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    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeDec 24th 2017 edited
     
    Traveled 4 hrs RT for Christmas Eve dinner with family, very nice but it was a long day and I'm tired. (It was also a long day for my cat, who was worried about when she would get her next meal.)

    I'm looking forward to a quiet day tomorrow watching the snow fall here at the Lodge and spending some time with all of you. This is my first Christmas without my husband but I seem to be OK. I spent the last three Christmases at his LTC facility, so it's hard to get sentimental about the whole thing.

    Hang in there, lindylou.
  1.  
    Glad to be here in this cozy quiet space. Thanks to the wonderful person keeping the fire up so well. Merry Christmas everyone.
    • CommentAuthorlindyloo*
    • CommentTimeDec 25th 2017
     
    Had 12 over for Christmas, my family and my brother-in-law's family. Having planned to have the celebration at my home was a good one for me. It anchored me to the holiday, so to speak. I cleaned house, put up the tree and decorated. Then I cooked, not the whole meal, but enough. And today we visited, we ate, we opened the grab presents, and we cleaned up after. Hardly had time to feel sorrow or pain. Which was good. I'm exhausted now, but relaxed.

    Once I arrived here at the Christmas lodge I stopped by to share apples with Daisy and Mae. Then I surprised myself by flopping into the snow and making a snow angel. I started giggling, remembering doing the same here at the lodge last Christmas. Last year, the hardest Christmas I have ever had to live through, the friends at this lodge were my lifesavers. I 'm looking down at the snow angel, seeing it in moonlight from "my room" with the old quilt, the hooked rug, and the windows that rattle. Going down to the main room soon with my pumpkin cheese. Its quite decadent if I do say myself.

    Merry Christmas all. And may there be peace on earth. And may this lodge continue to be a place of peace and healing for those in need of it. Love to you all.
  2.  
    Just had to stop by to warm up by the fireplace, and as long as I'm here, go out to the barn and do the stalls tonight. This eggnog is great, with just a drop of Crown Royal to make it even better. God bless all here--God bless all in this wonderful Lodge--wishing everyone peace and rest--and all good things.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeDec 25th 2017
     
    And we must give credit where credit is due - Crown Royal is, of course, Canadian.
  3.  
    Yes, I knew there was something I liked about Canada besides Samuel de Champlain and poutine.
    • CommentAuthorlindyloo*
    • CommentTimeDec 27th 2017
     
    bhv, you okay? Been missing you. Love to go skating with you. Shall we use figure skates or hockey skates?
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeDec 27th 2017
     
    ttt
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeDec 27th 2017
     
    ttt
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeDec 28th 2017
     
    I owe a debt to John Montagu, the fourth Earl of Sandwich who was a dedicated gambler who hated leaving his gaming table to take supper. So he invented the sandwich where the two slices of bread above and below his meal, meant he could pick it up while gambling and eat without too much fuss. Thanks, John, for the sandwich.

    It reminds me of that scene in Bananas, a Woody Allen comedy (before he lost his way) about being down in a south american country that (surprise!) is having a revolution. He's at the local leader's house having dinner when the food taster starts gasping and choking and as the poor fellow tries to make it out of the room while Woody watches him, the leader explains in a thick south american accent, "Someone has tried to poison me. But I am hokay." The schmuck on the floor, not so much, but hey...

    That's where salad head came from. Was her name Ida Lupino? No, I just looked it up - Carmen Miranda. She was stigmatized the way few others were because everybody wanted her to wear the fruit salad headgear she wore that first time. That's what happened to Esther Williams I think. She was a great swimmer and helped popularize synchronized swimming so ALL movies she was in must have swimming. America's Mermaid, and don't even think about being anything else.

    And then there's Harpo Marx, who never said a word in the famous Marx Brothers movies and instead just honked his horn and made funny faces. He hung out regularly with Dorothy Parker, Robert Benchley, and George Kaufman who were the center of New York wit and there Harpo Marx talked everyone's ear off. He would have had to be witty because that group called themselves the Round Table and they met at the Algonquin Club for lunch for ten years. They were known to be razor sharp and so one of the brightest Marx Brothers never delivered a single line because he came in with the honking the horn schtick.

    That brings me to Peter Sellers. I loved him on the Goon Show which was my experience with radio, where I always put on the BBC and listened to him and Spike Milligan, Peter Best, and Dudley Moore do the most outrageously funny skits. The word on him was that he was always trying to put more of him in whatever he was in. There's a story about The Pink Panther where the director finally gave in and let him do a bit on the side while that woman sings O Me O My or whatever that was called in the bar scene. He played three different roles in How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb. He was the president, the x-nazi in the wheelchair, and Marmaduke on the base where the commander went nuts trying to protect his 'bodily essence'.

    That's what did Howard Hughes in. Germs you know. He tried to seal himself off from those pesky germs and protect his 'bodily essence' which is a kind way of saying he was a few cards short. Possibly the world's richest man. Good looking too. And he sealed himself off and watched his fingernails grow. You can't make this stuff up because nobody would believe it.

    And then there's the bridge players. Bill, who probably contributed the least to that group that invented all those computers and programs. Steve Jobs was one of them. Steve Wozniak was another. He was the most ruthless and hard driving and ended up controlling what became Microsoft. Richest man in the world for some time in competition with the seer of Omaha, Warren Buffet - his bridge partner. So Bill says "I'm starting a foundation. I'm putting in 20 billion", and Warren says "I'll kick in 20 billion too." And, hey presto!, the world's largest charity foundation came into being over a game of cards.

    Gambling probably. Who knows? But this is where I came in. No one knows where things lead and no one cares that the earl of sandwich had a gambling addiction or that Peter Sellers ever did a regular radio show with Dudley Moore. Or that some people seem to go off the deep end like Howard Hughes or Woody Allen who should have listened to his own line about "getting out more...or once even".

    I'm thinking about the lodge and that for five years now it seems to have provided some comfort during the holidays. I was thinking about all that during dinner which was a bowl of my fabulous chicken soup and left over baked ham sandwiches which is how I came to think about the earl.

    ....

    Dorothy Parker, known to be a quick wit responded without hesitation when asked by a reporter to use the word 'horticulture' in a sentence. "You can lead a whore to culture," she responded, "but you can't make her think." Not poetic, but a sharp and fast wit. Harpo Marx, honk honk, thrived in that. Too bad about not having any lines but a good thing he didn't go with the fruit salad hat thing instead of the clown horn. What's really too bad is how Howard Hughes couldn't just have a sandwich and worry less about what no one can control anyway. Never mind.
  4.  
    Wolf ......... I love to read your stories and I can remember
    every one of those guys and gals .........
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeDec 30th 2017 edited
     
    Last year I spent so much time here and it helped so much. This year hb is back to staying up til I go to bed. It has been harder for me to separate and spend time here. Yesterday I couldn't stand the Christmas decorations one minute longer. Woke up at 4:30 am and had it all put away before hb got up. Still need to vacuum up the "needles". It is annoying that a fake tree drops so many "needles" and they have static electricity so it is ridiculously difficult to vacuum or pick them up. Saving that for later.

    So it is kind of funny that today I decided to spend the morning here, at the Christmas Lodge. I am more relaxed since taking yesterday off (in my mind). I even slept in my own room with the window open and moonlight streaming in and pretty sheets and quilt that he doesn't like. first time I woke up with a smile in months. Pardon me, i am going in the kitchen for another cup of coffee.

    Hello, I am back. I am sitting in a comfy chair ["Oh no, Not the comfy chair..."] in front of the fire with my coffee. I hear some ladies chatting happily in the kitchen, but am not ready to join in yet. I need some quiet. And no touching for a little bit. That is funny. My friend Deana lives in FL. I met her some years ago when we were trying to help my sister out of a deplorable situation. Deana is my size - 5'11". We were meeting at a restaurant and the hostess asked her what her friend looked like and she said, "Well, she looks pretty much like me." We decided we must be twins separated at birth. Sometimes the similarities are eerie, but our backgrounds couldn't be more different. Anyway, yesterday she was at her church and someone was there speaking about the art of hugging. She posted on my facebook page that she remembered our first meeting and how I taught her how to hug. It was a lesson she particularly needed at that time in her life and she has been grateful for that all this time. Isn't that neat? I sent her a virtual hug and she said "Received!" pretty cool.

    Back to just sipping coffee and gazing at the fire and listening to happy voices and thinking Wolf will probably get the "comfy chair" joke from my favorite Monty Python episode. :)
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeDec 30th 2017
     
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnS49c9KZw8

    Monty Python, Spanish Inquisition episode, comfy chair scene
    • CommentAuthorlindyloo*
    • CommentTimeDec 30th 2017
     
    Hi all, I just trudged in from some place else. It smells so nice here, so warm, so comfortable, so friendly and accepting. This is where I choose to spend the New Year weekend. Can't think of any place better. Ii'm going to make a pot of hot chocolate in the kitchen. I'll bring some mugs out to share. Then sitting warming my feet with the fire, warming my insides with the cocoa and warming my heart with my friends, I will relax. Relaxing comes hard at home. Glad for the warmth of the lodge.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeDec 31st 2017
     
    sense I can't get away from my responsibility and it is a zilliion degrees below outside, this is the purrfect place lindyloo to relax. I'll take a little peach brandy with my eggnog please. Maybe that will work. And a nice fluffy white cat to calm me down. Maybe catch some wild turkey to mellow me out and to forget the pain. Lordy, the doctor's drugs don't work, and I have a lot cartakers work to do next year and 2018 could be a long hard one.
  5.  
    Pass that eggnog over here, Rodstar. I'm just stopping in to say Happy New Year--(well, Happy New Year's Eve anyway), and have a quick drop of something festive before I head back home for an evening with DVDs and library books. I really feel like going to our town's New Year's Eve celebrations, but it's just too darn cold--going to be below zero (Fahrenheit) by midnight. And I've been trying to shake off the tail end of a bad cold, which is why I begged off from getting together with friends. But germs and viruses can't pervade the Lodge, so this is a good place to hang out for a while. Happy New Year, everyone!
  6.  
    Yes, the Lodge is the place to be tonight. Even here in SE PA it is currently 8.6 degrees F. Sure feel sorry for those who decided to spend hours in Times Square tonight.
    The Lodge is nice and warm with the blazing fire and a pretty glass of something alcoholic to sip is just what we all need. Happy New Year to all!
    • CommentAuthorlindyloo*
    • CommentTimeDec 31st 2017
     
    It's 2 degrees F in central Massachusetts. Not sure what the temperature is here at the lodge, but I went out to the barn to check on Daisy and Mae. Needn't have worried. They were clad in cheerful red blankets with holly decorations stitched on. They seemed perfectly content, but didn't mind that I brought carrots from the kitchen. Now that I am back I'll warm myself up with cup of eggnog and good company. I noticed the stars are particularly bright outside tonight. You can see the milky way.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeDec 31st 2017 edited
     
    Lindylou, Same temperature here, about 50 miles west. I can't remember such a long spell of bitter cold. I'm thankful that I'm warm inside. I find it strange that 2018 will begin without my husband here. Not sure I want to go forward without him but the alternative is worse.

    I think I'll join you all at the Lodge. Rodstar, that peach brandy sounds good but I think first I'll have a nice hot cup of herbal tea. Can I get you anything? Since Fluffy is on your lap, I don't think you should get up. Mousebane, come over here and sit next to me. I want to tell you a story about a brave cat who killed a chipmunk.

    P.S. I was about to get my tea but suddenly changed my mind and realized that what I need is a mug of hot chocolate. And here it is, on the table next to me! Great service at this Lodge.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeDec 31st 2017
     
    This is my first time stopping by. Sure sounds like an inviting place - would like to warm up near the fire. It's bitter cold here. It's -13°F with wind chill -25°F and overnight it's going to be -20°F with wind chill -32°F. brrrrr Good old Canadian winter.... We measure our temperature in Celsius, but I converted it to Fahrenheit. So, I've decided to join Myrtle & have a mug of hot chocolate. Happy New Year everyone.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeDec 31st 2017
     
    Happy New Year everyone. Or, it a new year everyone.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeDec 31st 2017
     
    ,-10,, -25 degrees, i did that easy north of fairbanks, Alaska, 30 straight days and it wa 65 to 70 below for a whole moth. now that's cold
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeDec 31st 2017
     
    Hi Rodstar. I took our KC-10 to Alaska for Cold Soak test. We.needed it to be -30 or colder. Finally got a.week that cold. I had spent time in MN. My first year there was the coldest in 100 years. -60 straight temp. Some nights -98 windchill. Had a flat tire on one of those nights. It took.a week to thaw out at the garage before they could fix it. But it was only flat on the bottom Ha Ha, as.my Dad used to.say. In Alaska I had to keep my radio (brick) inside my jacket or it wouldn't work. Everyone wanted to ride with me though cause I could drive on the ice. It was a.pretty boring trip. We had to just let the jet sit there for a week, to simulate being on alert, and then see how long it took to start the engines. They started right up. The fun part was.we got to deploy the emergency chute to make sure it would work after sitting.that long in the cold. I got to go down the chute all dressed in my artic gear - bunny boots, fur lined parka hood etc. It was quite a .picture.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeJan 1st 2018
     
    i was at Clear Air Force Station. Going in to Fairbanks was alwas fun. I liked 70mph at bottom so could make the nnext hill top on the Anchorage highway. And that at -69 below. no chill. Don't touchi. the metal barehanded. Ancorage was a tropical paridice by comparison. Lived ther 2 years in early 60s.Sure was different than south Florida.
  7.  
    Ten below zero this morning in the mid-Hudson valley. Needless to say, Bandit did not stay out too long! We're just stopping in for a cup of good, hot coffee with friends and to wish everybody a Happy New Year this morning.

    All these Air Force stories! My first husband was a B-52 driver. I remember many a cold day in South Dakota hauling little kids out to the alert shack to see Dad. And having Christmas dinner with the young troops and their M-16s sitting right next to our children at the table. The razor sharp edges on the fighting sword of SAC. Our cars were always full of survival gear like we were going to the North Pole instead of Ellsworth AFB. I loved South Dakota though--the Black Hills, Custer State Park, the Badlands. Sodaks are wonderful people. (Don't know about Nodaks--never got up there. Like they say about Minot AFB--Why not Minot? Freezin's the reason!) Then we headed for Guam on our next assignment. From one weather extreme to the other--going to the beach on Christmas Day, etc., etc. Had to watch out for moray eels and stonefish. And every time there was a typhoon, the guys and the planes were evacuated to Okinawa, and the wives and kids stayed to ride it out behind the typhoon shutters. I liked the military a lot, both as a military member myself and as a dependent wife (as they're called) but was just as glad when we got out. A new kind of life--more flexibility to do what you wanted, instead of everything being secondary to the mission.

    OK, we're heading for home. I can't get my apartment above 65 degrees. Good thing we like it a little on the cooler side. I'm not making any resolutions this year--just going to live and breathe (I hope) (knock wood) and enjoy the moments. Bandit, off, off! That is Rodstar's bacon, and your own dish is waiting for you at home!
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeJan 1st 2018 edited
     
    My friend, Cindy, the hospice nurse, is Lakota Sioux. She grew up in the Badlands. I love it there. The state park is beautiful. But staying with her on the reservation was a wonderful experience. Riding the horses on the open range. Sunrise over the badlands. Indian tacos. Practicing with a bullwhip. Her brother was teaching me. We would put a soda can on a tree branch and flick the whip to snatch it off the branch. Come to think of it, maybe I should get one and practice out back in my field. That might be fun.

    That would be a good picture, huh Marche? I'd wear my combat boots, carry my new fancy purse, wear my dainty tennis bracelet and practice precision bullwhip.
  8.  
    Happy New Year dear friends. I am checking out in the morning. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for tolerating me alone over in the corner yet again. I love everything about this lodge and all of you!
    When my husband died last year, most of me did as well.
    I am plagued with endless flashbacks of his aggression and my fear. Locking me out of the house, seeing decapitated babies on our bed, snipers outside our windows, severed limbs on a chair....eekss I will stop as you get the picture. When the police finally took him off our little island due his calm threats of murder/suicide, I had fully lost myself to his disease.
    Then we had years of various facilities and endless health care teams as they couldn't manage his aggression.
    All of this....nine years. Ugh!
    I am SO grateful I can stop by here at Christmas as I have done since Wolf opened it.
    Sorry I am not well enough to be social and please know your chatting, food, drinks, fires, stories about the horses and cats, fill me up. I can breathe and relax here. SO welcome.
    Thank you for your kindness and tolerance.
    Hopefully see you next year. Love and hugs.
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeJan 2nd 2018
     
    It has been so pleasant sitting here with you Katherincs. You are part of the fellowship here that fills me up and allows me to breathe too. Please say hello to the chickens when you get home. I am imagining the welcome dance they will do when you get there. ;)
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJan 2nd 2018
     
    The flashbacks of aggression and the fear must be horrible. You've said enough to show the extent of psychological damage that did. I didn't experience that nightmare. But I feared deeply for my sanity for some years and to lose what I was, was my worst nightmare. I do not fear the representations of fear - I fear the loss of identity.

    He is dead. The disease ravaging his brain likely is the cause of what he became. The actions he took and perhaps as much his words, were the embodiment of an insanity that was clearly devastating to you. It may be that you were worn down already when it began. It may be compounded by years you still had to struggle for his welfare - and instead of being able to consider healing - you were stretched even thinner and the damage to your sensibility was put aside.

    I suspect you may have delayed Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, delayed by the necessity to keep holding on for him, and delayed by a very complicated grief. Grieving isn't just for the loss of them, grieving is also for the loss of ourselves.

    The causes are gone. They can't come back. You have time. You can see your own issues and you are talking about them. Those are healthy signs. You have a choice to make. Either see an expensive but likely helpful professional you can trust - or diagnose yourself that you still carry major stress about what happened but from which you are safe now.

    You have time and this takes time. For one thing to get away from the grieving period which may seem like nothing but it's one of the most powerful experiences humanity goes through. It was likely ripping up the place more than the flashbacks. The flashbacks are part of the process of the fear brought on by the very real events that happened to you.

    You are no different from the person in a real war who really did see limbs on a chair and decapitation. That kind of warfare in it's own way did happen to you. But it's over, it can't come back, and you can come back with some patient understanding.

    Look around. You survived it. You helped him. What it did to both of you is still a bill being paid because it was so horribly brutal to your sensibilities. That happens and it isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of overload. And in my opinion that was legitimate overload.

    Know your enemy. Even when it's yourself. In this case, the enemy is the fried wiring that got fried in the overload where the events were too much and when that specifically means we experienced more than we could bear, it also means we're a human being and we have beliefs and limits that can be shattered. Every single person does you know.

    The flashbacks are the red light in your hippocampus blinking that there are parts of this that are STILL a nightmare to do something about. Start trying to understand in deeper ways that it's over and those memories of the insane things that happened can't be 'resolved'. The fact of them happening may be all that's available for closure eventually.

    Look around. You are here and it is not. I think you can find your way to gradually letting more of that horror go and taking in more deeply that it is long over except the need to heal you more so that this schism can begin to scab over.

    I'm not a doctor nor in any way qualified. I believe in what I said, and I promise I will think of you once in a while and wish you well, even if we don't hear from you. Sorry about not putting on that sack race again. I now wish I had done.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeJan 2nd 2018
     
    ttt
  9.  
    I hope it is not quite time to close the lodge for the season. With the big storm headed up the East Coast I think this is the perfect place to hide out and enjoy good company by the fire. I think there is also a little eggnog left in the fridge.
  10.  
    Yes, I agree. Wolf, don't close up shop yet. We are having some unusually cold, windy, snowy weather in NY, and could really use the Lodge for a winter retreat for a while. MaryinPA, we still have lots of hot and cold beverages and food.The animals are all warm, clean, fed, and comfortable, and the warm fire in the fireplace is going strong. My book has not come in yet at the library, but I've brought my sketchbook and colored pencils up in the magic flying car, and am sitting here by the fire with a cup of hot tea, and Bandit sprawled on the hearthrug...and I'm trying different things in my sketchbook. So far have tried some different fancy letterings and am also drawing snowflakes.
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2018
     
    I saw an article showing how to make snowshoes from tree branches etc "on the fly" if you will. I don't have a magic flying car to get here. I live in southern CA and it is 75 degrees these days. But when I turn the corner ( in my mind) I am on a path in the woods. Snow too deep after the last blizzard so I made snow shoes. I knew that stupid chinese elm out on the hill should come in handy some day! I found a beautiful walking stick in the closet the other day. So I set off. What a.gorgeous day. There are cardinals, blue jays, what are those other beauties? Wax wing or something like that? My little flock of dark eyed juncoes are following me. These are tiny (barely bigger than a hummingbird) gray and white birds with black heads. They sound so lovely.
    It is nice to have all this company cause I am taking my time learning how to walk with the snowshoes. Ah, here.we are. I come out of the forest to see the pond has been cleared off and there s Wolf skating like a pro. I am going inside to have some hot spiced cider and look over elizabeth's shoulder. Wonder if I can turn some of the snowflake designs into machine embroidery designs for next year's Christmas tree skirt or a banner for the mantel.
    Bandit must have had quite a playful.walk in the snow cause he just lifted his head and thumped his tail twice to say hello. Too tired to get up for a pet. So I went over and gave him a bit of tummy rub. Time for a rest in the comfy chair.
  11.  
    Thank you sincerely bhv and Wolf for your comments. I wish there was reply privately option on this site. :-)))
    I know I am experiencing PTSD although why they call it is disorder is beyond this RN. To me it is a perfectly natural phenomena to experiencing horror. And I am confident on slowly healing. I am WAY better than a year ago.

    It was my brother's birthday on January 3rd and he died twenty-one years ago on my birthday. But this year, on his birthday, I finalized the process of getting a puppy. Yay!! If all goes well, she will come live with me in February as she is just 3 weeks old. I can't say enough how the excitement of that darling totally enhances my health.

    I will bring her to the Lodge in December and she can play with Bandit. :-))

    bhv I really look forward to seeing your beautiful machine embroidery designs in the Christmas tree skirt or a banner for the mantel. Thanks too bhv about my chickens. We all did a happy dance. The first thing I did after my husband died was get chickens. And one of the best things I ever did for me. Never had them before and love them!
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2018
     
    Hmmm.

    The most important thing there is that you can tell you're way better than a year ago. That gives you the confidence and I agree, then, that you ARE healing.

    I agree that flashbacks to horror are normal. This can be illustrated when we say that flashbacks to great memories are normal too. Same thing, opposite motivation. Also, if I had to choose between serious flashbacks or remaining stuck, I would take the flashbacks.

    But I caution you that the extreme nature of your flashbacks, and of flashes to equally horrible things that did not occur, is a serious condition. My caution is triggered by the perfectly natural phrase. It's just as important to understand and think of these things as natural reactions as it is to understand and think of them as very bad phenomena. I think 'natural but bad and clearly healing from' is the perfect martini here.

    When doggie comes on board, remember that he/she will misbehave and even growl at times. There will be echoes in the moments of conflict that have a powerful ability to leap out. You will not be a 'normal' puppy owner completely because of that, and should keep that thought on a visible shelf. This is your travel companion coming. If you can overcome the horrors you faced around your travel companion - he/she can also become your loving friend.

    Think of Don. The man who puts up all the jokes and funny stories. He would dearly love to have a dog. He's too old he says, and so he won't. There are many kinds of hurt just as there are many kinds of love. I'm glad you're getting a puppy and I hope life is kind to both of you as you train him.
  12.  
    Geez Louise Wolf you sure have a lot of great big opinions about me based on a few lines I shared at the lodge. :-))))

    Please can you find someone else to offer assessments of their health and choices and tell her/him how to live life.

    I know you mean well but I didn't ask for any assessments or advice.

    Take good care and all the best for 2018. See you here in December.
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeJan 6th 2018 edited
     
    Don't stress, Wolf. This is just a Men are from Mars and women are from Venus thing.

    Awile ago Katherinecs said she would spend less time here, but invited.us to her facebook page. She has been posting there. "Sunday Musings". I knew I would miss her here, so I took a chance on facebook. I really enjoy her writings there. She's.learning to paint. Painted a picture of her chickens. She has been finding some happy memories of her hb "before". She lives on a lovely small island with a view of the sea. She's been getting out and about meeting people and exploring what she might like to do in her new "after". She poses questions to think about which are helpful even for me still in the."during" phase. I hope she doesn't mind me summarizing. Her writings make me feel close to her and I didn't expect her to be at the Christmas Lodge, but it was so nice to meet her here and have a bit of a hug.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJan 13th 2018
     
    Katherine, if it helps to know, I'm not upset. I knew from what you said that you're getting somewhere and bhv's post confirms she's seeing the same thing. That's what matters here.

    I debated saying something more when asked not to; but have decided it's better to try and take off any additional strain our exchange may still be causing you. All the best.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeJan 13th 2018
     
    Hello Wolf. Had a tbought. why don't rename this discussion Winter lodge, then 2018, then Summer 2018 an so on.
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeJan 13th 2018
     
    Hmmmm, I don't know about that Rodstar. I prefer to stay right here. I like to go to the first page and read Wolf's introduction to the lodge. I don't know how many times I have read it, but I like it more each time. Sometimes I go back to previous years and just read and read, and sometimes read some more.

    Now that Wolf showed us how to click on the words "Last Comment by" that brings us to the bottom of the last page, it is much easier to get to the current story line.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJan 13th 2018
     
    Rodstar43, we can't change the name of the thread once we put it up. I've wanted to drop the 'edge of forever' since the day I put it there.
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeJan 13th 2018
     
    Could wait til next year and start a winter lodge if you want.

    But Wolf, I like "the edge of forever". That's where I feel like I am a lot of the time... clinging with just a few fingertips... and instead of an abyss at the edge of forever I found the Christmas Lodge. Oh. My. Gosh. I was so happy to find this place instead of what I expected. Last year I was nearly lost "at the edge of forever".
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeJan 14th 2018
     
    ttt
  13.  
    I like "the edge of forever", too. It is evocative in all kinds of ways. Wolf, I wouldn't change it even if you could.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeJan 15th 2018
     
    ttt
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJan 16th 2018
     
    Well, there's something good. Some people like that there.
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeJan 17th 2018
     
    I've been feeling so despondent for about 10 days. Forcing myself to get out of bed and forcing myself to get at least one project done and off my to do list.every day. But then I am out of motivation. Went out in the ravine to clear some more brush and, wouldn't you know it, hb decided he had to come find me. Just wanted to see me. I don't know why this feels so invasive, but it does. So I went inside and sat there watching tv next to him. Seething at just sitting there staring into space watching the same shows over and over.

    My piano would disturb his show, so I decided to come here and I played my entire Beethoven Sonata collection. Then I played "The Robin's Return" and remembered one Spring I played that with the window open and a Robin sang with me. He squawked something terrible when I made a mistake. He wouldn't stop squawking til I went back and corrected the mistake. Then we went on from there together. It only happened that one time. No one believed me.

    Now I made some hot cocoa and am sitting on the porch in an old rocker watching the snow softly falling and stars are appearing over the pond. I can hear Daisy and Mae stirring in their stalls. They are cozy and content. It is cold out here but I have snow boots and pretty lavender mittens and my parka has a fur hood lining. There is a shooting star. I made a wish. It won't come true, but I wished it anyway.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeJan 17th 2018
     
    ttt