I wasn't offended either, although I am a bird lover, have had a lot of parrots. I just want to know how you delete posts, or if you started a post, can you delete it.
I just checked it out, and apparently, the Administrator (Me - Joan) is the only one who can DELETE a post. If the system wasn't designed that way, anyone could delete anyone else's post at any time.
HOWEVER, you can EDIT your post - see up there in the right hand corner, it says "edit" in grey. Click that, and you can edit what you wrote. I would suggest if you want to DELETE EVERYTHING you wrote, highlight it, hit the delete button on your computer, and write DELETE in the body of the post, then hit "save changes." Your post will appear with the word DELETE in it, and then when I see it, I will go in an delete it for real.
If I feel that anything is offensive, believe me, I delete it. Have very rarely had to do it.
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. "I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it.
He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, and had an affair with his boss's wife. He had taken illegal drugs and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on, I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession....."
Dazed, each of your posts is separated from others' posts by a very pale gray line. In the upper right-hand corner of each of YOUR POSTS is a teeny-tiny word "edit", also in pale gray. If you click on that teeny-tiny word in the post you want to edit, it will open a box containing the post, which you can then change.
Note that you won't see the word "edit" in anyone else's post, because YOU are not allowed to edit their posts, only your own.
My 1st day as a preschool teacher went great! The kids were SO cute. My real class actually starts in September. Today's topic was California. The question was, what do you know about CA? A lttle girl raised her hand & said "It burned down." Close, there were those forest fires. A little boy raised his hand and said,"I know, I know, WINE." That cracked me up. He's only 3 1/2.
I think I can do this. The day went fast, & I didn't think of my husband once. :-) And they love to hug you, which I don't ever get at home.
AWW Kitty, glad it went well. they will keep you laughing:) i taught 5/6th graders 2yr english as a foreign language!it was a hoot. they were always wanting kisses when they left the door.:) divvi
Kisses and hugs from students? Not exactly. I worked with teenage gang members who threw each other out of windows, beat up teachers, and shot each other on the streets. But I was lucky - they LIKED me!
I was the therapist who came into the classroom to do fun activities, so it was kind of amusing to see these 6 foot, 15 year olds swearing, yelling at their the teacher, running around the room, and then sit down and shut up when little old me walked in, because they knew I was going to play fun language games with them. They were very competitive and I gave candy as prizes.
You would think after 10 years of that, Alzheimer's Disease would be easy.
Thanks all. Joan, I can't believe you lived through that! I don't think I would have had to courage to get beyond the 1st day. Nothing could make AD easy.
It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed, "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting:
"Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch..."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's finger and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.
Here is my second contribution - I think you will find this very funny. Just imagine this happening to someone.
If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work ... think of this guy.
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft.Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.
However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five mother divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."
Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?
Ok here is a cute one-again I hope no offense to anyone! Confessions
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy went to the local church for confession.
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: 'Father ... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.'
The priest replied: 'That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.'
'There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.'
The priest said, 'That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. But two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.'
'Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question.'
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
As we went to bed last night, DH told me what a good job I am doing taking care of him and DS (grad student w/ health issues) and how much he appreciated it. Then he said "I hope you can hold it together"!
OK you cat lovers, here's my joke: What did the man say whose cat was run over by a steamroller? Well, he didn't actually say anything, he just stood there with a long puss!
Picture this. I left my electronic B/P machine in a plastic bag. Meeko (one of my cats) walks across the bag. Machine starts to inflate and hum-plastic bag starts moving. Poor Meeko went up the wall.
OK =See if you like this one for the Texans.... This guy from Texas was HUGE. He died on a visit to Oregon. They couldn't find a casket big enough, so gave him an enema and sent him home in a shoebox!
When Enoch turned 90 his friends decided to surprise him with an exotic dancer. When she arrived at his house, he asked why she was there, to which she replied: I'm here to give you super sex. Enoch thought for a moment and then said: I think I'll take the soup.
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... So, I took her to a gas station...
And then the fight started....
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'