girlie day here soon.
Blue* your..." let the day take me where ever it needs to go" sound like the best thing to do just now. Thank you, Hugs.
Charlotte. I was told the death certificate will be issued 10 days after the funeral. I won't hurry with changing the utilities, it's manly the house title deed and Government social security...pensions etc...
Julia, you have been in my thoughts so often((hugs)) I just haven't been able to come here to post. I am so happy to hear you had such a beautiful service for Reno. Much love ♥