Last week I was screamed at, yelled at and threatened. Nothing would settle him down. This week he is a calm, quiet sucky little boy. He wants to do all kinds of things for me. Like make me coffee, help make my bed, hold my hand hug and kiss me. This disease is so unpredictable. I never really let my guard down because I don't know how long this mood will last or what will happen next or how nice or how violent it will be. His moods can be to just sit and not say much but with an angry look on his face or to be busy doing what ever he can to help with a rather pleasant expression. He is not sleeping well again with up to 1 1/2 or more hours of just laying there. He is very tired and sleeps quite a bit during the day. I thought about not letting him sleep so much in the day but they tell me to let him sleep as his brain needs lots of it. He doesn't get out of his bed, just lays there. This is so sad and heartbreaking. His hands look so big now compared to his skinny wrists and arms. I just want to hug him and cry but my crying is not the best for him to see.
So sorry to hear. My dh gets verbialy abusive, he gets so loud then as you said calm and sweet, back to mean, etc. I drove home from Broken Arrow today (114 miles). I got him talking about his time in the Korean War, that was good most of the way, then I could do nothing right. He' was telling me he's having bad dreams. Has not started the napping and is eating good. They say redirect, but when he is mean he won't let me talk, so there is no way to redirect. It is sad, especially when we don't know what we can do for them. I wish I could be of help Jazzy. Bonnie
You are a big help. It is good for me to hear your story as I have no one here in my area that is going through this. The Alzheimer's councillors have told me they have never seen a case like this. I try to redirect but when he is in a rage he has no control and if I try to talk him down he gets worse. If I ignore him and try to move away he really gets upset. Right now he is very placid and calm. He is going to respite for 8 days on Monday and is looking forward to it as he has made some friends there. He is sleeping more each week and I have noticed that his hands and feet look very large because he has so little flesh and muscle in his forearms and legs. This is so hard to watch and not be able to stop its progression.
I can only offer my emotional support to you, not my experience because I don't have the anger and rage issues to deal with, and I am thankful for that. Or perhaps I had them last year, before DH was diagnosed, and he was frustrated, and depressed and would lash out because he didn't know what was wrong, and I wasn't much help because I would get angry when he did something stupid like cut the grass down to nothing with the grass trimmer. He did go through a period where he slept a great deal - not so much now but still more than a person with no health issues of his age would sleep. And of course, he could go back to sleeping all the time at any moment. As you say, the disease is so unpredictable. He is starting to get "fragile" though - aches and pains and some days he can barely move and it is so sad to see him like that. I am still worried about how he is going to handle respite - he socializes very little and is very "home centered".
So I can't really help you, I can only be here to listen to you, and send you {{{{{Hugs}}}}}
not sure how your respite facility will handle the raging if it occurs there as well. we never know what will set them off and or the time. I hope you have spoken to the head person in charge to iron out the what ifs. otherwise they may be calling you to pick him up if hes out of control or gets rowdy with staff or another person. divvi
Thanks for the geography lesson. LOL we have travelled quite a bit in the east and mid west but not as far as Oklahoma. I'll have to google earth that area. Hugs Jazzy.
Yes, Broken Arrow, OK, or as they call it B.A. I'm afraid it was a wasted trip, but not completely. We did enjoy the GGreatgrandbabies. Tried getting him interested in looking at houses. I don't think at this time I will get him to move. He says I can live there and he can live here in Bella Vista. The anger continued today. Misunderstood the waitress at DQ. She went back at him, I said he has AZ and isn't understanding you. She said I don't care blah, blah. He went outside we were there with friends. Talked him into coming back, got him settled, when getting our ice cream, with different waitress, I said he really didn't understand her, she said I know, I will be having a talk with her. Never thought we would have a problem outside of our home. Just hadn't thought that far ahead. Bonnie, I think a lot of the anger could have been from confusion and frustration. Thanks for the hugs, they are very much needed, sounds like you also need HUGS too, I hope his respite goes very well. Jazzy Have you tried respite care? I haven't, we have what I am told a very good adult day care, I hope to try it soon, right now too many Dr. Appt. Bonnie
I carry a card that I got from the Alzheimer's society saying that he has a disease that causes this kind of behaviour and it helps. dH has been to respite twice before and loves it, so do I. He also goes to Adult day care three times a week and that helps give me breaks. We had another big explosion from him last night. He says I am not to micro-manage his care once he is in LTC, but he sure is trying to manage my life even though he is not going to be living with me. He wants me to live in an apartment not a townhouse. He wants me to live in a certain area. How much to spend on place. Just everything has to be under his control. Then he says" do what you want, live where you want. It won't be my home anyway?" Then back he goes trying to control what I spend even how much I will have to spend on groceries or eating out. I am learning not to include him in my future plans in anyway as it just sends him into a control mode and then I get stressed even more. The bv variant fronto is so difficult to care for. Last night he refuse to put underwear with attends shields in side as he said it is always me telling him what to do and he has no say anymore. Then he got up and put them on while raging at me about my having my way all the time. Oh well, at least I won't have damp sheet this morning. Somedays I have a huge lump in my throat and I have trouble swallowing. It goes away the minute he goes out the door and I am alone again. I never thought I would be happy to see my former so wonderful hubby leave our home. He is so different now. Last week nasty boy this week sweet boy until last night. Nasty boy back! Jazzy's heart is breaking. I don't know why he trusts strangers to care for him and not the one person who loves him so. He told me I am not rained to care for him. Well neither is our son and he goes there and they have no trouble with him in anyway.
Why not try Day care and respite. He might like it.
Ah Jazzy, this is so sad. At least my DH is still loving and I can't imagine how incredibly painful this must be for you. If you need a brief escape let me know I can drive to Brockville for tea or lunch if you want. ((hugs))
My dh & yours sure sound a lot alike. Mine tells me in detail how to drive, then he goes into the, he's always wrong. Like yesterday, we need orange juice, but I'm wrong. We need to stop at the Post Office, but, I'm wrong, just one after the other. but when he is happy boy, he tells me what a good driver I am, he loves me, doesn't know what he would do without me. When bad, I shut down ignore. Jazzy, I do feel for you, your not caring for the man you married, he wouldn't treat you this way, but he is still deep inside, and I believe Loves you. I know the man I married wouldn't treat me this way, but, he is still in there. I will try the adult day care. Bonnie
Thanks so much both of you. I know he is still in there and sometimes he shows up for a moment or two, but not for long anymore. The controller is around most of the time and he has a nasty temper and attitude. He told me he feels bad because when he goes to live in LTC he will be breaking up our home and that make him sad., but he still feels he has to control my life once he is in there and I have now told him that he has to let me grow in my own a or I will not be able to do this and he agreed. I know it won't last but for a day or two it will be quiet around here. Is son is coming to stay with him tomorrow while I am on a course and then he goes to respite for a week so I will have time to rejuvenate and then he doesn't go again until mid November and that is a long stretch. Maybe he will have a bed by then. He came home from day care yesterday to tell me he is then only rooster in the henhouse with 17 hens plus workers. I asked if he would like to change days and he said no I just go to the quiet room and hide every now and then. He says there is a lot of cackling all day. Very noisy. LOL He really needs to go to LTC soon where it is quieter and more to do. He helped make apple pies earlier this week and loved it. He needs to be kept busy.