My AD hubby fails to turn things off when he's done with them.This happens at least half the time.Sometimes he'll leave the house and leave the T.V. on or go to bed leaving things on.I guess I was just wondering if this is part of AD.Does this happen at your house too?
Absolutely! They forget. It is very common. All of our ceiling fans have remote controls. If I put the remote on the table next to him, he will remember to shut off the fan.Otherwise, he forgets. He never remembers to put the salad dressing away - I always find it on the kitchen table.
It used to bother me, but you know what - I took the advice of one of my support group friends on this one - considering all the other things about AD we have to deal with, this one isn't worth stressing over. I just shut the fan off if I see it on, and put the dressing away.
These are the kind of things I don't even bother trying to get him to do anymore. My LO leaves doors open that should be closed and closes ones that should stay open. Doors are very confusing to him. Forget about the lights! Fortunately my new fridge beeps when the door is left open.
my hubby turns bedroom light off and on all night sometimes leaves it on for 10 mins or so then off again ,I have night lights but these are'nt enough.the night are always bad for our love ones.
I know your right,I shouldn't sweat the small stuff.There are many other important things to think and worry about.I just wondered if this was part of AD. Thanks,Ann
We have that problem of closing doors, front door, all exterior doors, doors to his work shed, cover to the outside electrical panel. Diagnosis is only Mild Cognitive Impairment. The other day, when he left a door open a snake got in. He was very good at finding it and killing it - but how it got in never got addressed. We now have those automatic door closers on all the exterior doors. They don't make the door latch, but it does shut it. Compensation and creative problem solving. I hope it will always work this well. hope&faith
The best advice I received when DH was diagnosed was "pick your battles". This has served me very good the last six years. If I ask him to do something and he gives me problems, I drop it if it is not something that will hurt him or anyone else.
This never got better with us. It seems like the final step.... the closing never gets done. After awhile I have to accept the responsibility for checking everything myself. Lately, he will leave his food dishes on the table and his chair out. Our dog has his number here. He waits until John has left the table and then rushes in, jumps up on the chair and cleans off the dishes. I now have to put the dog in his crate until I can secure the situation.
My husband (early stage) is getting paranoid about closing and locking doors, bicycles, our front gate. Even in warm weather he wants everything closed up tight. I just keep opening doors and windows again when I need to without saying anything and preferably when he's not looking, try not to make too much of an issue about it.
Lights are left on everywhere he goes. I just follow and shut them off. Someone once said it is like having a 5'7" four year old and oh, how true that is. If he leaves the fridge or freezer door open and he discovers it then it is my fault because something I put on the shelf is positioned wrong and preventing the door from closing. So as was said earlier "pick your battles." It is easier just to follow him around and shut off faucets or whatever than to fight about it. You cannot win. I need my strength for the "please call my mother or take me to see her" situations. (She passed on in 1978.) He spends most of his awake time living in the year that we were married, 1961. It is very hard to deal with.
My husband has FTD and I have the opposite problem. If you leave a room for a second with the lights on, he will turn them off. Same thing with the tv. This morning I got up to go to the bathroom and by the time I came back he had gotten up and made the bed :o
Closing up the house, no windows or doors open, especially in the evening seems to be a given with dementia. Both my husband and my SIL's father do this. And SIL's father is doing it in Honduras where the temps are over 100 until sunset.
If I manage to get the doors and windows open when he isn't looking, he can leave them open until he goes to bed, some of the time. But he goes to bed 2 to 3 hours before I do, so I'm re-opening things up once I'm sure he is asleep. Some of the time I'm just too tired to do it all.
deb112958, a man who makes the bed?!! That's not a problem, that's a dream! Just teasing.
DH leaves lights on, does not flush commode, does not put away anything from the refrigerator, or put trash in wastebasket, etc. Just exactly like a 3 year old! Funny thing tho, he's started locking the door. I think he's developed a fear -- will have to keep watching this.
My husband has FTD as well and he does the same thing I hate getting up to go to the bathroom because he makes up the bed and I say all the time I am not ready to get up, I am just using the bathroom. He also starts making rounds around the house at 6pm starts locking everything up so he thinks turns on night lights thru out the house goes in the basement and turn all the high hat lights on (which really pisses me off the next day knowing the lights have been on all night all 35 of them) I am going to try to tape up the light switch and put in lamps in the basement instead . He leaves the refrig open, it is all so weird some things on somethings are turned off, things left open and things shut I don't get it. I have started practicing removing all stove burners/and knobs before I go upstairs for the evening. I am going to start this week taking all cleaning chemicals out of the laundry room and get a container which I can lock and keep in the garage I am afraid of him getting into this. Last but not least he keeps a wool hat on all day and a corduroy sports jacket in the house as if he is cold oit is 90 out and I keep the house comfortable even if the air is on 77 he is sniffing as if he is catching a cold . He won't touch the air thank God I just have to realize he is cold and try to make him more comfortable. I am also looking for the alarm you can put on the refrig when it is left open and I will be buying the latches for the cabinets as well.
oh, angelb, don't even get me started on the thermostat issue. We fight constantly about this. We live in Central Texas and the temps have been in the triple digits lately. DH is very cold-natured since his FTD diagnosis and wants the house at 80 degrees or warmer all the time.
My husband also has FTD, last summer he went through a stage where he was freezing all the time, wanted a blanket when it was 90 degrees out. I had the air on, but I am cold natured so it was not very low. This summer he hasn't mentioned once being cold. But he doesn't mention being hot either. I also go behind him flushing the toilet & turning out the lights.
I have been wondering for a long time if feeling cold has to with AD. My husband often wears 2 pair of winter socks and wraps his legs in a blanket when sitting in his chair. The house is 80 degrees right now and I cannot turn the air on any higher or I don't know what else he would put on. I just managed to get his long johns off him a few days ago. This is so strange as prior to the illness he never even wore a winter coat in the coldest weather. He still uses a comforter and a blanket on his bed. I'm glad we sleep in separate rooms!
Well, my husband seems to be the odd man. He is always hot and wants me to turn the air conditioning on even when we don't need it. He never touches the stove. Didn't before the FTD and still doesn't. Other than putting some peanut butter on crackers, he wouldn't eat unless I make it. When I do make meals though, I have to remind him that he is not the only one eating or he would eat everything. For his snack he has to have m&ms everyday. I limit him to one small bag a day. Then he asks me why is belly is growing, lol
My husband not only makes the bed but he vacuums too. Didn't do either before the FTD. He's also very bossy about what he thinks I should do--like when I'm going to shower, color my hair, wash dishes....
I have keyed deadbolts on all the exterior doors because he likes to walk and gets up really early in the morning. If I didn't keep them locked he would leave for his walk (he takes a lot of them during the day) before I knew it. He knows they are locked and usually the first thing he says to me in the morning is "unlock the door, so I can go for a walk, then I'll be done for the day" Yeah Right! He'll take a bunch of short walks all being his last one!!
My husband turns OUT lights...with me in the room. He'd sit in a black dark room if I let him. (Fear of him tripping over something is the only reason I won't).. He wants every door locked and double checks the garage door throughout the day. He came in from outside earlier this afternoon and was concerned because there was no trash in our garbage cans! I told him that today was Collection Day, and the fact that the containers were empty was good news! He still wanted to know why it was empty and who took our stuff!
He's absolutely fascinated with the TV series "Ice Road Truckers". He cannot take his eyes off the TV, which is very unusual, since he rarely glances at the TV otherwise. Maybe in his "other life", he was a trucker!!! Hahaha. It's a fast moving, man-type series. At least it's keeping him happy for a little while.
nancy, yours with the truckers show, my DH loves george carlin with all the 4letter words, and i dont mean 'sale'..:) he laughs out loud -i swear he acts like he 'gets' the jokes! i leave it on HBO just to hear him cackle// divvi
It just amazes me when I read these postings how many of the same phases our spouses go through.They are all so similar, yet they are all different. The stages all seem to occur in random order and it is a relief when they leave a stage....but stressful when they enter another. My DH's big thing now is getting into bed. I can't seem to get him to lie down at night. He'll sit on the edge of the bed and when I ask him to lie down he'll say okay, but then just sit there. Sometimes he'll tell me he is doing it, others he'll tell me to just back off. Oh well, at least he no longer closes the blinds at 3:00 in the afternoon. He seems to have completely forgotten about closing the blinds now. When something new comes up, I find myself saying, Oh yes, I read about this on one of the message boards. It helps me prepare for the new phases.
Deb, My husband does the same thing, would not eat if I didn't present food. However, I also need to keep an eye on him or he will eat his & my food. He loves Road House rolls eat's at least 6 & ask me for more. He doesn't gain weight.
My DH can't seem to remember to turn out lights he has turned on. Gee, I wonder why! He has gone for his afternoon nap and left the light on in his bathroom. I've also noticed for the past few weeks he is unsure of what to order when we go for breakfast after church and I have to help him. He also can't find the listings in the menu and by now we should know them off by heart. On the lighter side he still has a sense of humour. I don't remember what we were talking about earlier (UUH OH) but I told him I wasn't telling him, when he asked why I said "Because you won't remember" he laughed. If either one of us loses our sense of humour both of us are "goners".
Jean, it will become a natural thing for you to order for him. Often we discuss what he wants as we drive there, and then I say, "Didn't you say you wanted __________", and he'll agree. It's less stress for them that way. Buffets are absolutely OFF LIMITS. Way too confusing. I'll fix his plate...usually saying, "I'll surprise you with something special...how about that??".......
DH turns OUT the lights I have turned on, like my bedroom, or a bathroom I've just used, but he almost NEVER turns out the lights in his own room. He possibly has FTD. He does seem to be colder than I am. When the air conditioning level is comfortable for me I've found him in bed sleeping with a wool knit winter cap on! So now I keep it at warmer levels and have a fan constantly going in my room.
Something else came up this afternoon. I bought a pill box for him and yesterday I put his daily pills in the slots. He asked me when does it start so I pointed to the Su and said Sunday. I don't know how many times he has written his pills in a excercise book and then he wrote the names separately for the ones he takes in the evening. (there is 2) Now he wants to write down the COLOUR of each pill next to the name. We don't see he neuro until 22 July so we will see if he has gone beyond the Mild stage. In the meantime I am keeping track of these strange happenings!
redbud, for sure, that's what's been getting me through too. Interesting thread though just to note these habits. I was surprised to see it brought up because I thought not turning off lights, not shutting drawers, etc. was a typical "husband" issue and not a symptom of dementia. It didn't take TOO LONG to get to the "don't sweat the small stuff" state but I definitely got there after I experienced the alternative. Some of these lessons we've learned from living with dementia could just as easily benefit those complaining of similar "small stuff" in relationships. I was just telling someone in a conversation yesterday that the things she complains of I've finally just let go. If she chose to do the same she'd save herself and her relationship a lot of grief. Easy for me to say as it took this AD/FTD for me to get to this point even some of the time.,
i am reading about yall yelling about drawers open, blinds closed and lights off/on. i am worrying already for you when you get to the REALLY big stuff how will you cope? pick your battles and saveitup for the stuff later on...you will need to muster every ounce of patience at that point- --just my input.:) divvi
If ever anyone needs a sense of humor, it's now. So much easier to make a point (or correction) through humor. It takes a lot of work at first. I mentioned the little repeatitive actions he makes just to let others know that it's not at all unusual - the pacing, the shadowing, checking doors, closing blinds (or shutters), turning on/off lights. I'm always looking for ways to redirect my husband - which is the only way I can get him to stop doing something if his action is actually bothering me..(which is primarily his shadowing).
ABSOLUTELY, Lois. I have slipped into my closet, closed the door, and screamed into a folded bath towel (so no one could hear me) over the least of these things. Especially when he follows me so closely and so quietly, I don't know he is there until I turn around and run right into him. Some days it bothers me more than others. I don't always have TIME to redirect him. If I fuss at him, I risk hurting his feelings or making him mad. Don't misunderstand my previous post. I do try to hold it all inside and make a joke out of things, but it's not always easy...oh NO...it is NOT.
Hey divvi, these are our training wheels. We're practicing so we'll be ready for the big stuff. The drawers and lights no longer bother me but they did, oh they did. Lots of things which would drive my friends crazy no longer bother me but I had to get here by going through the time when they bothered me and I worked through it. I had to wear myself out getting annoyed at the "little things" to get to this point I suppose. And then sometimes it's just easier to focus on the little things than to even contemplate some of the much bigger things happening at the same time.
I don't let things bother me like I used to before AD. I just go turn out the lights, sometimes he has left lights on in different rooms. When he gets things wrong most times I let it slide unless it is important. I always prayed for patience but I didn't expect to get it this way. lol.
its very true terry-.remember when mom used tell us they didnt want us to make the same mistakes she did??? but we had to go thru the same mistakes to know what she meant?? - i just hope nobody wears themselves down too badly as we know how the body responds to stress over years . some bodies take stress better than others- i admit the shadowing-pacing- lack of sleep--peeping-lack of hygiene are real mindbenders to get over and beyond. i do understand the need to go thru it as an individual. if anything maybe in a few yrs some will remember like us oldtimers those were the good ole days-divvi jean you will go far with that outlook
Thank you all for mentioning the stuff about them being cold all the time. Mine sleeps under two comforters, wears a tee shirt, underwear and calf length socks to bed and even with the A/C at 77/78 complains about being cold. During the day we are in the 90's outside and high 70's at night. Funny thing, years ago our house was always cold (like 72 or even 70) and I was crazy because I complained about needing to cover up with an afghan to watch TV while paying a high electric bill. All visitors commented about our house being like a meat locker. Now the tables have turned. He wants heat on when it is in the 90's outside. At least I know now that this is another common thread of this disease. I am tired of being told that I am crazy.
m DH was always cold too and i was constantly adjusting the thermastat as well. he wore jog sets, velour ones in summer. since i took him off AD meds he has shown no signs of being cold. and even his hands are warm again. dont know if it has something to do with this or coincidence. metabolic issues maybe- divvi
For those of you whose spouses make the bed when you get up to go to the bathroom--I think that was an old, old Henny Youngman (?) joke. "My wife is so neat that when I get up to go to the bathroom, she makes the bed." Another case of life imitating art.
My husband's body thermostat has also completely changed with AD. He has hardly worn shorts yet this summer--used to be his uniform. The Seroquel caused him to put on weight, I knocked myself out to find good looking shorts with elastic at the waist, and now he rarely wears them! Also, it's so strange for me to have to remember to always take a jacket along for him wherever we go in summer.
I agree with not sweating the small stuff, but when new strange things first start happening, I think you have to go through a period of being aggravated before you can come to terms with it.
My DH has reached the stage where he does things over and over again. He spends a lot of time at the kitchen sink "washing the dishes". He will run water over them, put them in the drain rack, take them back and restack them,and start the cycle all over again. I watch the repetitive things he does but I don't interfere with it. Doesn't really bother me unless he starts to do something that could hurt him or cause damage something. When we have company I notice they seem to watch him like a hawk and will on occassion look at me and kind of nod at him like I should be doing something. I just smile and shrug. What I want to say is: he's happy and not hurting anything (except maybe the water bill) so just leave him alone. I don't know why people who come to the house think they have to watch him all the time anyway.
I haven't been on here in quite awhile because things have been so much easier. But we had such a nice loving weekend together, like old times, and then this morning I was chatting away and mentioned something he did which he didn't remember and it embarrassed him and he got mad at me. I'm really sad and so tired of being yelled at, and accused of trying to embarrass him when I love him so much. But this topic caught my eye because he generally doesn't flush the toilet anymore, he's leaving the doors unlocked at night, and lights and TV are on even when he's left the house. I'm just feeling better reading that you all have to deal with that too.
His dx is MCI and hardly anyone sees what I see...this is hard isn't it?
When we were at a stage similar to what you are describing, no one else seemed to notice what was happening. It made me question my own sanity at times. So, yes, in the early stages, one of the harder aspects of dementia is that the spouse is the first to see the changes. Frankly, even now, I am the one who sees more and who is most affected. Lately, though, I can see others seeing what is happening and see their struggle with the reality of the situation. I am trying to help my children. The challenge for me right now is that I am so drained by the experience that I have less to give to help others. And, admittedly, a part of me wants to say "see ... that is what I have been trying to say for over a year." But, especially my sons, are so not equipped to deal with this (they are relatively young ... mid-20s and just getting started with life).
Know that you are not alone and that what you see is real. I have ridden the roller coaster of "maybe its not dementia" when my DH seemed better only to have the bottom fall out from under me time and time again. My DH has LBD - one of the hallmarks of LBD is a more extreme cycling. I do my best to stay off the roller coaster and in today, make the most of each day and do your best not to think about tomorrow. At the same time, think of some things to do with your husband while he can do it and enjoy it - live life to the fullest - get as much out of each day as you can .... and forget about the toilet, the lights, the cabinet doors, the half-folded laundry, the mayo or mustard (or salad dressing) left out on the counter ... forget all of those things and just focus on the light in his eyes and to warmth of his touch.