Christmas night can I still come to the lodge? I imagine it now with that nice fire going and snow piled up to the window sill. Been in the south so long can't know much about getting around in the snow but since this is the perfect place no one will slide in the ditch while driving to the lodge. I want hot chocolate and yes I like fruit cake and of course no calories. In the real world Christmas day has gone as well as it can for me being alone. Family all on good behavior today and sister enjoyed our time with her I think.
I'm hoping the lodge will stay open for us until at least New Year's Day. Please Wolf? I've just dropped in to sit by the fire for awhile and relax from a busy day. I could curl up with a good book and a glass of wine and be perfectly happy right now, because I anticipate that tomorrow will be difficult, as DH is very tired tonight.
I'm here. I thought closing it some time after New Year's Day would be about right and maybe someone will open the lodge again next year. I don't own it though, so...and it is always there.
I was watching Gordon Ramsay or whatever his name was the foul mouthed, maniac who recreates restaurants. His kids were on in this show in his home and he made truffles. He loves his kids and they openly joked around on screen in ways that were natural and can't be faked. Cary Grant retired from acting to bring up his daughter even though it was a loud custody battle. Bing Crosby maybe not so much. You never know about people. I was actually watching Jamie Oliver who is a brit that does more natural cooking shows. I love him though not in that way although I'm sure he's very nice. He loves food. He loves the mint and the potato and he doesn't filter off that self need so common among those in front of a camera.
New Year's eve would be nice at the Lodge. I want to be with truly like minded folk. Not drinking at some dumb party , or even laying in bed alone watching a movie. I want to toast to you all, here, and departed. You are the best. Truly. Amazing what this journey had done to mold and hone us.
It's been a true pleasure to roll in here a few times over the last few days, catch my breath. and take a break. It's been great to catch up with some and meet others, and the food's been a treat. This year and last were really difficult , more because of the number of critical changes for me than just because of Ron's passing, But, I think the worst is behind me, and I can finally forge ahead with some plans and ideas for my next chapter. After 24 years of Caregiving --Mental Illness and then VaD, it took some major time to recover from the burnout. Being here at the Lodge has brought back some really good memories of when we'd go to a small local ski lodge. He'd ski and I'd watch from the upper level. All the skiers, from kids to Grand folks. And then he'd come in and we'd have coffee or hot chocolate. There'd be groups and couples at the tables and on the couches by the fireplace--huge. Those were afternoons out of time.
Need to head out--more plans to arrange, but I'll be back. See you on New Years.
Just stopping in for a bit to enjoy the fire and the quiet surroundings. DH is watching a "Fawlty Towers' Marathon on TV - I don't mind John Cleese in small doses, but after a while I just can't take anymore. Decided to sit here in the lodge, look at the kids skating on the pond, and the snow falling softly, and enjoying the peace.
Wolf..you never have to close the lodge...just keep adding to the building and you will have a city...Perhaps you might remember the ALZ of the seas cruise ship....We traveled the world and had so much fun....until we ran aground.....
Get ready everybody! It's the annual lodge sack race with 57 entrants, once around the lodge through the ballroom, down the service corridor, through the main hall, down the guestrooms hall, through the greenhouse and back to the great room. Once around! Here we go! BAM!!! And they're off, it's a mad scramble from the start line with Jazzy, bqd, Coco and Judith in the lead and Aunt B coming up on the outside. Aunt B coming up on the outside followed closely by Florence, Dog, Ring, and Jan K.
They're coming around the service corridor, and it's Judith, Coco, bqd, with Aunt B neck and neck with Jazzy. Bluedaze and abby now moving up into the top ten. Oh no! There's a pile up in the main hall where some new guests have been hopped over causing a chain reaction! They're getting by now. And the leaders are through the greenhouse. Wait! What's this?? Carosi is coming through in a motorized sack with Nikki in the sidecar. Oh what a play!! They were just sideswiped in a double crunch by Mimi and Vickie. They're in a tight group now barrelling through the last leg like a group of graceful gazelles in burlap bags and it could be anybody...it's neck and neck...too close to call...photo finish. What's this!??? It's Phranque from out of nowhere by a whisker!!!
An exciting race. One other announcement. The shot from a cannon distance meet has been cancelled due to lack of entrants. That is all.
I had a lot of practice Wolf...when I was a kid, my day would take me out in the rowboat, and let me swim back to shore....the only hard part was getting out of the burlap bag and untying the concrete blocks...
Phranque, Your humor reminds me so much of my dad's.
Last night as I drifted off to sleep, for the first time in a very long time I could remember my DH as a young man. I could see him clearly in my mind. Thank you Wolf for the warm fire to dream by.
If you guys don't see me around today please do not be worried. I need to just stay in my room today and nurse my bad hip. That sack race yesterday was really more than I bargained for. I should have known this would happen....I am just so darned competitive!!! Maybe I will just read a good book while I drink this yummy hot chocolate. Have a great day everyone!
There's a thing about the lodge that's kind of important I think and it's not about the tonalities the lodge idea brought - it's about you.
Which is that whatever feeling it brought inside you, you brought inside you. The imagination of comaradarie is the demonstration of the soul able to open. Even for a moment.
It is the demonstration of trust and willingness in humanity which by it's demonstration has not been lost - though it may be protected away.
Putting "on the edge of forever" in the title on Joan's board here was something I debated; but, it was necessary to establish the idea of safety above everything else and I think that title does that.
The reason is some people will then give themselves permission to feel willingness.
The Robert Frost poem I already knew was very popular and familiar, and then the Scrooge short counterpoint, and then the lowest level of expectation which is that I was just hanging out here and there were no rules.
I've received a lot of kind comments over the years and I appreciate every one. I have never seen such a list of thank you's as for creating the lodge all of which helps me to think maybe I hit the right keys on this piano.
The lodge is my way of trying to show some of you that your feelings and your willingness to believe are not gone. A single moment of comfort felt by you is enough to prove my argument. That the light inside is not gone and you don't need a lodge - you need willingness to feel.
When I can enjoy one thing for one moment then I can enjoy two things for two moments. When I can open up my own feelings to myself inside in a very safe place (the lodge inside Joan's), then I can open my feelings inside myself full stop.
That my friends is the central lever and if we cannot afford that today, the day will come when that is the very thing we need to find inside ourselves.
If you felt any fun here then you are capable of feeling fun. That is important to know and so much more important to believe.
That video was to funny!!! Reminds me of my paper route. Keep in mind it was all in town, around big subdivisions and schools. Dark mornings I saw, raccoons, opossums, foxes, coyotes and the best sighting. A huge buck with a full rack walking out from between two houses!
The lodge is a great place to rest and remember, we still can enjoy.......
Well, it's New Year's at the Lodge (for some New Year's Day, other's New Year's Eve) and thank you Wolf for keeping the lodge open a few more days. I've decided to come in from the cold, snowy weather to have a quiet, peaceful evening with friends and to enjoy your company, comaraderie, and friendship. The warm fire in the fireplace gives me warmth and a feeing of security I lost a while ago. Strangely, I don't feel alone and know my good friends will be stopping bye to say hello, offer support and share stories. We will laugh and cry but know we have company traveling this difficult and lonely road. There are so many of you to greet and tell you what a difference you've made in my life, I hope I can spend time with each of you, and find the words to tell you how you saved me and helped me fight this battle. I'll be in the oversized chair next to the fireplace with a faux fur on my lap and champagne in the flute in my hand. Stop by the bar...I've ordered enough champagne for us all...because in spite of our troubles and sadness, today is the day to celebrate US. I celebrate YOU my friends, your courage, compassion and strength. Here's wishing each of you a better 2014.
Wolf, you make me smile - BIG! I was one of the spectators at the race, but I was cheering everyone on! Phranque, you are just too funny. Love a good sense of humor... It's New Year's Eve now, & all is quiet & calm in my part of the lodge. Not a lot of noise & merrymaking, just quiet reflection, envisioning a roaring fire (it's COLD here), a warm cup of something (tea? coffee with Baileys? cocoa?), a peaceful transition from one year to the next.
Happy New Year to all of you, as happy as circumstances will allow.
I'm watching "It Happened One Night" AGAIN. "Hey brat!" "Are you talking to me?"
I love watching Gable smoke in bed. It was 1934 and my mother was seven, Dianne's mom and dad were already married (1908/1909) and the Model A ford had just come out I think.
I'm also watching an NBA basketball game and just finished my famous back ribs and a bowl of mixed fruit and strawberry ice cream. I'm feeding the inner wolf.
I noticed something about all my friends that became parents. They changed even though every one of them denied it; precisely because they were trying to be good parents. But it changed their thinking. I know because nobody ever gave my (well known) need for a second helping another thought after the kids became 4 or so. I was lucky to get a couple of strips of bacon on the first go round. They never spoke of their own childhood or own school experiences once the kids were in school - almost everything evolved around their children. Which is good. Not as much fun watching empty nesters dive across the room for the phone in case it's one of them calling and hear their voices suddenly gain all their life back.
In that same way it was hard for me to think of myself as a person - not a couple. It was so hard because unlike getting married or having children - NOBODY wants this. And because you're alone now facing being alone. Then you add in our advanced point in the timeline. It's not easy getting through this and it's not easy getting up on your own feet again learning how to feel ok and good about it.
After two years at home alone, thinking in terms of myself is near normal. I've needed those two years to get to here and I hope I'm not done with recovery. I haven't arrived where I'm going which is the train station. But I do understand my beliefs which surround the idea that life tests us and sooner or later those tests involve death. I don't know if I will pass but I can see the train station from here. It is at the end of this very powerful life test where I am the man I say I am and which I believe I am - or I am not and I become something else. Either way I get on a train.
I am a fortunate man to have had what I had for so long. Or I am something else now because it was taken away. Either way I get on a train.
Back to Gable and Colbert. He's about to put the blanket up.
Happy New Year everyone sincerely meant but if you throw it in the garbage - everybody understands.
I also watched an old movie last night....Love is a Many Splendored Thing....At one time it was my favorite movie...not so much now.
As of this morning I will be walking to the Lodge and walking back home. It seems to help me a lot in my depressed mood. In fact I may do it twice a day.
Have a great New Years everyone...I know, yes I do...it may not be so great for many of you...but, most will turn a page in their life this year and I hope it will be what you all are looking for.
What a PERFECT video for this first day of 2014!! I am taking from it, that I am "young" and taking tentative steps in learning about this new normal. One day I will soar down that mountain with exhilaration and wonder. I have a total feeling of positive hope right now. Thank you Wolf.
I was away from here for a while yesterday and today, but it was well worth it. 2014 is already being good. The visit to the Orthotist yesterday, re-lined my braces ("less than a year old) because my Lymphedema has gone down--he added a 1/4" thick layer of padding in each brace. Grocery shopping is done for the next 2 weeks, thanks to a helper, and that's not a concern during the latest snowy/freezing blast. Best of all, Thomson Reuters, reputable news source, announced today that approval for the first human trials of a treatment for Charcot-Marie-Tooth 1a is in place to begin in Geneva . Efforts to build awareness and raise funds, like I did last year, are working. I am so thrilled.. For years it was as though I was waging my CMT battle alone. I had never had contact with any other CMTers, I began t learn that wasn't the case while I took care of DH, but I couldn't do anything about it. Last year I began. Along the way, I've discovered much about CMT, about the research, and most of all about my fellow CMTers. Their lives are much like ours (Caregivers). Dealing with major losses, enduring, dealing with obtuse medical professionals; and fighting to have a full life beyond our condition. We Caregivers face rebuilding our lives in our AFTER. CMTers fight to have a full life. All of us are finding our way to do that. So, tonight I'll sit by the fireside here, watch the snow fall on the ski slopes, and toast us. At whatever stage we are in, may 2014 bring us each the strength and abilities to heal our hurts and work at building our lives.
On a personal note: I am proud to be a part of this website, contributing where I can. I am also proud to be a CMTer. I've found they are a vital force, actively working to spread awareness and raise funds for the research. I plan to stay active on both fronts.
Hey Wolf, is the lodge still open? I want to stop by, congratulate the winners of the sack race and just say hello to all my friends who are stopping by. Thank you for opening the lodge...it has provided me with friendship, comaraderie and moments of peace and respite. I look forward to visiting next year.
Think how beautiful it will be in the spring. The birds singing, flowers blooming, the mountain spring thawing. I want to sit on the front porch and have my morning coffee. Watching the new life grow before me..........
Please don't close the lodge. I was going to walk over a couple times a day but the weather has been too bad. Already looking forward to spring and it will be so nice at the lodge. Maybe it will give hope to all of us that the sun does shine again when you are alone.
Charcot- Marie- Tooth disease is a slowly progressive, peripheral neuropathy causing losses of function, primarily in the extremities (feet, legs, hands and arms) but actually body wide. It is caused by genetic errors which affect the formation of the axons (nerve cells) or the myelin (the coating around the nerve cell. in either case, signals can't be carried between the muscles and brain. Symptoms can manifest at an time in life--birth, teen, adulthood, and seniors, Most commonly, first symptoms are drop foot and/or undue clumsiness. It is the most common peripheral neuropath no one knows about. 1 in 2,500 have it.
The more I've learned of it, experienced it, I equate it , in a way, with what happens to our LOs. The Dementias separate their thinking processes and function from their physical functions. CMT separates our physical abilities from our control while leaving our thinking abilities intact. This happens over time, but CMT is not considered terminal.
On the upside, 70+ errors have been ID'd. It was just announced that the first Human Trials of a treatment for CMT1a will begin shortly.
If you'd like to learn more google the CMTA at cmtausa.org
Wolf, you're ruining the relaxing, peaceful atmosphere of the lodge with all those creepy people and things. Boot them out, put on some soothing music, build a nice warm fire in the fireplace, give us some wine or southern sweet tea, a few chocolates and bring back that place we all want to go to.
Thanks, Wolf. I need to spend some time there sipping hot chocolate and talking to my friends here who understand and have also taken some time to be there. I hope some snow is softly falling and a sweet motherly lady is cooking something good for us in the kitchen.
Wolf I need to make reservations. When will the lodge open up again. I really need a break. If need be I will come and open it for you. Make sure there is firewood, food, wine (lots), and hot chocolate. Is this to early?
I just read this whole thread--can't imagine how I missed it last year--must have been just really busy with my last Christmas with DH. I remember I didn't go to church or anything, because he couldn't go. I just stayed with him--had some family over for Christmas Eve--and just had a quiet Christmas Day with him and me. He enjoyed his gifts…was still ambulatory with his walker and taking himself to the bathroom, although I always had to tell him where it was. It was a happy time (at least, compared to now), and I didn't need to come to the Lodge. But I will definitely be at the Lodge this year, so am making reservations.
It's kind of odd how it's always there when you think about it and not there when you don't and how there's always a fire crackling in the fireplace and something going on in the kitchen. That is, it's odd when we stop to think about it which is why we don't.
And of course we are all here even when it seems very quiet. Like the serene woods behind it which is really just a forest but can make anyone feel part of it if they open to being that.
It's at christmas that the lodge 'opens' because it's at christmas that we look for it and just like everything else in life when we look for it we see that it is there.
And in so many ways the lodge is the gardener of the forest. It is willingness in the lifeforce. It is here because I was one of those teardrops that watered the moss and I am here because I'm looking to put my feet up, watch the fire, and have some of whatever is going on in that kitchen.
The time of christmas isn't especially hard because it's the times that are especially hard that are and they come when they do which I suspect is why when they do - the lodge is here - which it always is as I explained last year.
I am a player but I own nothing here and yet I am a custodian just as everyone is; but, will I be opening the lodge for christmas time this year again? Yes I will Virginia. And am I always here? Yes I am Virginia. Put your feet up.
I wrote last year that I wouldn't have made it through Christmas without this lodge. Just the other day I had a thought, "Sure hope Wolf re-activates the Christmas Lodge." Glad to see we will be gathered here again during what I consider a very challenging time of year. I probably won't visit here again until December 1 or so as I like to focus on this thread as a life-line through that "holiday." Would be fun to have a bit of a Halloween gathering place maybe....
Wolf, Funny but I too read all of this thread tonight. Would like to make reservations at the Lodge for the coming holiday. Don't know how I missed this last year! I have not posted much and not at all in many years. Dh diagnosed in 2006, and I am still working. He's now 63, I am 61. Realize that the holiday will be REALLY strange and sad this year. So, hope you are cutting the firewood and rounding up the geese. You may have more visitors than you can handle. I will be booking a single at the lodge, will require some holiday libations, and am prepared to laugh at all attempts at holiday hi jinks. Thanks!