BEEN ONE OF THOSE DAYS!!!!!! You know the kind of day when you are in the bathtub and when you pull the drain plug out you just want to GO DOWN THE DRAIN TOO!!!!!!!!!! Well that has been my kind of week-------Paul is no worse-so I guess the problem is me....The stress of some other family issues along with the everyday things around here just got the better of me today. I am not proud of my actions after I throw one of my HISSY fits--but I have also not found away to keep them at bay ALL the time. Of course I regret the nasty words that come flying out of my mouth when I am running on empty and I say stupid things. I then have to wait till I settle down and say I am sorry again! He does not seem to get upset when I am ranting so guess it does not bother him as much as it does me.......
bak - No one can be expected to stay under control all the time - we are human after all, and not looking for sainthoods anytime soon. So you let off a little pressure that had been brewing, not just from dealing with your hubby's issues day after day, but from the other pressure of stress from family issues. It would be a lot less healthy if you had held it all in, and didn't release the pressure. And you regretted it, which is also a healthy response and then apologized. And I expect you are right, it probably does bother you more than it does your hubby. I think we all feel bad when we lose it, but it is bound to happen from time to time. Don't beat yourself up over it.
bak. I agree with bqd. I just had one of those days yesterday. I also appoligized. DH didn't even remember my rant. I think sometimes he has more patient with me. Do not beat yourself up. Hugs
It is such a blessing when our loved one does not recall a snappy comment we might make...we feel guilty for not being more patient..but we are human...it is a wonder they don't hold grudges.Maybe there is a lesson in this for us to learn too.
Things have been pretty even here for a while, but it won't be long until something happens to make the pot boil over! I read a quote from Maya Angilou (?) that they may not remember what happened, but they will always remember how you made them feel. i read this on Mayo Clinic's Alz. newsletter. I don't think the quote was originally written about someone with dementia, but the newsletter used it that way. I'm not sure I believe that. D. doesn't remember from one minute to the other what has been said or what happened - I don't think he has that much awareness of how he feels at any time. I sure know how I feel, though - Alz. is always in the back of my mind, always like a little cloud just hanging around. Sometimes the cloud just has to burst for some relief !
I feel the same about that cloud of Alz. As much as I try to lose it, it just hangs over me. Doesn't matter if it's October or November; Monday or Friday it is always there.
It's always on my mind, weather I'm away from home or here with him. A cloud is a good way to put it. Not with a silver lining, not up on cloud 9. But that gloomy cloud that follows Lioness( probably misspelled that)around. Bonnie
If it is any consulation. It is in fact a full moon. The moon is so full and so close to the earth that Miami had a high tide that left one foot of water in the streets!!!!!! We will all be experts on full months before a cure is found!! We need to just all stop being so hard on ourselves for things that we have no control over. A virtual cup of coffe to all!!!!!!
My DH has much more myoclonus tics with the full moon. its a given! after so many years documenting this I am convinced our Loved Ones suffer effects from this phenomenum. in any number of ways from confusion, bodily functions, brain function and general overall changes. I use Ativan and it helps control it better. when I looked out and saw that huge moon, I just shook my head and knew the 'why's this weekend! divvi
Seems in my life there appears to be many of the "one of those days". We are all living though a hard long lonely journey continually being tested with an all consuming drain on our energy, patience, strength, emotions and financial burdens. We can not correctly plan for the "future" because we don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. The specialists can't give us a prognosis on the length of the wilderness journey so budgeting for the future care is like blindly stepping off a curb and hoping the city bus won't hit us.
The littlest things....damn the little things ie, a leaky faucet or a minor car repair can cause me to shatter. We are, all too many times, walking alone without family or friends to call or stop by. BTW, where are they all? They are now memories of the distant past prior to AD diagnosis. Hell yes, it's no wonder we have our "hissy" fits, pity parties, an short-fused tempers. We are human caretakers with enormous endless duties and little or no appreciation.