I take one day at a time and dread week-ends when I see the deterioration of husband's habits. He buys the sames things over and over compulsively: pepsi, potato chips, melons, twinkies. He used to be so good about keeping the house in order (being retired), and now it's a pigpen and he doesn't care. He has started leaving doors open, cupboard doors, refrigerator doors, house doors, car doors, etc. If it's a door - it's left open. He used to love to sit on the porch and watch the birds and flowers - now, he couldn't care less - he feeds them when he remembers and spends most of his days watching Law and Order over and over. He no longer drives but walks to the local grocery sometimes 3 or 4 times a day - sometimes he goes back as soon as he gets home. He crams everything in the refrigerator - even items that can be in the pantry. I work full time and these are things that put me right into orbit - anyone got any words of advice?
Well, lack of money would create lack of buying power!! Make sure he doesn't have more than $10, and alert your neighborhood grocery store about his situation.
As far as the doors and OCD, you can take at least a little comfort in that these stages pass. If there are some severe safety problems, that's why God invented childproof stuff.
Dilly, this too shall pass! It takes a few months, but after you are bald from pulling your hair out! <grin>
I also work and this is how I handled it (right or wrong):
I took the credit card (told him someone might steal it) and cash (he had been trusting the cashier at the grocery store, but I didn't realize it!) and told him I would take him to the store after I got home from work. And I did. I don't care if he eats cashews, peanuts, potato chips, salsa and chips. He doesn't have that much longer to live, so what difference does it make in the scheme of things? Plus the *$#@ had the audacity to lose weight while doing it! Me, I LOOK at the nuts and chips and gain 5 pounds! <grin> This lasted a year.
The doors being open is another issue - something that I had to ask my neighbors to keep an eye on the house for me so if anyone came to the door, they would waylay them. It only happened once. I had to watch him while at home to shut those doors. I had the fridge where the door automatically closes, so I didn't lose food. The others were an irritant (again hair pulling time). He has started shutting the doors again. (Six months)
At least he watches TV. Mine watches DVDs. It's been expensive to buy several a month, but there are only so many times you can watch a movie before you start quoting it. <grin> Each of these things last a different amount of time for each individual, and some spouses respond to one thing and others to another.
Wait until he gets to "I'm Tim the Toolman Taylor" mode....it's expensive!!!
I have encountered a new twist. My husband has decided (unbeknowst to me) to "clean house" of items he feels aren't needed such as ALL of our insurance files..every single item..my shoes, all items on our "drop off" shelf, etc. I just found this out yesterday...too late to retrieve anything. I laid down the law, but we'll see how long that lasts. Our files don't have keys, so it is going to be a challenge to keep him out of there. He was just helping clean things up! It would be great if I could just direct that energy to something constructive. He blew it when I asked why he was doing this, so I'm not going there for a bit.I really want to SCREAM!
I'm sitting here being so thankful he doesn't know where the insurance files are. There is a lock on the cabinet, but I'm not sure I know where the key is for it. I'm freaking!
Hi Dilly, My husband was in that stage a couple of years ago. I know how frustrating it is. I would come home from work and the refrigerator would be open, drawers, cabinets. Now he doesn't know enough to open the refrigerator if he is hungry. Things do change..unfortunately that means his condition will deteriorate. Good luck. hugs, mya
kathi37, you can contact your insurance companies and request new originals of your policies (explain that they are "lost" and you may have to pay a nominal fee, such as $5 or so, or maybe nothing - and you might have to sign forms to request them - just give the companies a call), then when you get them, open a lock box at a bank in your name only and put them there! I put all wills, the original DPOAs (I use copies for everything), car titles, house title, CDs of our photos that are on the computer, etc. in that lock box. That way I know that they are protected from him! I highly recommend it!
The obsessive compulsive cleanliness has been going on for a year for him and has not let up!!! This morning I was in the bathroom and he walked down the hall carrying the sponge with a handle that holds dishwashing soap!!! He had washed something at the kitchen sink and still had it in his hand heading for our bedroom! I stopped him and headed him back to the kitchen! <grin>
kathi37, my husband was CEO of my company, and I continued to bring him to work with me after he was diagnosed. I caught him doing a spring cleaning of all the corporate files ... Fortunately, it wasn't totally catastrophic because (a) I caught him while most of the stuff was still in waste baskets and (b) I keep my own set of files of the most important papers, because other people tend to lose things or may not be able to find what I want when I want it.
Besides the obvious lack of info at hand, I'm very upset at all the information just being dumped in the recycling bin. Normally, he can't remember which bin is for what, but naturally this time he did it right and just before the pickup apparently. We have a heavy duty safe that we keep important stuff in, and I have been checking it carefully...wrong things in wrong place. Oh well, move on. One of our insurances is charging $20.00 to replace papers!!! Hello, it isn't as though we haven't paid $$$ over the years without claims. Gripe gripe.
On the CC issue...one card was in his name, and I couldn't change or recieve any info without his sayso. I called, explained the situation, and they changed it to my name only..but..lowered the credit line to $5000.00! When I called to B about it, they finally raised it back up to a usuable amount. I was just concerned about getting stuck somewhere without enough "backup" to get home. I used to love the nitty gritty things, now, not so much.
kathi37, if your husband has the ability to open that "heavy duty safe," I still recommend a lock box at the bank in your name only. <grin> It will help you sleep easier at night. Wait until he gets to the "open the mail and throw it away before you know it's there" stage!!! I was at the point of getting a locked mailbox and us opening it together when I got home from work - before that stage passed! <grin>
We do have a locked mailbox, and I can see that step coming down the road. I am sooo not ready for this! I guess the last two days have just been lousy. He has been doing so well, then the sneak attacks hit, and I start to lose it. I haven't been the "bad guy" for quite a while, but I'm back as of last night....and here I thought I was being such a peach!
I know what you mean about leaving doors open. With us, it's the door to the back porch and the kitchen pantry door, which makes me nuts when our 2 1/2 year old goes in there and rummages around, drags stuff out. (Of course he's so smart now, he can drag a kitchen chair over and pull up the lock and open the door anyway! Aaaargh!) DH can't even turn on the TV anymore, except in the basement, where he just has to push one button. He can't change channels, make anything to eat except ham sandwiches, can barely follow the simplest directions. I swear he seems to get worse by the week now.