I really don't know why I'm still drawn to this site. My journey is over now and there is so much sadness and heartbreak here. Why do I need this?
I come here every day and spend hours reading the stories and feel guilty for not contributing anything. Maybe it's because I think that I might possibly have something to say that may be helpful to someone, but the regulars here are so good at that, it leaves me in the dust.
I do have other things to do that I'm very much interested in and I'm definitely not bored. What's going on with me?.....Can anybody tell me? ..............GeorgieBoy
Because you are one of us, no matter where you are in this journey, you still have gone through it and have paid your dues in full. Also your spouse has been gone one year, you are still going through the grieving stage and this is one place where you told us about her and talked to us when you were having a rough time. You belong.
I'm both sad and happy that your journey is over. Sad for your loss and happy for your job well done. Maybe you keep coming back because you have made so many friends here and you just want to see how they are doing. My support group have no idea about my DH's dementia as they all are AD patients caregivers. Mine is BV Varient fronto and so different that they can give me no support or input and I can''t give them any as the diseases present so differently., but I still go back to each meeting but I have nothing to contribute. I had to move somewhere else and it has been here. Now maybe I can let go. Then someday I will be in the same situation again? How to move on??
You are part of this family, GeorgieBoy - and family sticks together! You contributed so much while you were in the throes of caregiving, and what a great caregiver you were! We still need your input, your experience and compassion. We are one!
"What's going on with me?.....Can anybody tell me?"
It's one of two things. Either because you have a star you feel no direct belonging to the caregiving comments unless you add value not already there, or two, you want to comment but some self perception is preventing you.
What's clear George is that you do come here for hours and read so you want to be here or are looking for something. Your comments may be centred around something similar to what I feel which is a sense of belonging at a time of little belonging and so a desire to return to that.
I've noticed for some time that you are well liked by many. I wonder if you've noticed that? I also want to add that no one should be judging comments for style. It doesn't matter because at any moment someone is desperate or needs expertise or an opinion or just some support or just someone on the other end.
I've wanted to stick somewhere that people who post and really need to talk should put RSVP at the bottom or something which signals that they're not worried about our writing style or clarity - they need to know someone is there right now and would like comments to what they said.
I feel like a Hippo at a ballerina school because I fit everywhere the way the ugly sisters fit that glass slipper but I inflict myself like the thing from outer space anyways. Do you want to know why? Because there's that small but very real connection where it doesn't matter who you are or what you look like or who you voted for; it just matters that we're all on the same journey and so in some extremely uncomfortable way are like brothers and sisters.
As one whose husband has died I feel "less" compared with others. He and I lived through FTD for 6-12 years, depending on how you count it. After his death, I had plans for myself and am trapped by my own laziness and procrastination. It has been over a year and I have not accomplished anything.
Sometimes I want to post on the topics about placement. Although the months before he was placed I was dealing with a lot of issues, his actual placement was very brief. So, I wonder, especially compared with other posters, if I really have anything to contribute.
I'm drawn here because it has been my lifeline, from the practical and needed advice to the emotional support.
I know some resources, like Hospice, have a one year limit on bereavement groups and such. If I was told that that was the case here, not only has my time expired, but I truly don't know where else I could turn.
Abby* Oh you just hit home with me. I am still taking care if my DH at home. I keep thinking when this is over I will do so much. But like you right now I procrastinate and feel lazy. I know that I am not lazy and put things off. But it is hard to do things with DH around. He tries to help and gets frustrated when he cannot. So I just don't do them. I think that we do this for so many years, that when our love one goes we are still in that frame of mind plus grief. I am going to make more of an effort to do the things around the house that need to be done. He will get mad when I don't want his help, but he gets am when he helps too. So why put things off. Thank you. I do dream what I will do after my caregiving days, I am just 51, but I can see me not doing them.
We need everyone with a * to keep coming. There is no cure, so we will always have new people and people who have list someone. Thanks to *'s
Georgieboy Abby and all others who have lost their spouse ,
Please keep visiting and posting . I, for one, am drawn to your posts. Those who have walked before Us have wisdom and understanding to share. You will always be connected to us...kind of like Emeritus members.
Georgieboy, you are one of us and have traveled this very difficult journey. Never hesitate to contribute, even if you think you're not adding anything....you will always touch our lives, like each of us does and we need your wisdom and support. I am so thankful that those who've earned their *'s stay and help those of us still on the caregiver portion of the journey.
I can identify with you 100%, Georgieboy. Although I don't post often, I have been on this site at least twice every day for nearly five years. From all of you I've learned what comes next and how best to cope with it. But more than that, I've become involved in your lives and HAVE to know what's happening.
Also, like you, Abby, I have my list of things I wanted to do After, but my list just seems to get longer rather than shorter.
I too think that when we finally have the * we are sometimes more likely to read most posts and post less...though I do think some of the veterans here have a lot to offer in terms of not only suggestions for those new to the disease but also for us newbees who just got the * and are at sea about how to get things organized...And the widow brain that does exist...the fog we seem to be in the midst of...that is why some of us walk about in circles and feel we have not got anything worthwhile done.
Mimi, my experience is that the fog and feeling of aimlessness were part of the grieving of our great loss and also the fatigue of our bodies which suffered, too. There was no way through this process for me, but to simply go through it. Someone here (Bluedaze?) posted that it took 3 years for even physical recovery, and I believe that to be true. This fog, this limbo, seems to be nature's way to slow us down so that we do heal. I also learned that antidepressants, while helpful at the time, contribute to this fog and purposeless feeling and that, under a doctor's supervision, could be gradually discontinued. I think it was Fiona who posted a link to a free daily e-mail of grief-sharing. I find that many of them are just what I need to hear that particular day and were/are a great help. I don't have a direct link, but if you google "griefshare", their website should come up and you could subscribe directly. So, go with the flow, Mimi dear (even if it means sitting in a chair for an hour and looking out the window), and you will come through safely. God bless.
A "Band of Brothers (Sisters)" A brother/sisterhood. An"exclusive" club - dementia spouses only!! Many times I feel inadequate, read more than post. I haven't YET been through what a majority of you have, don't feel I can offer much insight, but I read & bookmark & learn from those who have gone before me.
I don't post much but I read and learn, feel the true care and concern, am encouraged and comforted by each of the "family". This is a lasting bond though lives take different paths we are all ONE through our experiences shared here, we will always be connected in our care and sharing. Family is forever and each is needed no matter where they are today.
There are many times that I feel closer to "Joan's family" than I do to my own, and definitely closer to those who post here than to my DH's family. So Georgie, keep reading the posts, and post when you have something to say, even if it is just to tell us how you are doing. People here CARE! :-)
Like skates, I don't post often but read here every day (have been doing that for a long, long time) and I also feel a closeness to everyone here. I sometimes check and read at Joan's place before I check my personal email. There is more understanding of my circumstances here than anywhere else.