DH's memory is not so good for short term. He has a phone in his room and a computer with email. Both he and I have asked the family to email him and let him know when they will call or visit, like time,day and if that is not interfering with Physio or Dr. or anything like activities, he will be there. If he remembers!!! So he has decided that he will be in his room after 20:30 for sure. He also has reminders that come up to help him remember.
Well guess what? Kids just don't listen!! I think they think this is a rule I have made up and just refuse to do what he asks. He told me one of them called and left a message but when I asked if he called back he said " No, I forgot" and he was upset because they didn't do as he asked. I had thought about sending out another email to remind them of his request but, sc**w it! I'm not doing it anymore. If he forgets "Oh well" their loss. As long as I don't ask about it or comment on if he returned their call he is fine..
I have had lots of problems with these two" his kids" from day one. In total denial and will not accept my being in charge of his care. Anytime I asked them to do things a certain way that I had learned from this site or Alzheimer's on how to talk to him or get him to eat or anything that has been tried and proven to work by lots of caregivers, well they just called it my rules and refused to use them. I was being over protective or to concerned. He always came back in a state that took days to get him back on track. Well now he is in LTC and boy do they have RULES. I think I will just walk away from this one.
When he told them he was going to move to LTC, he asked them to make sure they helped me and wouldn't let me get lonesome. Well I haven''t heard a word from them since. The sad thing is, I now realize that it was all a big act when they would come here to visit and hug me and all. It doesn't even upset me anymore and I don't know if that is good or bad. I have been in their lives since they were 10 and 11. They were my boys!! I had five not three from the first day. I am going to just move when the house sells and build a" Jazzy's world""
Time to move on, Jazzy, even though its hard. In the long run it will be better for you to start living your own life and forget about those people who were in your life who give you nothing but pain and sorrow. You'll be a better manager of your dH's care and then you will both be happier.
Don't you know that banging your head against the wall is the activity done by most Dementia caregivers? If it isn't one thing it's another.
Hi Amber, I thought you had deserted us? Busy girl???
bqd and LFL you and Amber are so right. I am moving on and I don't pick up that phone and call anyone unless they have called me in the last three weeks since he left. I am doing much better and I think I will go to Swiss Chalet for dinner all alone!!!!!
No, would never desert you guys! You are my life line.
My best friend died on Wed...it was expected...from cancer. Another horrible life sucking disease. He was so important to me as my friend and because he worked as a nurse at a NH so in the beginning with hubby and throughout the years he was there with lots of information and when I had questions he had answers. He was my major support person. Plus he was a kind and caring individual and when he got sick I was there for him, helping where ever I could. I am very sad and will miss him terribly.
Thank goodness hubby is in respite, I don't know how I would deal with my friend's death and then him on top of it. Respite called and asked if I wanted extended his stay till the 17th. First I said yes but after thinking about it I promised him one week and if I don't keep my word I may never get him in again. Have to think about this.
Amber, I am sorry to hear about your friend. Yes, it is a good thing that your hubby was in respite so that you could deal with the death, but sad that you had to use your respite time that way.
The next time I get told by a (well meaning person) what to do I am going to suggest that they physically take care of him for a week! That MIGHT shut them up!!!
Sorry for your difficulties, Jazzy. Who can understand kids sometimes. I have been lucky. AS often as I would get grumpy when I felt the kids weren't paying enough attention, I knew they loved their dad and me too. But I also never took it for granted or assumed they would care. I am just blessed that they do and have said if it weren't for me. they believe they would have lost their dad 8 years ago! That was a surprise to hear.. But for these kids who have been taken care of as your own to treat you like this is very strange indeed. Just focus on your hubby, making sure he is as content as he can be under the circumstances and take care of yourself too. AS long as your own kids are there to support you, you will be ok. Blessings and Peace..