I didn't stay up until midnight here on the east coast, but did manage midnight in London (7PM our time). Helped DW with her dinner before heading to mine (a buffet and champagne toast at the retirement Inn). Quite different from the parties we had when we were a couple!!!!
Yes, Marsh. Very different from when we were a couple. A popular author posted on Facebook, a New Years wish. The accompanying picture is of an open book with blank pages. The gist of the comment: Today we each have a new book with 365 blank pages. Write his years story. Make it good.
Myrtle asked about the Riverbank Run and about my cat, China. The Fifth Third Riverbank Run is held in May in Grand Rapids. It is a 25k Marathon. There are a lot of fund raising efforts attached to it--formally and informally. I had wanted to do some sort of support for the Association which specifically targets research for treatments and eventual cures for CMT ((Charcot-Marie-Tooth). In 2013 I was finally able to do so, and organized a small effort. My sister ran her first 25k , at the age of 60, and a niece ran it too. I did the 5k Walk in my power chair. We raised about H$1063. Last year Gail ran the 25k again, Monica and her sister ran the 10k, and I did the 5k Walk. I had gotten us linked to a double matching effort, so our $725 became $2175. For more about CMT or the run, you can google them.
China came to us as a kitten about 9 weeks old. She and her Mom and siblings had been rescued. They kept the Mom and were placing the kittens. China, who looks like a very dark Siamese was Ron's. They were strongly bonded and my 2 cats really didn't like her. Her world was in shambles when Ron was hospitalized, then went to the Nursing Home, and then died. Our house was in a Short Sale--I had to move. The apartment complex only allows one pet. Johnny Cash and Sweetie were best buddies and were placed together, and China came here with me. For the first 2 weeks, I never saw her. Very slowly, she has come out of her exceedingly shy shell, and now is out and about when helpers are here. Just before this Christmas she actually came out and went directly to a nephew who had stopped over for the first time (goes to MIT) and greeted him, giving head butts to be petted. I am now her pillow at night.
When Ron passed I told several people he was gone--and I was okay. They didn't get it. Through 24 years and several conditions, I had been his Caregiver. The CHF that actually took him was a blessing to both of us, as he still knew me; he had no serious pain, and passed very quietly and easily. He was suffering no more, and I could rest, knowing I'd done my best for him. On these boards we have talked many times about how we want our AFTERs t0o be. We discuss the grieving. Just as everyone has their own distinct Road to travel, so too we will have our own AFTER to shape and live.
I'm working on mine. Some surprises have not been so great. Others are slow to develop, but I'm finding one truth has held true. You have the controls. Your life will be as open, wide and full, or as tiny, closed, and stunted as you choose to allow it to grow into. There will be surprises, and nothing can be ruled out before it has even presented it self.
So, everyone, have the best, fullest 2015 you can. CHEERS!!!
Hi Carosi, That's really good advice about not ruling out things before they have been presented. I hope I'll be able to take it when the time comes. The Riverbank Run sounds like a lot of fun. I googled CMT and was surprised that I had not heard about it before. Last night, I was watching a news story about "orphan diseases," which are diseases that don't get a lot of media attention. I wonder if CMT is one of those. Thanks for filling us in about China. Her behavior with you and your nephew makes it seem that she is coming into her full cat personality, after the loss of your husband and the stress of moving. She is lucky to have you.
Yes. CMT is considered an orphan. 1 out of 2500 have it, world wide, yet nobody knows about it. Research has been moving rapidly though. Back in the late 80's early 90's there were about 4 known genetic errors causing it. We now recognize several types and over 70 genetic errors that cause the symptoms. This year the first potential treatment for CMT1a will begin human trials. Testing for potential therapeutic substances for 1b will begin. Several other types are beginning the process. I see such commonalities between the endeavors to find treatments and cures for the Dementias and CMT. They are not related conditions by any means, but they pose great mysteries and they affect our wiring.
It's been good to stay a few days here at the Lodge, relax and recharge. Say "Hi", to old friends and met some new ones. If anyone had told me,40 years ago, that I,with my CMT on the march, would marry, have a child., Caregive my husband for 24 years, do 5k Walks in my power chair,.....I'd have thought them totally crazy. I did all that, and more...so now I'm writing a new set of chapters. It's going to be fun seeing what else I can take on. You all have your books. Fill them up.
Just stopping in for a minute to tie up some loose ends and help out with the dishes before I head back home. Good grief, we really have been partying in here, haven't we? Let's get some paper plates and plastic cutlery next year. I won't stay the night, because I'm going to soak in a hot bathtub, and don't want to hog the jacuzzi here at the Lodge. (I'm sure George and Wolf are probably in there finishing the champagne and talking about guy subjects.)
DD and I talked things out, and I've agreed to stay for 18 months…to cover the rest of this school year, the chauffeuring for the kids' summer programs, and to cover the 2015-2016 school year. After that, the three children all will be in school all day at the same elementary school, and arranging for child care will be much easier with them all on the same schedule. DD plans to develop a network of babysitters, so she will have some backup if for some reason (illness, whatever) I can't do it. She has come up with a couple sensible suggestions to lighten my load, with her doing a little more and me doing a little less. So unless something life-altering happens to me down here in the Heartland, I'll be planning to be back in NY approximately Sept. 2016. I think Jazzy had asked why I didn't just move back right away. The reason was that I felt committed to helping through the summer, as the kids' had already been enrolled in programs that required me driving them back and forth. Anyway, we are all very cordial and smooth again…presenting a united front for the sake of the little ones…but I am more than ever determined to recover from this Alzheimers caregiving experience, get out of town, (or at least away from my relatives), and move forward to make the most of my own life. My own life. I hope I will always be a half-way decent family member, but I have to take care of myself first. There is nobody else around me who loves me and cares for me the way Larry did, and who watches out for my well-being the way he did. So I guess I'll have to watch out for myself. That's tricky for a nurse, as we're all programmed to take care of everybody else first, and ourselves last. Well, guess what? That's gonna change. Anyway, TMI I suppose, but everyone has been so kind and helpful that I wanted to give an update.
An honourable compromise which gives your daughter time to adjust and gives you time to settle down where you know what you will be doing and time to look ahead and scope something out.
Now my understanding is that when something like this happens there's usually an award of some kind. So, I think...there should be planned two holidays for the hired help who appears to be paying herself anyway just for testing purposes to make sure the troll, oh sorry, I mean the daughter has the back up plan in place.
Both trips are to New York! New York! One must be the Art Gallery you spoke of and other tourist highlights you want to see again before you move there. Depending on expenses and airfare etc. But I would definitely write that into the contract with your ghoul, I mean girl.
Dearest mother. Dearest father. Here I am at Camp Grinada.
Ha-ha-ha! Thanks, Wolf. Yes, weather permitting I'll be driving up to NY next week to spend a few days in my rented room at my friend's house, and take the train down to Manhattan (an hour and 10 min. on Metro-North) to go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Of course I'll also go to the cemetery to see Lar, and will be visiting one of my good friends in Kingston. Her husband died suddenly three years ago--Len and Larry did a lot of Knights of Columbus gigs together--and Jeannie and I sang in the choir together. I'll start scoping out neighborhoods, too, although I know the town very well, of course. But I'll need to stay of top of things. DD, s-i-l and the grands will be down in Florida at Disney World…their Christmas present from a grandpa on the other side of the family…so I'll be totally free to get out of town. If the roads aren't clear, I'll just stay home and relax, read, walk…the usual. No way am I driving seven hours on bad roads.
elizabeth it's what makes you happy that counts. I can tell you from experience to make sure DD is going ahead and getting her arrangements made as she said. I moved from Ontario to Alberta because my DIL was going to do all kinds of things to help me with DH. Never happened. I never thought to make sure things were in order as she said she would do. I'm back in Ontario for three years now and back looking after us alone but now I really don't count on anyone and I don't commit to anything anymore. I'm to old and worn out from taking care of Kevan at home and now, even with him in LTC, I never know when thing with him will go of the rails. He is all over the place. Enjoy your little ones but make lots of time for you. Our stories are so similar. No one has ever cared for me as Kevan did. Now I have to take care of me . The other day He asked me were I would go to live if he died, and I have thought about it quite a bit but because we moved so much there is no where I can say that's the place for me. I think I will likely just stay right here as I will likely be way to old and feeble to move again and try to make friends and a support group. I hope you have a great trip next week and let's pray for good clear roads for you.
Elizabeth, I hope things work out for you in this new arrangement. I have to say honestly that I am concerned for you. But like everyone else, I'm here to support you. And I hope you have a great trip to NY!
Jazzy, Like, you, I'm not sure where I will go when all this is over. I would not mind moving to a warmer climate but I don't have any children and my sisters and most of my friends are here in New England. Also, even though I'm in my sixties, I already feel too worn out to start a new life. I'm 19 years younger than my husband but he is so fit and I'm such a wreck that sometimes I wonder if I will survive him. His going into LTC has allowed me to finally get some sleep but my life still revolves around him and I'm still so tired . . . .
Myrtle I know how you feel. I just came from spending the morning with him at the LTC andi am exhausted. His memory is deteriorating and our conversations consists of all his ups and downs. Today he talked about what I should do if he dies and how he doesn't want to end up a vegetable. We sat in the cafeteria and talked for two hours. I'm glad to be home. I stopped and bought myself some maple walnut ice cream. My treat.
My Bad Yorkie, LOL, is cuddled up on my left leg doing his feet cleaning and waiting for me to share my lunch with him. That's why I call him My Bad Yorkie as he feels everything of mine is also his, all my meals, chair and even my bed. LOL he is a joy to have. A few weeks ago I had a mouse running around my kitchen but I had his funeral the next day and now every time Willy hears a noise in the kitchen he wants up on the counter to check for the mouse!! So far no relatives moving in.
I would love to move somewhere warmer but there is no where like that in Canada. Only warm in May, June July and August, if we are lucky. LOL but I love it here!!
My life still revolves around him as well and I guess that is how it is. He was and still is my love and even though he has changed from my kind loving caring partner I will always be there for him. I guess we all feel like that.
Thanks, Myrtle. I am concerned about myself, too. I need to be very, very careful. I do think it would have haunted me forever if I had not moved down here and hooked up with the family for a while. And the arrangement did meet Larry's needs very well. As you said somewhere upthread, at least now I know the truth about DD…what her motives really were. (Yeah, good try girlfriend, but Mom is still smarter than you are…so watch your step.)
In terms of the well-remembered exhaustion that you and Jazzy are both enduring…I literally expected to drop dead of fatigue before Larry ever died of Alzheimers. It's a real risk, I think, and it's not being over-dramatic to say it.Besides just the physical exhaustion, there's that "blah, what's the use" feeling that sucks you down and I suppose is a symptom of depression. "Ennui" someone called it on another thread. But the tiredness will gradually evaporate after the end finally comes. Of course, there will be a whole new barrage of emotions…but you will be able to rest and sleep, to eat right, to get some exercise, to start to recover mentally and physically. I think it all is going to take a while…it isn't like, "Oh, yay, he's gone--and life is wonderful again!" No way. But at least you can put yourself on a road going upward toward good things, instead of being trapped on that horrible ,relentless, evil, Alzheimers downward path.
We've all heard the advice about not making any major decisions or changes for a year or so after the LO dies. I think that is good advice. I can only speak for myself, but I'm emotionally in a weird state of limbo right now. It feels comparable to graduating from school, where the feeling is, "OK, now I've arrived. But where am I?" For me, going back to NY is a pretty solid decision--I had lived in NY from 1982 until 2012--it is definitely home. But for those of you thinking about moving out of state, or from one end of Canada to the other…I can see why conventional wisdom says to give yourself plenty of time to adjust to the loss of the LO first. I would go on a visit or a vacation first, to Florida or wherever…to see how it feels…like putting your toe in the water before making a commitment. Grieving is just such a weird place to be in. I think it changes us, re-molds us somehow…I think we have to journey through the bereavement jungle before we can come out the other side and really make a decision who we're going to be, what we're going to do, where we're going to live, etc. etc.
Very wise advise for all of us. Thank you. I am expecting a very long road ahead before I need to concern myself about were I will go after. He is in very good physical health except for his heat and strokes. If you were to meet up with him you would think there is nothing wrong with him except for memory loss and verbal aggression. He is having lots of anxiety now but that's it, but you never know. It could be a big heart or stroke that will just happen. I used to square dance but I am not able to do this anymore but I am considering joining the club and just help out with coffee and doing the signin. I think I will call the club to see if I can help in some way.
Elizabeth, there almost has to be a number of things going on right now. Grieving, yes. But anxiety and lonliness are probably two more right now. I wrote something about my own stress on the residence thread. If you're bored, there may be something there you can use (and maybe not, you never know). Somewhere the grieving which I would call a blunt instrument will evolve into more distinct remaining things. I don't think grieving is a solvable thing. It's a very deep and necessary thing we go through. I think most of the others can be helped.
Remember Joan and her concert she went to some months ago. Concentrate on how she sounded when she talked about it. Those things are there the whole time. We come around more when we're ready to be happy again. Some do as we've heard.
Hard to believe it is year three for our lodge. That first Christmas I wouldn't have made it through without the lodge.
Wow, for all of us, look what we have been through in two full years!!
I am going to light a fire in the grand room and will get some hot drinks going. Later I will cheer all of us - we are survivors, troopers, and have a strong fight song.
Yes, Jazzy there is plenty of hot chocolate, marshmellows, and all sorts of cookies. Anyone make good divinity to bring? The mother of a girl I grew up with made the best divinity and I have yet to find anyone that makes it as good. To be honest I don't know of anyone that makes it except at candy/bakery shops.
Hello everyone. I brought a box of Hot Cinnamon Spice tea and will put it in the cupboard for anyone who wants it. Katherine, I'll go out to the woodpile and get some more wood for the fire.
Has anyone brought in the fresh cut tree from the porch It needs to rest before we decorate it. We need a holder that we can put water in.I think wolf put the decorations in the storage room last year. We also need a fresh wreath for the door.
I brought an ornament back from Ireland for our tree. It is a gold-colored harp on a green ribbon. We can put it on the back of the tree if it doesn't look right with the other ornaments.
I want cake. Where is Marie Antoinette when you need her? Are any of the christmas decorations ginger bread? Maybe there's some christmas cake from last year. That stuff lasts forever. If not I'm going to my old standby. One AM cinnamon french toast with aunt jamima original syrup. Flop down in one of the easy chairs. Munch my comfort food. Fall asleep in front of the fire.
In my case fall asleep with one of my movies playing. Like Walter and Jack fighting on the ice over Ann Margret. "Well did you?" Walter is demanding to know. "That's a private matter." Jack starts to answer. I'll say that's a private matter. Better watch out because Walter has opinions about who's supposed to sleep with who around here. I know because I've seen the movie a dozen times and we're all good friends.
Now watching movies until you know them inside out may seem strange. But I think music, art, writing, sports, and what have you are all boringly repetitive in their own way too. Besides, it has advantages because it feeds you lines. I went to answer the doorbell one day which is strange all by itself and there were two witnesses there. I hadn't shaved in a few days and opened the door cackling "Are they good to eat my precious???" And of course you have to hiss for a while saying the word precious. They backed away and left. All righty then.
Well, give me a chance. I am still getting everything unloaded. Here is some chocolate cake with chocolate frosting...and somebody made coffee in the kitchen...so here you go, Wolf. I brought some red paper plates and plastic cutlery this year so we won't have so many dishes to do. All righty then...the "Grumpy Old Men" movies are funny. They were always putting dead fish in each other's cars, as I recall. : D
Who else is here tonight? Charlotte, Katherine, and Jazzy? Have some cake, there is plenty to go around. Let's go sit by the fire and watch the movie. Does anybody want a little Bailey's in their coffee? And don't forget we've got the cinnamon tea, too. Wolf is out like a light already--he looks so relaxed--let's cover him up with the afghan. It was nice of him to chop all that wood today, but he may have worn himself out.
While Wolf is asleep we will decorate him - who shall we make him look like?
Love Grumpy Old Men And Grumpier Old Men but still can't get use to Sofia Loren and Walter Matthau! I can't say how many times we have watched them. And yes, those old geezer and their fish!!
I woke up as an afghan with mittens for ears and couldn't remember drinking tequila. For some reason Sophia Loren's mother was flashing through my mind. "I know my Maria! She doesn't want that-a man because she wants THAT-a man. With the face of a moose."
Wolf mentioned "tromping through the snowy woods". We can't do that here - Maine - so far no significant amount of snow except in the north and mountains. I'll pack my bags and join you. Can I bring my, as I think Gourdchipper said, second favorite woman?
What a lovely and relaxing evening. Wonderful sitting by the cozy fire watching the movie. I don't remember the end of the movie so must have fallen asleep. No worries, such a good movie we can watch it again.
Thanks for bringing the extra wood and Bailey's Elizabeth. That Bailey's really hit the spot as did the baking.
Wasn't it fun to decorate Wolf. Great idea Charlotte.
I see the tree has been brought in. Can't wait to see your decoration from Ireland Elizabeth.
I will bring a wreath for the door Jazzy. Got a beautiful one just yesterday as a fund raiser for the little local school. It has a pale blue ribbon.
Shall we decorate the tree today? Maybe you can get here in time marsh to join us.
That was "second best sweetheart", marsh. And I do recall your having mentioned having a somewhat similar potential situation -- hope it's working out for you all -- it sure beats loneliness! Who's untangling all the Christmas lights -- I'm not volunteering!
Gourdchipper, the one I mentioned a few years ago is still a good friend, but nothing more. This past summer I met a new resident at my retirement home with whom I have had lots of fun. We are now talking marriage, probably in the spring. She's 19 years younger than me, which means I can't just sit around any more. She has had me going hiking, to the opera, joining the chorus of our local Gilbert & Sullivan, and other activities. Only one problem for being at the "Christmas Lodge" is that she doesn't like being cold, so we'll have to keep the fire well stoked. Maybe I should bring some extra wood. As the saying goes, if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. I sure didn't plan this.
Oh, you all did get the tree up last night! It looks wonderful...just magic! I'm just dropping off a few CDs and my small, portable player for when we want some holiday music. It smells wonderful in here, by the way. The cinnamon and those other balsam scented candles lit on the mantel last night have really left a nice fragrance! See everybody later--have to run and do some errands.
The tree does look gorgeous indeed!! All those colorful lights mixed in with the cheery white ones. Yes, about the candles. Lovely.
I am with your lady friend marsh and don't like to be cold. I see someone got the fire going again (thank you) and there is plenty of wood. I brought in a few throws so we can all get additional warmth if needed.
I will select a CD and play it while putting up garland around the entrance door as extra welcome for those not here yet.
I am delaying my arrival until next week. I just checked our forecast here and it will be in the mid 60's to low 70's by next weekend. I just want to enjoy these last warm days before cold weather strikes us here. I hope to get in a little shopping too so that I can just relax once I am there. Can't wait to see the tree and sit in front of that fire! Save a rocking chair for me!
Charlotte, I never sing with the harp, for some reason. I just like the sound of the harp by itself. But last night I was thinking about your suggestion, and I just tried singing a little bit of "The Christ Child's Lullaby" while I played it. (Didn't even know the words--had to look them up online.) It was kind of nice, so I think I will try it with some of the other Christmas songs today after I tune up. But unbelievably, when the alarm rang this morning (soft birdsong alarm--not jarring) I was in the middle of a dream where the three grandchildren were singing "The Christ Child's Lullaby" while playing it on their piano. What a nice dream. They all play the piano in real life, but I don't think they know that song. But anyway, you started a cascade of pleasant effects with your suggestion--thank you.
Hey, Fluffy, get your paw out of that fish tank! Look - I have a toy for you. Come with me; we have a room overlooking the lake. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Still finishing up here at home but heading out to the lodge soon. Wolf, have you organized any games and teams this year? Can't wait to sit by the fire, drink some egg nog and visit with friends.
Oh my goodness, I just came back from a pre-school Christmas concert.My nerves are shot, and I don't want to hear "Frosty the Snowman" for a year at least. How nice to come in from the weather and be with adults...and where is the wine? Just a smidgen of the white...well, a little more than that. lol Get off me, Cat! Myrtle, can't you control this creature? Good thing I like animals...now listen you, not on the black pants...aaaugh! Well, they look like tweed now. Good thing you're so cute...no, Wolf, marsh, and Gourdchipper...I was talking to the cat. No offense intended. You guys are all handsome, too...but it's hard to compete with Fluffy. Well, must run. Charlotte has got me into singing with my harp...my new funnest thing. Fluffy and I could probably put together a good duet. (It's all your fault, Charlotte!) "See" everyone soon!
Control a cat? You must be kidding! Have you ever wondered why you never hear of cats serving in the armed forces? Or acting as police officers? It’s because they have absolutely no respect for authority. They do recognize power, though, so if you threaten them directly, they will react. But once you are out of a cat's presence, it’s as though you were never there.
Dogs, on the other hand, serve honorably in the military and in K-9 units of police departments. They follow orders even when their superior officers are not there to threaten them. That’s because they respect authority.
Well, enough about cats. One thing I can do is to lock this creature up in my room so we can vacuum up all this white fur. Come on, Fluffy . . . . you’ve caused enough trouble for one day.
It's nice to have some pets at the Lodge. I enjoy just "zoning out" and staring at the fish in the aquarium--so relaxing. And sitting on the sofa drinking wine, petting Fluffy, and just enjoying the fireplace and the company of others.