Yesterday, I finally watched the French film "Amour". It won an Oscar for Best Foreign Film in 2012 and certainly should have. It's the story of an older couple, the wife has a stroke and the husband becomes her caregiver (at home). He takes on too much, becomes burnt out, ignores his daughter and son-in-law's advice to move the wife to a facility, etc. The portrayal of vascular dementia and the profound effects on the caregiver are incredibly accurate. I watched it on cable, and I know it's also available on Netflix. It wasn't easy to watch--I took a few breaks--but I was so impressed on how well done the movie is.

My point for posting this is that in the 5 years I've been participating in this site, I've seen this pattern over and over. Caregivers who don't get enough respite, wait too long to access services such as daycare, in-home help, moving our LO's out of the home, etc. This seems to be a universal problem in the world of dementia caregiving. Of course, I realize finances do play a large part in postponing respite. (This couple did seem to have adequate financial resources, but the husband only hired a limited amount of help.)

Perhaps some of the members here who are in the trenches could watch the film and see what a desperate need there is to get away from caregiving, to any degree, asap. Sometimes it is easier to recognize what someone else should be doing vs. how we should take action in our own lives. Looking back, I realize that although I did get respite when Steve was in the early stage of the disease, it wasn't enough. But you know what they say about hindsight!

Besides the financial aspect of respite care, there is the issue of availability of respite services.

I have tried, and failed, to get additional respite for myself. I am allowed by social services to have 5 hours every other week. I have been told that I am being treated very generously in this respect. There is one day of day care available every week, and I also take advantage of this. I have a neighbor who helps out for medical appointments and Sunday mornings, IF HE IS AVAILABLE. But when I contacted various agencies to inquire about hiring someone for some additional hours I hit a dead end. There is no coverage in our area. Even the Alzheimer Society was no help - the services they do offer are either too far away or are available in French only, despite the fact that we live in an area of Quebec that is predominantly English speaking.

So when I reach the end of my rope, as I did yesterday, I turn to this board for support. But my next step is going to have to be placement, because I don't have any other options available to me, even if I am willing and able to pay for them!

Interesting, a similar ending occurred in the book "The Leisure Seeker".

I told the Today Show producers that murder-suicide was the second leading cause of death among AD couples (natural causes - 'bed death' being #1) but since there are no statistics it could not be proven.