Well here we are, in the 11th month of the year already..How time flies. This and Dec sometimes are the toughest months of the year for many of us. Somehow, though we always find a way to make the most of it. One suggestion I have for those wondering what to do about Thanksgiving, should I pull out the stops, should I just have a TV dinner for us...well if you can pull out some kind of stops, do it even if it is just cooking a roasted Cornish Game Hen with a few trimmings, it might be the last Thanksgiving " bash" you can have with your LO. Last year my DH didn't want me to bother putting up the Christmas Tree. I almost didn't..but then two days before Christmas Eve, I stayed up late and put it up anyway. The next day it was quite the surprise and Ozzie loved it, he always loved his Christmas Tree. I have never been so happy with pulling myself up by the boots to do that, so glad I didn't listen to him...it was his last Chrsitmas Tree...and who knew it would be? Only the Man upstairs.
Oh...could we just have Nov and Dec with minimal holiday fuss? I think that every year, and this one is no exception. But in a big way, it feels easier than last. Last year, it was an important part of my Thanksgiving and Christmas to get to the ALF and spend part of it with Jeff, then feel that combo of guilt, sadness, and helplessness that he didn't really seem to notice the presence of family, and that I was going to leave him and go off to be with people. I will say the staff made it easier. They were wonderful.
This year, my first * year, I'll be able to relish the memories of Jeff in his good days, and enjoy the company of my kids and loved ones without worrying about how he's doing.
I still wish we could skip any sort of obligatory gifting.
emily*, I guess we just have to say NO to obligatory gifting. I started to do that last year - took a lot of stress away. He will probably be placed before Christmas this year, so if they want to get him something he needs or wants, that's fine.
Emily, I'm glad that a good man has found you and that you sound as though you're going to be able to have a vibrant life again in time. I feel sure Jeff is grateful for all the years you struggled though this with him and I hope that you will be happy.
Vickie, this has been a long time for you. It's a big transition as you probably know and I hope you wil find some of the peace inside after some time which I have. It's big changes to be home alone and it took me time to learn to appreciate what I have and can do.
I would just like to knock these next 2 months off the calendar!!!! None of us need the extra stress and sometimes makes our LO act differently too. I know there is no way to just no way to get away from some sort of celebration's but I am going to try to keep ours as low keyed as possible. Hoping for the best for you Vickie.
I told the kids this year the Christmas gifts were going to be of a sentimental nature...they will get somethings I know they gave their dad over the years...one wanted his belt back that she gave him that he always wore, I found the ST Christohpher medal the youngest gave him..he never wore it but put it around the rear view mirror of his truck and later put it away..I found it so she will have that, another is going to get the coffee cup she gave him and that he used until the design wore off but you can see the stir marks in it. And they will get some other personal things that were his...pocket knives he used, a pair of his glasses for reading, and some of his fun things...I am not in the mood for shopping..thankfully I did a fair amount of knitting earlier this year.. I am joining my brothers in IA for Thanksgiving this year...most likely will stay home for Christmas and maybe go to Nashville for new year to see the kids there...and celebrate my Plenty- Seventh birthday at that time... It will be quiet this year but my Tree is going up!!
I love Christmas, will be putting the tree up in about a week, it takes me a while to get it decorated. I have already started buying gifts( QVC). I want it special this year, he may not know what it is next year. Bonnie
Just checking in..... feeling on edge. Not sure why. Guess it is just where I am at now. DH is sleeping and DD is over at a friends. Cleaned the kitchen and at lose ends. Wish I could talk to someone. Really just want to cry. Started painting my kitchen and am half done. Don't know when the rest will be done. What the heck was I thinking. Keeping everyone here in my prayers.......
LOL Wolf, I was on hold today for 30 mins with the insurance co. I wish it was elevator music. It was an endless loop of what the ACA was all about. I wanted to shoot someone by the time it was over! Thank goodness the lady on the other end was nice. She was able to talk me off the ledge!
The kitchen is brown, a dark brown. It was just some paint I had. I have no idea why I started it. Guess limbo is starting to get to me...... Can always repaint it later, DD likes it : )
Now back to the soothing sounds of the elevator music as I drink my wine........and a screwball comedy on TCM......maybe some popcorn.....
Dark brown kitchen. Good idea. Maybe I should paint the linoleum that color. Don't tell anybody but I've only washed the kitchen floor three times in two years. The thing is if I wash it then it looks dirty a couple of days later - but if I don't wash it, it just keeps looking dirty months later.
Besides I get my exercise that way. I bend over, pick some things up, wash a little with a paper towel and sweep the dust up by racing through the kichen. Ok so I move it around.
I do toilets. And I do laundry when I run out of things. I pay bills. I buy groceries.
Everything else is on the optional list. If my beard is starting to look like Santa Clause, I go to the grubbier supermarket rather than the upscale one and I fit right in.
I do mean that actually. I can't control some things. But I control other things and those things are going to whistle to my tune. Early on after placing my wife I found little things like that were actually important. Things that are mine.
Don't worry about the half brown kitchen. Tell them it's a new faux style where the completed work is left to the viewers imagination. Hey presto! Time for wine.
Gee,Wolf,didn't know anyone else cleaned their kitchen floor like I do,but then read your comment and now when the kids say something about it,I can say I have a friend who cleans the same way.We do have to make things easy for ourselves,don't we?Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Wolf, I do have a dark brown kitchen floor. Its great for hiding dirt! Actually a real estate show I was watching a few years ago (when I was trying to get tips on how to sell the house we were living in at the time), recommended that you should choose a kitchen floor color that matched as close as possible the dirt outside. And so, in my present house, that is what i did! Luckily, that is also a close match to the dirt we create on the inside! :-)
My kitchen floor is the color of dust. When there's a spot, though, I also do the wet paper towel thing with my foot. That's the way you do it if you have a back that gets out of whack with too much bending.
Our kitchen floor is mottled brown. So no dirt shows. And I have two dogs, so if the floor is ever sticky they are not doing their job :)) I hate mopping too.
Now that hubby is in care lots of new jobs and learning for me. Snow plowing the driveway, shovelling snow, cleaning chimneys, plumbing, bringing in firewood and keeping the wood stove going.
So far so good, just that my hands are sore...I wear a size small but I know they will strengthen up. I have about a foot of snow here and the temps between -10C and 0C. I am doing OK! No more supervisor telling me I'm doing it wrong. Of course I miss the him that used to be but there is no cure for this disease.
The old bugger is trying to find ways to escape and he keeps calling me to come and get him. Still not settled in mind you he is still in a respite room so I can't decorate and get more of his stuff moved in and set up. Once a bed becomes available then I hope he will settle down. I only go in a couple of times a week because it makes him become agitated as he wants to come home with me. The doctor said not to tell him he is here permanently but I think if he doesn't soon settle it would be better for him to know.
I had a good chat with his doctor and he told me I had done everything I could of done and had done a good job but it was time for him to go into permanent care. That conversation put my mind at ease and has allowed me to move forward.
I go back to work on Tuesday, just 3 days a week for now. If I find I'm good for money just working the 3 days then I won't take on anymore. It has been wonderful to be able to have my granddaughter be able to come back up here to visit. She is right now outside running the ATV up and down the driveway packing the snow down. She is having a ball!
Amber, its so good to hear from you. I am glad you are doing okay on your own. It gives me hope that I will be able to survive out here in the country on my own, once I place my DH. I am glad the doctor spoke to you and told you that you had done a good job. Sometimes we just need to hear it from a professional. This diseases forces us to doubt ourselves and everything we do. We had our first snow fall today. I don't think it will last until tomorrow, but right now it has coated everything with a white blanket a few inches thick, and everything looks clean and fresh.
Wolf - they have 'slippers' made for dusting floors - dust it as you walk around. Personally, if I had the room and money I would get one of those robot vacuum/sweeper. I would sit back and watch it work instead of me.
I have tile...and it gets spots..cats don't lick it up..I do the glass plus and paper towel thing too though I do have a Hoover Floor Mate and Christopher Columbus, when I use it and see how dirty the floor is I nearly pass out! Time for wine for sure!
Slippers for dusting floors? Who does the choreography? What are you supposed to do? Swan lake??? Peter and the Wolf? I can just see the cats taking on the robot vac hissing and batting at it. Or worse trying to mount it. No thanks.
God has granted me the wisdom to accept some things I can't change. Like that I'm lazy. I don't get up bright and sparkly in the morning eager to do chores. I know that does it for some people; but, I think anyone who speaks before 11am should be beaten with a nerf bat about the head until they stop. That should go without saying. Frankly I see this zen and the art of kitchen maintenance thing as over-the-top on the list of demands on ordinary people who just want to get on with their lives.
I have important things to do. I do. I have to rub the catnip I dried from the garden into the carpet outside my room. I'm working on a plan where I actually walk into a store and buy a new vacumn cleaner. It's just a concept right now but I'm fleshing it out. It's not my fault I have some unexplained fixation on pulling the wads of fur out of the five year old bag so thin now it holds together on hope alone and drag it around with it's missing wheel and the tape mostly holding the hose in one piece. We've gone through a lot together. I'm not ready to just coldy move on like that.
I think mainly the thing about dirt is that it just keeps coming back; doesn't it. So what's the point? By the time I put the bucket away the floor is a mess already or at least what feels like five minutes later. So cleaning is really a form of denial where the more we clean the more we demand it stay clean until we're diving across the floor with a rag even before the thing the person is dropping has hit the floor.
Dirt happens. Move on. It's a trap. That's what I say.
the dust thing. You know I came to that conclusion a few years ago, the dust will just accumulate and so might as well wait another week. I abhor dusting furniture etc. HOWEVER, I have a THING about floors. I have to wash them at least twice a week, I have a small house so get down on my hands and knees with a big wet cloth. I can't stand things sticking to my feet. Those floor slippers just do not cut it with me.
I am glad though I have gotten over the real obsessive clean thing, it is kind of ridiculous really.
Wolf, I LOVE the nerf bat idea. I, too, think it is breaking one of the ten commandments to speak or be spoken to within approx 1 and 1/2 - 2 hours of waking in the morning. Funny thing is, it must be genetic cause my daughter is the exact same way. We "get" each other and respect that about each other. I think you and I would get along great together for that period of "just pretend that I'm not even here until I acknowledge YOU" time in the am. LOL!
I think its time for me to speak up for any "morning persons" out there! :-) If I am not up before 8 am, I feel like I have slept in and wasted the day. And since my DH sleeps in until 9:30 or 10, the time between when I wake up and when he gets up is precious to me. I get to think then, enjoy the quiet of the morning, have a relaxing cup of coffee, play on the computer without interruption. I frequently have breakfast by myself, and then start doing whatever activity I have planned for the day (not cleaning) while keeping an ear open for hubby to get up.
Just don't disturb me while I am taking my afternoon nap!
bqd, I was the same way..I treasured my 2 hours before DH got up. I was able to feed my kittens, read the paper, pay a few bills or do a little knitting with a hot cup of coffee. In winter I would go out and look up at the stars. Now, however, I find I sleep until sometimes nearly 10 not because I want to but I think because the 8 years of caregiving took more of a toll than I realized. I chalk it up to my body telling me I need rest...I am now starting to get back, after 3 months, to a more normal wake up time..somewhere between 7 and 8ish+..baby steps...
I splurged and got cable internet today. So far it is so nice. The park wifi stinks, especially since the wind storm a couple weeks ago. They refuse to do anything about it. So have the cable box for him to watch his hockey and my faster internet.
This is an exciting month for us. Our daughter is due on November 21st with a grandson. I have a feeling that it will be in the next 2 days. I am anxious and hopeful that I will have time to have someone watch DH while I go to the hospital, They can bring him later for a visit. We have two grandsons already. My Step-daughter has 2 boys. They were also born in November. One actually on my birthday. This is a great month for us. I am going to decorate again this year. Maybe not as much. It could be the last one that my DH really understands. We got together with my family on my birthday and he didn't really understand why we were all together. When they started singing happy birthday, he said, "oh its someone's birthday". He hasn't remembered it in 5 years so I was ok with it. I am not sure he really understands about our daughter having a baby. Sometimes he says that he is already here. It is funny the things they remember, he remembers what they are going to name the baby, and what their dogs name is. We always say it is the unforgettable Elmer. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Holidays.
So, Charlotte, what are you watching on your new cable? Divvi, how is your elbow? Ol' Don, love to you and your spoiled dawg. Wolf, I've mailed you a book. Tip of my hat to you, Marsh. Coco, wish we could meet for lunch tomorrow.
Thanks to all the well wishes for a speedy recovery, icy hot patches, ice pax, and some exercise elbow is finally up and running. this caregiving over time can surely make for aches and strains. hoping you are well too mary75! many hugs and jackiem a belated happy birthday and smile at the joys of those babies. divvi
Mary, thank you very much! I'll watch for it and read it.
I'm in a snowstorm in strong sunlight. Not something I see every day. It won't last but the jetstream is right above us and it's just a matter of days before we're in the arctic air. I think Maryland is exactly the right latitude preferably on the Chesapeake, one of the more beautiful bays on the planet.
I just came back from the store. I opened the closet wide for my winter jacket and coat and became lost in a sea of Dianne things. I found a candy in one of her coats she wore just a few years ago. Her things stay while it's half her house but it's almost odd how powerfully the memories flow back of her in this coat and with that scarf on.
I think acceptance has a number of fronts. One is becoming accustomed to the way things are now. One is accepting at progressively deeper levels that they're not coming home again. One is accepting all the moments that happened in how they cross your mind or don't and what that does to you. I find I still shudder at some of them. It supports my preaching that we have to be active healers of ourselves. These are just single individual moments each of which has it's scars.
I believe the denial of self, it's extent, and it's duration is far more difficult to return from for many. I think abuse in any of it's forms is deep shock to the spirit. Contact with friends and laughter and social gatherings is often stunted, usually painfully and normally for years.
We learn to deny all things not related to endurance. We enter the healing period with one finely honed skill. Endurance. You don't endure healing. It trends towards that being the experience though because that's the only trusted way we've been experiencing life for years.
It doesn't matter where you are in this guantlet. You're going to arrive here. And when you do what is inside you to fight with is going to be the alphabet of what will then be written. That is both certain and random (see below).
Eventually we still have no idea what will happen. I'm not big on that wait and see approach. I've written about that; however, I have some dysfunctions others may or may not have.
I don't give a flying. That is to say I care very much but at some point I'm a carbon based biped stuck on a rock for the blink of an eye flinging through space from and to no one knows; where the main idea is that you procreate while you eat other things before they eat you. Everybody believes something else, everybody's a freedom fighter, and way too many can't wait to hurt others to prove it. It's real but not serious.
Love and laughter are serious. Just ask anybody in their last moments. And even if we don't have those right now it doesn't change that they're worth fighting for, and remembering that for when we can fight for them.
Ultimately it's always what we believe. Those are the things we do and don't do. Plastered in and amongst that are endless variations of things we would like to believe, we see ourselves as believing, we think we should, and so on. Those are not beliefs. They are props that help us get through all the different moments. The problem with props is they have no substance when you try and lean on them. And the thing about what we actually believe is that it tends to stick.
I have some years to kick around maybe. I see no reason to pee on that because everything hasn't worked out for me. I got 42 years of the blessing I am now losing. The half of that sentence that defines us later is what we believed. Trust me.
I'm a human being. I can feel all sorts of things at the same time or in rapid succession. In and amongst that are all sorts of things I'm going away from and coming to. In and amongst that are all sorts of other layers of concerns until you have the frothy, confusing sea known as the human being. Like I said, it's real but not serious.
Mary75 - we mostly watch MeTV, Hallmark Channel, and TV Land. Sunday is football and if both New England and Seattle play, then it is two games. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday are hockey nights on NBCsports which is what we have the box for. MeTV we watch Daniel Boone in the morning (my choice), Perry Mason, Hawaii 5'o (original one), Ironside and a bunch of westerns. Tomorrow morning is Petticoat Junction, Donna Reed, My threes Sons, Leave it to Beaver,etc. All the old shows which I do not mind at all. They are much better than many newer shows.
After he goes to bed I get to watch Chopped or other shows on that channel, or what I want. I sometimes do go into the bedroom to watch while hockey is on but I have found Roy Rogers show on Hulu. Plus my computer games and a few online friends that I chat with.
Our thermostat is bad on the hot water tank I think. It boils over at night cause it gets so hot. The guy will be out Monday.
Wolf - we got the artic air a few nights ago with it getting into the low teens already. That has contributed the tank boiling over so much - the thermostat reacts to the outside temp instead of the tank temp. We seemed to have gone from summer to winter with no fall - no slow cooling to get acclimated to the cold. Last spring was the same - winter to summer with a very short spring. I was going to use the electric heat longer but it is too cold for it to keep us warm which means burning the propane. Thankfully we have that big tank (96 gal) so if I keep an eye on it we should not run out.
Emilee (estranged DIL) wanted us to go there for Thanksgiving but told her I was not sure. A few days later she said a friend from Vancouver area that now lives north of Spokane invited them. Whew - got saved from going! We will go up maybe the Saturday after. Not sure what we will do, maybe make some stuffing, buy a turkey breast and thigh (white for him, dark for me) and maybe make him a custard pie. Be so glad when January comes.
Mary75, I got the book. Cover looks great. I've started reading it. My cheque will be in the mail on Monday for the signed copy and don't protest because I insist.
I am deeply thankful for the very few people in my life that do care, and try to understand as best as they can. And in return, I am thankful that I can try my best to help them too.
Thankful that my health seems to be holding up, that my Mom made it through her stroke and surgery, that my car despite all the many miles on it each week now is running great.
And very thankful for my crazy cats that give me the love I am not sure I could do without.
The lake froze over completely last night as the temperature hit zero degrees F. We won't see water again until sometime in mid to late April. But, the snow and ice frost on the trees were sparkling in the morning sun, which brought some cheer to the day!