I lost mine 3weeks ago this past Sunday...I am walking around in circles and getting a few thank you's done but not much else..don't sleep well either...just not up to much..a GF invited me to left over dinner last night and we and her 90 year ol mom played some little card games and had a laugh or two and tonight a friend asked me to a dinner..they are putting on a fund raiser dinner soon and are testing the recipes on the : Nanas and family..so I'll go up for that.
Then to get out of the doldrums I am kitty sitting for them while they go to Alaska on a ship..it might help at least get me out of the house a bit....
Just not getting things going either..and part of me doesn't even want to.
Ladies, I'm sorry for all those that are trying to get through this difficult time. It takes months as you probably know to come to grips and recover somewhat from what has all happened. Don't be hard on yourselves please.
Dear friends-it is normal to be acting abnormal. Walking around in circles is acceptable. You don't HAVE to do anything but feed your pets if you have them. No-your spouses are not in a better place. A better place was with you. Trust me-it does get better.
As my hubby's general practitioner would say to him..." your abnormal values are stable" So I guess as long as our abnormals are normal we are not nuts.
Thank You Wolfie for your kind words and advice not to be too hard on ourselves...
I am approaching 23 months without Gord. I spoke to a lady last week who lost her husband 3 months ago. She asked me if I was remarried yet. I stood there with my mouth open. I had no reply at all.
Diane, have you read the widows and widowers discussions? You will find a lot of us have felt the same way at different times. You might just find something written there that will help you.
Jang, there are several of the widows and widowers that have remarried after two years that are still a part of Joan's... Some people have mourned the loss of their spice over the years of caregiving and were able to move on more quickly. Some of the widows and widowers are younger. Some NEED someone to love them and hug them, and tell them they care. Because they didn't get that for years while caregiving the person who used to know them and love them.
I am THRILLED when one of our widows or widowers find someone else to love and move on. We can't bring back the life we had before AD. We must mourn the loss of the spouse that was and put our memories in a treasure chest and take them out once in a while. Our spice wouldn't want us to sacrifice the remainder of our lives mourning them and feeling sorry for what we lost. We must be strong and create a new life for ourselves. We must find hobbies that we enjoy. We must find new friends to go out to lunch with. We must do volunteer work one morning a week to give back.
It isn't easy. It is hard. Dave died 2 1/2 months before Gord did. I don't think of myself as a widow. I was a wife. I am just "one" now instead part of a "two" - not looking for a man yet. Someday, I hope to find some man who likes the movies I do, and plays at the theater, and dinner out....but not yet. And not for marriage. I am getting used to being alone - able to do what I want when I want. To watch what I want on TV without someone else changing stations on me. <grin>
Next time someone asks if you remarried yet, say "twice already!" or "do you have a candidate?" or something else that might indicate your displeasure for her nosiness! <grin>
Next time someone says to me ( and Ozzie is gone not yet a month) " Well time to make a new life and forget about the past.." I am gonna do just that...knock the wind out of em and say...."yeah I know what you mean..already got a guy in mind...ya know life is like a box of chocolates....ya never know what your gonna get and life is after all short so I gotta order dessert first!!!" or some such nutty thing like that...