Now what! I'm hoping things will be as easy as it was taking him, and leaving him today. He's Been there 2 hrs now. I called about him and going fine. I've prayed about this a lot. He has went down so much lately, I think it's time. He is also starting to have urinry Incontinence. I'm home now sitting here with my feet up and my jellybeans close by..
Ky caregiver, I'm praying that your DH will adjust & that he likes going. It will give you some much needed relief. I tried daycare for my DH two separate times a year apart, but he just KNEW that he didn't belong there. Sending good thoughts your way!
I sent dh to daycare for the first time in April. First time I came home and cried. I got over that very quickly. He now goes twice a week for 4 hrs. each day. I heard about a residential facility that houses only 6 patients, offers respite, daycare, etc. I really couldn't have done better. My dh is 87, never liked cards, games, etc. His love was his work as a research engineer. DH is also urinary incontinent when napping and sleeping. If he is awake it isn't a problem. Driving is always a problem here in the winter so I am thinking of keeping him home for the winter. His disease will only get worse no matter where he is. This particular assisted living facility fills dh's needs completely. Sometimes I have to pull him away to come home. My out-of-state kids have toured this alf and like it for their dad. They respect my feelings and know I will do my best at home for dh as long as possible.
I went and picked him up after 4 hrs, and he did fine. And so did I. I was really quite surprised how well we both did. im gonna try it again later this week. Thanks for your comments and encourageme nt.
I went and picked him up after 4 hrs, and he did fine. And so did I. I was really quite surprised how well we both did. im gonna try it again later this week. Thanks for your comments and encourageme nt.
Ky caregiver. I am glad you both did fine with your first day of Daycare. My situation is more like ElaineH. We tried Day care a year ago, but dh hated it, and I mean hated it! He stuck it out for awhile because he knew that I needed time alone. I don't think I will ever get him to go back, even though he has deteriorated since last year. And I so enjoyed my time alone at home! I worry about how he is going to handle going to respite!
My dh has no conception that I need time alone. I told him I had to go to work. He has forgotten he was ever there today. He is sitting here asleep. He really needs the stimulation and. Social part as well as a little exercise he gets there. I'm going o take him again soon.
I don't know what happened, but my DH suggested to me tonight that he might try Day care again! hallelujah! Of course he couldn't remember how often he went, (once a week) but if he is willing to give it another shot, I'll make the arrangements! He also needs the stimulation and socializing. But I also know that if he goes, it will wear him out and he will sleep even more than he does now. I am hoping I can get him to go next week...
bonnie - I sure hopes he goes for your sake. Hubby is going into placement because he refused to go to either Day care or respite. When I explain to him that I need a break he was "what for I'm not any trouble". Anosognosia for sure. When I explain what was going to happen and why, he now has decided that he will go into respite. I'm sure hoping. Maybe explaining to your hubby the choices might make and keep him open to going?
Amber - I have told my DH previously that I would care for him at home as long as I could. I think he understands that I am under a great deal of stress, and I am convinced that he thinks that if he goes to Day care it will make it easier for me, and therefore I will keep him home longer. Is that too much logical thinking for someone with AD? I don't know. So far he knows nothing about going into respite. I have mentioned before on another thread that I need to have some surgery soon, and there is no way I can look after him at home while I am recovering. He knows nothing of my upcoming surgery. I am beginning to wonder how much longer I can keep him at home. Period. So his respite might just turn into something longer. In the meantime I am grateful that he has decided to try the day center again. Its only one day a week, for about 5 hours, but I will take every bit of respite I can get! I'll be calling them tomorrow to book him in for next week.
Thank you Amber. Yes, we do all need a break! I called the day center today, and they are very happy to have him back. And I am happy to send him! We'll see next Thursday afternoon when he gets back if he still wants to go!
Today was Chuck's firs day at daycare. I dropped him off this morning before work. Chuck said he did not want to go. I told him he might have fun. Low and behold he did have fun. His afternoon caregiver picked him up at 1:00 and he did not want to leave. She texted me the good news. He wants to go back Friday morning. I was so happy he had a positive experience. However, when I got home the realties of the downward slide of AD hit me. I have only been home 3 hours and Chuck has had two poop messes and 2 showers. This has all just started in the last 6 weeks. It is hard to believe we are now at this point. I read through a number of old posts and it helps me realize I am not alone; this is part of the journey. It is so sad but we are doing the best we can.
I know I am getting a little crazy when I try to look at the bright side. My mom was always one to look at the bright side. As I was rinsing off his underwear with the bidet attachment that he had flooded the bathroom with a couple weeks ago, I thought this bidet attachment is kind of handy after all. Also, I felt lucky I have a steam cleaner to sanitize the bathroom. I am afraid it will become a cherished possession.
Lizbeth, you're not getting crazy looking at the bright side. It is the only way I have survived 14 years of this disease. I did place DH 2 years ago in LTC when he lost all ability to walk,talk,or do anything for himself,I would have looked into daycare at that point if he had not declined so rapidly.I hope Chuck will continue to like daycare,will ease your mind a lot.Stay positive,only way to survive.Good luck.
Lizbeth - I am happy that Chuck enjoyed day care. My Ted is still going to day care, even from the dementia specific home he is in now. The people that he has met there are now his "friends" and he needs the social interaction and planned programs that they provide.
Glad all is working out with daycare. One question I have something that has bothered me. When we have attended programs through the alzheimers assoc. usually everyone is at least 15 years older than dw she is still only 59 so it was hard to relate. Now that we are further down the road does it matter. Should I think of this as a problem?
Don't assume that the age of the daycare population is the same as at the Alzheimer's Assoc. programs. The daycare center my husband went to had younger people with disabilities other than dementia. Why don't you visit a few daycare centers and find out who goes there are what kind of programs are offered? Anyhow, if your wife is further down the road, it may not matter.
Thanks for your comments. Rona, like Myrtle said, there are a mix of ages due to other disabilities. Also, the director told us there is another male participant with EOAD but he is in an earlier stage than Chuck. She suggested C attend on the same day this man did.
C went today and had another great day. He did yoga and a volunteer came and gave the participants a concert on the grand piano. The center has a vegetable garden, chickens, music room, exercise room, game room, tv room. Also the center is in a college town, so they have a lot of retired volunteers. The volunteers put on a number of varied programs for participants e.g. they just had a program from a local non-profit that rehabilitates wild life and they brought in a red tail hawk. If we had visited the center earlier, I think Chuck would have started attending a few years back.
Chuck was always gregarious, worked in social services and volunteered a lot. So being around people like this was something he really missed. If I had realized what the center was like, I would have encouraged Chuck to attend earlier.
"If I had realized what the center was like, I would have encouraged Chuck to attend earlier."
Lizbeth, don't try to second guess yourself. If you read the posts above, you will find that my DH tried day care, didn't like it, but later on in his disease he decided to give it a second chance, and this time he was ready for it. In fact, even though he has now been placed, he still goes to day care one day a week, and special arrangements have been made so that he goes on the day he always went, so he can still be with his "friends". In my opinion, this is one of the measures that has made his transition to placement easier, since he is still able to attend activities he was attending when he was at home.
Bqd, Yes, the reason I sought out daycare now is because the timing is right for both of us. Thanks for the suggestion about continuing daycare even after C has been placed. It is so helpful to discover how other caregivers manage these transitions. This site is like a road map. From these combined experiences, I am able to plan and anticipate, which eases the journey.
I am so glad this worked out for you :) My husband has been at day care 4 years now , he believes he works there. Once a workaholic, always a workaholic :)
My DH is in LTC for nearly two years and considers it his job. He goes around and checks for safety hazards, name tags, and anything that he feels needs to be taken care of by staff. He reports all the things he sees to the appropriate staff. When I spoke to his Ward nurse she was laughing about this and said that 90% of what he reports needed to be attended to. She says he is doing a great job. He is now going around turning off lights is areas that are not in use, like storage rooms and rooms with lots of big windows. He thinks this is his job to make sure there are savings on electricity. He also wheels residents to meals and activities and comforts them if he should find them crying or upset then calls a staff member to look after them. He came across two ladies screaming at each other in the hall. One was in a wheel chair blocking the other who was had a walker. The one in the wheels chair refused to move over to let the other one by. He spoke very quietly to them and got the wheelchair one to move over and let the other pass. His calm voice quieted them so, problem solved. The staff are amazed at his ability to get some difficult residents, like the one in the wheelchair, to calm down and co- operate. They say he easily defuses situation by just talking to them quietly and staying back. He did the same things when he was in day care two tears ago. It must drive the staff crazy knowing he is keeping such a close eye on them.
Yes he is so caring of the residents. It's like they are his small children sometimes but he sure can give me or the staff a hard time. It's just so strange how he is being affected and what areas are changing. I never know what to expect anymore.