Son picked up DH at 6:00 this morning for a day at their club hunting camp 60 miles from here. By 8:30 he had droped DH home and drove away without coming in. DH said he had an arguement with one of the club members and decided he wanted to come home.
I don't know how to handle this anymore. I just want to cry. Don't much care how I look anymore. Don't much care about the house or yard.
And yet, I know I have it sooooooo much easier than morst of you here. I know it will get worse. My mother is in a NH and I handle all of her affairs too, for over 20 years now. Maybe I'm just burned out. Just venting. What a way to join a group!
ohme, welcome to joan's. As you have found out this is a wonderful place for caregiving spouses dealing with a spouse with dementia. The journey is just plain HARD, no matter what stage, but I believe the earlier stages might be the hardest as we watch our LO change before our eyes and our whole world get turned upside down. The world as we knew it is gone forever.
I am so sorry things didn't work out with your DH and son this morning...the good news is that your son is involved and trying...many here do not have family support. Perhaps your son might quietly let the other club members know that his father has dementia so they might be more understanding. Just a thought. I know when my BIL took DH to play golf, he told the other golfers they were paired with that DH had dementia. They were very kind and understanding and didn't mind playing with him. Of course DH was the best gofer in the foursome, but couldn't keep score very well.
I hope the hunting club outing didn't actually include hunting and guns...bad combo for someone with dementia. Perhaps when your son cools down a bit he can fill you in with what happened.
ohme, I agree with LFL that the early stage is very hard. From your description of how you're doing, it does sound as if you might be depressed. It's probably time to talk to your doctor about it. Many of us here are taking antidepressants and/or seeing a therapist. I'm doing both and have been since early in my husband's illness. The stress is almost unbearable otherwise.
ohme, I agree with LFL, you need to hear from your son what actually happened, and I hope that you and he are close enough that once he has overcome whatever emotions he was feeling at the time of the incident that he (your son) can speak openly and honestly with you. One of the many symptoms of this horrible disease is that our LO's dissemble when telling us about events, so we can no longer believe anything they might tell us.
And as to your question about depression, in my unprofessional opinion, I would say that yes, you are showing signs of depression - the not caring how you, or the house, or the yard look anymore. Crying, sleeping whenever you can. I went through a bout in February this year where I would sleep late, didn't care about what I looked like, didn't care if the house was full of dust bunnies, could see nothing hopeful in my future and I was losing control of my life. I managed to pull out of it by myself for the summer months, but I have decided that I should see a counselor and I have an appointment booked for mid September. Just booking the appointment made me feel better, because I was taking control.
You need to get the facts of what occurred from your son. Your husband will confabulate to compensate for his inability to remember what really occurred (he's not lying...it's his way of covering up his declining memory). I definitely concur with LFL...no guns where there is dementia. ( Get them removed from the home immediately!!!)
Depression: If you are questioning depression you need a doctor's consultation. Suffering depressing bouts is normal (as an Alzheimer's caretaker/spouse) however, it's the length of time and the degree of the depression. If it's causing long, deep bouts it's probably time for an anti-depressant.
I wish you the very best. Stay in touch...share....and don't keep it in. Someone will always to here to lift you up in your darkest hour...believe me I know!