This week end I went to the city to visit DH. He had asked me to come for the two days but we found it to long for him and to much for me. So back to driving there two days a week. While I was there we put an application in for me to rent a 2 bdr apartment . I will know this week if I get it. The house will , if it doesn't sell first, go off the market until spring. I have a lovely neighbour that I will pay to care take it for me for insurance purposes. Snow removal is taken care of, so off I go. The apartment is a mess right but the floors are hardwood and will be refinished and the place will be cleaned and any repairs done before I move in. I also get to inspect it first. Then I came home and I just fell apart. Because if DH's behaviour problems, we have had to move six times since 2007. Each time I did all the reno's and upgrades hoping I wouldn't have to move again but then, sometime in 9 months, we would have to go. I had no idea what was wrong with him and people just said it was old age. Old age my butt!! Each time we moved we lost on the sale, one time $50,000. This house was to be the last and he would go into LTC here, but they are not so good at caring for his particular dementia, so now I will be moving into an apartment that is nothing to some of my lovely homes and I am just so angry at this terrible disease. These were not big expensive homes, but nice little places that I had fixed up. My DH has no idea what this is doing to me and he will never know. When this house sells and he is maybe passed, I will maybe buy a nice place, but until then I have to be very careful of my finances. I just can't stay in this house no matter how nice it is as I have lost so much here. My husband and my two Lillie dogs have all gone and there is just me. To many sad memories. I need a place to maybe build new memories.
Yes, a new place with new happy memories that is what I wish for you.
Maybe being in town you will find some groups and activities you like and make new friends and keep yourself busy. I know for me being in the country that Alzheimers just consumes all my waking thoughts and I am looking forward to find different things to think and do. I have become really boring when talking to others....I believe Joan did a blog about this.
Something I am working on, which I have posted here before, is I am writing up a story about "what a happy Amber looks like". It is really eye opening and making me see where this next leg of my life journey will take me.
You can do it, this time you can plan what you want and where to go when you no longer need this apt. I've spent my whole life moving. I've been here 13 years, the longest of anyplace in my life. This was to be the last. BUT, as soon as I can get dh to go, we will move once more to be near family to help me. Good Luck to you, Bonnie
Jazzy, I hope that the apartment works out for you and that your inspection goes well. I totally understand about taking your house off the market for the winter months, and it will be one less thing for you to worry about. And as time goes on, you will be able to be more objective about it. You are moving into a city that has a lot to offer in terms of activities, and I hope you are able, for your sake, to take advantage of some of them. Hugs
Jazzy, I know this isn't something you should have to think about, but you need to think about whether you want to give up a "homestead". The money invested in the house, once sold, would be vulnerable to being spent in nursing home or AL expenses. If you keep the house and live in it (how much of the time, I don't know) it is safe. Please check with an elder-care lawyer about this.
Jazzy: Good luck with the new apt. We were fortunate and "downsized" when we left NYC for FL I've been lucky and never had to deal with assisted living, nursing homes or behavior problem. A new Hospice Nurse in for a visit yesterday commented 'I can't believe your wife is so ill, she's just so pleasant and happy. Does she ever get agitated? Don't you notice how her eyes light up when you walk in?' No concerns about vulnerability Nursing Homes or Medicaid. Hospice personnel, declining to play fortune teller, indicate it will not be longer than a week or two until her passing Your last sentence grabbed me... could I remain here after DW passes. like you too many memories many good, many horrific ones. I'm not sure what my decision will be, One factor not complicating things is that neither daughter wants to inherit it. They don't like the FL life. No need for immediate decision for either of us, but neighbors dropping by for a visit seem obsessed with: "please let me know if you decide to sell. I have a friend who'd love to buy here." Feeling a bit like the vultures are circling over head
Marty,know what you mean by the feeling of vultures circling overhead.While we were never really accepted in this area of "plain people" they are now going overboard to help me,also asking how many rooms in our house and so forth.Several have expressed interest in buying it when I am ready to sell.For now I will take advantage of their help,but not promising anything.I do love it here, but no transportation when I can no longer drive.Our children or grandchildren do not want to live here.
Yhouniey Never a problem of being accepted here, I was elected the Board of Directors for more than five years until Sue's illness precluded continuing. Plus I'm the resident computer guru, everybody want to be my friend when they're having software issues. Most of the units here are occupied by 2nd generation, by that I mean: Grandma and Grandpas' place has been taken over by one of the kids inheriting the place and in 4 units the" third" generation now owns the home. Few ever get listed with a broke, you've got to give insiders 30 days notice before listing with a broker. I don't think that there have been 10 broker sales since we moved here in '01. This condo complex is a little bit of paradise. Just the memories will haunt me
In BC and I believe the other provinces the gov't takes 80% of our spouses pension to pay for LTC and NH. ALF is different..that cost is out of our pocket. The gov't doesn't go after our home or savings but I understand the Federal gov't has it in the works to change this so who knows about the future.
If the good lord is willing I'll get to live out the remaining years of my life out here in my cabin.
Hi Amber I've checked out the cost of a nursing home here in Quebec. They will take all of my DH's government pensions and supplements, and then I will have to fork over another $300 out of my income to cover the costs. ALF's are much cheaper, and if I get him into the one he had his respite in last week, then any medical costs fall under social services and are free of charge.
Hi bonny - I was told by the community nurses that BC has the best system compared to the other provinces. We all know this too will change. Here ALF I have to pay for and hubby is too far along to go into one. So it is LTC and like I said 80% of his taxable income which means because his VAC pension isn't taxable they won't touch it. Plus if he went into the veterans hospital VAC pays the full amount while in LTC where I live I have to pay for it. Going to see if VAC will cover it. I was reading on the other thread what our US members have to pay and OMG! I just can believe it. My heart goes out to them.
In Ontario we pay the same price for LTC nursing home. We have a price set by the Province. Basic, semi and private. After DH was admitted, I went to Service Canada and applied for OAS income supplement. That takes four months here. Every Province time is different. I had to sign a form that says we are " involuntary separation". I'm told that they can't leave me destitute and all residents of all nursing homes pays the same price except those who don't have enough income, then there is some help for them. If you are on Old age Security, call Service Canada and they will help you. It is only your income they look at not his because of the involuntary separation. I have to apply every year once I have filed my income tax. I don't know your ages, but this is helpful for us " OLDIES"
Nope 56 here so the only thing he gets that my income affects is the GIS. So it's back to work for me....I'm actually looking forward to it. Have you looked into the GIS with his pension going to pay LTC then maybe you can get a higher rate from them? or is that the OAS income supplement you were referring to?